Positive Thoughts Are Getting Harder To Sustain

There's this cat at my work who takes out my trash every morning. He's a really nice guy.

Today when he stopped by, we did our usual dance of "hello"s and "how are you"s and "it's Friday, so it's all good"s. And I decided to ask if he had to come in tomorrow. He said that he didn't have to, but he was going to. But he was happy that he only had to come in for a couple of hours.

His weekend is good for him because he only has to work two hours. And I get antsy if my two days gets interrupted by anything.

As he left my office and I was reflecting on our simple exchange, I thought about how crazy I've been going recently, working all the overtime that I have been, trying to save just a little so we can survive until we find another way to make ends meet. And my first thought was, "I sure am lucky that I don't have to work on Saturdays." And then I thought, "it's fucking sad as shit that I'm happy that I'm only having to work 50 hours a week-- 60 if you include commute time-- and not MORE than that! What kind of fucked-up situation have we found ourselves in where we have to work 50 hours at a government job to get by?! The American Dream is dead, if it ever existed, and hard work is what poor people do so that they don't die from starvation. Rather, they die from being overworked! This is bullshit!"

And it's getting harder and harder for me to see positives in all this deterioration. My silver lining is starting to get blocked out by all the reality around me.