She

She wasn't listened to as a kid.
Her brother was troubled and her parents tried to fix his problems rather than dealing with her.
She thought she was being heard when dad took her on a vacation to Arizona, but then used it to ask her why she wasn't working well with her mother.
She wasn't listened to when she told them she didn't want to go to college right away. They told her she would go anyway.
She wasn't listened to when she said she was an artist. They told her she couldn't study art.
She wasn't listened to when she got married to him. He didn't really want to be married to her, and she didn't want to be married to him. They had made a person, so they felt they had to be together. But he didn't listen to her. And they didn't listen to her.
She didn't feel listened to when she got a divorce. She had begged him to get a divorce. He had said no. She finally told him that she was doing it, and then he made the process even longer, talking everything out to the finest detail. She believed that they would have a divorce where they were still friendly with each other. She hadn't gotten an attorney because he wouldn't pay for one. She had stayed at home for 12 years and had no money. He didn't want the divorce to begin with and he wasn't going to pay for two attorneys. She had talked with him. She felt everything had been worked out and he knew that she was going to stay in the boys' lives. They would both parent the boys. They had both talked with his attorney. The attorney knew that they would both parent the boys. The attorney told her that everything looked good and she and he seemed to communicate well with each other.
Then, as he hands her the pen, he tells her that he's not her attorney and he's not representing her and does she understand that. Yes, she thinks. That's okay, because we've talked this all through and everybody is on the level. Yes, this is okay, and it will be all right if I sign this without representation. I feel as if my concerns have been heard and listened to and he, the boys, and I will be taken care of. She signed.
And almost immediately, she is forced to see that she had been tricked and fooled by him and his attorney. He denied visitation to her, allowing her only 4 nights a month. He changed the locks on his house so that she could not come in and take care of the boys in the mutually-agreed upon place. He told the boys that she had abandoned them. He told her parents she had abandoned him and the boys. She had not been listened to by him. She had been duped. Legally duped.
She didn't feel listened to when she tried to talk to him about how this wasn't the agreement they had worked so meticulously on. He changed the locks on his door and refused to let her or their children in the house, even though that was part of the arrangement. He said that he wouldn't let her in his house. He needed his space. He said that he wouldn't let the children stay with her. She only had a one bedroom apartment. She told him this wasn't the arrangement. He didn't listen. She found a three bedroom house and bought it. He said that he wouldn't let her see the boys. It wasn't that he wasn't listening anymore. He was injuring. He was actively hurting. And even though he was trying to hurt her, the boys were being hurt in the process. Being lied to and being told that they couldn't spend time with their mother like they wanted. She tried to tell him that he was hurting the boys. He wouldn't listen.
She continued to try to talk with him, but he wouldn't listen. Refused to talk and refused to listen. When she did talk, he said that she was creating a hostile environment. He wouldn't listen, and she had tried to talk with him, but he continued to hurt her and the boys by refusing to hear anything they said. Again, she wasn't heard.
She had to take him to court, where the court said that he had to give her more visitation time than 8 days a month that he had changed at the last minute, right before the trial. That wasn't the arrangement he had signed and the court forced the visitation to a week for each parent. The court said that the tax credits for the children should be shared once she was working, which was difficult for a non-college educated, ex-full-time-mother who hadn't been in the job market since 1994, and never at a job that she relied on to sustain her financially. Employers want people with experience, or an education, or marketable skills. She couldn't offer them anything they were looking for, and the economy was slowly getting harder for people looking for work. But the court said that, once she was working, she would get a tax credit and she and he would have to work it out. He said that, since she was taking care of the children after school, even during his week, he should have some more time given to him. The court gave him an overnight visit because she was caring for the children after school while he was at work. She was his babysitter. The court said that he and she would have to change that agreement when that arrangement changed.
She found work at Starbucks and couldn't take care of the boys after school during his time. And he didn't listen to her when she said that she would like to change the schedule like he had agreed to do while in court. He said that she would have to take it to court, that he was unwilling to make a decision that big without the court saying it was okay. He was saying that he would not listen to her. If she wanted to be heard, she would have to take legal action.
She didn't feel listened to when she tried to talk to her mother. Her mother had already started spending time with him. Giving him gifts. Acting like he was a long-time friend. He and her mother had not liked each other during the marriage, and now that they were divorced, mother seemed to choose him over her. And her mother was accusing her of not listening to him. Of being confrontational. She hadn't been heard, and then she had been accused of something she hadn't done.
She didn't feel listened to when she tried to get her name in the boys' school directories. She didn't feel listened to when she put her youngest on a waiting list for guitar lessons, and then he and her mother signed him up with somebody they knew. She hadn't been asked or informed of the decision. It had just been made without her knowledge.
She hadn't felt listened to when she asked that he tell her about issues dealing with the boys. She didn't feel listened to because her eldest threatened suicide while with him, and he didn't tell her. Her eldest fell and hit his head, and he didn't tell her. Her youngest was bitten by a dog, and he didn't tell her. Her youngest was put on prescription medication, and he didn't tell her. Her youngest was signed up for football, and he didn't tell her. Her eldest wasn't doing his homework while at his house, and he didn't tell her. Her eldest had a traumatic experience while on vacation with him, and he didn't tell her. He said that he would discuss their allowance situation, not only with her, but with the boys as well. He didn't tell anyone. And she mentioned all of this to him, and he didn't listen.
She watched as her eldest got up the nerve to tell him how he was feeling-- that he wanted to spend more of his time with her. He didn't listen to his eldest. He told his eldest that his mother was brainwashing him into thinking that way.
She didn't feel listened to when she talked with the eldest, his therapist and him regarding the fact that homework wasn't getting done while the eldest was with him. The therapist stated that the homework situation should look at both houses like it does when the eldest is with her. He didn't listen. Her mother didn't listen. None of the acquaintances she had while she was married listened. They all befriended him and seemed to think he was a great guy. They all seemed to turn their backs on her.
Her father didn't listen. Her father asked her what kind of mother abandons her children. Had he not seen that she had gone to court to get those kids from their father who was preventing them from seeing their mother? Why had he not asked her about it? Why had he not said anything to her? Why was he acting like she was not to be listened to, trusted? When he found out that she had been awarded a full week with the boys, why hadn't he realized that had not abandoned her children? Why didn't he say anything about the verdict to her? Why didn't he say he was sorry? Why did her father continue to listen and befriend him: the ex-husband, who was actively hurting her and her boys? Why didn't he listen to her at all? She didn't know why he wouldn't listen to her. And then he died.
Her first lawyer listened. Lawyer, quite easily, got the court to see that she was a good mother and was entitled to more than the father was allowing. That they boys were allowed to more than the father was allowing. But that first lawyer wasn't available when she decided to go back to court because her eldest said that he wanted to live with her most of the time and that his father wasn't listening. She hired a new lawyer. And new lawyer didn't listen, even though that is her job. New lawyer actually told her that she needed to start paying child support to him. Child support that he hadn't asked for and child support that he wasn't entitled to any place in the previous decisions. Child support that he refused when she tried to pay him. New lawyer seemed to take his side almost immediately. Almost before she had said anything, she was feeling like she was not being listened to. Almost before she had said anything, she was feeling like he was being listened to. Again.
New lawyer suggested hiring a lawyer for the boys. A guardian ad litem. This guardian was supposed to work for the boys. This guardian was supposed to listen to them and help make their lives better. Help them feel listened to. Yesterday, this guardian ad litem wrote a report saying that the father hadn't done anything but make decisions in the boys' best interest and custody should not change, visitation times should not change for the eldest except to give him that extra day that was taken from him because his mother used to take care of him after school. That guardian, working for the boys, seemed to listen to him, just like everybody else seems to. Not only that, but in her report, it was quite obvious that she had misrepresented her position. This guardian had not listened to her at all.
She was now paying people to listen to her, and they were listening to him.

It was like being punched in the gut over and over again, and just when your body thinks it's going to be allowed to breathe in the breath that had been knocked out, you get punched again. It's almost too much to withstand. And she had been doing this since 2007.

But she hadn't been heard since birth.

Right now, she's trying to catch her breath. Life continues to move forward, even when you're on the ground grasping your gut trying to breathe. And she's trying to find an answer as to why people haven't listened to her. Ever. She's fighting feeling crazy: feeling like she must not be worth listening to since no one ever has. Her mother, her father, her ex-husband, her ex-husband's attorney, her past friends and family, her boys' lawyer and her own lawyer all seemed to be on one side, not listening to her, actively telling her that she was doing things wrong. And she's trying to figure out why they must be right. She felt like she was doing the best she could, and yet so many people told her she was doing it wrong. And they're not dumb people, so they must know something that she doesn't know. So many people not only told her she was doing it wrong, they made up things about her. They believed lies. How do you fight that many people? Right now, she's trying to figure that out. And right now, she's trying to figure out if she will ever say anything again.