Court on Friday, August 1st

I am scared.

I am an actor, and not a very widely known one.  I achieved enough success in that field to support myself independently for about 12 years.  Which, according to many and me, is an accomplishment worth note.

I am a government employee, semi-skilled in adjudicating disability claims. 

I am a computer technician.  I ran a computer repair room for two years with some success.

I am a waiter.  I think all successful actors are.

I am a box office clerk.

I am a cook.

I am a drive-through attendant.

I am a nuclear waste disposer.

The closest I came to being an attorney was when I played Clarence Darrow in a one-man play called "Clarence Darrow".  I think, even by the further stretch, I was still an actor then.

On Friday, August 1st, I will go before a judge and make some kind of legal statement.  It may be a short legal statement.  It may be a long legal statement.  It may require me to make more legal statements in the future.  I will be making this legal statement regarding my wife and our son.  They are two of the most important people in my life right now.  I will be making this legal statement in a room with a man who has proven that he wants to hurt me, my wife, and our son, and also proven that his client wants to hurt me, my wife, and our son.  I will be making this/these legal statements knowing that I am not now, nor have I every been, a member of the Bar Association in any United States.  I have never been an attorney.  I don't know what it takes.  My wife has told me that I have never been an attorney and I don't know what it takes.  Our attorney has told me that I am not an attorney and I don't know what it takes.  He went on to tell me that my wife and I were being "penny wise and pound foolish" in regards to this matter, even though we have repeatedly told him that we have no more cash to give him.  He told me that I don't know the first thing about procedures of producing evidence, or court rules, and that we might "win the battle but lose the war" over the amount of money in our "pocketbooks".  I told him that we didn't have any money, and he told me that we would have even less if I decided to represent my wife.  I told him that I hoped everything would go well for us, and he told me "I don't see how it can, but good luck," and then hung up the phone.  I was about to tell him that I am rubber and he is glue, but he was too quick on hanging up the phone.  And while my joking nature helped give my stress some relief in the moment, and is giving me some relief now, it doesn't change the fact that I will be going into a hostile environment on Friday, unprepared for what might happen, as I represent some of my most cherished people.

This would be a really good time for a little confidence booster.  Except there isn't one.

This could be a very, very long week. 

And I'm scared I'm gonna make things worse.