a hard time

having a hard time keeping my head up.
feels like I'm close to drowning, but somehow i get just enough strength to keep treading water.
pretty lonely.
feeling alone.
feeling like it's not going to change.
knowing that these thoughts aren't right and trying to change my feelings and mood, but not doing a really good job with that.
sleep would be great, but it's hard.
drugging myself with Unisom every night for mediocre rest makes for a tough day the next day. and every day is the next day.
days are kinda running together.
want this era to end now so that i can start the next one.
want to sleep for a really really long time.
want to feel rested.
want to feel my wife again.
i haven't felt her in too long.
I'm wanting in this world now and i don't know how to alter that.
but i keep powering through.
at some point it must end, right?