Yesterday, my step-mother told me that the new Bruce Willis movie, Red, was "hilarious" and "really, really good".
I have not seen it, so all I know about it is that she liked it. So naturally, this movie has become the most miserable piece of shit on the planet.
If anyone has actually seen the movie Red with Bruce Willis and (I think) Morgan Freeman, would you mind letting me know what you thought of it. After all, it's not really fair to the movie that I'm making assumptions about it based on the horrible person who endorsed it. I'll bet Hitler loved E.T. Yeah, I know he was already dead when it came out, but come on-- everybody loved E.T.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Brother Texts-- It's A Bad Day
My brother and sister were born in Guatemala and were adopted by my (useless) father and (even more useless) step-mother and brought back to America almost 10 years ago. I am almost 30 older than my brother and sister, who are only different in age by one year.
Both my brother and sister received cell phones for Christmas this year.
Yesterday, my brother texted me to tell me that his mother (my step-mother) got mad and said that she hated both my brother and sister and was going away. Step-mother told my 11-year-old brother that he was going to be arrested.
Today, my brother texted me that he was almost finished drawing a book about a person being killed by murder and another person taking revenge. Then he told me that his mother was mean to him and he started crying so his father told him to shut up or he would get a 1-way plane ride to Guatemala.
I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that the people on our planet are so unkind and untrusting: our own parents show us how to express and show love with words of hate and acts of abuse.
Both my brother and sister received cell phones for Christmas this year.
Yesterday, my brother texted me to tell me that his mother (my step-mother) got mad and said that she hated both my brother and sister and was going away. Step-mother told my 11-year-old brother that he was going to be arrested.
Today, my brother texted me that he was almost finished drawing a book about a person being killed by murder and another person taking revenge. Then he told me that his mother was mean to him and he started crying so his father told him to shut up or he would get a 1-way plane ride to Guatemala.
I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that the people on our planet are so unkind and untrusting: our own parents show us how to express and show love with words of hate and acts of abuse.
Occupy Ship
There once was a large ship call The United States. This ship had many decks, and many people worked on the ship. When they all worked together, the ship ran well.
There were lots of different jobs on the ship. There were people who shoveled coal into the furnace to fuel the ship. There were people who navigated the waters to make sure the ship didn't hit anything like icebergs or penguins. And, of course, there was the Command Deck where all the decisions were made, called The Government. People could move around from one position to another position on the ship and see what they liked best. Some jobs paid better than other jobs. Some jobs were more fulfilling than others. Some people worked because they had to. Some people worked because they really enjoyed it. Some people worked to better themselves. Some people worked to better The United States ship.
As crew members of the ship, there were certain services that were needed to make sure they could all do their jobs effectively and live. All crew members were fed. All crew members were clothed. All crew members were given training. For these services, as well as others, each crew member had to pay a fee. Each service was paid for by the collection of fees from each crew member. Fees from all crew members were collected to form a more perfect union, provide for the common defense, and promote the general welfare. Sure, it was based on a kind of socialism, where the social good was taken care of by the members of that social group. And yes, it was based on a kind of communism, where the communal concerns were taken care of by the members of that community. But because those were bad words that the members of The United States ship didn't like, they called their system something different. And nobody was given health care, because health care provided by somebody who isn't dedicated to making sure your health is taken care of was widely believed to be the best way. And if anybody said anything different, they were called Socialists and Communists, because those were bad words.
Some of those in control of the treasury of the ship decided they didn't want to pay the fees of the ship. Actually, nobody really wanted to pay the fees. Everybody wanted to get something for nothing. But the people from The Treasury decided they would go to The Government and tell them that they could not pay fees like the rest of the ship, The Government would receive extra money from them. The Government said no, because this wouldn't be fair.
So the people from The Treasury decided to change jobs, and they switched from working in The Treasury to working in The Government... but they didn't really change. All they wanted to do was to make sure they didn't have to pay fees like the rest of the ship. And when they started to work in The Government, they found there were other ways they could make more money in other ways besides not paying fees. They found that the group of people who transported the coal from the loading dock to the fuel room were in a kind of Union, and this kind of Union had agreed that what they were getting paid was a fair wage, and the amount of time each day they were working was good and no children should be allowed to work this job. This was costing the Treasury Government money, because they could hire Filipino children to work for pennies a day, and a day could consist of 20 hours of work, whereas the Union said a day was 8 hours. So the Treasury Government let all the Union workers go and hired Filipino children to work for them. Then they cut the pay for those who were providing training for the crew of the United States ship so that the members of the crew would become dumb and not learn to think for themselves. And they continued to hire people from The Treasury to work in The Government so that new rules could be passed to make things better for The Treasury. And they made sure that people from The Treasury worked in the News Center, where the crew received it's news, so that the crew would be told that these changes, which really only benefited those from The Treasury, were best for The United States ship and the crew. And because the crew was not properly trained to think, they didn't question. And they didn't speak up. And the members of The Treasury continued to promote themselves on the backs of the rest of the crew.
While this was good for The Treasury, the rest of The United States ship suffered. Trainers weren't paid enough, were overloaded with too many people to train at one time, weren't given the right tools to train people. They were told what to train and how to train by members of The Treasury Government, many of whom were also members of the loud and crazy Chapel. Members of the crew couldn't find any work because The Treasury Government had brought in Filipino child labor and had slashed funding for jobs. And life on The United States Ship became increasingly unbearable for many of it's crew.
Many of those crew members took a look around and saw what was going on. The reality of the situation on The United States ship Occupied their minds, and they spoke up. "This isn't right," they said. And the members of The Treasury News said, "We don't know what they're saying." "This isn't right," said the Occupied Crew. And people from The Treasury Government said, "They don't know what they're talking about." "This isn't right!" screamed the Occupied Crew. And the members of The Treasury paid the Police to pepper spray anyone speaking up. The members of The Occupied Crew then shouted, "We're speaking for all of you! This isn't right!"
And many of the members of the crew didn't understand what was going on. Some of them didn't feel the weight that had been placed upon them by The Treasury. Some of them weren't as affected as others. Some of them knew what was going on, but didn't want to be pepper sprayed. Many of them hadn't been trained to think. Many of them didn't have the time or the patience to actually pay attention to what was going on around them. Besides, The (Treasury) News said that everything was okay, so everything must be okay. And for those members of the crew, they insisted that the members of The Occupied Crew weren't speaking for them. And they didn't want to be lumped into a group with people who were being pepper sprayed.
Then one guy stood up and said the following:
Your mouths are being closed by the forces around you. If you don't open them now, you won't be able to open them later. No one is forcing you to speak up, but please don't force the rest of us to shut up. We're speaking now so that you will have the ability to speak when you feel the weight of the repression being imposed upon you. We are fighting for you, even if you decide to remain asleep. I will continue to stand up and speak in all ways that I can even though you say that you don't agree with me. I am fighting for you to disagree with me, because if I don't fight now, you won't have a choice later.
There were lots of different jobs on the ship. There were people who shoveled coal into the furnace to fuel the ship. There were people who navigated the waters to make sure the ship didn't hit anything like icebergs or penguins. And, of course, there was the Command Deck where all the decisions were made, called The Government. People could move around from one position to another position on the ship and see what they liked best. Some jobs paid better than other jobs. Some jobs were more fulfilling than others. Some people worked because they had to. Some people worked because they really enjoyed it. Some people worked to better themselves. Some people worked to better The United States ship.
As crew members of the ship, there were certain services that were needed to make sure they could all do their jobs effectively and live. All crew members were fed. All crew members were clothed. All crew members were given training. For these services, as well as others, each crew member had to pay a fee. Each service was paid for by the collection of fees from each crew member. Fees from all crew members were collected to form a more perfect union, provide for the common defense, and promote the general welfare. Sure, it was based on a kind of socialism, where the social good was taken care of by the members of that social group. And yes, it was based on a kind of communism, where the communal concerns were taken care of by the members of that community. But because those were bad words that the members of The United States ship didn't like, they called their system something different. And nobody was given health care, because health care provided by somebody who isn't dedicated to making sure your health is taken care of was widely believed to be the best way. And if anybody said anything different, they were called Socialists and Communists, because those were bad words.
Some of those in control of the treasury of the ship decided they didn't want to pay the fees of the ship. Actually, nobody really wanted to pay the fees. Everybody wanted to get something for nothing. But the people from The Treasury decided they would go to The Government and tell them that they could not pay fees like the rest of the ship, The Government would receive extra money from them. The Government said no, because this wouldn't be fair.
So the people from The Treasury decided to change jobs, and they switched from working in The Treasury to working in The Government... but they didn't really change. All they wanted to do was to make sure they didn't have to pay fees like the rest of the ship. And when they started to work in The Government, they found there were other ways they could make more money in other ways besides not paying fees. They found that the group of people who transported the coal from the loading dock to the fuel room were in a kind of Union, and this kind of Union had agreed that what they were getting paid was a fair wage, and the amount of time each day they were working was good and no children should be allowed to work this job. This was costing the Treasury Government money, because they could hire Filipino children to work for pennies a day, and a day could consist of 20 hours of work, whereas the Union said a day was 8 hours. So the Treasury Government let all the Union workers go and hired Filipino children to work for them. Then they cut the pay for those who were providing training for the crew of the United States ship so that the members of the crew would become dumb and not learn to think for themselves. And they continued to hire people from The Treasury to work in The Government so that new rules could be passed to make things better for The Treasury. And they made sure that people from The Treasury worked in the News Center, where the crew received it's news, so that the crew would be told that these changes, which really only benefited those from The Treasury, were best for The United States ship and the crew. And because the crew was not properly trained to think, they didn't question. And they didn't speak up. And the members of The Treasury continued to promote themselves on the backs of the rest of the crew.
While this was good for The Treasury, the rest of The United States ship suffered. Trainers weren't paid enough, were overloaded with too many people to train at one time, weren't given the right tools to train people. They were told what to train and how to train by members of The Treasury Government, many of whom were also members of the loud and crazy Chapel. Members of the crew couldn't find any work because The Treasury Government had brought in Filipino child labor and had slashed funding for jobs. And life on The United States Ship became increasingly unbearable for many of it's crew.
Many of those crew members took a look around and saw what was going on. The reality of the situation on The United States ship Occupied their minds, and they spoke up. "This isn't right," they said. And the members of The Treasury News said, "We don't know what they're saying." "This isn't right," said the Occupied Crew. And people from The Treasury Government said, "They don't know what they're talking about." "This isn't right!" screamed the Occupied Crew. And the members of The Treasury paid the Police to pepper spray anyone speaking up. The members of The Occupied Crew then shouted, "We're speaking for all of you! This isn't right!"
And many of the members of the crew didn't understand what was going on. Some of them didn't feel the weight that had been placed upon them by The Treasury. Some of them weren't as affected as others. Some of them knew what was going on, but didn't want to be pepper sprayed. Many of them hadn't been trained to think. Many of them didn't have the time or the patience to actually pay attention to what was going on around them. Besides, The (Treasury) News said that everything was okay, so everything must be okay. And for those members of the crew, they insisted that the members of The Occupied Crew weren't speaking for them. And they didn't want to be lumped into a group with people who were being pepper sprayed.
Then one guy stood up and said the following:
Your mouths are being closed by the forces around you. If you don't open them now, you won't be able to open them later. No one is forcing you to speak up, but please don't force the rest of us to shut up. We're speaking now so that you will have the ability to speak when you feel the weight of the repression being imposed upon you. We are fighting for you, even if you decide to remain asleep. I will continue to stand up and speak in all ways that I can even though you say that you don't agree with me. I am fighting for you to disagree with me, because if I don't fight now, you won't have a choice later.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Shart=Shit That Comes Out When You Fart
Last night, some of my students asked me if I was the "dirty guy" when I was improvising. I told them that I could go dirty easily, but it wasn't always warranted.
It's like this. When you come to my house, I get to act the way I want to. Because you're in my house.
And yes, it's true that my penis is beautiful and monstrous.
But when I'm in your house, I wear pants out of respect, and I wait for the invitation to wave my cock around.
That's how I feel about improvising, too. When you're playing at somebody else's venue, be respectful. When you're at home, that's when you can take your pants off and shart on the couch.
You're welcome.
It's like this. When you come to my house, I get to act the way I want to. Because you're in my house.
And yes, it's true that my penis is beautiful and monstrous.
But when I'm in your house, I wear pants out of respect, and I wait for the invitation to wave my cock around.
That's how I feel about improvising, too. When you're playing at somebody else's venue, be respectful. When you're at home, that's when you can take your pants off and shart on the couch.
You're welcome.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
George Carlin, Jim Henson and My Grandfather
When my grandfather died, I missed him. However, I'm pretty sure that my father did not. My father and my grandfather had a strained relationship, at best. When my grandfather died, I'm pretty sure I was the only one who missed him.
I hardly think about him anymore. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, though, I wish that he hadn't been such a bigot and racist. I wish he hadn't been an asshole. I wish he had been different.
Jim Henson and George Carlin died and I mourned them. I still find myself wishing for more of both of those men. Sometimes I cry that they're not here.
I want to leave the planet a better place. When I go, I want to make sure that I leave it better than when I got here. I wanna do something good.
I want to be like strangers who have made my life more enjoyable. I don't want to be like some of my family members.
I hardly think about him anymore. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, though, I wish that he hadn't been such a bigot and racist. I wish he hadn't been an asshole. I wish he had been different.
Jim Henson and George Carlin died and I mourned them. I still find myself wishing for more of both of those men. Sometimes I cry that they're not here.
I want to leave the planet a better place. When I go, I want to make sure that I leave it better than when I got here. I wanna do something good.
I want to be like strangers who have made my life more enjoyable. I don't want to be like some of my family members.
Welcome New Readers!!
I would like to welcome all my new readers from Russia, Germany, India, Singapore and Canada. It's truly a pleasure to have you here!
I hope you're able to find some entertainment and information in my posts. If there's anything you would like to hear more about, please let me know and I'll see what I can do for you.
In the meantime, enjoy!!
Now, in Russian: В то же время, наслаждайтесь!!
Now, in German: In der Zwischenzeit genießen!!
Now, in Hindi: बीच में आनंद,!!
Now, in Malay: Dalam masa yang sama, menikmati!!
Now, in Canadian: In the meantime, enjoy, eh!! And Bring Me A LaBatt Blue!!
I hope you're able to find some entertainment and information in my posts. If there's anything you would like to hear more about, please let me know and I'll see what I can do for you.
In the meantime, enjoy!!
Now, in Russian: В то же время, наслаждайтесь!!
Now, in German: In der Zwischenzeit genießen!!
Now, in Hindi: बीच में आनंद,!!
Now, in Malay: Dalam masa yang sama, menikmati!!
Now, in Canadian: In the meantime, enjoy, eh!! And Bring Me A LaBatt Blue!!
You're Wrong, Now Don't Change
I've been writing reports at my job for almost two years now.
I just received a formal error (a mark that goes against my numbers that are used to determine if I should be promoted or not) for a report that I wrote. I wrote it exactly as I have for the past two years, but this time I was told that I was wrong.
I went to my supervisor and asked him about it. "I got a case returned to me for an error I made. I've been writing reports this way for 2 years. Am I doing it wrong?"
"No," he said, frustratedly rubbing his eyes, "you're doing it the way that I would do it. But it's not worth the fight, so just change it."
"I don't want to fight," I explained, "I just want to make sure I'm doing it right. So, in your opinion, should I change the way in which I'm writing these reports?"
"No," he said. "You're doing it right. It all just depends on who reviews your case. If you get one person reviewing it, they will tell you you're doing it right. Somebody else will charge you the error. Keep doing it the way you were doing it."
Here are the facts:
I was told to write reports a certain way.
I write the reports that way.
I get charged an error for writing them that way.
I am told that I will receive that error for writing reports the way I'm supposed to and I shouldn't change.
This feels monumentally incorrect.
This is, really, my first prolonged experience with working in government/corporate settings. In theatre and film, if you're doing something wrong, you're expected to change until you get it right. Then you're supposed to stay that way. If things change, somebody will let you know, and then you change. So I'm curious: how often does this kind of thing happen and in what contexts does it happen? Because this kind of behavior is, at the least, not healthy: You're wrong, but keep doing what you're doing.
I just received a formal error (a mark that goes against my numbers that are used to determine if I should be promoted or not) for a report that I wrote. I wrote it exactly as I have for the past two years, but this time I was told that I was wrong.
I went to my supervisor and asked him about it. "I got a case returned to me for an error I made. I've been writing reports this way for 2 years. Am I doing it wrong?"
"No," he said, frustratedly rubbing his eyes, "you're doing it the way that I would do it. But it's not worth the fight, so just change it."
"I don't want to fight," I explained, "I just want to make sure I'm doing it right. So, in your opinion, should I change the way in which I'm writing these reports?"
"No," he said. "You're doing it right. It all just depends on who reviews your case. If you get one person reviewing it, they will tell you you're doing it right. Somebody else will charge you the error. Keep doing it the way you were doing it."
Here are the facts:
I was told to write reports a certain way.
I write the reports that way.
I get charged an error for writing them that way.
I am told that I will receive that error for writing reports the way I'm supposed to and I shouldn't change.
This feels monumentally incorrect.
This is, really, my first prolonged experience with working in government/corporate settings. In theatre and film, if you're doing something wrong, you're expected to change until you get it right. Then you're supposed to stay that way. If things change, somebody will let you know, and then you change. So I'm curious: how often does this kind of thing happen and in what contexts does it happen? Because this kind of behavior is, at the least, not healthy: You're wrong, but keep doing what you're doing.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
T-shirt Life
when i was in school
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to college
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to New York
i got a t-shirt
i wore it without thinking
it was comfy
i had a job
got a t-shirt
another job
another t-shirt
another place
another t-shirt
marked my time
and who liked me enough
to get me a t-shirt
my mother saved my school t-shirts
gave them back recently
lots of memories
almost as small as the t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my college t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my job t-shirts
but i know they're not here anymore
where they once were
comfy
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to college
i got a t-shirt
i wore it
without thinking
it was comfy
when i went to New York
i got a t-shirt
i wore it without thinking
it was comfy
i had a job
got a t-shirt
another job
another t-shirt
another place
another t-shirt
marked my time
and who liked me enough
to get me a t-shirt
my mother saved my school t-shirts
gave them back recently
lots of memories
almost as small as the t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my college t-shirts
i don't remember
throwing away my job t-shirts
but i know they're not here anymore
where they once were
comfy
Down Rodeo by Rage Against The Machine
I've got this song playing in my ears now, and I like it enough to put some lyrics up here that I'm really drawn to right now. Well... I've enjoyed these lyrics ever since I first heard the song. One day, I hope to write something as strong as this. Maybe I already have. I dunno. I like it.
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So make a move and plead the fifth 'cause ya can't plead the first
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So make a move and plead the fifth 'cause ya can't plead the first
Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one
After-Smell
Sometimes you go out to get food or you bring home food or you cook food, and then the next morning, you get this after-smell that is reminiscent of the food, but not quite the food.
Usually, this smell is unpleasant. Like moldy scrotum. Not cool.
Last night, my family enjoyed Whataburger. It was, in all honesty, delicious. One of the best meals we've all had in a long time. Nothing special, just really tasty burgers. Personally, I enjoyed the double meat burger with cheese and jalapenos. Simply delightful.
This morning I arose to an after-smell.
It was, in all honesty, wonderful. Gentle scents of lightly cooked and salted fries, burger bouquets and memories of a mouthful of pleasantries.
It was a great way to go to bed. It was a great way to go to work.
Usually, this smell is unpleasant. Like moldy scrotum. Not cool.
Last night, my family enjoyed Whataburger. It was, in all honesty, delicious. One of the best meals we've all had in a long time. Nothing special, just really tasty burgers. Personally, I enjoyed the double meat burger with cheese and jalapenos. Simply delightful.
This morning I arose to an after-smell.
It was, in all honesty, wonderful. Gentle scents of lightly cooked and salted fries, burger bouquets and memories of a mouthful of pleasantries.
It was a great way to go to bed. It was a great way to go to work.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Democrats vs. Rebuplicans
The most fundamental difference between Democrats and Republicans-- between liberals and conservatives, for that matter-- is this:
Conservatives say "There is only one answer."
Liberals say "There are many answers."
Period.
Conservatives say "There is only one answer."
Liberals say "There are many answers."
Period.
I Looked At The World
i looked at the world
"i see God here in all this beauty around me."
then they built binoculars for me to see the tree was made of bark
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw bark
i looked at the sky
"i see God in the infinite of space"
then they built a telescope for me to see planets and suns and other galaxies
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw Saturn
i looked in myself
"i see God inside of everyone"
then they built x-ray machines to show me how my heart works
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw cholesterol plaque
it seems that God is only in the places i can't see
when i look, He's not there
i don't know why beauty is God
and God only exists where my knowledge ends
when i saw the world around me,
when i saw space,
when i saw my heart,
they all stayed the same as they always were
i was the one who changed
i could see clearly for the first time
and when i see clearly, God leaves
can the world stay beautiful
can space stay magnificent
can i stay mysterious
even when i see God isn't there?
if God leaves
does my goodness leave, too?
if God leaves
does the beauty of life leave, too?
can i make peace with not existing one day?
can i make peace with not knowing where i will go?
can i make peace with not having the answers?
can i not be frightened?
i am frightened now
or should i close my eyes again just to see God
just to feel safe
just to try to change back
back to a time when i didn't know
God wasn't there
and He was protecting me
and i was taken care of
and i wasn't alone
"i see God here in all this beauty around me."
then they built binoculars for me to see the tree was made of bark
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw bark
i looked at the sky
"i see God in the infinite of space"
then they built a telescope for me to see planets and suns and other galaxies
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw Saturn
i looked in myself
"i see God inside of everyone"
then they built x-ray machines to show me how my heart works
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw cholesterol plaque
it seems that God is only in the places i can't see
when i look, He's not there
i don't know why beauty is God
and God only exists where my knowledge ends
when i saw the world around me,
when i saw space,
when i saw my heart,
they all stayed the same as they always were
i was the one who changed
i could see clearly for the first time
and when i see clearly, God leaves
can the world stay beautiful
can space stay magnificent
can i stay mysterious
even when i see God isn't there?
if God leaves
does my goodness leave, too?
if God leaves
does the beauty of life leave, too?
can i make peace with not existing one day?
can i make peace with not knowing where i will go?
can i make peace with not having the answers?
can i not be frightened?
i am frightened now
or should i close my eyes again just to see God
just to feel safe
just to try to change back
back to a time when i didn't know
God wasn't there
and He was protecting me
and i was taken care of
and i wasn't alone
Listen
A couple brings their 7-year-old son to the doctor.
"Our boy is sexually deviant, poops himself, and doesn't do anything we tell him to."
The doctor gives the child a diagnosis of Mood Disorder, ADHD and prescribes medications.
The parents apply for disability for their child and are approved.
They receive taxpayer money.
Their son doesn't learn how to care for himself.
Another couple talks to their 7-year-old son.
"We know you're at an age where it's important for you to know about sex."
And then they talk with their child about sex and all he needs to know.
And it's a considerate, thoughtful, respectful talk where the boy learns and doesn't feel judged.
And he actually learns how to take care of himself and not be scared or frightened.
And in this talk, the child admits there is a bully at school.
And the parents talk with the teachers at the school.
And the bullying issue is resolved.
And the boy stops pooping himself.
Start listening to the people who need to be listened to.
Listen to what isn't being said.
The parents say, "Our kid is a fuck-up."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
It'll be easy to tell if he's a fuck-up or not.
The doctor says, "The kid has a diagnosis."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
Listen to what isn't said.
The advertisement says something. It wants your money.
The cop says something. He is terrified of not being out of control. He is terrified.
The court says something. They want to appear to know the answers.
The attorney, the ex-husband, the mother say something. They want to hurt you.
A man beats his wife.
As he does so, he yells at her,
"I love you!"
She takes him to court.
"Isn't it true that your husband tells you he loves you on a daily basis?"
She answers yes, it's true.
What isn't said is that he's beating her.
LISTEN.
REALLY LISTEN.
And put the story together yourself.
"Our boy is sexually deviant, poops himself, and doesn't do anything we tell him to."
The doctor gives the child a diagnosis of Mood Disorder, ADHD and prescribes medications.
The parents apply for disability for their child and are approved.
They receive taxpayer money.
Their son doesn't learn how to care for himself.
Another couple talks to their 7-year-old son.
"We know you're at an age where it's important for you to know about sex."
And then they talk with their child about sex and all he needs to know.
And it's a considerate, thoughtful, respectful talk where the boy learns and doesn't feel judged.
And he actually learns how to take care of himself and not be scared or frightened.
And in this talk, the child admits there is a bully at school.
And the parents talk with the teachers at the school.
And the bullying issue is resolved.
And the boy stops pooping himself.
Start listening to the people who need to be listened to.
Listen to what isn't being said.
The parents say, "Our kid is a fuck-up."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
It'll be easy to tell if he's a fuck-up or not.
The doctor says, "The kid has a diagnosis."
Now ask for the kid's side.
And listen.
Listen to what isn't said.
The advertisement says something. It wants your money.
The cop says something. He is terrified of not being out of control. He is terrified.
The court says something. They want to appear to know the answers.
The attorney, the ex-husband, the mother say something. They want to hurt you.
A man beats his wife.
As he does so, he yells at her,
"I love you!"
She takes him to court.
"Isn't it true that your husband tells you he loves you on a daily basis?"
She answers yes, it's true.
What isn't said is that he's beating her.
LISTEN.
REALLY LISTEN.
And put the story together yourself.
Monday, December 12, 2011
you can stay
something's wrong
i can see it in you
face to the ground
weighted down
enveloped by
your blinding fog
where all you see
is what's wrong
you don't need to go anywhere
you don't need to do anything
you don't need to get rid of it
and you don't need to keep it
you can stay
stay just the way you are
as long as you need
you can stay
they'll tell you
let it go
you'll feel better
yes, you know
but it's easy
to sing that song
when you're on the outside
of something wrong
so just stay
stay where you are
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
and when you're ready
to walk away
from something's wrong
you'll find I'm still there
just like all along
so just stay
stay forever
or just a beat
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
i can see it in you
face to the ground
weighted down
enveloped by
your blinding fog
where all you see
is what's wrong
you don't need to go anywhere
you don't need to do anything
you don't need to get rid of it
and you don't need to keep it
you can stay
stay just the way you are
as long as you need
you can stay
they'll tell you
let it go
you'll feel better
yes, you know
but it's easy
to sing that song
when you're on the outside
of something wrong
so just stay
stay where you are
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
and when you're ready
to walk away
from something's wrong
you'll find I'm still there
just like all along
so just stay
stay forever
or just a beat
for as long as you need
until you don't need
you can stay
Words Don't Match
i talk
you don't respond
i walk
you hold me down
i yell
you walk away
but you love me
you say you love me
i say
all that i know
i hear
no no no no no no
i tell
what i need from you
that's what you'll do
you say you'll do
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
she says
i need to tell
he says
i need to tell
doctor says
i need to tell
but you love me
you say you love me
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
bang my head
try and try
blame myself
cry and cry
waste of time
you don't hear
paralyzed
you live in fear
and i try
to get to you
everyone
tells me to
you're bad for me
i must be done
until you change
i must be gone
and you beat me
with your silence
abused
with your silence
tortured
with your silence
as you love me
all the while you love me
and your words
don't match
what you do
and i'm through
wasting life
wishing you weren't you
you don't respond
i walk
you hold me down
i yell
you walk away
but you love me
you say you love me
i say
all that i know
i hear
no no no no no no
i tell
what i need from you
that's what you'll do
you say you'll do
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
she says
i need to tell
he says
i need to tell
doctor says
i need to tell
but you love me
you say you love me
but your words
don't match
what you do
and i waste
my whole life
wishing you weren't you
bang my head
try and try
blame myself
cry and cry
waste of time
you don't hear
paralyzed
you live in fear
and i try
to get to you
everyone
tells me to
you're bad for me
i must be done
until you change
i must be gone
and you beat me
with your silence
abused
with your silence
tortured
with your silence
as you love me
all the while you love me
and your words
don't match
what you do
and i'm through
wasting life
wishing you weren't you
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
"Weird Al" Yankovic's Makin' Me Giggl'
One of my favorite comedy bits from the movie UHF, staring "Weird Al" Yankovic just played in my ears, and I wanted to share it. It's an audio clip from the movie, where a commercial is playing for a store called Spatula City. According to the ad, there's just one place to go for all your spatula needs, and that's Spatula City. A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion! Thousands to choose from in every shape, size and color. And because they eliminate the middle man, they can sell all their spatulas factory-direct to you at just a fraction of retail cost. Their weekend special is buy 9 spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny.
And my favorite part of the ad (which has made me giggle ever since seeing the movie in the theatre!) is when the romantic, melodramatic violin music starts playing, and an attractive man's face moves in to a beautiful woman's face, and we hear the velvet-tones of the announcer tell us:
"And what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula."
The man raises a spatula between their two gorgeous faces and mouths the words "I love you" with the announcer. The two beautiful people are now in love.
I just love that! Makes me giggle even typing it!
Keep that in your back pocket for whenever you need it!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Personal Food Tip
If you're thinking about buying a delicious McDonald's mushroom and Swiss burger and saving it for tomorrow's lunch because you're trying to save money and extend the enjoyment of your McDonald's treat for an extra day, I would make this one, simple recommendation: don't.
McDonald's is never as good the next day.
Nerver.
Oh yeah, you THINK it's gonna keep until tomorrow. You've done it with other burgers in the past and it works out just fine. But there is something sinister about McDonald's. They put some ingredient in their food to prevent it from saving, forcing you to eat it when you buy it or suffer the consequences later. And if you want to enjoy your delicious McDonald's treat later, you'll have to buy more McDonald's later, because the word "enjoy" does not belong with the phrase "McDonald's treat later".
Day-old McDonald's buns have been used to pave driveways.
Day-old McDonald's hamburger patties get used as tires.
If you're anything like me, you say, "Fuck it! I paid for the shit! I'm eating the shit!"
If you're anything like me, you're stupid and need therapy.
I'm currently eating yesterday's McDonald's treat.
It's not a treat anymore.
I think I've given myself a cleft palate as the cheese has sliced a large chasm into the top of my mouth.
It is no longer supple cheese.
It is vengeful cheese.
"Why didn't you eat me last night when I was supple?!" the Cheese whisper-growls at me like it's a creature from a Dungeon and Dragons Monster Manual.
"I was trying to stretch my food budget," I whimper. "I tried to be wise with my food consumption and my spending habits. I'm sorry, it won't happen again!"
"Liar!" growls the angry, possessed Cheese. "You've said that before! You ALWAYS say 'it'll never happen again', and then you do it again! And then you expect me to be stupid and forget that you're a liar! What are you, some kind of Republican?!"
I blankly stare at the Cheese.
The Cheese returns my blank stare.
"Whatever," the Cheese shakes it off. "Political jokes stop scenes."
"You're tellin' me," I mutter under my breath to the audience, awkwardly sitting wondering how to respond to the random political non sequitur and ensuing insanity.
"Silence!" spits The Demon Cheese. "You talk too much and you type too much and you never get to your point and fuck you in your stuff-hole!"
And with that, The Barbarian Cheese slashes through my soft and hard palate, creating a cavern, exposing the underside of my brain to my curious tongue. You know, like when you get something stuck in your teeth and your tongue won't stop playing with it, and you eventually ruin your tongue muscles because it just won't stop digging around in your mouth for that whatever-it-is that's stuck...? It's like that, except it's my brain that my tongue won't stop playing with. My brain that's dripping into my mouth like some kind of cranial nasal drip. Dripping into my mouth from my Brain Cave. Brain Cave Drippings!!
...where was i...?
...i can't remember...
Hey, try that jalapeno cheddar chicken sandwich at McDonald's. It's really tasty if you're into that kind of thing.
And if you don't eat it right away, give it to somebody who will. Or suffer the Wrath of the Cheese, you will.
McDonald's is never as good the next day.
Nerver.
Oh yeah, you THINK it's gonna keep until tomorrow. You've done it with other burgers in the past and it works out just fine. But there is something sinister about McDonald's. They put some ingredient in their food to prevent it from saving, forcing you to eat it when you buy it or suffer the consequences later. And if you want to enjoy your delicious McDonald's treat later, you'll have to buy more McDonald's later, because the word "enjoy" does not belong with the phrase "McDonald's treat later".
Day-old McDonald's buns have been used to pave driveways.
Day-old McDonald's hamburger patties get used as tires.
If you're anything like me, you say, "Fuck it! I paid for the shit! I'm eating the shit!"
If you're anything like me, you're stupid and need therapy.
I'm currently eating yesterday's McDonald's treat.
It's not a treat anymore.
I think I've given myself a cleft palate as the cheese has sliced a large chasm into the top of my mouth.
It is no longer supple cheese.
It is vengeful cheese.
"Why didn't you eat me last night when I was supple?!" the Cheese whisper-growls at me like it's a creature from a Dungeon and Dragons Monster Manual.
"I was trying to stretch my food budget," I whimper. "I tried to be wise with my food consumption and my spending habits. I'm sorry, it won't happen again!"
"Liar!" growls the angry, possessed Cheese. "You've said that before! You ALWAYS say 'it'll never happen again', and then you do it again! And then you expect me to be stupid and forget that you're a liar! What are you, some kind of Republican?!"
I blankly stare at the Cheese.
The Cheese returns my blank stare.
"Whatever," the Cheese shakes it off. "Political jokes stop scenes."
"You're tellin' me," I mutter under my breath to the audience, awkwardly sitting wondering how to respond to the random political non sequitur and ensuing insanity.
"Silence!" spits The Demon Cheese. "You talk too much and you type too much and you never get to your point and fuck you in your stuff-hole!"
And with that, The Barbarian Cheese slashes through my soft and hard palate, creating a cavern, exposing the underside of my brain to my curious tongue. You know, like when you get something stuck in your teeth and your tongue won't stop playing with it, and you eventually ruin your tongue muscles because it just won't stop digging around in your mouth for that whatever-it-is that's stuck...? It's like that, except it's my brain that my tongue won't stop playing with. My brain that's dripping into my mouth like some kind of cranial nasal drip. Dripping into my mouth from my Brain Cave. Brain Cave Drippings!!
...where was i...?
...i can't remember...
Hey, try that jalapeno cheddar chicken sandwich at McDonald's. It's really tasty if you're into that kind of thing.
And if you don't eat it right away, give it to somebody who will. Or suffer the Wrath of the Cheese, you will.
My Response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
I received this response to my email to Senator Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
Jim_Inhofe@inhofe.senate.gov
The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.
Sent by Microsoft Exchange Server 2007
I'm glad to see our government is using up-to-date software. I re-sent my email to Senator Jim Inhofe using the template provided when you visit his website. Again, I will post any response I get from him.
Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
Jim_Inhofe@inhofe.senate.gov
The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.
Sent by Microsoft Exchange Server 2007
I'm glad to see our government is using up-to-date software. I re-sent my email to Senator Jim Inhofe using the template provided when you visit his website. Again, I will post any response I get from him.
Responding To Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
This is the email I just sent to Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Dear Mr. Inhofe,
You did not answer my initial question, which was to explain how it benefits the nation for me and my family to pay 10% of our income in taxes while we struggle to put food on our table while 55% of American businesses pay no taxes at all. This is happening while our country is $14.9 trillion in debt. If you are serious about reducing the debt, it would make sense to make sure the people who are making the money are also paying the money. When you signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, you promised not to raise taxes on anyone. It would seem clear that receiving any kind of financial income from large corporations, rather than paying them large tax refunds, would be a better direction to go if your aim is to improve the current state of the economy. The way things are going now, you are expecting the debt to be reduced solely by families, such as mine, who don't make enough money to comfortably feed their children. Lowering taxes will not assist with this. Taxing EQUALLY will. I don't mind doing my share to care for my country. I do mind being taken advantage of by a system that takes my money and does not take the money of others during a time when our country desperately needs all the income it can get.
Please explain how you plan to equalize our current tax system, so that everyone ends up paying the bill to keep our country strong and running.
Thank you
I will post any response I receive.
Dear Mr. Inhofe,
You did not answer my initial question, which was to explain how it benefits the nation for me and my family to pay 10% of our income in taxes while we struggle to put food on our table while 55% of American businesses pay no taxes at all. This is happening while our country is $14.9 trillion in debt. If you are serious about reducing the debt, it would make sense to make sure the people who are making the money are also paying the money. When you signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, you promised not to raise taxes on anyone. It would seem clear that receiving any kind of financial income from large corporations, rather than paying them large tax refunds, would be a better direction to go if your aim is to improve the current state of the economy. The way things are going now, you are expecting the debt to be reduced solely by families, such as mine, who don't make enough money to comfortably feed their children. Lowering taxes will not assist with this. Taxing EQUALLY will. I don't mind doing my share to care for my country. I do mind being taken advantage of by a system that takes my money and does not take the money of others during a time when our country desperately needs all the income it can get.
Please explain how you plan to equalize our current tax system, so that everyone ends up paying the bill to keep our country strong and running.
Thank you
I will post any response I receive.
An Email Response from Senator Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma
A while ago I emailed a question to some senators. I told them about how 55% of corporations do not end up paying taxes into the United States treasury. I told them about how many corporations have been well documented to have made millions and billions of dollars in profits and received tax refunds. I told them about how my wife and I struggle to make ends meet, make too much money to qualify for any government financial assistance, cannot claim even one of our two children on our tax returns for any kind of tax credit, and ended up paying 10% of our income in taxes. This amount of money was more money into the United States Treasury than several large corporations combined. GE and Bank of America are two of those corporations who paid no taxes. My wife and I struggle and pay 10% of our income. GE and Bank of America make millions in profits and pay nothing. I told them about how they had signed a "pledge", whereby they promised not to raise taxes on anyone or any corporation. After telling them all this, I asked them to explain, with the country being $14.9 trillion in debt, how is it good for the nation not to increase taxes on these corporations who have money to spare and are receiving huge tax returns while taxing the people who not only will not decrease the debt quickly or efficiently, but really could use every cent of the money they earn.
This was my recent response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Thank you for your correspondence. As your voice in Washington, I appreciate knowing your views.
I believe if we are to promote economic growth, comprehensive tax reform should be one of Congress' top priorities. Our tax code is riddled with breaks and deductions that benefit only the few firms with extensive resources dedicated to tax planning purposes. Most proposals for comprehensive tax reform seek to lower marginal income tax rates for everyone – businesses and individuals alike – by eliminating the majority of these so called "tax expenditures." This type of reform would make the tax code fairer, simpler and easier to understand, and it has the potential to unlock tremendous economic growth. President Reagan enacted similar reforms in 1986, and it led to a strong period of growth that lasted well into the 1990s. It is important, however, to consider the impact reforming the system will have on different industries to ensure every industry is equally encouraged to grow the economy and create jobs. I hope any genuine debate about improving the economy and the nation's debt includes this type of reform.
Again, thank you for your comments. As Congress continues to explore ways to lower spending and the national debt I will work to ensure taxes remain low and government remain limited.
Sincerely,
James M. Inhofe
United States Senator
He did not answer my question. He did not say that he would make corporations pay their fair share. He did say that he would work to ensure taxes remain low. So what that means to me is he will work to make sure taxes to no go higher than they are currently. Neither for me and my family, who paid 10%, or for large corporations, who received money from people like me and and you in the form of tax rebates. He did not address the inequality of taxation, or how to make taxation equal which would easily reduce national debt and encourage growth... and "growth" means things like jobs and easier time buying cheese.
It might be time for another email.
This was my recent response from Jim Inhofe (R) - Oklahoma:
Thank you for your correspondence. As your voice in Washington, I appreciate knowing your views.
I believe if we are to promote economic growth, comprehensive tax reform should be one of Congress' top priorities. Our tax code is riddled with breaks and deductions that benefit only the few firms with extensive resources dedicated to tax planning purposes. Most proposals for comprehensive tax reform seek to lower marginal income tax rates for everyone – businesses and individuals alike – by eliminating the majority of these so called "tax expenditures." This type of reform would make the tax code fairer, simpler and easier to understand, and it has the potential to unlock tremendous economic growth. President Reagan enacted similar reforms in 1986, and it led to a strong period of growth that lasted well into the 1990s. It is important, however, to consider the impact reforming the system will have on different industries to ensure every industry is equally encouraged to grow the economy and create jobs. I hope any genuine debate about improving the economy and the nation's debt includes this type of reform.
Again, thank you for your comments. As Congress continues to explore ways to lower spending and the national debt I will work to ensure taxes remain low and government remain limited.
Sincerely,
James M. Inhofe
United States Senator
He did not answer my question. He did not say that he would make corporations pay their fair share. He did say that he would work to ensure taxes remain low. So what that means to me is he will work to make sure taxes to no go higher than they are currently. Neither for me and my family, who paid 10%, or for large corporations, who received money from people like me and and you in the form of tax rebates. He did not address the inequality of taxation, or how to make taxation equal which would easily reduce national debt and encourage growth... and "growth" means things like jobs and easier time buying cheese.
It might be time for another email.
The More We Gave In...
I did not want to be mistreated, I did not want to be deprived of a seat that I had paid for. It was just time... there was opportunity for me to take a stand to express the way I felt about being treated in that manner. I had not planned to get arrested. I had plenty to do without having to end up in jail. But when I had to face that decision, I didn't hesitate to do so because I felt that we had endured that too long. The more we gave in, the more we complied with that kind of treatment, the more oppressive it became.
--Rosa Parks, 1992, from an NPR interview about her refusal to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery Bus, which sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Civil Rights Movement.
The More We Gave In, The More We Complied With That Kind Of Treatment, The More Oppressive It Became.
--Rosa Parks, 1992, from an NPR interview about her refusal to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery Bus, which sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Civil Rights Movement.
The More We Gave In, The More We Complied With That Kind Of Treatment, The More Oppressive It Became.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
To my coworker who can't stop talking about the twins she has growing inside her...
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON ON THE PLANET TO HAVE FUCKING TWINS!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MISERABLE WHORE!!
THIS ISN'T NEW SHIT AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCKING FUCK ABOUT THE PAIN YOU'RE IN!!
AND YOUR GODDAM SCIATIC NERVES ARE IN YOUR LOWER BACK, SO IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO HAVE SCIATIC PAIN IN YOUR BREASTS AND YOUR BABY ISN'T GOING TO GET GODDAM SCIATICA IF HE BREAST FEEDS!!
YOU SHOULD BE SHOT WITH A GIANT-MAMMAL-SHOOTING GUN THAT SHOOTS GIANT MAMMALS LIKE WHALES AND ELEPHANTS AND YOU SHOULD BE KILLED BY A GIANT MAMMAL SHOT AT YOU FROM A GIANT-MAMMAL-SHOOTING GUN!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
GO FUCK YOURSELF INSIDE OUT UNTIL YOU EXPLODE!!!!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MISERABLE WHORE!!
THIS ISN'T NEW SHIT AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCKING FUCK ABOUT THE PAIN YOU'RE IN!!
AND YOUR GODDAM SCIATIC NERVES ARE IN YOUR LOWER BACK, SO IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO HAVE SCIATIC PAIN IN YOUR BREASTS AND YOUR BABY ISN'T GOING TO GET GODDAM SCIATICA IF HE BREAST FEEDS!!
YOU SHOULD BE SHOT WITH A GIANT-MAMMAL-SHOOTING GUN THAT SHOOTS GIANT MAMMALS LIKE WHALES AND ELEPHANTS AND YOU SHOULD BE KILLED BY A GIANT MAMMAL SHOT AT YOU FROM A GIANT-MAMMAL-SHOOTING GUN!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
GO FUCK YOURSELF INSIDE OUT UNTIL YOU EXPLODE!!!!!
I'm Off
I'm feeling a little off today.
I get this way often.
I can't concentrate on work... or anything else, for that matter.
My thoughts bounce around, never settling on one particular thing, not allowing me to focus.
I'm anxious about something.
Waiting for something to happen.
But nothing is going to happen.
Nothing is supposed to happen, but I'm waiting for it.
And I know how stupid it is to feel uptight like this, like I'm missing something or like I'm late for an appointment, but I can't seem to talk myself down from it.
Background noises quickly and easily distract me.
Random passing thoughts quickly and easily pull my attention away from work.
Even from typing this.
Getting my thoughts to calm down enough to be coherent is tough.
Getting my thoughts to come out through my fingers is tough.
Not quite a struggle... but almost.
I hate this feeling.
I haven't felt this way in a while.
I associate this with clinical anxiety.
I'm not certain that's what it is, but that's what I have in my head.
I also associate this feeling with -- court
-- my wife's mother
-- Bastard Ex-husband
-- lawyers
-- domestic disputes
-- my wife or boys being abused by any of the above
-- my boy's football games
-- school meetings where Bastard or wife's mother will be
-- my wife's text tone on her cell phone
(when I hear it, it's normally not me texting, but Bastard)
This feeling produces electricity in my heart and bones, along with electrical shocks in my spine.
My heart races.
My skin gets cold and sometimes goes numb.
My breathing becomes shallow.
My vision works, but nothing that I see really registers initially. It takes a few moments for me to realize what I'm seeing.
I hate this feeling.
I feel as if this is something that is beyond my control.
As if I will always have these physical and emotional symptoms as long as we're dealing with Bastard, Wife's Mother, court, lawyers, football, etc.
I know there are medications.
This feels beyond medication.
This feels unavoidable.
Something that must be.
And I hate it.
I get this way often.
I can't concentrate on work... or anything else, for that matter.
My thoughts bounce around, never settling on one particular thing, not allowing me to focus.
I'm anxious about something.
Waiting for something to happen.
But nothing is going to happen.
Nothing is supposed to happen, but I'm waiting for it.
And I know how stupid it is to feel uptight like this, like I'm missing something or like I'm late for an appointment, but I can't seem to talk myself down from it.
Background noises quickly and easily distract me.
Random passing thoughts quickly and easily pull my attention away from work.
Even from typing this.
Getting my thoughts to calm down enough to be coherent is tough.
Getting my thoughts to come out through my fingers is tough.
Not quite a struggle... but almost.
I hate this feeling.
I haven't felt this way in a while.
I associate this with clinical anxiety.
I'm not certain that's what it is, but that's what I have in my head.
I also associate this feeling with -- court
-- my wife's mother
-- Bastard Ex-husband
-- lawyers
-- domestic disputes
-- my wife or boys being abused by any of the above
-- my boy's football games
-- school meetings where Bastard or wife's mother will be
-- my wife's text tone on her cell phone
(when I hear it, it's normally not me texting, but Bastard)
This feeling produces electricity in my heart and bones, along with electrical shocks in my spine.
My heart races.
My skin gets cold and sometimes goes numb.
My breathing becomes shallow.
My vision works, but nothing that I see really registers initially. It takes a few moments for me to realize what I'm seeing.
I hate this feeling.
I feel as if this is something that is beyond my control.
As if I will always have these physical and emotional symptoms as long as we're dealing with Bastard, Wife's Mother, court, lawyers, football, etc.
I know there are medications.
This feels beyond medication.
This feels unavoidable.
Something that must be.
And I hate it.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Welcome To First Grade!
Hello Children!
Welcome to your first day of first grade here at Money Elementary!
You might have wondered why we named our school after our currency rather than after a former president, as is usually the case in the public school environment, and the reason is that former presidents can't give us a new football stadium, new uniforms for the football team, DNA paternity tests for the football players and cheerleaders, footballs, scoreboards for the football team, a beer licence so we can sell beer at the football games, a lawyer to help defend why we're selling beer at elementary school football games, 35% of a football coach, and textbooks from when we still had slaves, many of whom became famous football players. No, children, former presidents can't give us any of those things, but money can, so we've named our school after that which we hope to elicit.
Now, as your parents might have told you, this school prepares you for the real world. We do our best to provide you with real world experiences so that, when you leave the protective umbrella of this school establishment, you will be better prepared to be a productive member of our society so that you can give repay the gift of the education we provide for you with a generous gift of cash or a starting lineman who will later give a generous gift of cash. To give you a real world experience, we're going to treat each and every one of you as if you were currently employed in this country and an active member in the workforce. With that in mind, we're not really going to train you for anything in particular. We're not going to give you any skills or provide you with any assistance in discovering what it is you will be doing here. When you make a mistake, we will tell you about it and write you up. Two write-ups will result in mandatory firing. Three write-ups and we reposes your parents' home and all your toys. This is what we call "incentive": you won't want to screw up, because if you do, you will be reminded over and over again about how worthless you really are.
A lot of people have criticized our program, saying that we should provide a safe place to make mistakes. Without mistakes, growth cannot be achieved. People need a safe environment in which they can grow and learn from their mistakes, as well as the mistakes of others. Children, the people who say these things are stupid. They work for places like libraries and fire departments, as well as teaching classes at your favorite football stadium, which some people call "a university". They, obviously, were not adequately prepared for the real world, which is why we won't be listening to them.
I am going to act as your boss from this moment forward, which means that I will be in my office, huffing White Out and masturbating with a stapler to an autographed picture of Donald Trump. If you actually observe any of these things, you will be inserted into a camel and placed in Iran.
Welcome to your first day of first grade here at Money Elementary!
You might have wondered why we named our school after our currency rather than after a former president, as is usually the case in the public school environment, and the reason is that former presidents can't give us a new football stadium, new uniforms for the football team, DNA paternity tests for the football players and cheerleaders, footballs, scoreboards for the football team, a beer licence so we can sell beer at the football games, a lawyer to help defend why we're selling beer at elementary school football games, 35% of a football coach, and textbooks from when we still had slaves, many of whom became famous football players. No, children, former presidents can't give us any of those things, but money can, so we've named our school after that which we hope to elicit.
Now, as your parents might have told you, this school prepares you for the real world. We do our best to provide you with real world experiences so that, when you leave the protective umbrella of this school establishment, you will be better prepared to be a productive member of our society so that you can give repay the gift of the education we provide for you with a generous gift of cash or a starting lineman who will later give a generous gift of cash. To give you a real world experience, we're going to treat each and every one of you as if you were currently employed in this country and an active member in the workforce. With that in mind, we're not really going to train you for anything in particular. We're not going to give you any skills or provide you with any assistance in discovering what it is you will be doing here. When you make a mistake, we will tell you about it and write you up. Two write-ups will result in mandatory firing. Three write-ups and we reposes your parents' home and all your toys. This is what we call "incentive": you won't want to screw up, because if you do, you will be reminded over and over again about how worthless you really are.
A lot of people have criticized our program, saying that we should provide a safe place to make mistakes. Without mistakes, growth cannot be achieved. People need a safe environment in which they can grow and learn from their mistakes, as well as the mistakes of others. Children, the people who say these things are stupid. They work for places like libraries and fire departments, as well as teaching classes at your favorite football stadium, which some people call "a university". They, obviously, were not adequately prepared for the real world, which is why we won't be listening to them.
I am going to act as your boss from this moment forward, which means that I will be in my office, huffing White Out and masturbating with a stapler to an autographed picture of Donald Trump. If you actually observe any of these things, you will be inserted into a camel and placed in Iran.
Monday, November 14, 2011
i scream
sounds pass through my ears
some hit, some slide
doctors waltz by without concern
leaving holes for my voices
and i scream inside me
i'm screaming at you
and i scream inside me
inside me screaming at you
militant moms and dads
pounding on their sons and feet
negligence sits next to you
and there's nothing i can do
and i scream inside me
i'm screaming at all
i scream scream inside me
inside me scream at the world
don't push me -- better step off
don't push me -- take a step back
don't push me, or inside will come out
and snap you in half
and i scream inside me
i scream, i scream
keep yourself in check
cuz the guy behind you
might be ready to rage
in the meantime
i scream
some hit, some slide
doctors waltz by without concern
leaving holes for my voices
and i scream inside me
i'm screaming at you
and i scream inside me
inside me screaming at you
militant moms and dads
pounding on their sons and feet
negligence sits next to you
and there's nothing i can do
and i scream inside me
i'm screaming at all
i scream scream inside me
inside me scream at the world
don't push me -- better step off
don't push me -- take a step back
don't push me, or inside will come out
and snap you in half
and i scream inside me
i scream, i scream
keep yourself in check
cuz the guy behind you
might be ready to rage
in the meantime
i scream
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Earthquakes And The Book of Revelation
There have been some earthquakes where I live recently.
We don't normally get earthquakes here and people kinda freaked out about it. They got scared and talked about it for days after.
One of my coworkers said that, after she had experienced the (minor) earthquake (resulting in no damage to anyone or anything that I know personally), she got on the phone to her husband, and he told her to read the book of Revelation from The Bible. She said that he was not joking. He was serious that she should read Revelation.
One of my students on Facebook, after the earthquake, posted that we should all read our Bibles.
So let's take all emotion out of these statements and take a look at what's being said:
There is an emergency situation which has happened and some action is required.
If your first response to this emergency situation is to read an instruction manual about how to handle the emergency situation, you're pretty much screwed.
For example, if your submarine gets hit by a torpedo and your first response is to go and get the manual about what to do when your submarine gets hit by a torpedo... you've already drowned.
And the Book of Revelation isn't even an instruction manual! It's supposed to be a telling of the end of the world. So, technically, if you believe that the earthquakes are a sign that the end of the world is here, reading the Book of Revelation will really only tell you about what you're currently experiencing! It's a story about what's happening now! Personally, I'd rather open a window and see what's happening around me. But that's just me. I like to actually experience life until I'm not allowed to anymore. I'm more of a thinker than a reader.
We don't normally get earthquakes here and people kinda freaked out about it. They got scared and talked about it for days after.
One of my coworkers said that, after she had experienced the (minor) earthquake (resulting in no damage to anyone or anything that I know personally), she got on the phone to her husband, and he told her to read the book of Revelation from The Bible. She said that he was not joking. He was serious that she should read Revelation.
One of my students on Facebook, after the earthquake, posted that we should all read our Bibles.
So let's take all emotion out of these statements and take a look at what's being said:
There is an emergency situation which has happened and some action is required.
If your first response to this emergency situation is to read an instruction manual about how to handle the emergency situation, you're pretty much screwed.
For example, if your submarine gets hit by a torpedo and your first response is to go and get the manual about what to do when your submarine gets hit by a torpedo... you've already drowned.
And the Book of Revelation isn't even an instruction manual! It's supposed to be a telling of the end of the world. So, technically, if you believe that the earthquakes are a sign that the end of the world is here, reading the Book of Revelation will really only tell you about what you're currently experiencing! It's a story about what's happening now! Personally, I'd rather open a window and see what's happening around me. But that's just me. I like to actually experience life until I'm not allowed to anymore. I'm more of a thinker than a reader.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I Didn't Make A Mistake, Butt It's Time To Change
I've been toying with the idea that I made a mistake when I stopped performing.
I've recently decided that I want to perform again. In any capacity, really. And sometimes I find myself going to websites where I can see what old acquaintances are doing, what shows old friends are in, how people I know are still doing what it is I would like to be doing. I saw a website today where one of my old students is currently in a job that I once thought had been taken from me unjustly. It was a shocker, especially since I didn't see great talent in my former student, and there was his face on the website where I imagined my own face would go one day.
But I didn't feel anger or remorse or sadness. Just shocked to see his face there.
And then, I kinda felt happy for him. Way to go. Way to hunt it down and get it.
Because he didn't decide to stop performing. I did.
I made the choice to stop.
And I chose that because it wasn't fun anymore.
I didn't like what was happening around me.
I didn't like many of the people I had to work with.
I was not happy with the situation.
And, just like I had done so many mornings, I woke up and asked myself if there was anything other than performing that would make me happy.
And the answer, for the first time, was yes.
So I stopped performing.
And as I've looked back on that choice, I've thought a lot about how it was a mistake.
I miss it.
I want to do it again.
I'm built for it.
I'm good at it.
But something hasn't felt right about that whole "mistake" thing.
I got to get married to the woman I was supposed to marry all my life.
And, although I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have done that had I not stopped performing, the choices I made certainly helped speed along my marriage.
And that is not a mistake.
That is a choice I would make over and over again without hesitation.
So how could it be a mistake to stop performing when something profoundly joyous and life-changing happened as a result?
Here's my answer.
At least, this is my answer for today.
It wasn't a mistake.
I made the right choice then. I got out on my own terms before I murdered some assholes. Before I killed myself. Before I got some disease. Before... whatever. Fill in the blank. I got out. I moved. I found something else. I tried it. I didn't like it. I tried something else. I didn't like that, either. And my thoughts keep taking me back to the stage. To the film. To the audience. To that work. THAT'S where I want to be. And having gotten out of it, I might be able to navigate it a little more to my liking this time around.
Plus, I've got a really great friend that I didn't have before. And she promised to stick with me and help me out. That, too, helps.
So, where am I right now?
I'm at my day job.
I'm not working, again.
Because I'm thinking about what I'd rather be doing, again.
Writing my screenplay.
Shooting my screenplay.
Editing my screenplay.
Composing music for my movie.
Copyrighting my movie.
Entering my movie in film festivals.
Watching other people get moved and be entertained by my movie.
Do it all over again.
I didn't make a mistake.
I made the right choice.
And now, it's time to make some more right choices.
I've recently decided that I want to perform again. In any capacity, really. And sometimes I find myself going to websites where I can see what old acquaintances are doing, what shows old friends are in, how people I know are still doing what it is I would like to be doing. I saw a website today where one of my old students is currently in a job that I once thought had been taken from me unjustly. It was a shocker, especially since I didn't see great talent in my former student, and there was his face on the website where I imagined my own face would go one day.
But I didn't feel anger or remorse or sadness. Just shocked to see his face there.
And then, I kinda felt happy for him. Way to go. Way to hunt it down and get it.
Because he didn't decide to stop performing. I did.
I made the choice to stop.
And I chose that because it wasn't fun anymore.
I didn't like what was happening around me.
I didn't like many of the people I had to work with.
I was not happy with the situation.
And, just like I had done so many mornings, I woke up and asked myself if there was anything other than performing that would make me happy.
And the answer, for the first time, was yes.
So I stopped performing.
And as I've looked back on that choice, I've thought a lot about how it was a mistake.
I miss it.
I want to do it again.
I'm built for it.
I'm good at it.
But something hasn't felt right about that whole "mistake" thing.
I got to get married to the woman I was supposed to marry all my life.
And, although I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have done that had I not stopped performing, the choices I made certainly helped speed along my marriage.
And that is not a mistake.
That is a choice I would make over and over again without hesitation.
So how could it be a mistake to stop performing when something profoundly joyous and life-changing happened as a result?
Here's my answer.
At least, this is my answer for today.
It wasn't a mistake.
I made the right choice then. I got out on my own terms before I murdered some assholes. Before I killed myself. Before I got some disease. Before... whatever. Fill in the blank. I got out. I moved. I found something else. I tried it. I didn't like it. I tried something else. I didn't like that, either. And my thoughts keep taking me back to the stage. To the film. To the audience. To that work. THAT'S where I want to be. And having gotten out of it, I might be able to navigate it a little more to my liking this time around.
Plus, I've got a really great friend that I didn't have before. And she promised to stick with me and help me out. That, too, helps.
So, where am I right now?
I'm at my day job.
I'm not working, again.
Because I'm thinking about what I'd rather be doing, again.
Writing my screenplay.
Shooting my screenplay.
Editing my screenplay.
Composing music for my movie.
Copyrighting my movie.
Entering my movie in film festivals.
Watching other people get moved and be entertained by my movie.
Do it all over again.
I didn't make a mistake.
I made the right choice.
And now, it's time to make some more right choices.
Sick Coccyx
My coccyx hurts like a beeyach!!
Pretty sure it came from sitting on a hard chair for 92 minutes.
Butt I don't care.
It hurts like a muthafukkah!!
Pretty sure it came from sitting on a hard chair for 92 minutes.
Butt I don't care.
It hurts like a muthafukkah!!
Monday, November 7, 2011
An Email Response from Senator Tom Coburn (R) - OK
On November 1, 2011, I wrote an email to some senators. The entire email is contained on this blog. On November 4, 2011, I received this email response from Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn (R).
Dear Friend: Thank you for taking the time to write me. I have received your letter and I value your input, which is why I will personally read your letter. Please allow me time to review your correspondence to ensure you receive an accurate, detailed and thoughtful response to your inquiry. It may take at least 30 days or as many as 60 days to reply due to the heavy volume of mail that I receive. I appreciate your patience as you await my response. If this matter is time sensitive, please contact my office at (202)224-5754 and my staff is ready and happy to assist you. Sincerely, Tom Coburn, M.D. U.S. Senator
I did not send a letter. I sent an email. Senators make a starting salary of $174,000 annually when they are first elected. Every year, members of congress get an automatic Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA), unless they vote it down, which adjusts their pay according to inflation. In June of 2003, at least 40 of the then-senators were millionaires. This money comes from your taxes. Senators worked 151 days in 2001 (about 5 months), and they were scheduled to meet 137 days in 2009 (about 4 1/2 months).
Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Senate
http://ask.yahoo.com/20010503.html
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2009/07/recess.html
Dear Friend: Thank you for taking the time to write me. I have received your letter and I value your input, which is why I will personally read your letter. Please allow me time to review your correspondence to ensure you receive an accurate, detailed and thoughtful response to your inquiry. It may take at least 30 days or as many as 60 days to reply due to the heavy volume of mail that I receive. I appreciate your patience as you await my response. If this matter is time sensitive, please contact my office at (202)224-5754 and my staff is ready and happy to assist you. Sincerely, Tom Coburn, M.D. U.S. Senator
I did not send a letter. I sent an email. Senators make a starting salary of $174,000 annually when they are first elected. Every year, members of congress get an automatic Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA), unless they vote it down, which adjusts their pay according to inflation. In June of 2003, at least 40 of the then-senators were millionaires. This money comes from your taxes. Senators worked 151 days in 2001 (about 5 months), and they were scheduled to meet 137 days in 2009 (about 4 1/2 months).
Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Senate
http://ask.yahoo.com/20010503.html
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2009/07/recess.html
Marie Curie's 144th Birthday
Today is Marie Curie's 144th birthday.
She married the love of her life, scientific and laboratory partner; she won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1903, and the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1911, making her the first person to win two Nobel Prizes; she was a pioneer in the field of radiation, paving the way for both atomic weapons and fighting cancer; she survived her husband's death after he was run over by a horse-drawn carriage and his skull was fractured.
My first thought after reading all of this was, "I wonder how often she did it with her husband and if she liked suckin' dick?"
Happy Birthday, Madame Curie!
She married the love of her life, scientific and laboratory partner; she won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1903, and the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1911, making her the first person to win two Nobel Prizes; she was a pioneer in the field of radiation, paving the way for both atomic weapons and fighting cancer; she survived her husband's death after he was run over by a horse-drawn carriage and his skull was fractured.
My first thought after reading all of this was, "I wonder how often she did it with her husband and if she liked suckin' dick?"
Happy Birthday, Madame Curie!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Grant and The Giant
The Giant never stopped urinating on The Village.
It's a bit unusual that any creature could maintain a continuous stream of urine for so long, but The Giant was able to. He never moved. He stayed planted, towering over The Village, raining urine down upon them. At one point, he knew why he was doing it, but now, he couldn't really remember. And he didn't really care.
The Villagers had become accustomed to the urine rain. They had invested in umbrellas and slickers and other urine-resistant and deodorizing products. One of the local retailers had an annual "Slicker-Off!", a competition centered around slickers -- who had the best slicker, who had the driest slicker, who could put on and take off their slicker the most in a minute, who's slicker had the biggest titties.
Grant often found himself thinking about The Giant with disgust. He didn't like being urinated on all the time. He looked up, and got urine in his eyes and mouth. "It's all about where you choose to focus," his mother would tell him. "When you focus on the ground, do you get urine in your eyes and mouth?" Grant looked at the ground often, but there was still the occasional run-off urine that fell into his eyes and mouth. He knew his mother was trying to help him, but it didn't take his mind off The Giant and Grant's anger and frustration. Grant's wife hugged him and said things like, "I don't want to feel anger over being urinated on anymore, so I'm going to focus on what I am ABLE to do, rather than what I'm UNABLE to do. I'm able to support you and love our children." Grant was immeasurably grateful for a wife who put up with his ridiculousities. But Grant found himself drawn to the stream of urine that covered The Village. He wanted to do something. He wanted to change the world for the better. And he felt sad and frustrated because he didn't know WHAT he could do.
He believed in the power of one person. He believed that the strength of one person could make a difference. On good days, after he had gotten some sleep and had actually eaten some protein and leafy greens, he believed in the power of himself.
So Grant decided that he was going to travel to The Giant and cut off his dick.
Now you get to decide how the story ends! Choose one of the following endings!
It's a bit unusual that any creature could maintain a continuous stream of urine for so long, but The Giant was able to. He never moved. He stayed planted, towering over The Village, raining urine down upon them. At one point, he knew why he was doing it, but now, he couldn't really remember. And he didn't really care.
The Villagers had become accustomed to the urine rain. They had invested in umbrellas and slickers and other urine-resistant and deodorizing products. One of the local retailers had an annual "Slicker-Off!", a competition centered around slickers -- who had the best slicker, who had the driest slicker, who could put on and take off their slicker the most in a minute, who's slicker had the biggest titties.
Grant often found himself thinking about The Giant with disgust. He didn't like being urinated on all the time. He looked up, and got urine in his eyes and mouth. "It's all about where you choose to focus," his mother would tell him. "When you focus on the ground, do you get urine in your eyes and mouth?" Grant looked at the ground often, but there was still the occasional run-off urine that fell into his eyes and mouth. He knew his mother was trying to help him, but it didn't take his mind off The Giant and Grant's anger and frustration. Grant's wife hugged him and said things like, "I don't want to feel anger over being urinated on anymore, so I'm going to focus on what I am ABLE to do, rather than what I'm UNABLE to do. I'm able to support you and love our children." Grant was immeasurably grateful for a wife who put up with his ridiculousities. But Grant found himself drawn to the stream of urine that covered The Village. He wanted to do something. He wanted to change the world for the better. And he felt sad and frustrated because he didn't know WHAT he could do.
He believed in the power of one person. He believed that the strength of one person could make a difference. On good days, after he had gotten some sleep and had actually eaten some protein and leafy greens, he believed in the power of himself.
So Grant decided that he was going to travel to The Giant and cut off his dick.
Now you get to decide how the story ends! Choose one of the following endings!
- Grant hiked towards The Giant and died from exposure before he reached the second week of his journey.
- Grant hiked towards The Giant, and all The Villagers laughed and taunted his folly, and one of them threw a rock at his head and killed him dead.
- Grant hiked towards The Giant for four months, and when he arrived, The Giant squished Grant underfoot like a bug.
- Grant hiked to The Giant, climbed up his leg and was squished between The Giant's thigh and left testicle like a bug underball.
- Grant hiked to The Giant, climbed up his leg, got to his dick, and The Giant scratched his nuts and flicked Grant into the forest, where Grant broke all his bones on all the trees he crashed into and died alone in the forest.
- Grant tried to drink as much beer as he could to forget about The Giant, but accidentally got some urine in his mouth, contracted hepatitis, and died yellow.
- Grant got frustrated and yelled and screamed and shouted and moaned and cried and got tired and went to sleep and got up and did the same thing, day after day, until he had no friends or family who would put up with him anymore because he was just no fun and continually reminded people of how they were getting pissed on.
- Grant .................................................................................................?
My Email To Both My Senators
I just talked with my wife. We're both tired of feeling angry. We both feel powerless. She's tired of fighting with our lawyer, whom we are paying, to fight for her right to claim just one of our two children on our yearly taxes. We both have no idea of how we can stop being beaten. It's sad that there is no help. I wanted to do something. Anything.
I just sent this email to both of my senators. I don't know if it will help, but I'm not certain what else to do. I'll post their response if I receive one. Please feel free to cut and paste this message into an email to your senator or congressman or woman. Maybe we can, at least, get some answers.
The United States currently is $14.9 trillion in debt. Exxon Mobil, Bank of America, General Electric, Chevron, Boeing, Valero Energy, Chevron and ConocoPhillips paid no taxes and received huge tax refunds. 55% of business in America do not pay taxes. My wife and I paid 10% of our income to the federal government last year. We make about $30,000 a year and have a hard time making ends meet. We receive no kind of government financial assistance, no tax breaks for either of our children, and make too much money to qualify for food stamps. You have signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, in which you promised not to raise taxes on businesses and corporations and oppose any net reduction or elimination of deductions and credits for businesses. Please explain how this decision is good for me, my family, the economy, or our nation.
I just sent this email to both of my senators. I don't know if it will help, but I'm not certain what else to do. I'll post their response if I receive one. Please feel free to cut and paste this message into an email to your senator or congressman or woman. Maybe we can, at least, get some answers.
The United States currently is $14.9 trillion in debt. Exxon Mobil, Bank of America, General Electric, Chevron, Boeing, Valero Energy, Chevron and ConocoPhillips paid no taxes and received huge tax refunds. 55% of business in America do not pay taxes. My wife and I paid 10% of our income to the federal government last year. We make about $30,000 a year and have a hard time making ends meet. We receive no kind of government financial assistance, no tax breaks for either of our children, and make too much money to qualify for food stamps. You have signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, in which you promised not to raise taxes on businesses and corporations and oppose any net reduction or elimination of deductions and credits for businesses. Please explain how this decision is good for me, my family, the economy, or our nation.
Taxes And How You're Getting Screwed
Exxon Mobil made $19 Billion in PROFITS in 2009. They received $156 million in rebates after paying nothing in taxes.
Bank of America made $4.4 Billion in PROFITS in 2009. They received nearly $1 trillion in bailout cash from the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department. They also received $1.9 Billion in refunds after paying no taxes.
General Electric has made $26 Billion in PROFITS over the past five years in the United States alone. They got $4.1 Billion in refunds after paying no taxes.
Chevron made $10 Billion in PROFITS in 2009. Paid no taxes. Got $19 million in tax refunds.
Boeing got $124 million in tax refunds. They paid nothing. Oh yeah, they also got a $30 Billion contract from the Pentagon to build 179 airborne tankers.
Valero Energy -- 25th largest company in America -- did $68 Billion in sales. Paid no taxes. Got $157 million back from the government. They also get $134 million in tax breaks and deductions over the past 3 years.
Goldman Sachs paid 1.1% of it's income in taxes in 2009, even though they earned $2.3 Billion in PROFITS and got almost $800 Billion from the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury Department.
Citigroup made more than $4 Billion in PROFITS. Paid no taxes. Got $2.5 TRILLION in bailout funds from the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury Department.
ConocoPhillips -- 5th largest oil company in the U.S. -- made $16 Billion in profits from 2007 to 2009, but received $451 in tax breaks though the oil and gas manufacturing deduction.
Carnival Cruise Lines made $11 Billion in PROFITS over the past five years. They only paid 1.1% in taxes over those five years.
In 2009, my wife and I filed our taxes jointly and paid $300 to the federal government. At that time, we made less than $30,000 a year. None of it was profit, as all of it needed to be spent on things needed to keep us alive, like food and shelter. Our tax rate, then, was over 10%. Carnival Cruise Lines made $11 Billion in profits and paid 1.1% in taxes. Goldman Sachs made $2.3 Billion in profits, got a government bailout, and paid 1.1% in taxes. My wife and I made no profits and paid more than 10% in taxes. We also make too much money to qualify for food stamps.
If you paid any taxes in 2009 -- even $1 -- you paid more in taxes than Exxon Mobil, Bank of America, General Electric, Chevron, Boeing, Valero Energy, Citigroup and ConocoPhillips combined.
With these companies doing so well, I wonder why our economy is doing so poorly? I mean, we keep being told that if these companies don't rake in these kinds of profits, then our country will see job losses and economic hardships... kinda like what we're seeing now...? I wonder why we don't have any new jobs from these so-called "Job Creators"? Could it be that the line about large corporations being "Job Creators" and keeping our country's economy afloat is a load of horseshit concocted by the people who are benefiting most from this legal kind of corporate theft? I think so.
Source for the above: http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2011/03/ten_giant_us_companies_avoidin.html
(well... except for that last paragraph. That's all me, baby.)
Here's something else to ponder. According to The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/03/business/economy/03rates.html), America has one of the highest corporate income tax rates in the world at 35%. However, because of breaks and loopholes, around 55% of U.S. companies pay no federal income tax.
Here's a comprehensive list of the 238 Representatives and 41 Senators who have signed a pledge to "oppose any and all efforts to increase the marginal income tax rate for individuals AND BUSINESSES," and "oppose any net reduction or elimination of deductions and credits, unless matched dollar for dollar by further reducing tax rates."
http://s3.amazonaws.com/atrfiles/files/files/091411-federalpledgesigners(1).pdf
ALABAMA
AL-Sen Jeff Sessions (R)
AL-Sen Richard Shelby (R)
AL-01 Jo Bonner (R)
AL-02 Martha Roby (R)
AL-03 Mike Rogers (R)
AL-04 Robert Aderholt (R)
AL-05 Mo Brooks (R)
AL-06 Spencer Bachus (R)
ALASKA
AK-Sen Lisa Murkowski (R)
AK-AL Don Young (R)
ARIZONA
AZ-Sen Jon Kyl (R)
AZ-Sen John McCain (R)
AZ-01 Paul Gosar (R)
AZ-02 Trent Franks (R)
AZ-03 Ben Quayle (R)
AZ-05 David Schweikert (R)
AZ-06 Jeff Flake (R)
ARKANSAS
AR-Sen John Boozman (R)
AR-01 Rick Crawford (R)
AR-02 Tim Griffin (R)
AR-03 Steve Womack (R)
CALIFORNIA
CA-02 Wally Herger (R)
CA-03 Dan Lungren (R)
CA-04 Tom McClintock (R)
CA-19 Jeff Denham (R)
CA-21 Devin Nunes (R)
CA-22 Kevin McCarthy (R)
CA-24 Elton Gallegly (R)
CA-25 Buck McKeon (R)
CA-26 David Dreier (R)
CA-40 Ed Royce (R)
CA-41 Jerry Lewis (R)
CA-42 Gary Miller (R)
CA-44 Ken Calvert (R)
CA-45 Mary Bono Mack (R)
CA-46 Dana Rohrabacher (R)
CA-48 John Campbell (R)
CA-49 Darrell Issa (R)
CA-50 Brian Bilbray (R)
CA-52 Duncan D. Hunter (R)
COLORADO
CO-03 Scott Tipton (R)
CO-04 Corey Gardner (R)
CO-05 Doug Lamborn (R)
CO-06 Mike Coffman (R)
FLORIDA
FL-Sen Marco Rubio (R)
FL-01 Jeff Miller (R)
FL-02 Steve Southerland (R)
FL-04 Ander Crenshaw (R)
FL-05 Richard Nugent (R)
FL-06 Cliff Stearns (R)
FL-07 John Mica (R)
FL-08 Daniel Webster (R)
FL-09 Gus Bilirakis (R)
FL-10 Bill Young (R)
FL-12 Dennis Ross (R)
FL-13 Vern Buchanan (R)
FL-14 Connie Mack (R)
FL-15 Bill Posey (R)
FL-16 Tom Rooney (R)
FL-18 Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R)
FL-21 Lincoln Diaz-Balart (R)
FL-22 Allen West (R)
FL-24 Sandy Adams (R)
FL-25 David Rivera (R)
GEORGIA
GA-Sen Johnny Isakson (R)
GA-Sen Saxby Chambliss (R)
GA-01 Jack Kingston (R)
GA-03 Lynn Westmoreland (R)
GA-06 Tom Price (R)
GA-08 Austin Scott (R)
GA-09 Tom Graves (R)
GA-10 Paul Broun (R)
GA-11 Phil Gingrey (R)
IDAHO
ID-Sen Mike Crapo (R)
ID-Sen James Risch (R)
ID-01 Raul Labrador (R)
ID-02 Michael Simpson (R)
ILLINOIS
IL-Sen Mark Kirk (R)
IL-06 Peter Roskam (R)
IL-08 Joe Walsh (R)
IL-10 Robert Dold (R)
IL-11 Adam Kinzinger (R)
IL-13 Judy Biggert (R)
IL-14 Randy Hultgren (R)
IL-15 Tim Johnson (R)
IL-16 Don Manzullo (R)
IL-17 Bobby Schilling (R)
IL-18 Aaron Schock (R)
IL-19 John Shimkus (R)
INDIANA
IN-Sen Dan Coats (R)
IN-03 Marlin Stutzman (R)
IN-04 Todd Rokita (R)
IN-05 Dan Burton (R)
IN-06 Mike Pence (R)
IN-08 Larry Buschon (R)
IN-09 Todd Young (R)
IOWA
IA-04 Tom Latham (R)
IA-05 Steve King (R)
KANSAS
KS-Sen Jerry Moran (R)
KS-Sen Pat Roberts (R)
KS-01 Tim Huelskamp (R)
KS-02 Lynn Jenkins (R)
KS-04 Michael Pompeo (R)
KENTUCKY
KY-Sen Mitch McConnell (R)
KY-Sen Rand Paul (R)
KY-01 Ed Whitfield (R)
KY-02 Brett Guthrie (R)
KY-04 Geoff Davis (R)
KY-05 Hal Rogers (R)
KY-06 Ben Chandler (D)
LOUISIANA
LA-Sen David Vitter (R)
LA-01 Steve Scalise (R)
LA-03 Jeffery Landry (R)
LA-04 John Fleming (R)
LA-05 Rodney Alexander (R)
LA-06 Bill Cassidy (R)
LA-07 Charles Boustany (R)
MARYLAND
MD-01 Andy Harris (R)
MD-06 Roscoe Bartlett (R)
MASSACHUSETTS
MA-Sen Scott Brown (R)
MICHIGAN
MI-01 Dan Benishek (R)
MI-02 Bill Huizenga (R)
MI-03 Justin Amash (R)
MI-04 Dave Camp (R)
MI-06 Fred Upton (R)
MI-07 Tim Walberg (R)
MI-08 Mike Rogers (R)
MI-10 Candice Miller (R)
MI-11 Thad McCotter (R)
MINNESOTA
MN-02 John Kline (R)
MN-03 Erik Paulsen (R)
MN-06 Michele Bachmann (R)
MN-08 Chip Cravaack (R)
MISSISSIPPI
MS-Sen Roger Wicker (R)
MS-01 Alan Nunnelee (R)
MS-03 Gregg Harper (R)
MS-04 Steven Palazzo (R)
MISSOURI
MO-Sen Roy Blunt (R)
MO-02 Todd Akin (R)
MO-04 Vicky Hartzler (R)
MO-06 Sam Graves (R)
MO-07 Billy Long (R)
MO-08 Jo Ann Emerson (R)
MO-09 Blaine Luetkemeyer (R)
MONTANA
MT-AL Dennis Rehberg (R)
NEBRASKA
NE-Sen Mike Johanns (R)
NE-Sen Ben Nelson (D)
NE-01 Jeff Fortenberry (R)
NE-02 Lee Terry (R)
NE-03 Adrian Smith (R)
NEVADA
NV-Sen Dean Heller (R)
NV-02 Mark Amodei (R)
NV-03 Joe Heck (R)
NEW HAMPSHIRE
NH-Sen Kelly Ayotte (R)
NH-01 Frank Guinta (R)
NH-02 Charlie Bass (R)
NEW JERSEY
NJ-01 Robert Andrews (D)
NJ-02 Frank LoBiondo (R)
NJ-03 Jon Runyan (R)
NJ-04 Chris Smith (R)
NJ-05 Scott Garrett (R)
NJ-07 Leonard Lance (R)
NJ-11 Rodney Frelinghuysen (R)
NEW MEXICO
NM-02 Steve Pearce (R)
NEW YORK
NY-03 Peter King (R)
NY-09 Bob Turner (R)
NY-13 Michael Grimm (R)
NY-19 Nan Hayworth (R)
NY-20 Chris Gibson (R)
NY-25 Ann Marie Buerkle (R)
NY-29 Tom Reed (R)
NORTH CAROLINA
NC-Sen Richard Burr (R)
NC-02 Renee Ellmers (R)
NC-03 Walter Jones Jr. (R)
NC-05 Virginia Foxx (R)
NC-06 Howard Coble (R)
NC-09 Sue Myrick (R)
NC-10 Patrick McHenry (R)
NORTH DAKOTA
ND-AL Rick Berg (R)
OHIO
OH-Sen Rob Portman (R)
OH-01 Steve Chabot (R)
OH-02 Jean Schmidt (R)
OH-03 Mike Turner (R)
OH-04 Jim Jordan (R)
OH-05 Bob Latta (R)
OH-06 Bill Johnson (R)
OH-07 Steve Austria (R)
OH-08 John Boehner (R)
OH-12 Pat Tiberi (R)
OH-14 Steve LaTourette (R)
OH-15 Steve Stivers (R)
OH-16 James Renacci (R)
OH-18 Bob Gibbs (R)
OKLAHOMA
OK-Sen Tom Coburn (R)
OK-Sen Jim Inhofe (R)
OK-01 John Sullivan (R)
OK-03 Frank Lucas (R)
OK-04 Tom Cole (R)
OK-05 James Lankford (R)
OREGON
OR-02 Greg Walden (R)
PENNSYLVANIA
PA-Sen Pat Toomey (R)
PA-03 Mike Kelly (R)
PA-05 Glenn Thompson (R)
PA-06 Jim Gerlach (R)
PA-07 Pat Meehan (R)
PA-08 Michael Fitzpatrick (R)
PA-09 Bill Shuster (R)
PA-10 Thomas Marino (R)
PA-11 Lou Barletta (R)
PA-15 Charlie Dent (R)
PA-16 Joseph Pitts (R)
PA-18 Tim Murphy (R)
SOUTH CAROLINA
SC-Sen Jim DeMint (R)
SC-Sen Lindsey Graham (R)
SC-01 Tim Scott (R)
SC-02 Joe Wilson (R)
SC-03 Jeff Duncan (R)
SC-04 Trey Gowdy (R)
SC-05 Mick Mulvaney (R)
SOUTH DAKOTA
SD-Sen John Thune (R)
SD-AL Kristi Noem (R)
TENNESSEE
TN-Sen Bob Corker (R)
TN-Sen Lamar Alexander (R)
TN-01 Phil Roe (R)
TN-02 John Duncan (R)
TN-03 Chuck Fleischman (R)
TN-04 Scott DesJarlais (R)
TN-06 Diane Black (R)
TN-07 Marsha Blackburn (R)
TN-08 Stephen Fincher (R)
TEXAS
TX-Sen John Cornyn (R)
TX-Sen Kay Bailey Hutchison (R)
TX-01 Louie Gohmert (R)
TX-02 Ted Poe (R)
TX-03 Sam Johnson (R)
TX-04 Ralph Hall (R)
TX-05 Jeb Hensarling (R)
TX-06 Joe Barton (R)
TX-07 John Culberson (R)
TX-08 Kevin Brady (R)
TX-10 Michael McCaul (R)
TX-11 Mike Conaway (R)
TX-12 Kay Granger (R)
TX-13 Mac Thornberry (R)
TX-14 Ron Paul (R)
TX-17 Bill Flores (R)
TX-19 Randy Neugebauer (R)
TX-21 Lamar Smith (R)
TX-22 Pete Olson (R)
TX-23 Francisco Canseco (R)
TX-24 Kenny Marchant (R)
TX-26 Michael Burgess (R)
TX-27 Blake Farenthold (R)
TX-31 John Carter (R)
TX-32 Pete Sessions (R)
UTAH
UT-Sen Michael Lee (R)
UT-Sen Orrin Hatch (R)
UT-01 Rob Bishop (R)
UT-03 Jason Chaffetz (R)
VIRGINIA
VA-02 Scott Rigell (R)
VA-04 Randy Forbes (R)
VA-05 Robert Hurt (R)
VA-06 Bob Goodlatte (R)
VA-07 Eric Cantor (R)
VA-09 H. Morgan Griffith (R)
WASHINGTON
WA-03 Jaime Herrera (R)
WA-04 Doc Hastings (R)
WA-05 Cathy McMorris (R)
WA-08 Dave Reichert (R)
WEST VIRGINIA
WV-01 David McKinley (R)
WV-02 Shelley Moore Capito (R)
WISCONSIN
WI-Sen Ron Johnson (R)
WI-01 Paul Ryan (R)
WI-05 Jim Sensenbrenner (R)
WI-06 Tom Petri (R)
WI-07 Sean Duffy (R)
WI-08 Reid Ribble (R)
WYOMING
WY-Sen Mike Enzi (R)
WY-AL Cynthia Lummis (R)
I guess these guys think things are ok with the way my wife and I are paying the government 10% of our income and make too much to qualify for food stamps, and 55% of corporate businesses pay nothing.
I think it's time to write a letter or two.
Bank of America made $4.4 Billion in PROFITS in 2009. They received nearly $1 trillion in bailout cash from the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department. They also received $1.9 Billion in refunds after paying no taxes.
General Electric has made $26 Billion in PROFITS over the past five years in the United States alone. They got $4.1 Billion in refunds after paying no taxes.
Chevron made $10 Billion in PROFITS in 2009. Paid no taxes. Got $19 million in tax refunds.
Boeing got $124 million in tax refunds. They paid nothing. Oh yeah, they also got a $30 Billion contract from the Pentagon to build 179 airborne tankers.
Valero Energy -- 25th largest company in America -- did $68 Billion in sales. Paid no taxes. Got $157 million back from the government. They also get $134 million in tax breaks and deductions over the past 3 years.
Goldman Sachs paid 1.1% of it's income in taxes in 2009, even though they earned $2.3 Billion in PROFITS and got almost $800 Billion from the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury Department.
Citigroup made more than $4 Billion in PROFITS. Paid no taxes. Got $2.5 TRILLION in bailout funds from the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury Department.
ConocoPhillips -- 5th largest oil company in the U.S. -- made $16 Billion in profits from 2007 to 2009, but received $451 in tax breaks though the oil and gas manufacturing deduction.
Carnival Cruise Lines made $11 Billion in PROFITS over the past five years. They only paid 1.1% in taxes over those five years.
In 2009, my wife and I filed our taxes jointly and paid $300 to the federal government. At that time, we made less than $30,000 a year. None of it was profit, as all of it needed to be spent on things needed to keep us alive, like food and shelter. Our tax rate, then, was over 10%. Carnival Cruise Lines made $11 Billion in profits and paid 1.1% in taxes. Goldman Sachs made $2.3 Billion in profits, got a government bailout, and paid 1.1% in taxes. My wife and I made no profits and paid more than 10% in taxes. We also make too much money to qualify for food stamps.
If you paid any taxes in 2009 -- even $1 -- you paid more in taxes than Exxon Mobil, Bank of America, General Electric, Chevron, Boeing, Valero Energy, Citigroup and ConocoPhillips combined.
With these companies doing so well, I wonder why our economy is doing so poorly? I mean, we keep being told that if these companies don't rake in these kinds of profits, then our country will see job losses and economic hardships... kinda like what we're seeing now...? I wonder why we don't have any new jobs from these so-called "Job Creators"? Could it be that the line about large corporations being "Job Creators" and keeping our country's economy afloat is a load of horseshit concocted by the people who are benefiting most from this legal kind of corporate theft? I think so.
Source for the above: http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2011/03/ten_giant_us_companies_avoidin.html
(well... except for that last paragraph. That's all me, baby.)
Here's something else to ponder. According to The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/03/business/economy/03rates.html), America has one of the highest corporate income tax rates in the world at 35%. However, because of breaks and loopholes, around 55% of U.S. companies pay no federal income tax.
Here's a comprehensive list of the 238 Representatives and 41 Senators who have signed a pledge to "oppose any and all efforts to increase the marginal income tax rate for individuals AND BUSINESSES," and "oppose any net reduction or elimination of deductions and credits, unless matched dollar for dollar by further reducing tax rates."
http://s3.amazonaws.com/atrfiles/files/files/091411-federalpledgesigners(1).pdf
ALABAMA
AL-Sen Jeff Sessions (R)
AL-Sen Richard Shelby (R)
AL-01 Jo Bonner (R)
AL-02 Martha Roby (R)
AL-03 Mike Rogers (R)
AL-04 Robert Aderholt (R)
AL-05 Mo Brooks (R)
AL-06 Spencer Bachus (R)
ALASKA
AK-Sen Lisa Murkowski (R)
AK-AL Don Young (R)
ARIZONA
AZ-Sen Jon Kyl (R)
AZ-Sen John McCain (R)
AZ-01 Paul Gosar (R)
AZ-02 Trent Franks (R)
AZ-03 Ben Quayle (R)
AZ-05 David Schweikert (R)
AZ-06 Jeff Flake (R)
ARKANSAS
AR-Sen John Boozman (R)
AR-01 Rick Crawford (R)
AR-02 Tim Griffin (R)
AR-03 Steve Womack (R)
CALIFORNIA
CA-02 Wally Herger (R)
CA-03 Dan Lungren (R)
CA-04 Tom McClintock (R)
CA-19 Jeff Denham (R)
CA-21 Devin Nunes (R)
CA-22 Kevin McCarthy (R)
CA-24 Elton Gallegly (R)
CA-25 Buck McKeon (R)
CA-26 David Dreier (R)
CA-40 Ed Royce (R)
CA-41 Jerry Lewis (R)
CA-42 Gary Miller (R)
CA-44 Ken Calvert (R)
CA-45 Mary Bono Mack (R)
CA-46 Dana Rohrabacher (R)
CA-48 John Campbell (R)
CA-49 Darrell Issa (R)
CA-50 Brian Bilbray (R)
CA-52 Duncan D. Hunter (R)
COLORADO
CO-03 Scott Tipton (R)
CO-04 Corey Gardner (R)
CO-05 Doug Lamborn (R)
CO-06 Mike Coffman (R)
FLORIDA
FL-Sen Marco Rubio (R)
FL-01 Jeff Miller (R)
FL-02 Steve Southerland (R)
FL-04 Ander Crenshaw (R)
FL-05 Richard Nugent (R)
FL-06 Cliff Stearns (R)
FL-07 John Mica (R)
FL-08 Daniel Webster (R)
FL-09 Gus Bilirakis (R)
FL-10 Bill Young (R)
FL-12 Dennis Ross (R)
FL-13 Vern Buchanan (R)
FL-14 Connie Mack (R)
FL-15 Bill Posey (R)
FL-16 Tom Rooney (R)
FL-18 Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R)
FL-21 Lincoln Diaz-Balart (R)
FL-22 Allen West (R)
FL-24 Sandy Adams (R)
FL-25 David Rivera (R)
GEORGIA
GA-Sen Johnny Isakson (R)
GA-Sen Saxby Chambliss (R)
GA-01 Jack Kingston (R)
GA-03 Lynn Westmoreland (R)
GA-06 Tom Price (R)
GA-08 Austin Scott (R)
GA-09 Tom Graves (R)
GA-10 Paul Broun (R)
GA-11 Phil Gingrey (R)
IDAHO
ID-Sen Mike Crapo (R)
ID-Sen James Risch (R)
ID-01 Raul Labrador (R)
ID-02 Michael Simpson (R)
ILLINOIS
IL-Sen Mark Kirk (R)
IL-06 Peter Roskam (R)
IL-08 Joe Walsh (R)
IL-10 Robert Dold (R)
IL-11 Adam Kinzinger (R)
IL-13 Judy Biggert (R)
IL-14 Randy Hultgren (R)
IL-15 Tim Johnson (R)
IL-16 Don Manzullo (R)
IL-17 Bobby Schilling (R)
IL-18 Aaron Schock (R)
IL-19 John Shimkus (R)
INDIANA
IN-Sen Dan Coats (R)
IN-03 Marlin Stutzman (R)
IN-04 Todd Rokita (R)
IN-05 Dan Burton (R)
IN-06 Mike Pence (R)
IN-08 Larry Buschon (R)
IN-09 Todd Young (R)
IOWA
IA-04 Tom Latham (R)
IA-05 Steve King (R)
KANSAS
KS-Sen Jerry Moran (R)
KS-Sen Pat Roberts (R)
KS-01 Tim Huelskamp (R)
KS-02 Lynn Jenkins (R)
KS-04 Michael Pompeo (R)
KENTUCKY
KY-Sen Mitch McConnell (R)
KY-Sen Rand Paul (R)
KY-01 Ed Whitfield (R)
KY-02 Brett Guthrie (R)
KY-04 Geoff Davis (R)
KY-05 Hal Rogers (R)
KY-06 Ben Chandler (D)
LOUISIANA
LA-Sen David Vitter (R)
LA-01 Steve Scalise (R)
LA-03 Jeffery Landry (R)
LA-04 John Fleming (R)
LA-05 Rodney Alexander (R)
LA-06 Bill Cassidy (R)
LA-07 Charles Boustany (R)
MARYLAND
MD-01 Andy Harris (R)
MD-06 Roscoe Bartlett (R)
MASSACHUSETTS
MA-Sen Scott Brown (R)
MICHIGAN
MI-01 Dan Benishek (R)
MI-02 Bill Huizenga (R)
MI-03 Justin Amash (R)
MI-04 Dave Camp (R)
MI-06 Fred Upton (R)
MI-07 Tim Walberg (R)
MI-08 Mike Rogers (R)
MI-10 Candice Miller (R)
MI-11 Thad McCotter (R)
MINNESOTA
MN-02 John Kline (R)
MN-03 Erik Paulsen (R)
MN-06 Michele Bachmann (R)
MN-08 Chip Cravaack (R)
MISSISSIPPI
MS-Sen Roger Wicker (R)
MS-01 Alan Nunnelee (R)
MS-03 Gregg Harper (R)
MS-04 Steven Palazzo (R)
MISSOURI
MO-Sen Roy Blunt (R)
MO-02 Todd Akin (R)
MO-04 Vicky Hartzler (R)
MO-06 Sam Graves (R)
MO-07 Billy Long (R)
MO-08 Jo Ann Emerson (R)
MO-09 Blaine Luetkemeyer (R)
MONTANA
MT-AL Dennis Rehberg (R)
NEBRASKA
NE-Sen Mike Johanns (R)
NE-Sen Ben Nelson (D)
NE-01 Jeff Fortenberry (R)
NE-02 Lee Terry (R)
NE-03 Adrian Smith (R)
NEVADA
NV-Sen Dean Heller (R)
NV-02 Mark Amodei (R)
NV-03 Joe Heck (R)
NEW HAMPSHIRE
NH-Sen Kelly Ayotte (R)
NH-01 Frank Guinta (R)
NH-02 Charlie Bass (R)
NEW JERSEY
NJ-01 Robert Andrews (D)
NJ-02 Frank LoBiondo (R)
NJ-03 Jon Runyan (R)
NJ-04 Chris Smith (R)
NJ-05 Scott Garrett (R)
NJ-07 Leonard Lance (R)
NJ-11 Rodney Frelinghuysen (R)
NEW MEXICO
NM-02 Steve Pearce (R)
NEW YORK
NY-03 Peter King (R)
NY-09 Bob Turner (R)
NY-13 Michael Grimm (R)
NY-19 Nan Hayworth (R)
NY-20 Chris Gibson (R)
NY-25 Ann Marie Buerkle (R)
NY-29 Tom Reed (R)
NORTH CAROLINA
NC-Sen Richard Burr (R)
NC-02 Renee Ellmers (R)
NC-03 Walter Jones Jr. (R)
NC-05 Virginia Foxx (R)
NC-06 Howard Coble (R)
NC-09 Sue Myrick (R)
NC-10 Patrick McHenry (R)
NORTH DAKOTA
ND-AL Rick Berg (R)
OHIO
OH-Sen Rob Portman (R)
OH-01 Steve Chabot (R)
OH-02 Jean Schmidt (R)
OH-03 Mike Turner (R)
OH-04 Jim Jordan (R)
OH-05 Bob Latta (R)
OH-06 Bill Johnson (R)
OH-07 Steve Austria (R)
OH-08 John Boehner (R)
OH-12 Pat Tiberi (R)
OH-14 Steve LaTourette (R)
OH-15 Steve Stivers (R)
OH-16 James Renacci (R)
OH-18 Bob Gibbs (R)
OKLAHOMA
OK-Sen Tom Coburn (R)
OK-Sen Jim Inhofe (R)
OK-01 John Sullivan (R)
OK-03 Frank Lucas (R)
OK-04 Tom Cole (R)
OK-05 James Lankford (R)
OREGON
OR-02 Greg Walden (R)
PENNSYLVANIA
PA-Sen Pat Toomey (R)
PA-03 Mike Kelly (R)
PA-05 Glenn Thompson (R)
PA-06 Jim Gerlach (R)
PA-07 Pat Meehan (R)
PA-08 Michael Fitzpatrick (R)
PA-09 Bill Shuster (R)
PA-10 Thomas Marino (R)
PA-11 Lou Barletta (R)
PA-15 Charlie Dent (R)
PA-16 Joseph Pitts (R)
PA-18 Tim Murphy (R)
SOUTH CAROLINA
SC-Sen Jim DeMint (R)
SC-Sen Lindsey Graham (R)
SC-01 Tim Scott (R)
SC-02 Joe Wilson (R)
SC-03 Jeff Duncan (R)
SC-04 Trey Gowdy (R)
SC-05 Mick Mulvaney (R)
SOUTH DAKOTA
SD-Sen John Thune (R)
SD-AL Kristi Noem (R)
TENNESSEE
TN-Sen Bob Corker (R)
TN-Sen Lamar Alexander (R)
TN-01 Phil Roe (R)
TN-02 John Duncan (R)
TN-03 Chuck Fleischman (R)
TN-04 Scott DesJarlais (R)
TN-06 Diane Black (R)
TN-07 Marsha Blackburn (R)
TN-08 Stephen Fincher (R)
TEXAS
TX-Sen John Cornyn (R)
TX-Sen Kay Bailey Hutchison (R)
TX-01 Louie Gohmert (R)
TX-02 Ted Poe (R)
TX-03 Sam Johnson (R)
TX-04 Ralph Hall (R)
TX-05 Jeb Hensarling (R)
TX-06 Joe Barton (R)
TX-07 John Culberson (R)
TX-08 Kevin Brady (R)
TX-10 Michael McCaul (R)
TX-11 Mike Conaway (R)
TX-12 Kay Granger (R)
TX-13 Mac Thornberry (R)
TX-14 Ron Paul (R)
TX-17 Bill Flores (R)
TX-19 Randy Neugebauer (R)
TX-21 Lamar Smith (R)
TX-22 Pete Olson (R)
TX-23 Francisco Canseco (R)
TX-24 Kenny Marchant (R)
TX-26 Michael Burgess (R)
TX-27 Blake Farenthold (R)
TX-31 John Carter (R)
TX-32 Pete Sessions (R)
UTAH
UT-Sen Michael Lee (R)
UT-Sen Orrin Hatch (R)
UT-01 Rob Bishop (R)
UT-03 Jason Chaffetz (R)
VIRGINIA
VA-02 Scott Rigell (R)
VA-04 Randy Forbes (R)
VA-05 Robert Hurt (R)
VA-06 Bob Goodlatte (R)
VA-07 Eric Cantor (R)
VA-09 H. Morgan Griffith (R)
WASHINGTON
WA-03 Jaime Herrera (R)
WA-04 Doc Hastings (R)
WA-05 Cathy McMorris (R)
WA-08 Dave Reichert (R)
WEST VIRGINIA
WV-01 David McKinley (R)
WV-02 Shelley Moore Capito (R)
WISCONSIN
WI-Sen Ron Johnson (R)
WI-01 Paul Ryan (R)
WI-05 Jim Sensenbrenner (R)
WI-06 Tom Petri (R)
WI-07 Sean Duffy (R)
WI-08 Reid Ribble (R)
WYOMING
WY-Sen Mike Enzi (R)
WY-AL Cynthia Lummis (R)
I guess these guys think things are ok with the way my wife and I are paying the government 10% of our income and make too much to qualify for food stamps, and 55% of corporate businesses pay nothing.
I think it's time to write a letter or two.
Happy One Day
Happy One Day, everybody!
Today is November 1, 2011.
Shortened, it's 11/1/11.
All ones!
It's One Day!
Incidentally, I created One Day, so if you hear anybody else say that, they owe me a quarter.
Today is November 1, 2011.
Shortened, it's 11/1/11.
All ones!
It's One Day!
Incidentally, I created One Day, so if you hear anybody else say that, they owe me a quarter.
Monday, October 31, 2011
My T-Shirt Idea
I'm a really good teacher. And what I taught, I did for a living for a long time. I was good at it.
My mother is a phenomenal piano teacher. She plays piano on a regular basis for public performances of all kinds.
My father sucks as a teacher. He taught mathematics to children and adults at the collegiate level. I've taken shits that could teach me more than my father. He didn't do anything with mathematics other than teach it.
My step-mother sucks as a teacher. She taught anatomy. She was as competent as a sack of hair. She never performed a surgery or an autopsy in her life. The only anatomy she ever saw was either presented to her in a jar or presented to her in a textbook. She also taugh speech pathology. Her almost-10-year-old daughter has speech that's as intelligible as a steak sandwich. My sister's mother sucks as a teacher. Period.
I think all teachers should be required to DO what it is they TEACH.
Then, besides completely disregarding the damage my father and step-mother have done to many individuals in the name of education, we could get rid of those incredibly ignorant and asinine "Those who can, do -- Those who can't, teach" T-shirts.
I'd like to change the shirt to say, "Those who can teach, do. Those who can't teach are as worthless and harmful as my father and step-mother. Kill them, now, with your large truck."
Yeah... I like that.
My mother is a phenomenal piano teacher. She plays piano on a regular basis for public performances of all kinds.
My father sucks as a teacher. He taught mathematics to children and adults at the collegiate level. I've taken shits that could teach me more than my father. He didn't do anything with mathematics other than teach it.
My step-mother sucks as a teacher. She taught anatomy. She was as competent as a sack of hair. She never performed a surgery or an autopsy in her life. The only anatomy she ever saw was either presented to her in a jar or presented to her in a textbook. She also taugh speech pathology. Her almost-10-year-old daughter has speech that's as intelligible as a steak sandwich. My sister's mother sucks as a teacher. Period.
I think all teachers should be required to DO what it is they TEACH.
Then, besides completely disregarding the damage my father and step-mother have done to many individuals in the name of education, we could get rid of those incredibly ignorant and asinine "Those who can, do -- Those who can't, teach" T-shirts.
I'd like to change the shirt to say, "Those who can teach, do. Those who can't teach are as worthless and harmful as my father and step-mother. Kill them, now, with your large truck."
Yeah... I like that.
Footballs and Fathers
I wanted my boy to lose his football game.
Football is something that his father wants him to do. It’s something that his father is pressuring him to do. Yeah, if he didn’t want to do it, he might say something. Except that he’s been yelled at enough by his father to make sure that he doesn’t speak his mind at any time in the future. His father is psychologically and emotionally abusive to all who surround him, and my 10-year-old is a people pleaser. So it’s highly unlikely that he would say anything to upset his father. And it will be a hard lesson for him in the future. Unless he’s content with doing what everyone else wants. If he is, he shouldn’t have any problems. However, if he’s like everyone else on the planet, he’ll probably want to do his own thing at some point, and then he’ll have to either do what he wants and feel the pain of others not approving, or he will have to do what others want and feel the pain of denying himself yet again.
So he’s playing football, and probably will for the foreseeable future.
And on Sunday, he was playing the team that beat his team last year during the playoffs. The coaches were making a big deal about the game. The other players were making a big deal about the game. So, like a good People Pleaser, he was making a big deal about the game. Plus, nobody wants to lose. Losing sucks.
I saw my 10-year-old standing on the sidelines, waiting to go in, trying to talk with his father, who is a bald, fat coach on the team. I want my 10-year-old to go someplace else, someplace safer, someplace more healthy, someplace less pathologic and psychotic. But he doesn’t. He wants to stay next to his father.
And it makes me mad that I’m here at this stupid game.
And it makes me mad that I’m surrounded by people yelling and screaming for their children, and not always is it positive yelling and screaming. Sometimes it’s positive screaming. Yup. “Positive Screaming”. I emphasize that because I’m hoping you will pick up on the oxymoronic nature of the phrase “Positive Screaming”.
And it makes me mad that my 10-year-old is involved in a sport that he’s really not very good at, but his father has told him he’s going to get a scholarship playing.
And it makes me mad that my 10-year-old comes away from every game speaking negatively of his teammates and the other team’s players. I feel like that negativity is inspired by his father. And yes, I’m aware that I’m doing nothing but being negative here yet blaming the inspiration for the negativity on his father.
And it makes me mad that I’m sitting here wishing for my boy to lose.
I see football as something that is being forced on him by his father. I see it as an unhealthy obsession from his father. And so in my head, it’s more about proving his father wrong than about him losing his game. If he loses, his father is wrong. If he wins, his relationship with his father is strengthened.
Which is stupid, because right now, he does nothing but talk about his father when he’s with me. Makes me even more mad. I want him to talk about anything else. But he talks about how great it was when he and his father went to the movies. He points out where his father lives, even though we’re not even really close to his father’s house. He looks forward to going to his father’s house so he can collect his $20-60 per month allowance, depending on his grades.
And I feel badly that I want him to lose.
I want him to lose, and I feel like a shit for wanting him to lose.
And then… he loses.
And I’m almost happy about it. Until I hear his father telling him that they lost because “the other team was playing dirty”. This pisses me off all over again. It can’t be that our team wasn’t as good as the other team, or that the other team just played a better game than us today, but that the other team played dirty. This takes away all power to get better in the future, or to make different choices next time, or even to get over it quickly. It means that somebody cheated. You’re the better player, but you’re still a loser, and there’s no way to get better, so you’ll have to keep losing in the future. It’s absolutely ridiculous. “The other team was playing dirty”??!! My good god, you’re a fucking pussy!
It’s hard to let him walk down that road towards his father. Maybe he will be happy in the future. And I tell myself that is all I want for him. I want him to be happy. But it’s kinda like saying you want a drug addict to be happy, and so you don’t take away his drugs. There is a difference between healthy happy and unhealthy happy. Right now, my 10-year-old is happy with his father because his father hasn’t found fault in him yet and still wants to spend money on him. If my 10-year-old speaks up about anything that goes against his father’s wishes, the favors will end. The attention will end. The gifts will stop. We all know this because we’ve watched it happen with my 15-year-old. Even if this behavior doesn’t change, this isn’t the basis for any kind of healthy relationship.
But I guess very few relationships with our parents are healthy.
Football is something that his father wants him to do. It’s something that his father is pressuring him to do. Yeah, if he didn’t want to do it, he might say something. Except that he’s been yelled at enough by his father to make sure that he doesn’t speak his mind at any time in the future. His father is psychologically and emotionally abusive to all who surround him, and my 10-year-old is a people pleaser. So it’s highly unlikely that he would say anything to upset his father. And it will be a hard lesson for him in the future. Unless he’s content with doing what everyone else wants. If he is, he shouldn’t have any problems. However, if he’s like everyone else on the planet, he’ll probably want to do his own thing at some point, and then he’ll have to either do what he wants and feel the pain of others not approving, or he will have to do what others want and feel the pain of denying himself yet again.
So he’s playing football, and probably will for the foreseeable future.
And on Sunday, he was playing the team that beat his team last year during the playoffs. The coaches were making a big deal about the game. The other players were making a big deal about the game. So, like a good People Pleaser, he was making a big deal about the game. Plus, nobody wants to lose. Losing sucks.
I saw my 10-year-old standing on the sidelines, waiting to go in, trying to talk with his father, who is a bald, fat coach on the team. I want my 10-year-old to go someplace else, someplace safer, someplace more healthy, someplace less pathologic and psychotic. But he doesn’t. He wants to stay next to his father.
And it makes me mad that I’m here at this stupid game.
And it makes me mad that I’m surrounded by people yelling and screaming for their children, and not always is it positive yelling and screaming. Sometimes it’s positive screaming. Yup. “Positive Screaming”. I emphasize that because I’m hoping you will pick up on the oxymoronic nature of the phrase “Positive Screaming”.
And it makes me mad that my 10-year-old is involved in a sport that he’s really not very good at, but his father has told him he’s going to get a scholarship playing.
And it makes me mad that my 10-year-old comes away from every game speaking negatively of his teammates and the other team’s players. I feel like that negativity is inspired by his father. And yes, I’m aware that I’m doing nothing but being negative here yet blaming the inspiration for the negativity on his father.
And it makes me mad that I’m sitting here wishing for my boy to lose.
I see football as something that is being forced on him by his father. I see it as an unhealthy obsession from his father. And so in my head, it’s more about proving his father wrong than about him losing his game. If he loses, his father is wrong. If he wins, his relationship with his father is strengthened.
Which is stupid, because right now, he does nothing but talk about his father when he’s with me. Makes me even more mad. I want him to talk about anything else. But he talks about how great it was when he and his father went to the movies. He points out where his father lives, even though we’re not even really close to his father’s house. He looks forward to going to his father’s house so he can collect his $20-60 per month allowance, depending on his grades.
And I feel badly that I want him to lose.
I want him to lose, and I feel like a shit for wanting him to lose.
And then… he loses.
And I’m almost happy about it. Until I hear his father telling him that they lost because “the other team was playing dirty”. This pisses me off all over again. It can’t be that our team wasn’t as good as the other team, or that the other team just played a better game than us today, but that the other team played dirty. This takes away all power to get better in the future, or to make different choices next time, or even to get over it quickly. It means that somebody cheated. You’re the better player, but you’re still a loser, and there’s no way to get better, so you’ll have to keep losing in the future. It’s absolutely ridiculous. “The other team was playing dirty”??!! My good god, you’re a fucking pussy!
It’s hard to let him walk down that road towards his father. Maybe he will be happy in the future. And I tell myself that is all I want for him. I want him to be happy. But it’s kinda like saying you want a drug addict to be happy, and so you don’t take away his drugs. There is a difference between healthy happy and unhealthy happy. Right now, my 10-year-old is happy with his father because his father hasn’t found fault in him yet and still wants to spend money on him. If my 10-year-old speaks up about anything that goes against his father’s wishes, the favors will end. The attention will end. The gifts will stop. We all know this because we’ve watched it happen with my 15-year-old. Even if this behavior doesn’t change, this isn’t the basis for any kind of healthy relationship.
But I guess very few relationships with our parents are healthy.