I can't rage enough

We lost in court.

Ex-husband's child support for the oldest child ceases. 

Mother's child support to the ex-husband continues.

Payments from ex-husband to ex-wife were approximately $400 a month.

Payments from ex-wife to ex-husband will be approximately $200 a month.

Ex-husband makes over 4x what the ex-wife makes.

We are dealing with child support in the first place because of our most recent attorney, who said that it was important to calculate this.  We aggreed because we thought it would make the fighting stop.  It didn't.  And now, looking back on it, we received less than a year of child support and no tax break for the oldest child.  And we will be paying over 5 years of child support to the father. 

I can't rage hard enough to get all of this out of me.  I can't fucking take it anymore.  It's too, too, too, too much.  I can't fucking rage hard enough.

My mother is broke because of this.
I am broke because of this.
I continue to support the oldest child and my wife, and this won't change.
So I'm paying the bill for this.
I'm getting hugely fucked.
No hope.
No way out.
Nothing.
Just gotta keep my head down for the next five years and work as much overtime as I can.
Because I'm all alone with this tab.
No Christmas.
No birthdays.
No anniversary trips.