Battles

My wife says to me, “I KNOW that, when you decide what you want, you will do that.”


It feels good to be supported like that.

And for a moment, I feel like anything is possible, like what she says is correct. And in my head, a little voice says, “Ok, time to fly.”

And my whole being decides, literally, that it’s time to fly-- for me to defy gravity and levitate.

And I don’t.

And I DECIDE that it’s time to fly.

Because my wife told me that when I decided what I wanted, I would do it.

And I believe that, too. I am capable of anything.

But then I don’t fly. And I don’t levitate. And I don’t bend the ceiling fan with the power of my mind.

And the doubts come flooding back.

“You’re no good. If you were good, you’d be able to do what you believe. You’d be able to do what your wife believes. Right now, you’re a pretty big disappointment. You’re letting yourself down. You’re letting your wife down. You’re one big let-down.” And the faceless mouth on the Inner Voice frowns.

And I’m left feeling like a failure again.

But then my wife reminds me to Turn Down The Volume of the Voices in my Head.

And that works.

And I breathe.

And I’m able to sleep.

To start the fight again.

Today.