My Morning "Coffee"

I don't like coffee. So I drink soda in the morning.
Every morning I get a soda at 7-11. It is the same 7-11 every day.
Buying a soda in this fashion is the most inexpensive way for me to enjoy one soda every day. I get a "refill" every day, as this is even cheaper.
I wear the same black jacket every day. My appearance from day to day varies only slightly.

Then there is the Curly Haired Fuck.

Curly Haired Fuck is the cashier at the 7-11 where I go every morning. He checks me out every morning. And every morning, he tries to charge me for a brand new soda, and I have to tell him no, this is a refill. Every. Day.

I have gotten mildly pissed at Curly Haired Fuck, hence his name. I feel like he should be able to remember me. He should be able to remember that I get the same thing every day. I am a constant. And yes, I realize that there are lots of people who come through there. But it's not like I'm new. I've been doing this for several months-- like 5 or more. There's one dude who works there a couple of days a week, at most, and HE knows that I get a refill. He charges me the correct amount of money without a reminder, and he's there a fraction of the time the Curly Haired Fuck is. Why doesn't Curly Haired Fuck pay attention?? Why am I saddled with this idiot every morning?? Why am I so forgettable?? Why am I so pathetic?? And if I'm so pathetic, shouldn't I get my refill discount even more??? These are my morning thoughts. My daily morning thoughts.

I have made a tentative truce with myself. I cannot change anyone but myself. Curly Haired Fuck is going to be Curly Haired Fuck and I will continue to have my pathetic mornings. And I have made it this way. I continue to go back, even though there are other 7-11s in the world. I don't have to go to that one. Yes, it's the most convenient, but there are many others. In fact, EVERY OTHER 7-11 has given me a positive feeling, where the cashiers remember me. ALL THE OTHER 7-11s I'VE BEEN TO! But *I* continue to go to the one where I feel pathetic. Where my negative thoughts are reinforced. I'm doing this. I'm to blame. And if I want it different, I have the power to change it. But I don't. And I suppose I don't because I feel it's a small price to pay for convenience. Even though, now that I'm putting my thoughts down here, it's really not such a small price. I've called another human a fuck because he doesn't live the way I want him to. I don't like that. And I don't like that about me. I want to see the good in people, and this isn't good. It's not good for me, and it's not good for the Curly Haired Fuck. I need to change.

Anyway, this morning I went in to the 7-11 and I did the dance with Curly Haired Fuck again. Just like always.

Except today, after lowering the price when I reminded him it was a refill, he looked at me and smiled and jokingly said, "When am I going to get to charge you a new drink?" I looked at him, because this was different. He continued with a warm smile. "I always want to charge you for a new drink, and I always have to change it. I don't know why I always charge you for a new drink. But one of these days, I'm gonna be right and you'll get a new drink and I'll have charged you the right amount."

I was genuinely moved, and I still am not sure why. But a sincere smile burst onto my face and a laugh escaped. "Yeah," was all I could say as I fumbled for the pennies in my hand. As I did this, he chuckled and added, "Do you need a paper or some donuts today? Anything else?" I laughed with him. We both knew I wasn't going to buy anything else. He took my money, gave me my change, and looked me in the eye-- very important to me-- and warmly said, "Thank you. I'll see you soon."

I guess Curly Haired Fuck graduated to Curly Haired... nah...
Today, he graduated to The Dude at my 7-11.