Full Scuba Gear and a Mac Truck

From what I can tell, our security team is here in the building for a limited number of reasons:
1. to sleep
2. to wave at us when we're coming into or going out of the building, if they aren't sleeping or flirting
3. to tell us when it's raining so we can roll up our windows

I sure am glad they're wearing guns for their jobs.  Guns are needed for sleeping, waving, flirting, and making announcements about rain and windows.

In the spirit of Useless Tools, I wonder if The Government will issue me full scuba gear and a Mac truck.  You know, as tools for my job.  When asked why my job would require full scuba gear and a Mac truck, I will tell them that I am in as dire need of full scuba gear and a Mac truck as our security officers are in need of their guns.  Then I will time how long it takes for the smoke to stop rising out of The Government's ears.