Hold On

Marcus loved Demitria.
He loved her more than anything else.
He felt good when he was with her.
He felt good about himself when he was with her.
Part of the reason why he felt good
Was that Demitria  was such a good person
And she loved him right back.
Marcus had been around a bit, and he knew just how precious Demitria was.
He had never met anyone as
Perfect For Him
As Demitria.

Then, Marcus lost Demitria.

Marcus was sad.
And the longer he went without Demitria
The sadder he became.
He tried to do the best he could.
He dated.
He tried to love.
He talked himself into thinking he was in love.
He liked a lot of people.
But none of them were Demitria.
And she was no where to be found.

Then, as quick as he lost her
Marcus found Demitria again.
She appeared, flittering in front of him
Just as insecurely as she did way back when.

And Marcus grabbed on.
He was not letting go of her this time.
And Demitria grabbed on to Marcus.
She was not letting go this time.

Jack told Rose
Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to him.
It brought him to her.
And he made her promise not to give up no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless.
She made a promise to never let go.
And then Jack let go.

What a pansy.
What, you're gonna let a ship wreck and a little freezing water get in your way?
Quitter.

Marcus was not going to let go.
And Demitria was not going to let go.

And they held each other.
And they held tight.
As their meteor sailed through the atmosphere
Burning them for their choices
Burning them for not letting go
All you have to do is let go, and the pain will end.

And if I let go, I will let go of Demitria. 
I have lived that pain, and I will not live that pain any longer.
Ever again.

And the fires got hotter
And the smell of flesh burning was all around them
And they both lathered as much salve on each other
Caring to their wounds
Tending to each other
And they did not let go

All you have to do is let go, and it will be all over.
It won't be over for Demitria even if I let go.  With me here, she has somebody to salve her wounds.
With me gone, she has no one.

And the fires got hotter
And her family moved away from her
And her friends moved away from her
And his friends moved away from him
They did not want to get burned
His family said, "We're not moving away!"
And they didn't
And they got burned
And he tried to push them to safety
But they kept coming back
And they kept getting burned
Burned so badly.


Kurt Russell held on to his firefighter brother who told him to save himself, to let go of his brother.
Kurt Russell didn't let go.
You go, we go, Kurt told him.


And Marcus held on.
And Demitria held on.
And the fires got hotter
And then the meteor crashed into the ocean.
And the moment they thought was relief from burning
Was really the introduction to drowning.
Their world of fire turned into water.

It's gotta be over some time, right?

And they were drowning.
Lots of things pulling them down
With no hopes in sight
Nothing they could grab on to that might take them to the surface.
It felt like a doomed game from the beginning.

And Marcus Would Not Let Go.

He continued to hold his breath and hang on.
If Demitria is going through this, I will go through this with her.
I can feed her air.
And every time an air bubble came along, he sucked it up
And put air into her.
And she found pockets of air in her shirt, and fed them to him.
And they held on.

And the water turned to ice

When is it going to end??!!

You can't see the end.
You have no hopes for the end
Because it's not there.
There's no end in sight
Because you're frozen
The water in your hair freezes
And becomes solid
And your scalp freezes
And your eyes freeze
And you can't cry because your tears freeze in your eyes
And the cold slowly tears through you like the slowest dagger
Slowly, slowly
Ripping you apart

And Marcus Held On

"Let go!" people said.

And as he held on, he told the people

This is bad, as you can see.  This is really painful, as you can tell.  There are many, many things about this that I would not choose for anyone.  And living without Demitria is worse than all of this.

And Demitria held on.
And Marcus held on.
And they froze together, binding together in their ice.
And they bitched at each other.
"Stop peeing on my leg!"
"I can't stop peeing on your leg, I'm frozen to you and can't move!"
"Pee on someone else's leg!"
"I don't want to pee on someone else's leg.  I want to pee on your leg!"

And the ice got bitter
Bitter
Biter!
It was biting them all over
Making their skin tight
Then numb
Then tingle with a thousand needles of freezing hot pain

And they SCREAMED!
and they SCREAMED!
and they SCREAMED AND SCREAMED AND SCREAMED!
and SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
IT HAS GOT TO END!!
IT IS DEAFENING!!
IT HAS GOT TO END SOMETIME, RIGHT??!!
IT MUST END!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
MOUTHS WIDE
YELLING
SCREAMING
FOR
IT
TO
STOP JUST STOP JUST STOP JUST STOP JUST STOP JUST STOP!!!!!!!!!

--breath--

--echo--

Just
  Stop
    just
      stop
        just
                 stop
                      stop
                             stop
                                      stop



And it was silent.








                                                        silence

huge and enormous

And enormouser than before.

And somewhere




Someplace




Somehow




The ice started melting.


It was slow.


So very slowly does ice melt.


And it became water

And water reminded Marcus and Demitria of when they were drowning

And they became apprehensive that it was going to turn back into water
That it was going to turn into something else

That it was going to be pain

But
For now
It was relief.

It wasn't torture.
It wasn't ice.
The ice was ending.

Yeah, it was cold.  Really super cold.

But they weren't being ripped apart anymore.

And slowly
the ice
melted
into
cold water
and
They Held On
as the water
slowly
dripped
away

from

them

And They Held On.

And the water slowly puddled around their feet.

And

Intentionally, but reservedly

Marcus
without letting go


ever so slightly


starting in his arm






... ... ... relaxed a little... ... ...
Oh, ow the pain!
His owie arm was not used to relaxing!
It had been holding, clenched, for so long!
Unclenching was ow painful!
But Marcus could owie owie feel an end to this pain!
It was different from before!
This pain was relieving pain!

And Demitria relaxed her hips
Oh god, that hurts!
Those muscles haven't released in years!

Like that moment when the medicine finally hits your headache and it goes away,
The relief was welcomed and apprehensive
There was no way to tell if the torture was going to come back
There was no way to know what was about to happen
But
For the first time since seeing each other again
Demitria and Marcus relaxed a little
And stretched
a looooooooooooong stretch

Oh, they still held hands
They didn't Let Go let go
They stayed touching
But they relaxed a little
And, yeah, Marcus might have peed on Demitria on purpose this time
Just, you know, cuz he wants to get to the comedy as soon as he can
And Demitria would prefer his comedy wasn't centered around urinating on her leg
And she's not willing to go anywhere else.
Even to somebody who doesn't pee on her leg.
And he's not willing to go anywhere else.
Even to somebody without his pee on her leg.
And maybe
soon
very soon




...............well, let's just enjoy this stretch right now.
Very soon will very soon enough.
And right now,
Right Now
Demitria and Marcus will
Hold Hands And Stretch.

Thank GOD We Live In America

I was away from my office Monday and Tuesday, so I missed all the emails from my email group I'm a part of.  Upon my return, my inbox was flooded.  I quickly deleted most of them, but, of course, I had to find one that made reference to this story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/17/gene-alday-crazy-welfare-checks_n_6695570.html

Here are some quotes from the article:

A Mississippi lawmaker says racist comments recently attributed to him were taken out of context and supposed to be off the record.

State Rep. Gene Alday, a Republican, told The Clarion-Ledger he was against increased funding for education, in particular funding to improve literacy. During his explanation, Alday said he comes "from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call 'welfare crazy checks.' They don't work."

Alday also told the newspaper about a time he visited an emergency room.

“I liked to died. I laid in there for hours because they (black people) were in there being treated for gunshots," Alday was quoted as saying.

Alday didn't deny the comments attributed to him. However, he said he was not a racist.

"I am definitely not a racist, at all," Alday told Mississippi News Now. "Because, I mean, I get along with everybody. And I've spent a lot of time helping people."

Yes, of course you get along with everyone, Representative Alday.  You get along with all those blacks in your hometown on welfare crazy checks who don't work, as well as all those people who had gunshot wounds in the emergency room.

Wanna know how I know he's lying about the emergency room?  Think about visiting an emergency room.  Really try to put yourself there, sick, so sick that you had to lay down.  My wife had excruciating kidney stones and she sat up.  But you're so sick that you have to lay down.  And you have to lay down for hours.  And when you're able to pick your sick self up enough to pay attention to something outside of your sphere of personal pain, you notice that the emergency waiting room is filled with people bleeding all over the place.  It's not immediately clear why they're bleeding, because they're applying pressure to their bloody wounds.  And they're groaning, at least, in pain.  And they, too, have been there for hours.  Of course they've been there for hours, because you are there for hours behind them.  Either that or there's just a stream on people who come in bleeding.  And, ultimately, somebody tells you that all these people have been shot.  What is your reaction?  I'll even give you some choices, although there are many more choices than what I'm about to give you.

1. you worry that your town might be under attack, because there is a steady stream of people coming in to the emergency room needing medical attention for hours on end

2. you are concerned about all the people bleeding around you, and you don't want to get their blood on you, so you have a difficult time finding a place to lay down

3. you're pissed off that you aren't being seen before anyone who is bleeding out in front of you and is actually running the risk of dying

4. you assess the race of the shooting victims, and notice that no white people have gunshot wounds, only black people, and they are the reason you are being held up

Number 4, incidentally, doesn't happen.  Ever.  Period.  What ACTUALLY happens is IF Alday had to visit an emergency room (which is suspect to begin with), he walked in and had to wait for hours, and in his head he noticed the waiting room was filled with people, and his eyes notice many of those people are black people, and he assumes they are there for gunshot wounds because he wants to judge them harshly for holding up his health care, or he has a political agenda against affordable health care, or he is *gasp* a racist who can't see sick people and only sees skin color.  And then, as with all racists, he lies about it.

Do not for a second believe that the waiting room Alday visited was the way he says, because what he's describing doesn't make sense in a world filled with human beings, and conservatives and racists bank on your understanding and compassion to at least hear what they're saying.  "Well," you say, "it sounds reasonable.  Emergency rooms might be filled with people with gunshot wounds.  And they might all be black.  He might be telling the truth."  And just like that, you're complicit.  You have helped him lie another day, and you are part of the problem.

But that's not even the most upsetting thing.

When one of the members of my email group mentioned that Alday wasn't backing down from his statements, even though they were "taken out of context" and were supposed to be off the record, one of the members of my group responded like this:

Well at least he is standing by his comments. Most people bow to social bull…no saying he is right but he is entitled to his opinion’s ( as wrong as they may be) thank GOD we live in America!

Yes.  Thank GOD we live in America, where you can be as stupid and ignorant and publicly dangerous as you want to be, and people will be proud of your actions.  Thank GOD indeed, who, apparently, created us in his own image.  Thank GOD we live in America.

Cops Shoot Folks and Papers Write Stuff

From: [my co-worker]
Sent: Thursday, February 12, 2015 8:26 AM
To: [my group of email gossips at work]
Subject: WTJ [this stands for "What the Jesus", which is a way in which my co-workers say "What the Fuck"... I'm not sure why they do this, and I'm not a fan]

I sent this out seeking someone with more intellect than myself to Please Explain what the Heck happen here and I saw the video they was close enough to subdue (Don’t they have knight sticks) Please [co-worker 1] [me... yeah, he named me specifically!!] Somebody Help.

http://news.yahoo.com/police-washington-state-fatally-shoot-man-threw-rocks-064717719.html

So I responded:

According to NBC, which has a video showing the man running across the street away from the police who chase after him…

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pasco-washington-man-fatally-shot-police-after-throwing-rocks-n304921

The victim threw at least one “softball size” rock, didn’t respond to police orders or Taser.  There is a man in the video who is not credited as an eye witness, but what he’s saying makes him sound like he was an eye witness, who says that he felt police did everything they could to stop the man, who was telling the police to shoot him.  In the printed article, it says that the victim had worked at an orchard, but recently had suffered from depression after breaking both wrists in an accident at work.

 

As a point of comparison:

The NBC News headline is this:

“Pasco, Washington, Man Fatally Shot by Police After Throwing Rocks”
(factual, all pieces of information relevant to the story)

 

The Chicago Tribune headline is this:

“Washington police shoot and kill man throwing rocks”
(factual, all pieces of information relevant to the story)

 

The Los Angeles Times headline is this:

“Video seems to show man fleeing as police in Washington state shoot him”
(factual, all piece of information relevant to the story)

 

Yahoo News:

“Police in Washington state fatally shoot man who threw rocks at them”
Al Jazeera America:
“Police in Washington state fatally shoot man running away, witnesses say”

The Fox News headline is this:

“Homeless man allegedly hit officers with rocks before police used deadly force”
(inaccurate at best, purposely misleading at worst, with unsubstantiated information about the victim’s living situation which isn’t relevant to the story)

 

Even the ABC News article which mentions the victim is homeless first thing, has a more accurate headline of “Police: Man Killed After He Hit 2 Officers With Rocks”.  In both the Fox and ABC news articles, the living situation has no relevance to the story, and the only way they checked on the accuracies of the statement that he’s homeless is to say that his last address is a homeless shelter.

 

I know it’s not the point of the story (the story is unfortunate from all aspects, in my opinion), but it is a hot-button issue with me about how the news is delivered to us.  I strongly believe that all people try to be as intelligent as they can be and live the best lives they know how.  I also believe that part of living with each other in a society like ours means putting some trust in others.  We trust doctors to do their jobs and help keep us well, we trust the fire department to help keep us safe from fires and rescue cats in trees (if you believe the

cartoons).  We trust chair makers to make chairs that our mothers can sit on safely, and we

trust food providers not to poison us.  And we trust the media, the “4^th Estate”, to keep us

informed about what is important in our lives.  Thomas Jefferson had some strong words about the importance of a free press that educates the citizens as well as those papers bent on misleading.  “The art of printing secures us against the retrogradation of reason and information.”  In other words, without the art of printing, we lose the functionality of our reason as well as the facts themselves.  Without information, you would not be able to save money effectively, lose weight, eat right, send your kids to school, shop, live.  We need information, and it is the responsibility of the press to give us this information when we are unable to get it on our own.  But we have come to a time when we cannot rely on one source of news in order to know what is going on.  Like examining some disability claims, we must sort through the various sources and find those things which are universal and disregard those things which are not supported by the other evidence.  And this task becomes increasingly difficult, if not impossible, for working Americans who have families, lives, and don’t feel they have the time or desire to go to multiple sources of news simply to know what the facts are.  This responsibility of sorting through the misinformation the news gives us in order to stay informed has been placed on our already over-burdened lives, and we are made to feel responsible when we believe the misinformation, when we form our own opinions based on what we hear.  We, then, get judged and blamed when we trust the news sources we listen to and believe, the sources we are supposed to trust and believe.  I am disgusted by all news sources that mislead intentionally, because the only victims of their crimes are the good people watching and trusting them to deliver facts.  And all people try to be as intelligent as they can be and live the best lives they know how.

 

Oh yeah, and I think the dude tried to commit suicide by police officer, from all I’ve read.  So… yeah.

Stupid People With Loaded Emails

I was invited to join an email group at work, where individuals I work with email each other about different things during the day, non-business related.  Wanting to make more friends, I accepted the invite. 

I've kinda been sorry about that ever since.

Much of their conversations are about things I don't care about.

But today, one guy sent out an email with the header "Explain This to Me!!", and it said this:

State officials in North Carolina have launched an investigation after a police officer in Gastonia shot and killed a 74-year-old man while performing a welfare check.

Gastonia police Chief Robert Helton explained at a press conference on Sunday that a family member had asked officers to check on James Howard Allen on Saturday afternoon, The Charlotte Observer reported.

Helton said that Allen’s family had asked for the welfare check because the 74-year-old veteran had recently undergone surgery.

So, in an attempt to follow the directions of his subject header, I tried to explain things to him.  I responded like this:

http://www.wcnc.com/story/news/crime/2015/02/08/gastoina-police-officer-involved-in-deadly-shooting/23075073/

 

according to this article, the 74-year old had recently gone through surgery and was in bad health, which caused his neighbors to call and have police or fire department check up on him.  Fire and police knocked on his door at 10:30 pm.  There was no answer.  They discussed what they should do, and they decided to enter his home.  They then kicked in his back door.  At 11pm.  At night.  James Allen confronted the team of people kicking in his back door with a gun.  The police challenged him to drop the gun, he fired a single shot, and police returned a single fatal shot.

 

Thems the facts.  The rest is speculation.

To which another colleague responded:

Those are not FACTs the But that is the story that’s gonna come out. Oh and don’t forget the part about him being a major DRUG DEALER, or a part of Isis

To which (I ignored the clunky sentence structure) I responded:

Yes, they are the FACTS, [name of co-worker].  They cannot be disputed because the article which can be accessed by the link states exactly what I said.  Those are the FACTS, and they are irrefutable.  If you would like to refute the story about what happened, I’m sure you can take it up with WCNC.com

Then him:

Don’t mean to offend, but I myself being apart of several wellness checks know it is agasinst protocol to cause unwarranted  property  damage and we definitely would not enter the Rear entry.  I Myself Do Not believe everything someone says but that’s me I just Like using my own Head to conclude my own story.   Now the other story coming out he was wearing his.  Madi-Gras mask and his Hospital Gown when he charged the Police.

Then another co-worker who is in our "club" jumped in:

I have agree with [our co-worker]…. I too have done  welfare checks and entry is never made thru the back of the structure.  Only in exigent circumstances do we breech. (force entry). They have surveillance gear even the basic kind  to accomplish that.

 

To which, I responded:

There is no argument about if a breach in protocol was made, or an error in judgment, only that the facts are that a website with a clickable link reported this story in a certain way.  I was not trying to imply that the story as reported on the website was factual, only that it was a fact that there was a website which reported the story. 

 

I would hope that you would use your head when reading this story, as it doesn’t take much to put together that 1) elderly man who wasn’t in great health who, most likely, will need rest without any kind of, 2) recent surgery which is serious enough to cause the neighbor concern, which would likely include at least sedation of some kind, like anesthesia, and most likely prescription medication, which might make the 3) forced entry in back door incredibly confusing, no matter who is coming in at, 4) 11 at night, when many 74-year-olds are asleep.  I have not been a part of a medical check, but it shouldn’t take too many working synapses to understand that what was reported is a recipe for disaster. 

 

Continue not believing everything you read until you test it.  It is the best way to make sure you have the clearest answer.

 

And after that, I stopped.  I was hurt that nobody understood what I was trying to say.  I was hurt that nobody else would see that there was a news story, listen to it, make up their own minds, and then talk about it.  I was hurt they were all telling me I was wrong.  I was clearly not wrong!  The website had most certainly reported the story as I said!

And then, I felt like a dick.
Cuz that's what they were doing.
They had skipped over the part where they determine what kind of weight to give the article.
Who reported it, should it be believed, is there anything else to know?
That part didn't matter to them, they just wanted to talk about the man getting killed, without really caring about if the reports were accurate or worthy of being discussed.
And I was being hyper-vigilant reacting with hostility to somebody who was telling me I was wrong.
My kid does that sometimes.
My wife does that sometimes.
So I'm in good company.
But it doesn't make for the best friendships or relationships.

"I'm friends with this dude, and he's so awesome that he always flies off the handle at me when he thinks he knows what I'm talking about, and I have to explain myself two or three times before he gets it, and then he has to calm down before we can move on.  It's freaking awesome, and he's a total dude!"

"Those aren't facts," says my co-worker, and I hear him say, "you're wrong."
I fucking hate people.
And I just wanna chill forever.

Agressively Ill-Informed

"Aggressively ill-informed"

This is a phrase I just read in an email referring to Republicans and how they will corner you with their misinformation while being aggressively ill-informed.

I like this phrase, as it seems to sum up the abuse regularly sustained by Republicans who want to require you to be as willfully ignorant and-- yeah, I'm going to go here-- downright stupid as they are.

Aggressively ill-informed.
Be dumb like me or I'll call you names and take away your freedoms and rights.

Fucking fucks.

(there needs to be new word, something stronger, to use when talking about these people.  Fucks isn't strong enough.  When I was a kid, I invented a curse word that never caught on with anyone but me.  "Gunch".  I didn't know what it meant then, I still don't.  It was intended to be an all-purpose curse word.  Something you could call someone in traffic-- "Hey, gunch, watch where you're going!"-- or something you could yell after stubbing your toe-- "Gunch!  My toe is bleeding!"  But I found that it usually needed a modifier to carry the weight of other words.  "Fucking gunch" was stronger than just "gunch", as most things gain strength from the occasional use of "fuck" or "fucking", but "gunch" seemed to actually need "fucking" to carry any weight.  As a curse word, "gunch" seemed to fall somewhere north of "heck" yet south of "shit".  I haven't done any more curse creations since that one semi-successful attempt.  Maybe it's time to go back to the lab.  Republicans deserve my very, very best.) 

Post-Game Nonsense and Reganomics

Following the Super Bowl, a series of emails flew into my inbox.  This is an excerpt from a chain that I took part in.  After debate about the game, one guy came back with this:

After you Seahawks fans who are all anti Brady and Belichick get done licking your wounds, belly aching and what could have been at the end of the day,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Brady got the MVP trophy, the Lombardi trophy,  a new truck, a smoking hot Victoria Secret Brazilian supermodel, and his kids, a fat paycheck  for 2 weeks in Hawaii, Disney world, Bora Bora Maui. Life is good!

So I responded to him as such:

Your life is good when other people get paid? 

And we had the following exchange:

Just remember if it don’t make dollars then it don’t make sense.

So then your life ISN’T better when others get paid, cuz you’re not making dollars or sense?

Sharing the wealth paying it forward  blah blah blah. Just not as many dollars

So Tom Brady is paying you?

God  I wish

I want to point out all I did was ask questions, because I needed him to define himself before I cut him down.  If he were actually getting paid by Tom Brady, it would have made sense, but I suspected he wasn't.  Questions needed to be asked to clarify his stance, and only using weak questions (questions are weaker than statements), I was able to get him to say he was not making sense.  Point me, but better than that (as well as being my ultimate objective), he shut up.

I responded because the guy knew others were hurting but still gloated, as evidenced by his gloating after saying phrases like "licking your wounds" and "belly aching".  It is not okay in my world to gloat, let alone gloat while others are hurting, or to gloat while others are hurting about things you had no hand in accomplishing.  He then responded with a flip answer, "if it don't make dollars it don't make sense", which is a typical debate tactic taken by Republicans and my wife's attorney and ex to muddy the waters and not respond to the question, and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of people not pressing the point into those who are avoiding with smoke.  So I pressed with my next question, asking if he was saying his life wasn't better because he 1) wasn't getting paid or 2) making sense.  He then responded, as all do who are pressed when they have thrown up a smoke screen, with dismissal.  "blah blah blah" indicates he doesn't even mean what he's saying, but he CONTINUES with the suggestion that he's making money by saying "just not as many dollars".  So I had to press more, asking if he's getting paid.  To which, he finally said no without saying "no", which is the best you can hope for with a conservative mind.

Conservatives and Republicans look towards rich people/corporations to give away their money, making others rich.  Reagan popularized this for our modern world with Reaganomics, or Trickle Down economics, which makes no sense.  Rich people/corporations aren't rich because they give away money. They are rich because they have money that they don't give away.  Warren Buffet is rich, his secretary is not, nor is his daughter whom he has cut out of his life.  You become rich by not giving away your money.  And thinking those who are rich will make you rich when they give away their money is dangerous for you, and makes you vote against your own best interests and mine, making it dangerous for me for you to think those ridiculously twisted thoughts.   

I am quickly coming to a place where I believe it to be a crime to be conservatively minded, as it is dangerous for anyone to listen to anything coming from a mind that is unable to consider options. 

One day, I'm going to snap under the weight of my own intellect and inability to stand for bullshit and stupidity and kill everyone.  And if you're reading this, thinking, "man, I don't want to be judged by this guy," then think about how many emails of yours I've posted on the Internet whilst calling you an idiot.  None?  Okay.  So I don't think you're an idiot and I haven't judged you.  Calm down.