Dr. Buttpipe

Dr. Buttpipe brings the computer technician to his cube where I hear their interaction.  Buttpipe says that he's locked out of specific systems on his computer and can't do work today.  The computer technician notices that his CAPS LOCK button is pressed and tells him that this could be a problem.  "It shouldn't really be pressed," says the computer tech.  "I mean, if you use capitals in your password, then you can press the shift key, but using the CAPS LOCK key freezes certain buttons and creates problems."
"Well," huffs Dr. Buttpipe, "I didn't KNOW that!"  His accusational tone is painful to hear, even from my cube.

Here's what I would have liked to have said, were I the computer guy.
"I should HOPE you didn't know.  If you DID know and you continued to use the CAPS LOCK key, it would be disturbing.  As it is, it actually presents a teaching moment we wouldn't have had otherwise."  In my fantasy, Dr. Buttpipe continues to protest, because he feels stupid that he didn't know and for some reason feels it necessary to blame somebody else for his ignorance.
"Well," blusters Buttpipe, "why didn't anyone tell me?!"
"I did," I would answer, "just now."

After the computer tech leaves, another doctor comes over to talk with Buttpipe about a case.  Buttpipe continues to complain about his computer.  "I'm locked out of my computer {inaccurate} and I was told that I couldn't use capital letters in my password {incorrect}!  Well, I've been using capital letters in my password for over a year now, and there has never been an issue!"

There are times I want to go over there and tell him that he has assessed the world completely incorrectly and is complaining about something that is entirely fabricated and fictional.  But I don't.  Maybe someday I will.

His doctor friend talks to Buttpipe about the case.  He starts out by saying, "Now, on this case, the claimant is allegating...."  At which point, my brain shuts off.  You see, "allegating" is not a word outside of urbandictionary.com, where you will get "1. allegating

The act by which someone makes an allegation about you, especially to your boss, with the primary intent just to get you in trouble

She was allegating against me to the boss and said I didn't show up on time. She's always trying to bring the heat on me!".  Urbandictionary.com is not typically used in my office, nor is it typically refered to when writing medical and legal documents, as we do at my office.  Both of these doctors are fucking retarded.  Fucking.  Retarded.  There is only so much external stupidity my brain will allow before shutting down.  Not only do I have to deal with my own stupidity, but when I have to deal with the overwhelming stupidity of others, there's only so much I can handle before needing to reset the entire system.

And both of these idiots are people who have been licensed and charged with providing YOU WITH HEALTH CARE!!!!  WHAT... THE FUCK??!!??!!

AND I'M TRYING TO GET SHIT DONE TODAY!!!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!