A Letter To Teachers

Dear Teachers,

Please stop teaching my child about sex. It is filthy and dirty and my child is too young to hear about things like that. I hate to bring this up, also, but sex was a punishment given to Adam and Eve by God, so I have a hard time believing my child will grow in his education being taught about God's Punishment. Please stop teaching about sex.

Also, since I'm here, please stop teaching my child about economics. Maybe you've heard, and I don't want to step on your toes here, but "money is the root of all evil", and I don't want my child that close to evil roots. And Jesus turned over the vendor tables in the temple because he didn't believe in economics. So please stop teaching economics.

You know, history shouldn't be taught to my child, either, while I'm thinking about it. There is so much violence in history. The Nazis were really horrible, and lots of Christians were eaten by lions, and that kind of imagery shouldn't be taught to my child. Jesus actually said that we shouldn't listen to the teachings of the Old Testament now that he was here, so he was in favor of throwing out history, too.

Math was just really hard, so stop teaching math.

And stop teaching religion, physical education, music, art, foreign and domestic languages, social studies and science, as these things are really pointless and just waste my child's time. I don't want anything to shift his focus from going to a good college so he can get a good job. Please stop teaching these things as well.

If you could just teach the Bible and football, that would really be best, not only for my child, but for our country. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, which is the Bible's endorsement for football, as Jesus had to touch down on Lazarus while saying a Hail, Mary for Lazarus to pass out of death and rise up from the end zone, where we all did a victory dance.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin