This Is What Love Is

Last night, as we were trying to forget everything that had happened in our day, I told my wife that I thought marriage should be outlawed. She laughed, knowing what I meant, and I was glad that she knew what I meant. We then went on to say "this is what love is" in reference to the two of us.

Today, I'm still thinking about that.

This Is What Love Is.

And as I sit here and think about it, I wanted to come up with a way to make Love clear to everyone else who hasn't found it. Here's some stuff that I came up with.

Love is when there are No Voices Pestering You. I've dated people in the past where voices were pestering me about how I didn't love the person I was with. "You're only with her because you're lonely," they would quietly say. And they would be quiet, because it was nice having sex and feeling like somebody wanted to be with me naked and liked me, or maybe they were nice to look at or maybe it was nice not being alone. But I knew that I wasn't in love with them. "You're only with her because she's Asian." And I would know that was right, but I kept going in the relationships. But with my wife, there are no voices telling me that I'm only with her because of something. Probably because the voice would say something like, "You're only with her because she's Her." And then I would nod in agreement, and then snuggle into her.

Love is when the Scale Of What I Get Is Heavier Than What I Have To Put Up With. And this seems to be different with everyone. I once dated a very pretty woman who was a zealous Christian Republican who wouldn't consider that there was any other way than that. What I Got: a very pretty woman. What I Had To Put Up With: complete mindless idiocy. I asked her out because of what she looked like. When I found out the Christian Republican thing, I almost broke up with her then. Being attractive isn't enough to out-weigh being a closed-minded moron.

Love is when There's More Than A Pretty Face. I've dated most of the people I have because I was physically attracted to them. One of them I stayed with because I didn't want to be alone. But I never really Liked most of them beyond their Look. They looked nice. But they weren't nice. And that Nice Look faded after I had sex with them. Quickly faded. And once that faded, there wasn't a reason for me to be with them anymore. It was sorta like masturbating to the same picture again and again: you like it until you cum, and then you wait a week and find a different picture. But with my wife, her Nice Look never faded. Oh! I even know why her Nice Look never faded (it just came to me and I'm super excited to be putting it into words): because she's my best friend (so I groove hanging with her when we're not having sex), and she wasn't like masturbating to the same picture again and again (so I groove having sex with her) because we switch stuff up. Sometimes we're snugly, and sometimes we're rough, and sometimes we're weird. I don't know if I'm misremembering this, but I'm pretty sure there was a time when we couldn't stop farting while having sex, which made us laugh a lot, which made us fart more. That was awesome! Try getting that into your Penthouse beauties. But she's never like masturbating to the same picture again and again. She's definitely much, much more than a pretty face.

Love is Want. I think, most of all, I love my wife because I want to. There was always a time when I didn't want to be with one of my girlfriends. Probably because the Scale Of What I Got did not outweigh What I Had To Put Up With. My wife has two boys. They aren't biologically mine. They were made by a monster. One of the most evil, sick, fucked up, horrible people I've ever known. He makes her life miserable often. He makes my life miserable often. He makes our boys' lives miserable often. He makes my parents' lives miserable often. And I could cut him out of my life completely. All I have to do is divorce my wife. And there's no way I'm gonna do that. Apparently, I Want to be with her. I Want to love her. I Want to stay with her. It's sorta like asking a kid if he wants a cookie or a punch in the balls. It's not a difficult choice to make. My wife is the cookie. I Want her.

That's about it.

I gotta tell ya, when you go through really hard days that should send you to some kind of mental facility or make you call the police or drive you to buy a gun and shoot everyone in sight, it's really, really helpful and nice to have a best friend to lie next to at the end of the day and remember that you love each other, and even if everything falls apart in the next moment you will still love each other, and that makes you both smile and breathe a little deeper and easier.