Jesus Wants You To Share

I love my wife much more than I have words for.
But I don't go around putting words in her mouth.
She's one of my very favorite conversational subjects.
I try to talk about her as much as I can, because she makes me feel good.
But it's never in relation to anyone else.
Like I would never say, "My wife loves cheesecake, so you should eat it."
Well, I might say that, but only to make people laugh at how ridiculous that sentence is.

So what makes people think they can walk into our home-- into our in-home studio-- where our students are, and say to the other students there, "Jesus wants you to share"?

I wanna know who knows Jesus well enough to be able to put those words into his mouth.
Cuz I'm pretty sure Jesus was dead long before this lady was born. Cuz, and I'm just guessing here, that Jesus was born around the time of the Big Changeover-- you know, from BC to AD. And I'm not a biblical scholar or nothin', but I'm pretty sure the Golden Rule was "Love one another as you would yourself," not "Share, or else!"

I'm super tired of Jesus-freaks pushing their beliefs on others. I'm sick of people feeling empowered to shower others with their mythology and judgement. The next time somebody tells me that Jesus would want something, I'm going to kick them in the ovaries as hard as I possibly can. And after the ringing in their ears subsides, I'm going to tell them that I kicked them because Jesus said to stop speaking for him. And that Romans 5:18 says, "Ye, for those who soever says words in the name of Jesu shall be smacked in the lady parts with a hurtful and severe kick." And they won't know if I'm telling the truth or not, because Jesus freaks haven't really read the Bible. They're too busy judging to actually find out what it says.

At least, that's what my wife tells me. She also tells me that the correct name for lady parts is "Nuni".