troubling behavior

in february, he told the court he was dating one person.
six month later he got married to somebody else.  the boys didn't really know her.
she doesn't live with him.
she doesn't live in the same city.
she lives about 2 hours away.
and has since they got married, which was 6 months ago now.
the only time they stay together overnight is when our youngest is with his father.  and even then, it's only on the weekends.

our youngest used to talk about how they talked about how they were going to sell her home, and then they would sell their home, and then they would move into another home together.  i didn't believe this at the time.  but our youngest says that he's seen the "for sale" sign in her yard.  and why would they need to sell her house before they moved in together?  i could understand how they might need to sell her house before they bought another house, especially with Father being obsessed with money (neither of our boys are allowed to take their money anywhere they go.  they don't even get their money.  he tells them how much they have, and then they can spend it with him, or not at all.  they are not allowed to have their money at their mother's house.  our eldest cannot get his personal belongings out of his father's house because Father refuses to let go of them.  these behaviors lead me to believe he's obsessed with money, and he certainly wouldn't buy a house on his own when somebody else could buy it for him).

she has a large house now. 

does she have money?  who bought her house?  why did they get married so quickly, but they seem to refuse to live together?  did he marry her for her money?  what does she get out of their marriage?  is it a business arrangement?  is there something shady going on?  and if there wasn't something shady going on, what are any possible answers for these questions?

and since they have been married, she has gotten involved in the court case.
she has tried to involve herself in boys that she barely sees.
in experiences she never sees and only gets reports on from a known liar.
she exacerbates situations.

and i believe she is funding this attack on us and the boys.  if not completely, then to some degree.
and i find myself continually shocked at the degree to which he will go to continue attacking all of us.

last night, all four of us were enjoying a movie together.  in the middle of it, my wife gets a text.  it's Him.  the text tells her that he wants our youngest to call him.  when the movie is done, our youngest goes to get his phone, and is overwhelmed with the amount of texts and calls from Him.  he verbalizes discomfort and frustration about this.  but he calls Him, at which point our youngest is audibly berated for not having responded to texts and phone calls.  "I'm not the one acting weird," says our youngest.  but this just makes the berating continue harder.  our youngest then leaves the room, goes into his room and shuts the door, because he's been instructed to do so by Him.  at which point, He continues to berate our youngest.

this is not normal behavior.  this is not acceptable behavior.  this is not okay.
but what can we do about it?

i understand a little better why he would keep her at a distance: if she saw this behavior, there is a great possibility that she would understand how mentally unbalanced he is and she would no longer support his attack on us, probably leave him.  he would not have control if someone were to see his actual world.  as long has he can tell stories and lies, he is able to control his world.  he can tell her whatever he wants, and she will believe him.  he can take his youngest out of the room with us and put him in a separate room where he can berate him, which gives him control over the stories he tells everyone.  he can tell our youngest one thing.  he can tell us something else.  he can tell his lawyer something different.  it's pathological.  and, in my opinion, dangerous.

all we have to do is make it until we actually get to court.  right?

we stayed out of court on purpose when he abandoned our eldest.  we did it because, although it was terribly unfortunate and abusive and we were giving up moneys that would be legally due to us, it was not worth the stress of going back to court and fighting his crazy again.  but he pulled us back in.  and he did it with a flourish of crazy.

my wife and i were talking about friends recently, and how friends seem to leave us.  and we don't really blame them.  nobody really wants to be caught up in this drama.  WE don't want to be caught up in the drama.  why would we expect anyone else to voluntarily submit to this?  the friends she thought she had left her, which was really hurtful and sad.  and we still don't really know why.  i had just moved away from my friends, so i was starting over at the beginning, too.  my wife said that times like what we've been going through for the last 5 years are times when you need your friends to stand by you.  it's not a time for creating friends.  and we've tried to create friends.  with no success. 

at the end of last year, my eldest said that it would help him if i was home more.  after talking with my wife about our money situation, i decided i would stop teaching then, because i would be getting a promotion at the beginning of the year.  my supervisor had all but told me i was getting the promotion.
then the fiscal cliff negotiations raised FICA tax rates 2% on wage earners.
then i didn't get my promotion.
and i wasn't allowed to work overtime.
and i could see that my presence at home was helping both my boys and my wife.  and me.
and then court happens.
and our youngest gets sick.
and we pay for it.
and our eldest goes to the dentist.
and we pay for it.
and it seems like the best way to attack us is through our very limited financial rescources.
and tax time is coming up.

oh boy.

...trust your lawyer...
...trust yourself...
it's difficult.
it's really difficult.


it's all just troubling. 
and it would be nice to get out of trouble.