Weird Head Conversation

i was just involved in a weird conversation in my head.  some jerkwater came up to me and said, "why are you with your wife?  you could have sex with anyone, so that's not it.  and there are lots of beautiful people, so that's not it.  what is it that she gives you that nobody else does?"

and then i started talking, kinda matter-of-fact-ly.

i like her.  she's my friend.  we fit together.  why does one person become your friend and another person doesn't?  i guess there's some kind of mutual insanity between you two where you both like each other enough to put up with the other person's crap.  everybody's got crap, and everybody's got whatever the opposite of crap is, and i guess my wife and i have good opposite of crap together.  we have fun.  i trust her.  i feel good when i'm with her and i don't really want to be anywhere except where she is.  i guess i don't really know why i'm with my wife other than to say i want to be.  how do you know you want chocolate ice cream rather than strawberry?  there's no reason other than you just want chocolate.  and i guess the trick is finding somebody you're pretty sure you're gonna want always.  if i had to pick one kind of ice cream for the rest of my life, i'd pick my wife.  except you don't have to, if you do it right.  there are lots of ice creams, lot of different chocolates, maybe even a lot of different flavors of strawberry.  but there's only one my wife.  i don't have to pick just one flavor.  i just gotta pick one wife.  and there are only a few select things that you share with your wife that you don't share with anyone else, and a few of those things you said i couldn't use as reasons for being with my wife.  yeah, i could have sex with anyone, but i don't want to.  and yeah, there are lots of beautiful people in the world, but i like my beautiful wife most.  it might be easier for me to know that i really want her because i went without her for so long.  sorta like if you sold all your childhood toys in a garage sale.  if you don't think about any of them, you probably did the right thing to sell them all.  if you think about one of them a lot but you're okay with being without it, you still probably made the right choice.  if somebody came into your home while you were having that garage sale and stole your favorite girlfriend, and then you discovered she was stolen from you and then for 17 years you pined and searched for her and never stopped thinking about her it might be easier to tell if she's your favorite or not.  hell, there have been some girlfriend's i've had that i couldn't stand to be in the same room with for more than 5 minutes.  she left for 17 years and i didn't want to be without her at any time during that time.  now she's back.  i don't want to be anywhere she's not.  for whatever that's worth.  i think the short, most honest answer is that i want to be with her.  and i hope she wants to be with me, too.  and if she doesn't, i'll be really sad.  and i'll be really happy that i had this time with her.  and i don't even want to think about that if i don't have to.  cuz i'm with her now.  and it's good for me.  and that's why i'm with her.

and then that jerkwater goes away on the subway.  and i'm happy that i live in a place with a subway.