short lived

well, i was feeling good about buying the birthday gift.  then i told my wife about it, and she seemed happy as long as we could afford it.  i hadn't spent very much money at all, which she didn't know, but i hadn't run it by her, either.  and that led us to a short talk about money, where child support came up.  her plan as she just presented to me is to allocate about 50% of her monthly paychecks for child support, and that sends me right over the edge again.  her paychecks are used, primarily, for feeding our family, while my paychecks go towards everything else.  i guess i've been super upset recently because of that child support nonsense, coupled with my inability to get a promotion at work to compensate for this new, large monthly expense that will continue for at least 4 more years.  yet again, seems fantastically unbalanced with no help or relief in sight.  one more pressure that can't be gotten rid of.  makes me want to never spend any money for anything ever again, eat nothing but saltines until i die of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke, and then have my corpse dumped into the beggar's river where they dump poor bodies that have died and can't afford nice burial places with real dirt.  betcha when he was paying child support he wasn't spending 50% of his paychecks.  fucking cunts.