The Death of Blockbuster Blues

Been on Effexor and Trazadone for 5 days now. 

Yesterday I thought I could feel the positive effects.  It was nice.

Today, I'm exhausted from too little sleep.  When I got to work this morning, something got me thinking about Blockbuster Video, so I looked them up and got really sad when I read about how they used to be huge and now they're not.  I think more than that I got sad that DVD ownership is going away, like VHS ownership before it.  I got sad about that, too.  I've loved owning movies since the 80's, and I've loved all the special features you could get on some VHS tapes, and even more DVDs.  I love movies, and I love hearing about the making of those movies.  And I think it saddens me to think that we're moving to digital copies of movies that won't have special features.  There won't be any boxes anymore.  I mourned my LPs when they died.  I owned CDs and cassette tapes for a long time, each one with a purpose: CDs were for my home, cassettes were for my car.  And cassettes were just what I was forced to go to when LPs died, so when they left, I didn't mourn them so much.  But when I sold all my CDs, realizing it was more practical for me to turn my music collection into a totally digital beast, I mourned my CDs.  So I suppose Blockbuster's death sounds the death of my DVD collection.  I entertain the idea of one day having a place people will come to in order to watch movies, new and old, and be entertained.  I have titles in my collection like "Schizopolis", "Ran" by Kurosawa, "Run, Lola, Run", "Run, Ronnie, Run", and a VHS copy of the American release of "The Big Blue".  These movies aren't common in America, and "The Big Blue" in it's American theatrical release format is no longer in print anywhere in the world.  I love having those things, not just for their rarity, but thinking about sharing them with others later in life, or even just watching them myself one day.  I love them.  I love movies.  Reading about the death of Blockbuster and DVDs made me really sad today.  And I haven't been able to get focused since.  My sadness seems to have snowballed and has now made it difficult for me to think about much else besides my sadness.  I feel like I missed a time when people were making film on film, and then making film on tape, and then making film on disc.  If I ever make a film, and I'd really like to, there will probably be no physical proof of my labors.  Maybe a poster, or a flier, but the actual movie will probably only exist as a collection of ones and zeroes being processed by some really fast machine that wouldn't know what to do with a 35mm piece of film, or tape, or even a disc.  I'm really sad, and I want to go home and go to bed.  And, of course, I feel stupid about feeling sad.  "People in China are starving."  Or as one of the sisters in my high school used to say, "people in hell want ice water."  Jeez, that's a fun thing to go around telling high school kids in a Catholic school.  Whatever.  I wish Bruce Lee would take me out for a sandwich.  I'll be he could make me feel better.  And kick my ass.