Yesterday, my step-mother told me that the new Bruce Willis movie, Red, was "hilarious" and "really, really good".
I have not seen it, so all I know about it is that she liked it. So naturally, this movie has become the most miserable piece of shit on the planet.
If anyone has actually seen the movie Red with Bruce Willis and (I think) Morgan Freeman, would you mind letting me know what you thought of it. After all, it's not really fair to the movie that I'm making assumptions about it based on the horrible person who endorsed it. I'll bet Hitler loved E.T. Yeah, I know he was already dead when it came out, but come on-- everybody loved E.T.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Brother Texts-- It's A Bad Day
My brother and sister were born in Guatemala and were adopted by my (useless) father and (even more useless) step-mother and brought back to America almost 10 years ago. I am almost 30 older than my brother and sister, who are only different in age by one year.
Both my brother and sister received cell phones for Christmas this year.
Yesterday, my brother texted me to tell me that his mother (my step-mother) got mad and said that she hated both my brother and sister and was going away. Step-mother told my 11-year-old brother that he was going to be arrested.
Today, my brother texted me that he was almost finished drawing a book about a person being killed by murder and another person taking revenge. Then he told me that his mother was mean to him and he started crying so his father told him to shut up or he would get a 1-way plane ride to Guatemala.
I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that the people on our planet are so unkind and untrusting: our own parents show us how to express and show love with words of hate and acts of abuse.
Both my brother and sister received cell phones for Christmas this year.
Yesterday, my brother texted me to tell me that his mother (my step-mother) got mad and said that she hated both my brother and sister and was going away. Step-mother told my 11-year-old brother that he was going to be arrested.
Today, my brother texted me that he was almost finished drawing a book about a person being killed by murder and another person taking revenge. Then he told me that his mother was mean to him and he started crying so his father told him to shut up or he would get a 1-way plane ride to Guatemala.
I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that the people on our planet are so unkind and untrusting: our own parents show us how to express and show love with words of hate and acts of abuse.
Occupy Ship
There once was a large ship call The United States. This ship had many decks, and many people worked on the ship. When they all worked together, the ship ran well.
There were lots of different jobs on the ship. There were people who shoveled coal into the furnace to fuel the ship. There were people who navigated the waters to make sure the ship didn't hit anything like icebergs or penguins. And, of course, there was the Command Deck where all the decisions were made, called The Government. People could move around from one position to another position on the ship and see what they liked best. Some jobs paid better than other jobs. Some jobs were more fulfilling than others. Some people worked because they had to. Some people worked because they really enjoyed it. Some people worked to better themselves. Some people worked to better The United States ship.
As crew members of the ship, there were certain services that were needed to make sure they could all do their jobs effectively and live. All crew members were fed. All crew members were clothed. All crew members were given training. For these services, as well as others, each crew member had to pay a fee. Each service was paid for by the collection of fees from each crew member. Fees from all crew members were collected to form a more perfect union, provide for the common defense, and promote the general welfare. Sure, it was based on a kind of socialism, where the social good was taken care of by the members of that social group. And yes, it was based on a kind of communism, where the communal concerns were taken care of by the members of that community. But because those were bad words that the members of The United States ship didn't like, they called their system something different. And nobody was given health care, because health care provided by somebody who isn't dedicated to making sure your health is taken care of was widely believed to be the best way. And if anybody said anything different, they were called Socialists and Communists, because those were bad words.
Some of those in control of the treasury of the ship decided they didn't want to pay the fees of the ship. Actually, nobody really wanted to pay the fees. Everybody wanted to get something for nothing. But the people from The Treasury decided they would go to The Government and tell them that they could not pay fees like the rest of the ship, The Government would receive extra money from them. The Government said no, because this wouldn't be fair.
So the people from The Treasury decided to change jobs, and they switched from working in The Treasury to working in The Government... but they didn't really change. All they wanted to do was to make sure they didn't have to pay fees like the rest of the ship. And when they started to work in The Government, they found there were other ways they could make more money in other ways besides not paying fees. They found that the group of people who transported the coal from the loading dock to the fuel room were in a kind of Union, and this kind of Union had agreed that what they were getting paid was a fair wage, and the amount of time each day they were working was good and no children should be allowed to work this job. This was costing the Treasury Government money, because they could hire Filipino children to work for pennies a day, and a day could consist of 20 hours of work, whereas the Union said a day was 8 hours. So the Treasury Government let all the Union workers go and hired Filipino children to work for them. Then they cut the pay for those who were providing training for the crew of the United States ship so that the members of the crew would become dumb and not learn to think for themselves. And they continued to hire people from The Treasury to work in The Government so that new rules could be passed to make things better for The Treasury. And they made sure that people from The Treasury worked in the News Center, where the crew received it's news, so that the crew would be told that these changes, which really only benefited those from The Treasury, were best for The United States ship and the crew. And because the crew was not properly trained to think, they didn't question. And they didn't speak up. And the members of The Treasury continued to promote themselves on the backs of the rest of the crew.
While this was good for The Treasury, the rest of The United States ship suffered. Trainers weren't paid enough, were overloaded with too many people to train at one time, weren't given the right tools to train people. They were told what to train and how to train by members of The Treasury Government, many of whom were also members of the loud and crazy Chapel. Members of the crew couldn't find any work because The Treasury Government had brought in Filipino child labor and had slashed funding for jobs. And life on The United States Ship became increasingly unbearable for many of it's crew.
Many of those crew members took a look around and saw what was going on. The reality of the situation on The United States ship Occupied their minds, and they spoke up. "This isn't right," they said. And the members of The Treasury News said, "We don't know what they're saying." "This isn't right," said the Occupied Crew. And people from The Treasury Government said, "They don't know what they're talking about." "This isn't right!" screamed the Occupied Crew. And the members of The Treasury paid the Police to pepper spray anyone speaking up. The members of The Occupied Crew then shouted, "We're speaking for all of you! This isn't right!"
And many of the members of the crew didn't understand what was going on. Some of them didn't feel the weight that had been placed upon them by The Treasury. Some of them weren't as affected as others. Some of them knew what was going on, but didn't want to be pepper sprayed. Many of them hadn't been trained to think. Many of them didn't have the time or the patience to actually pay attention to what was going on around them. Besides, The (Treasury) News said that everything was okay, so everything must be okay. And for those members of the crew, they insisted that the members of The Occupied Crew weren't speaking for them. And they didn't want to be lumped into a group with people who were being pepper sprayed.
Then one guy stood up and said the following:
Your mouths are being closed by the forces around you. If you don't open them now, you won't be able to open them later. No one is forcing you to speak up, but please don't force the rest of us to shut up. We're speaking now so that you will have the ability to speak when you feel the weight of the repression being imposed upon you. We are fighting for you, even if you decide to remain asleep. I will continue to stand up and speak in all ways that I can even though you say that you don't agree with me. I am fighting for you to disagree with me, because if I don't fight now, you won't have a choice later.
There were lots of different jobs on the ship. There were people who shoveled coal into the furnace to fuel the ship. There were people who navigated the waters to make sure the ship didn't hit anything like icebergs or penguins. And, of course, there was the Command Deck where all the decisions were made, called The Government. People could move around from one position to another position on the ship and see what they liked best. Some jobs paid better than other jobs. Some jobs were more fulfilling than others. Some people worked because they had to. Some people worked because they really enjoyed it. Some people worked to better themselves. Some people worked to better The United States ship.
As crew members of the ship, there were certain services that were needed to make sure they could all do their jobs effectively and live. All crew members were fed. All crew members were clothed. All crew members were given training. For these services, as well as others, each crew member had to pay a fee. Each service was paid for by the collection of fees from each crew member. Fees from all crew members were collected to form a more perfect union, provide for the common defense, and promote the general welfare. Sure, it was based on a kind of socialism, where the social good was taken care of by the members of that social group. And yes, it was based on a kind of communism, where the communal concerns were taken care of by the members of that community. But because those were bad words that the members of The United States ship didn't like, they called their system something different. And nobody was given health care, because health care provided by somebody who isn't dedicated to making sure your health is taken care of was widely believed to be the best way. And if anybody said anything different, they were called Socialists and Communists, because those were bad words.
Some of those in control of the treasury of the ship decided they didn't want to pay the fees of the ship. Actually, nobody really wanted to pay the fees. Everybody wanted to get something for nothing. But the people from The Treasury decided they would go to The Government and tell them that they could not pay fees like the rest of the ship, The Government would receive extra money from them. The Government said no, because this wouldn't be fair.
So the people from The Treasury decided to change jobs, and they switched from working in The Treasury to working in The Government... but they didn't really change. All they wanted to do was to make sure they didn't have to pay fees like the rest of the ship. And when they started to work in The Government, they found there were other ways they could make more money in other ways besides not paying fees. They found that the group of people who transported the coal from the loading dock to the fuel room were in a kind of Union, and this kind of Union had agreed that what they were getting paid was a fair wage, and the amount of time each day they were working was good and no children should be allowed to work this job. This was costing the Treasury Government money, because they could hire Filipino children to work for pennies a day, and a day could consist of 20 hours of work, whereas the Union said a day was 8 hours. So the Treasury Government let all the Union workers go and hired Filipino children to work for them. Then they cut the pay for those who were providing training for the crew of the United States ship so that the members of the crew would become dumb and not learn to think for themselves. And they continued to hire people from The Treasury to work in The Government so that new rules could be passed to make things better for The Treasury. And they made sure that people from The Treasury worked in the News Center, where the crew received it's news, so that the crew would be told that these changes, which really only benefited those from The Treasury, were best for The United States ship and the crew. And because the crew was not properly trained to think, they didn't question. And they didn't speak up. And the members of The Treasury continued to promote themselves on the backs of the rest of the crew.
While this was good for The Treasury, the rest of The United States ship suffered. Trainers weren't paid enough, were overloaded with too many people to train at one time, weren't given the right tools to train people. They were told what to train and how to train by members of The Treasury Government, many of whom were also members of the loud and crazy Chapel. Members of the crew couldn't find any work because The Treasury Government had brought in Filipino child labor and had slashed funding for jobs. And life on The United States Ship became increasingly unbearable for many of it's crew.
Many of those crew members took a look around and saw what was going on. The reality of the situation on The United States ship Occupied their minds, and they spoke up. "This isn't right," they said. And the members of The Treasury News said, "We don't know what they're saying." "This isn't right," said the Occupied Crew. And people from The Treasury Government said, "They don't know what they're talking about." "This isn't right!" screamed the Occupied Crew. And the members of The Treasury paid the Police to pepper spray anyone speaking up. The members of The Occupied Crew then shouted, "We're speaking for all of you! This isn't right!"
And many of the members of the crew didn't understand what was going on. Some of them didn't feel the weight that had been placed upon them by The Treasury. Some of them weren't as affected as others. Some of them knew what was going on, but didn't want to be pepper sprayed. Many of them hadn't been trained to think. Many of them didn't have the time or the patience to actually pay attention to what was going on around them. Besides, The (Treasury) News said that everything was okay, so everything must be okay. And for those members of the crew, they insisted that the members of The Occupied Crew weren't speaking for them. And they didn't want to be lumped into a group with people who were being pepper sprayed.
Then one guy stood up and said the following:
Your mouths are being closed by the forces around you. If you don't open them now, you won't be able to open them later. No one is forcing you to speak up, but please don't force the rest of us to shut up. We're speaking now so that you will have the ability to speak when you feel the weight of the repression being imposed upon you. We are fighting for you, even if you decide to remain asleep. I will continue to stand up and speak in all ways that I can even though you say that you don't agree with me. I am fighting for you to disagree with me, because if I don't fight now, you won't have a choice later.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Shart=Shit That Comes Out When You Fart
Last night, some of my students asked me if I was the "dirty guy" when I was improvising. I told them that I could go dirty easily, but it wasn't always warranted.
It's like this. When you come to my house, I get to act the way I want to. Because you're in my house.
And yes, it's true that my penis is beautiful and monstrous.
But when I'm in your house, I wear pants out of respect, and I wait for the invitation to wave my cock around.
That's how I feel about improvising, too. When you're playing at somebody else's venue, be respectful. When you're at home, that's when you can take your pants off and shart on the couch.
You're welcome.
It's like this. When you come to my house, I get to act the way I want to. Because you're in my house.
And yes, it's true that my penis is beautiful and monstrous.
But when I'm in your house, I wear pants out of respect, and I wait for the invitation to wave my cock around.
That's how I feel about improvising, too. When you're playing at somebody else's venue, be respectful. When you're at home, that's when you can take your pants off and shart on the couch.
You're welcome.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
George Carlin, Jim Henson and My Grandfather
When my grandfather died, I missed him. However, I'm pretty sure that my father did not. My father and my grandfather had a strained relationship, at best. When my grandfather died, I'm pretty sure I was the only one who missed him.
I hardly think about him anymore. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, though, I wish that he hadn't been such a bigot and racist. I wish he hadn't been an asshole. I wish he had been different.
Jim Henson and George Carlin died and I mourned them. I still find myself wishing for more of both of those men. Sometimes I cry that they're not here.
I want to leave the planet a better place. When I go, I want to make sure that I leave it better than when I got here. I wanna do something good.
I want to be like strangers who have made my life more enjoyable. I don't want to be like some of my family members.
I hardly think about him anymore. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, though, I wish that he hadn't been such a bigot and racist. I wish he hadn't been an asshole. I wish he had been different.
Jim Henson and George Carlin died and I mourned them. I still find myself wishing for more of both of those men. Sometimes I cry that they're not here.
I want to leave the planet a better place. When I go, I want to make sure that I leave it better than when I got here. I wanna do something good.
I want to be like strangers who have made my life more enjoyable. I don't want to be like some of my family members.
Welcome New Readers!!
I would like to welcome all my new readers from Russia, Germany, India, Singapore and Canada. It's truly a pleasure to have you here!
I hope you're able to find some entertainment and information in my posts. If there's anything you would like to hear more about, please let me know and I'll see what I can do for you.
In the meantime, enjoy!!
Now, in Russian: В то же время, наслаждайтесь!!
Now, in German: In der Zwischenzeit genießen!!
Now, in Hindi: बीच में आनंद,!!
Now, in Malay: Dalam masa yang sama, menikmati!!
Now, in Canadian: In the meantime, enjoy, eh!! And Bring Me A LaBatt Blue!!
I hope you're able to find some entertainment and information in my posts. If there's anything you would like to hear more about, please let me know and I'll see what I can do for you.
In the meantime, enjoy!!
Now, in Russian: В то же время, наслаждайтесь!!
Now, in German: In der Zwischenzeit genießen!!
Now, in Hindi: बीच में आनंद,!!
Now, in Malay: Dalam masa yang sama, menikmati!!
Now, in Canadian: In the meantime, enjoy, eh!! And Bring Me A LaBatt Blue!!
You're Wrong, Now Don't Change
I've been writing reports at my job for almost two years now.
I just received a formal error (a mark that goes against my numbers that are used to determine if I should be promoted or not) for a report that I wrote. I wrote it exactly as I have for the past two years, but this time I was told that I was wrong.
I went to my supervisor and asked him about it. "I got a case returned to me for an error I made. I've been writing reports this way for 2 years. Am I doing it wrong?"
"No," he said, frustratedly rubbing his eyes, "you're doing it the way that I would do it. But it's not worth the fight, so just change it."
"I don't want to fight," I explained, "I just want to make sure I'm doing it right. So, in your opinion, should I change the way in which I'm writing these reports?"
"No," he said. "You're doing it right. It all just depends on who reviews your case. If you get one person reviewing it, they will tell you you're doing it right. Somebody else will charge you the error. Keep doing it the way you were doing it."
Here are the facts:
I was told to write reports a certain way.
I write the reports that way.
I get charged an error for writing them that way.
I am told that I will receive that error for writing reports the way I'm supposed to and I shouldn't change.
This feels monumentally incorrect.
This is, really, my first prolonged experience with working in government/corporate settings. In theatre and film, if you're doing something wrong, you're expected to change until you get it right. Then you're supposed to stay that way. If things change, somebody will let you know, and then you change. So I'm curious: how often does this kind of thing happen and in what contexts does it happen? Because this kind of behavior is, at the least, not healthy: You're wrong, but keep doing what you're doing.
I just received a formal error (a mark that goes against my numbers that are used to determine if I should be promoted or not) for a report that I wrote. I wrote it exactly as I have for the past two years, but this time I was told that I was wrong.
I went to my supervisor and asked him about it. "I got a case returned to me for an error I made. I've been writing reports this way for 2 years. Am I doing it wrong?"
"No," he said, frustratedly rubbing his eyes, "you're doing it the way that I would do it. But it's not worth the fight, so just change it."
"I don't want to fight," I explained, "I just want to make sure I'm doing it right. So, in your opinion, should I change the way in which I'm writing these reports?"
"No," he said. "You're doing it right. It all just depends on who reviews your case. If you get one person reviewing it, they will tell you you're doing it right. Somebody else will charge you the error. Keep doing it the way you were doing it."
Here are the facts:
I was told to write reports a certain way.
I write the reports that way.
I get charged an error for writing them that way.
I am told that I will receive that error for writing reports the way I'm supposed to and I shouldn't change.
This feels monumentally incorrect.
This is, really, my first prolonged experience with working in government/corporate settings. In theatre and film, if you're doing something wrong, you're expected to change until you get it right. Then you're supposed to stay that way. If things change, somebody will let you know, and then you change. So I'm curious: how often does this kind of thing happen and in what contexts does it happen? Because this kind of behavior is, at the least, not healthy: You're wrong, but keep doing what you're doing.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
T-shirt Life
when i was in school
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to college
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to New York
i got a t-shirt
i wore it without thinking
it was comfy
i had a job
got a t-shirt
another job
another t-shirt
another place
another t-shirt
marked my time
and who liked me enough
to get me a t-shirt
my mother saved my school t-shirts
gave them back recently
lots of memories
almost as small as the t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my college t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my job t-shirts
but i know they're not here anymore
where they once were
comfy
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to college
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to New York
i got a t-shirt
i wore it without thinking
it was comfy
i had a job
got a t-shirt
another job
another t-shirt
another place
another t-shirt
marked my time
and who liked me enough
to get me a t-shirt
my mother saved my school t-shirts
gave them back recently
lots of memories
almost as small as the t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my college t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my job t-shirts
but i know they're not here anymore
where they once were
comfy
Down Rodeo by Rage Against The Machine
I've got this song playing in my ears now, and I like it enough to put some lyrics up here that I'm really drawn to right now. Well... I've enjoyed these lyrics ever since I first heard the song. One day, I hope to write something as strong as this. Maybe I already have. I dunno. I like it.
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So make a move and plead the fifth 'cause ya can't plead the first
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So make a move and plead the fifth 'cause ya can't plead the first
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one
After-Smell
Sometimes you go out to get food or you bring home food or you cook food, and then the next morning, you get this after-smell that is reminiscent of the food, but not quite the food.
Usually, this smell is unpleasant. Like moldy scrotum. Not cool.
Last night, my family enjoyed Whataburger. It was, in all honesty, delicious. One of the best meals we've all had in a long time. Nothing special, just really tasty burgers. Personally, I enjoyed the double meat burger with cheese and jalapenos. Simply delightful.
This morning I arose to an after-smell.
It was, in all honesty, wonderful. Gentle scents of lightly cooked and salted fries, burger bouquets and memories of a mouthful of pleasantries.
It was a great way to go to bed. It was a great way to go to work.
Usually, this smell is unpleasant. Like moldy scrotum. Not cool.
Last night, my family enjoyed Whataburger. It was, in all honesty, delicious. One of the best meals we've all had in a long time. Nothing special, just really tasty burgers. Personally, I enjoyed the double meat burger with cheese and jalapenos. Simply delightful.
This morning I arose to an after-smell.
It was, in all honesty, wonderful. Gentle scents of lightly cooked and salted fries, burger bouquets and memories of a mouthful of pleasantries.
It was a great way to go to bed. It was a great way to go to work.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Democrats vs. Rebuplicans
The most fundamental difference between Democrats and Republicans-- between liberals and conservatives, for that matter-- is this:
Conservatives say "There is only one answer."
Liberals say "There are many answers."
Period.
Conservatives say "There is only one answer."
Liberals say "There are many answers."
Period.
I Looked At The World
i looked at the world
"i see God here in all this beauty around me."
then they built binoculars for me to see the tree was made of bark
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw bark
i looked at the sky
"i see God in the infinite of space"
then they built a telescope for me to see planets and suns and other galaxies
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw Saturn
i looked in myself
"i see God inside of everyone"
then they built x-ray machines to show me how my heart works
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw cholesterol plaque
it seems that God is only in the places i can't see
when i look, He's not there
i don't know why beauty is God
and God only exists where my knowledge ends
when i saw the world around me,
when i saw space,
when i saw my heart,
they all stayed the same as they always were
i was the one who changed
i could see clearly for the first time
and when i see clearly, God leaves
can the world stay beautiful
can space stay magnificent
can i stay mysterious
even when i see God isn't there?
if God leaves
does my goodness leave, too?
if God leaves
does the beauty of life leave, too?
can i make peace with not existing one day?
can i make peace with not knowing where i will go?
can i make peace with not having the answers?
can i not be frightened?
i am frightened now
or should i close my eyes again just to see God
just to feel safe
just to try to change back
back to a time when i didn't know
God wasn't there
and He was protecting me
and i was taken care of
and i wasn't alone
"i see God here in all this beauty around me."
then they built binoculars for me to see the tree was made of bark
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw bark
i looked at the sky
"i see God in the infinite of space"
then they built a telescope for me to see planets and suns and other galaxies
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw Saturn
i looked in myself
"i see God inside of everyone"
then they built x-ray machines to show me how my heart works
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw cholesterol plaque
it seems that God is only in the places i can't see
when i look, He's not there
i don't know why beauty is God
and God only exists where my knowledge ends
when i saw the world around me,
when i saw space,
when i saw my heart,
they all stayed the same as they always were
i was the one who changed
i could see clearly for the first time
and when i see clearly, God leaves
can the world stay beautiful
can space stay magnificent
can i stay mysterious
even when i see God isn't there?
if God leaves
does my goodness leave, too?
if God leaves
does the beauty of life leave, too?
can i make peace with not existing one day?
can i make peace with not knowing where i will go?
can i make peace with not having the answers?
can i not be frightened?
i am frightened now
or should i close my eyes again just to see God
just to feel safe
just to try to change back
back to a time when i didn't know
God wasn't there
and He was protecting me
and i was taken care of
and i wasn't alone
Listen
A couple brings their 7-year-old son to the doctor.
"Our boy is sexually deviant, poops himself, and doesn't do anything we tell him to."
The doctor gives the child a diagnosis of Mood Disorder, ADHD and prescribes medications.
The parents apply for disability for their child and are approved.
They receive taxpayer money.
Their son doesn't learn how to care for himself.
Another couple talks to their 7-year-old son.
"We know you're at an age where it's important for you to know about sex."
And then they talk with their child about sex and all he needs to know.
And it's a considerate, thoughtful, respectful talk where the boy learns and doesn't feel judged.
And he actually learns how to take care of himself and not be scared or frightened.
And in this talk, the child admits there is a bully at school.
And the parents talk with the teachers at the school.
And the bullying issue is resolved.
And the boy stops pooping himself.
Start listening to the people who need to be listened to.
Listen to what isn't being said.
The parents say, "Our kid is a fuck-up."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
It'll be easy to tell if he's a fuck-up or not.
The doctor says, "The kid has a diagnosis."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
Listen to what isn't said.
The advertisement says something. It wants your money.
The cop says something. He is terrified of not being out of control. He is terrified.
The court says something. They want to appear to know the answers.
The attorney, the ex-husband, the mother say something. They want to hurt you.
A man beats his wife.
As he does so, he yells at her,
"I love you!"
She takes him to court.
"Isn't it true that your husband tells you he loves you on a daily basis?"
She answers yes, it's true.
What isn't said is that he's beating her.
LISTEN.
REALLY LISTEN.
And put the story together yourself.
"Our boy is sexually deviant, poops himself, and doesn't do anything we tell him to."
The doctor gives the child a diagnosis of Mood Disorder, ADHD and prescribes medications.
The parents apply for disability for their child and are approved.
They receive taxpayer money.
Their son doesn't learn how to care for himself.
Another couple talks to their 7-year-old son.
"We know you're at an age where it's important for you to know about sex."
And then they talk with their child about sex and all he needs to know.
And it's a considerate, thoughtful, respectful talk where the boy learns and doesn't feel judged.
And he actually learns how to take care of himself and not be scared or frightened.
And in this talk, the child admits there is a bully at school.
And the parents talk with the teachers at the school.
And the bullying issue is resolved.
And the boy stops pooping himself.
Start listening to the people who need to be listened to.
Listen to what isn't being said.
The parents say, "Our kid is a fuck-up."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
It'll be easy to tell if he's a fuck-up or not.
The doctor says, "The kid has a diagnosis."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
Listen to what isn't said.
The advertisement says something. It wants your money.
The cop says something. He is terrified of not being out of control. He is terrified.
The court says something. They want to appear to know the answers.
The attorney, the ex-husband, the mother say something. They want to hurt you.
A man beats his wife.
As he does so, he yells at her,
"I love you!"
She takes him to court.
"Isn't it true that your husband tells you he loves you on a daily basis?"
She answers yes, it's true.
What isn't said is that he's beating her.
LISTEN.
REALLY LISTEN.
And put the story together yourself.
Monday, December 12, 2011
you can stay
something's wrong
i can see it in you
face to the ground
weighted down
enveloped by
your blinding fog
where all you see
is what's wrong
you don't need to go anywhere
you don't need to do anything
you don't need to get rid of it
and you don't need to keep it
you can stay
stay just the way you are
as long as you need
you can stay
they'll tell you
let it go
you'll feel better
yes, you know
but it's easy
to sing that song
when you're on the outside
of something wrong
so just stay
stay where you are
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
and when you're ready
to walk away
from something's wrong
you'll find I'm still there
just like all along
so just stay
stay forever
or just a beat
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
i can see it in you
face to the ground
weighted down
enveloped by
your blinding fog
where all you see
is what's wrong
you don't need to go anywhere
you don't need to do anything
you don't need to get rid of it
and you don't need to keep it
you can stay
stay just the way you are
as long as you need
you can stay
they'll tell you
let it go
you'll feel better
yes, you know
but it's easy
to sing that song
when you're on the outside
of something wrong
so just stay
stay where you are
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
and when you're ready
to walk away
from something's wrong
you'll find I'm still there
just like all along
so just stay
stay forever
or just a beat
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
Words Don't Match
i talk
you don't respond
i walk
you hold me down
i yell
you walk away
but you love me
you say you love me
i say
all that i know
i hear
no no no no no no
i tell
what i need from you
that's what you'll do
you say you'll do
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
she says
i need to tell
he says
i need to tell
doctor says
i need to tell
but you love me
you say you love me
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
bang my head
try and try
blame myself
cry and cry
waste of time
you don't hear
paralyzed
you live in fear
and i try
to get to you
everyone
tells me to
you're bad for me
i must be done
until you change
i must be gone
and you beat me
with your silence
abused
with your silence
tortured
with your silence
as you love me
all the while you love me
and your words
don't match
what you do
and i'm through
wasting life
wishing you weren't you
you don't respond
i walk
you hold me down
i yell
you walk away
but you love me
you say you love me
i say
all that i know
i hear
no no no no no no
i tell
what i need from you
that's what you'll do
you say you'll do
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
she says
i need to tell
he says
i need to tell
doctor says
i need to tell
but you love me
you say you love me
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
bang my head
try and try
blame myself
cry and cry
waste of time
you don't hear
paralyzed
you live in fear
and i try
to get to you
everyone
tells me to
you're bad for me
i must be done
until you change
i must be gone
and you beat me
with your silence
abused
with your silence
tortured
with your silence
as you love me
all the while you love me
and your words
don't match
what you do
and i'm through
wasting life
wishing you weren't you
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
"Weird Al" Yankovic's Makin' Me Giggl'
One of my favorite comedy bits from the movie UHF, staring "Weird Al" Yankovic just played in my ears, and I wanted to share it. It's an audio clip from the movie, where a commercial is playing for a store called Spatula City. According to the ad, there's just one place to go for all your spatula needs, and that's Spatula City. A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion! Thousands to choose from in every shape, size and color. And because they eliminate the middle man, they can sell all their spatulas factory-direct to you at just a fraction of retail cost. Their weekend special is buy 9 spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny.
And my favorite part of the ad (which has made me giggle ever since seeing the movie in the theatre!) is when the romantic, melodramatic violin music starts playing, and an attractive man's face moves in to a beautiful woman's face, and we hear the velvet-tones of the announcer tell us:
"And what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula."
The man raises a spatula between their two gorgeous faces and mouths the words "I love you" with the announcer. The two beautiful people are now in love.
I just love that! Makes me giggle even typing it!
Keep that in your back pocket for whenever you need it!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Personal Food Tip
If you're thinking about buying a delicious McDonald's mushroom and Swiss burger and saving it for tomorrow's lunch because you're trying to save money and extend the enjoyment of your McDonald's treat for an extra day, I would make this one, simple recommendation: don't.
McDonald's is never as good the next day.
Nerver.
Oh yeah, you THINK it's gonna keep until tomorrow. You've done it with other burgers in the past and it works out just fine. But there is something sinister about McDonald's. They put some ingredient in their food to prevent it from saving, forcing you to eat it when you buy it or suffer the consequences later. And if you want to enjoy your delicious McDonald's treat later, you'll have to buy more McDonald's later, because the word "enjoy" does not belong with the phrase "McDonald's treat later".
Day-old McDonald's buns have been used to pave driveways.
Day-old McDonald's hamburger patties get used as tires.
If you're anything like me, you say, "Fuck it! I paid for the shit! I'm eating the shit!"
If you're anything like me, you're stupid and need therapy.
I'm currently eating yesterday's McDonald's treat.
It's not a treat anymore.
I think I've given myself a cleft palate as the cheese has sliced a large chasm into the top of my mouth.
It is no longer supple cheese.
It is vengeful cheese.
"Why didn't you eat me last night when I was supple?!" the Cheese whisper-growls at me like it's a creature from a Dungeon and Dragons Monster Manual.
"I was trying to stretch my food budget," I whimper. "I tried to be wise with my food consumption and my spending habits. I'm sorry, it won't happen again!"
"Liar!" growls the angry, possessed Cheese. "You've said that before! You ALWAYS say 'it'll never happen again', and then you do it again! And then you expect me to be stupid and forget that you're a liar! What are you, some kind of Republican?!"
I blankly stare at the Cheese.
The Cheese returns my blank stare.
"Whatever," the Cheese shakes it off. "Political jokes stop scenes."
"You're tellin' me," I mutter under my breath to the audience, awkwardly sitting wondering how to respond to the random political non sequitur and ensuing insanity.
"Silence!" spits The Demon Cheese. "You talk too much and you type too much and you never get to your point and fuck you in your stuff-hole!"
And with that, The Barbarian Cheese slashes through my soft and hard palate, creating a cavern, exposing the underside of my brain to my curious tongue. You know, like when you get something stuck in your teeth and your tongue won't stop playing with it, and you eventually ruin your tongue muscles because it just won't stop digging around in your mouth for that whatever-it-is that's stuck...? It's like that, except it's my brain that my tongue won't stop playing with. My brain that's dripping into my mouth like some kind of cranial nasal drip. Dripping into my mouth from my Brain Cave. Brain Cave Drippings!!
...where was i...?
...i can't remember...
Hey, try that jalapeno cheddar chicken sandwich at McDonald's. It's really tasty if you're into that kind of thing.
And if you don't eat it right away, give it to somebody who will. Or suffer the Wrath of the Cheese, you will.
McDonald's is never as good the next day.
Nerver.
Oh yeah, you THINK it's gonna keep until tomorrow. You've done it with other burgers in the past and it works out just fine. But there is something sinister about McDonald's. They put some ingredient in their food to prevent it from saving, forcing you to eat it when you buy it or suffer the consequences later. And if you want to enjoy your delicious McDonald's treat later, you'll have to buy more McDonald's later, because the word "enjoy" does not belong with the phrase "McDonald's treat later".
Day-old McDonald's buns have been used to pave driveways.
Day-old McDonald's hamburger patties get used as tires.
If you're anything like me, you say, "Fuck it! I paid for the shit! I'm eating the shit!"
If you're anything like me, you're stupid and need therapy.
I'm currently eating yesterday's McDonald's treat.
It's not a treat anymore.
I think I've given myself a cleft palate as the cheese has sliced a large chasm into the top of my mouth.
It is no longer supple cheese.
It is vengeful cheese.
"Why didn't you eat me last night when I was supple?!" the Cheese whisper-growls at me like it's a creature from a Dungeon and Dragons Monster Manual.
"I was trying to stretch my food budget," I whimper. "I tried to be wise with my food consumption and my spending habits. I'm sorry, it won't happen again!"
"Liar!" growls the angry, possessed Cheese. "You've said that before! You ALWAYS say 'it'll never happen again', and then you do it again! And then you expect me to be stupid and forget that you're a liar! What are you, some kind of Republican?!"
I blankly stare at the Cheese.
The Cheese returns my blank stare.
"Whatever," the Cheese shakes it off. "Political jokes stop scenes."
"You're tellin' me," I mutter under my breath to the audience, awkwardly sitting wondering how to respond to the random political non sequitur and ensuing insanity.
"Silence!" spits The Demon Cheese. "You talk too much and you type too much and you never get to your point and fuck you in your stuff-hole!"
And with that, The Barbarian Cheese slashes through my soft and hard palate, creating a cavern, exposing the underside of my brain to my curious tongue. You know, like when you get something stuck in your teeth and your tongue won't stop playing with it, and you eventually ruin your tongue muscles because it just won't stop digging around in your mouth for that whatever-it-is that's stuck...? It's like that, except it's my brain that my tongue won't stop playing with. My brain that's dripping into my mouth like some kind of cranial nasal drip. Dripping into my mouth from my Brain Cave. Brain Cave Drippings!!
...where was i...?
...i can't remember...
Hey, try that jalapeno cheddar chicken sandwich at McDonald's. It's really tasty if you're into that kind of thing.
And if you don't eat it right away, give it to somebody who will. Or suffer the Wrath of the Cheese, you will.
My Response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
I received this response to my email to Senator Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
Jim_Inhofe@inhofe.senate.gov
The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.
Sent by Microsoft Exchange Server 2007
I'm glad to see our government is using up-to-date software. I re-sent my email to Senator Jim Inhofe using the template provided when you visit his website. Again, I will post any response I get from him.
Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
Jim_Inhofe@inhofe.senate.gov
The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.
Sent by Microsoft Exchange Server 2007
I'm glad to see our government is using up-to-date software. I re-sent my email to Senator Jim Inhofe using the template provided when you visit his website. Again, I will post any response I get from him.
Responding To Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
This is the email I just sent to Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Dear Mr. Inhofe,
You did not answer my initial question, which was to explain how it benefits the nation for me and my family to pay 10% of our income in taxes while we struggle to put food on our table while 55% of American businesses pay no taxes at all. This is happening while our country is $14.9 trillion in debt. If you are serious about reducing the debt, it would make sense to make sure the people who are making the money are also paying the money. When you signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, you promised not to raise taxes on anyone. It would seem clear that receiving any kind of financial income from large corporations, rather than paying them large tax refunds, would be a better direction to go if your aim is to improve the current state of the economy. The way things are going now, you are expecting the debt to be reduced solely by families, such as mine, who don't make enough money to comfortably feed their children. Lowering taxes will not assist with this. Taxing EQUALLY will. I don't mind doing my share to care for my country. I do mind being taken advantage of by a system that takes my money and does not take the money of others during a time when our country desperately needs all the income it can get.
Please explain how you plan to equalize our current tax system, so that everyone ends up paying the bill to keep our country strong and running.
Thank you
I will post any response I receive.
Dear Mr. Inhofe,
You did not answer my initial question, which was to explain how it benefits the nation for me and my family to pay 10% of our income in taxes while we struggle to put food on our table while 55% of American businesses pay no taxes at all. This is happening while our country is $14.9 trillion in debt. If you are serious about reducing the debt, it would make sense to make sure the people who are making the money are also paying the money. When you signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, you promised not to raise taxes on anyone. It would seem clear that receiving any kind of financial income from large corporations, rather than paying them large tax refunds, would be a better direction to go if your aim is to improve the current state of the economy. The way things are going now, you are expecting the debt to be reduced solely by families, such as mine, who don't make enough money to comfortably feed their children. Lowering taxes will not assist with this. Taxing EQUALLY will. I don't mind doing my share to care for my country. I do mind being taken advantage of by a system that takes my money and does not take the money of others during a time when our country desperately needs all the income it can get.
Please explain how you plan to equalize our current tax system, so that everyone ends up paying the bill to keep our country strong and running.
Thank you
I will post any response I receive.
An Email Response from Senator Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
A while ago I emailed a question to some senators. I told them about how 55% of corporations do not end up paying taxes into the United States treasury. I told them about how many corporations have been well documented to have made millions and billions of dollars in profits and received tax refunds. I told them about how my wife and I struggle to make ends meet, make too much money to qualify for any government financial assistance, cannot claim even one of our two children on our tax returns for any kind of tax credit, and ended up paying 10% of our income in taxes. This amount of money was more money into the United States Treasury than several large corporations combined. GE and Bank of America are two of those corporations who paid no taxes. My wife and I struggle and pay 10% of our income. GE and Bank of America make millions in profits and pay nothing. I told them about how they had signed a "pledge", whereby they promised not to raise taxes on anyone or any corporation. After telling them all this, I asked them to explain, with the country being $14.9 trillion in debt, how is it good for the nation not to increase taxes on these corporations who have money to spare and are receiving huge tax returns while taxing the people who not only will not decrease the debt quickly or efficiently, but really could use every cent of the money they earn.
This was my recent response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Thank you for your correspondence. As your voice in Washington, I appreciate knowing your views.
I believe if we are to promote economic growth, comprehensive tax reform should be one of Congress' top priorities. Our tax code is riddled with breaks and deductions that benefit only the few firms with extensive resources dedicated to tax planning purposes. Most proposals for comprehensive tax reform seek to lower marginal income tax rates for everyone – businesses and individuals alike – by eliminating the majority of these so called "tax expenditures." This type of reform would make the tax code fairer, simpler and easier to understand, and it has the potential to unlock tremendous economic growth. President Reagan enacted similar reforms in 1986, and it led to a strong period of growth that lasted well into the 1990s. It is important, however, to consider the impact reforming the system will have on different industries to ensure every industry is equally encouraged to grow the economy and create jobs. I hope any genuine debate about improving the economy and the nation's debt includes this type of reform.
Again, thank you for your comments. As Congress continues to explore ways to lower spending and the national debt I will work to ensure taxes remain low and government remain limited.
Sincerely,
James M. Inhofe
United States Senator
He did not answer my question. He did not say that he would make corporations pay their fair share. He did say that he would work to ensure taxes remain low. So what that means to me is he will work to make sure taxes to no go higher than they are currently. Neither for me and my family, who paid 10%, or for large corporations, who received money from people like me and and you in the form of tax rebates. He did not address the inequality of taxation, or how to make taxation equal which would easily reduce national debt and encourage growth... and "growth" means things like jobs and easier time buying cheese.
It might be time for another email.
This was my recent response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Thank you for your correspondence. As your voice in Washington, I appreciate knowing your views.
I believe if we are to promote economic growth, comprehensive tax reform should be one of Congress' top priorities. Our tax code is riddled with breaks and deductions that benefit only the few firms with extensive resources dedicated to tax planning purposes. Most proposals for comprehensive tax reform seek to lower marginal income tax rates for everyone – businesses and individuals alike – by eliminating the majority of these so called "tax expenditures." This type of reform would make the tax code fairer, simpler and easier to understand, and it has the potential to unlock tremendous economic growth. President Reagan enacted similar reforms in 1986, and it led to a strong period of growth that lasted well into the 1990s. It is important, however, to consider the impact reforming the system will have on different industries to ensure every industry is equally encouraged to grow the economy and create jobs. I hope any genuine debate about improving the economy and the nation's debt includes this type of reform.
Again, thank you for your comments. As Congress continues to explore ways to lower spending and the national debt I will work to ensure taxes remain low and government remain limited.
Sincerely,
James M. Inhofe
United States Senator
He did not answer my question. He did not say that he would make corporations pay their fair share. He did say that he would work to ensure taxes remain low. So what that means to me is he will work to make sure taxes to no go higher than they are currently. Neither for me and my family, who paid 10%, or for large corporations, who received money from people like me and and you in the form of tax rebates. He did not address the inequality of taxation, or how to make taxation equal which would easily reduce national debt and encourage growth... and "growth" means things like jobs and easier time buying cheese.
It might be time for another email.
The More We Gave In...
I did not want to be mistreated, I did not want to be deprived of a seat that I had paid for. It was just time... there was opportunity for me to take a stand to express the way I felt about being treated in that manner. I had not planned to get arrested. I had plenty to do without having to end up in jail. But when I had to face that decision, I didn't hesitate to do so because I felt that we had endured that too long. The more we gave in, the more we complied with that kind of treatment, the more oppressive it became.
--Rosa Parks, 1992, from an NPR interview about her refusal to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery Bus, which sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Civil Rights Movement.
The More We Gave In, The More We Complied With That Kind Of Treatment, The More Oppressive It Became.
--Rosa Parks, 1992, from an NPR interview about her refusal to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery Bus, which sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Civil Rights Movement.
The More We Gave In, The More We Complied With That Kind Of Treatment, The More Oppressive It Became.
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