Happy Monday

Today I'm stuck on rage.
What I call "pearling", I hold on to rage without knowing how to let it go, without being able to stop ruminating on it.
Today it started when I got to work.
I hate this place.
I hate how it's run.
I hate the liars that waste my time, trying to tell me they can't work and so they need a check from the government.
I hate the bosses over me who treat me like an idiot, who yell without reason, who are impolite and rude and mean and bullies.
I hate that I spend so much time here.
I hate feeling like I don't spend enough time with my wife.
I hate feeling like I don't spend enough time to fulfill my needs and wants.
I hate feeling like I can't do what I would like to do to further my performance career.
I hate feeling like I don't have time to submit head shots and resumes to agents who will only take my money to get me some bullshit commercial.
I hate feeling like commercials are better than working here.
I hate feeling like I don't have any pants to wear.
I hate feeling like I don't have any nice clothing to wear.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror.
I hate seeing the dandruff on my shoulders, in my beard, in my hair.
I hate feeling like a diseased, dirty fuck.
I hate feeling like my iTunes needs my attention that I don't have time to give to it.
I hate feeling hungry.
I hate feeling fat and ugly.
I hate wearing the shoes I wear every day that do not require socks or bending over.
I hate the shoes I wear every day.
I hate socks.
I hate my wardrobe.
I hate my job.
I hate the lack of time to change those things.
And "I hate, I hate, I HATE Peter Pan." {Captain Hook from the movie Hook}

And I try to replace:
I love my wife.
I love my kids.
I love my movies.
I love my iPod.
I love my PS3 and Skyrim game.
I love beer.

But it only makes me hate again:
I hate that I'm trying to replace the feelings of hate with things that I like. I hate that I have to do that rather than just feel good about the things and people I have. Fuck this shit.

Happy Monday!