Let's Play in the Swim Pool

I went swimming with my 9 year-old this evening, along with our neighbor friend. I watched the two of them as they splashed and enjoyed each other and the water, and I joined in on much of the fun.

Here's the part that I don't get, though. They would go off and play grab-ass, and everything would be fun and giggles and ha-ha's. Then, my 9 year-old would suddenly be pissed off at the friend. I knew this because he grabbed him and put him in a headlock, slamming his face underwater with an intense look that I hadn't seen before. What the hell is that about?

I think he's going through some daddy issues. Maybe some divorce issues. My wife and I just talked about it, and maybe there are some social growing pains tossed in there with a dash of body image issues. It would be really nice to blame it all on daddy. After all, daddy is a pretty horrible person. Some day I'll gather the strength to tell you about him. But I'm too tired now. It's 10:30 at night and I just finished a really long day at work followed by Little Caesar's and an hour and a half in the swimming pool. I'm ready to pass out in my own vomitus. But I think my 9 year-old suffers from more than just daddy. I think he's suffering from being a human. And sometimes it really sucks to be a human. You gotta wade through all the other jerk-offs telling you that you're fat and you don't listen to the right kind of music and your clothes aren't the latest fashions, then you watch movies that tell you to just be yourself and you're parents tell you "If everybody else jumped off a cliff, would you?" But your friends don't know, and your parents don't know, and the television commercials and movies and models certainly don't know about your situation. Because life doesn't come with instructions. You gotta figure it out. And as a parent, you gotta LET YOUR KIDS FIGURE IT OUT. Otherwise they're gonna listen to all the other nutjobs out there who have absolutely no clue about what they're talking about either. It's like driving with your eyes closed. **Time out. Incidentally, that's my new favorite saying-- "it's like driving with your eyes closed." I feel that it works in many different situations. I tried using it when I wrote a letter to the President recently, but it ended up on the cutting room floor. I'm gonna use it a lot in the future. And if you hear anyone else use it, it's because they're reading me. Time in.**

Point is, it sucks being a human sometimes, sharing your space with other humans who are equally sucked that they have to share their space with you. And it sucks that you can't fix everything for the people that you love. But then, you get to see your 9 year-old blowing bubbles into his swim suit and laughing because he has "bulgy pants", and if you're lucky, you forget about how much it sucks and you giggle at a 9 year-old saying "bulgy pants". Bulgy pants-- I dare you to keep a straight face.