taking time off

the work at my job keeps coming

i am assigned cases to work
i get 16 cases a week
4 each day for 4 days
these cases come if i'm here
these cases come if i'm not here

on weeks like this one, where we are given two days off during the middle of the week
the cases don't come for two days
it didn't used to be this way
it used to be that the cases would come no matter what

"we only want the work to get done"
i'm sick
"we only want the work to get done"
family emergency
"we only want the work to get done"
death
"we only want the work to get done"
flat tire, food poisoning, ill child, concussion...
"we only want the work to get done"

my wife wants me to take time off
feel rested
relaxed
i try to tell her that i'm trapped
i don't know how to tell her in a way that she will understand
maybe she won't understand
if i take time off, i have more work to do when i get back
and then i'm behind
and i will never, ever be caught up

i get a day's worth of work if i'm there
i get a day's worth of work if i'm not there
when i return from not being there, i will have that day's worth of work
plus the day's worth of work that didn't get done when i wasn't there
i am behind
and i will never be caught up

and since their mantra is
"we only want the work to get done"
being behind means the work isn't getting done
so now i'm subjected to talks
and talks about how i'm no good
i'm not performing up to standards
i'm behind and what is my plan for getting caught up

i hate those questions
they're not real questions
they're punishments
admonishments wrapped with a question mark
they're tests to see if you know how bad you are
how behind you are
how stupid and useless and devoid of content or relevance you are

what is your plan for getting caught up

i don't fucking know
work
that's my plan
i'm going to work

well... that's not good enough
what's your plan for getting caught up

well... since my first plan wasn't good enough,
i suppose my next plan to get caught up is
fucking quit
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you