I Hope I'll Get To See You Sometimes

Imagine that your 12-year-old is the kind of person who doesn't want to rock the boat.  He's the kind of boy who wants everything to be smooth sailing.  Heck, who doesn't, right?  But he will almost go out of his way to make sure nobody is upset with him.

Imagine that your ex-husband is abusive and everybody is always guilty, according to him.  And he wants to hurt you as much and as often as he can, because you divorced him.  You didn't allow him to control you.  So he's made it his life-goal to punish you every chance he gets.

Imagine that you try to make your 12-year-old comfortable and happy as much as you're able.  You tell him that you want him to tell you what he wants, even if it hurts your feelings.  You want him to express himself.



These three things concoct the perfect storm for the abusive ex-husband to steal the 12-year-old from you, possibly forever.  The 12-year-old wants everything to go smoothly.  When he's with you, it's all smooth, no matter what.  When he's with dad, it's only smooth if he's doing what dad says.  And, ultimately, it's not smooth with you if your 12-year-old does what you say and the dad finds out.  Because then you're going against dad, because siding with mom is siding against dad.  And the 12-year-old just wants everything to be smooth.  If he doesn't go against dad, it's all smooth.  So the answer then becomes Don't Go Against Dad. 

So when dad signs up the 12-year-old for Christian Brainwashing Camp, he Doesn't Go Against Dad.  And when dad signs him up for football camps, and football intensives, and football footballs, he Doesn't Go Against Dad.  And you get cut out.  And you don't get to help raise your own child anymore.  And it's very possible, that even though the court order says the visitation remains the same unless dad schedules something for the 12-year-old to do, dad will make sure that the 12-year-old has something to do every week he's supposed to be with his mother.  Not only possible, but probable. 

And there's nothing that can be done about it.

So, the moral of the story is: if you want to hurt and bully somebody, nothing can stop you.
Like terrorism.