I Looked At The World

i looked at the world
"i see God here in all this beauty around me."
then they built binoculars for me to see the tree was made of bark
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw bark

i looked at the sky
"i see God in the infinite of space"
then they built a telescope for me to see planets and suns and other galaxies
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw Saturn

i looked in myself
"i see God inside of everyone"
then they built x-ray machines to show me how my heart works
and i didn't see God anymore
i saw cholesterol plaque

it seems that God is only in the places i can't see
when i look, He's not there

i don't know why beauty is God
and God only exists where my knowledge ends
when i saw the world around me,
when i saw space,
when i saw my heart,
they all stayed the same as they always were
i was the one who changed
i could see clearly for the first time
and when i see clearly, God leaves

can the world stay beautiful
can space stay magnificent
can i stay mysterious
even when i see God isn't there?

if God leaves
does my goodness leave, too?
if God leaves
does the beauty of life leave, too?

can i make peace with not existing one day?
can i make peace with not knowing where i will go?
can i make peace with not having the answers?
can i not be frightened?
i am frightened now
or should i close my eyes again just to see God
just to feel safe
just to try to change back
back to a time when i didn't know
God wasn't there
and He was protecting me
and i was taken care of
and i wasn't alone