Knowing How To Walk Outside

I was in a play in high school, and in one of my scenes I had to walk from indoors to outdoors. We didn’t really have any kind of set to speak of, so there was no definite marking or line where the inside stopped and the outside began. I just made it up. We all did. And at one point, the director said that she wanted the cast to watch me the next time we ran through the show. “It’s really easy to tell when he’s made the transition from inside to outside. He knows where he is, and so the audience will know where he is, too.” It was one of those notes from your director that you really like. So the next time we ran through the show, I thought about going from inside to outside, and I patted myself on the back as I did so. You’re so good at going from inside to outside, I told myself. You’re going to win an Oscar for Best Indoor To Outdoor Walker. The note that came after that run-through wasn’t as good as the first note. “Well,” said the director, “they tell you that part of your job as a director is knowing when to say something and when not to say something. And I watched for weeks before saying something, and he was doing it great. Then today, I could see that he was thinking about it, and it wasn’t quite right. So, don’t do what you saw him do today.” Ugh. I tried to get it back, whatever it was that made her say I walked from inside to outside. Something that she couldn’t even put into words, but I had been able to do it for weeks. But I never got it back. And the show opened. And the show closed. And I never got it back. And now, 22 years later, I still remember it.




I tell that story to tell this one. I was about to text my 16-year-old. Yesterday he told me that he had made contact with one of his old friends and they wanted to go shoot some movies sometime and would it be okay if they tried to edit their film using my computer and software. While I was a little hesitant about the whole prospect, I wasn’t turned off immediately, and more to the point, I was very happy to hear that he had reconnected with one of his friends. He doesn’t make friends easily, and shies away from social situations, so when a social situation comes up that he doesn’t shy away from, I want to let him know that I think it’s awesome.



But… when to say something and when not to say something.



Any concern I have about his social life is only because of court, knowing his lack of social interactions will be used against him. And I recently read a report from his therapist, where she talked about how he still was struggling with seeing the value in social interactions, and he was working to overcome social insecurities. So the timeline for me was: our 16-year-old talks about his friend, and then I read the letter from his therapist. But that’s not the way it actually happened for him. He talked with the therapist first, THEN he talked with the friend. He was making steps to engage socially without my encouragement. Without me saying anything. He did it on his own. So I didn’t text him to let him know I’m proud of him for that thing. I don’t want to make a thing about it so that he starts thinking about it and shies away from it. He knows how to walk from inside to outside. You don’t need to say anything.