I'VE BEEN PROMOTED
A Short Dramedy
by Zon
TITLE CARD:
The following is a true story.
Lights up on ZON talking with JUANITA in her office.
JUANITA
We would like to offer you a promotion.
ZON
I accept!
JUANITA
Great. There will be an increase in work, as well as an increase in pay. But the promotion won't be "official" until you receive an email from HR.
ZON
Sounds great!
JUANITA
Now you can go out and buy a new car.
ZON
Well, there are a lot of necessities that need to be taken care of before I can even think about spending money on anything nice. A lot has happened to us, so this promotion isn't so much about getting to play, it's more about paying for tragedies that have already taken place. This is much-needed medicine.
JUANITA
I'm not authorized to talk with you about that.
ZON
(puzzled by this response)
... o... kay....
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
1 WEEK LATER
ZON sits in his cubicle, writing an email.
ZON
(voice over)
Amy, I came by your office last week but missed you. I wanted
to thank you for the offer of promotion. Juanita told
me about it on Thursday and I was thrilled, as you might have guessed.
Any ideas when that might take effect? Juanita said she wasn’t sure. Thank you, again.We hear ZON send the email, and almost immediately he receives a response to his email. He opens it and reads the email from AMY.
AMY
(voice over)
DRS – HR establishes the
effective date so we have no ideas regarding the timeframe until we hear from
them. Amy CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
1 MORE WEEK LATER
ZON sits in his cubicle, writing another email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Jeannie. About two weeks ago, 4/2/15, my supervisor, Juanita, told me that I was
being promoted. She said it would be
“official” as soon as I received an email from HR. My supervisor's supervisor, Amy, mentioned the
same thing when I spoke with her, also. I haven’t received that official email yet. It's been two weeks now, and I was wondering if this is something I
should be concerned with. Thanks for any help you can give.ZON smiles, and we hear him send the email. Almost immediately we hear he has received email. He checks his email, and we hear JEANNIE.
JEANNIE
(voice over)
The paperwork is in process. Sonya will be able to give
you the status as she is handling the process.ZON writes another email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Sonya. On 4/2/15 I was told by my supervisor that I was
being promoted. Neither she nor her supervisor were able to
give me any information about when the pay would take effect. I started receiving the added work at my new promotional levels that would go along with my promotion on April 6th, so I’m hoping that I would see the added pay in April’s check.
However, both my supervisor and her supervisor told me that my promotion status
wouldn’t be official until I received an official HR email, which I haven’t
received. Jeannie told me (see email chain below) that you would be
able to tell me the status of all of this, as it’s all very confusing to me right
now. Thank you. Zon.ZON sends the email.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
4 HOURS LATER
ZON gets an email. He opens it.
SONYA
(voice over)
Good morning Zonathon, I apologizes for the late
response, I was out of the office this morning. The paper work was submitted to
main payroll a couple of weeks ago (I believe). I haven’t heard anything from
them at this time, I will send an e-mail and if no response in the next hour I
will call over there to find out the status of your Detail and when will you
see the difference in your pay. Once again I apologizes for the late
response. Thanks, Sonya. CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
2 DAYS LATER
ZON writes an email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Sonya. Have you heard anything? I’m nervous that April’s check
won’t reflect the change, which would be disappointing. Thanks for all your help with this. Zon.ZON sends this email, and almost immediately receives an email. He opens it.
SONYA
(voice over)
Good morning, I apologies for not informing
you that Stephanie (at the main payroll) was out of the office, but I did leave
her a voicemail. Have you looked at you paycheck?
It’s available to view. Please check and advise. ZON writes a response.
ZON
(voice over)
My paycheck does not reflect the change, which is why I was
getting nervous. I think I checked it on the 15th (was it
available that early?) and it showed the same that it always does. I
thought that, since I was told about my promotion and started working increased
levels at the beginning of the month that I would also see an increase in pay
for this month, since it happened at the beginning of the month. ZON sends the email, and immediately receives a response. It's SONYA.
SONYA
(voice over)
They get in the office around
8:30am. I will call and speak to someone and find out something for you this
morning. I understand this is frustrating to you, but I’m really have
been trying to get answers. ZON writes a response.
ZON
(voice over)
Thank you, Sonya. I appreciate all you’ve done and
continue to do for me. I know the process can, sometimes, be slow.
Thank you for all your help.A knock is heard on ZON's door. SONYA walks in.
SONYA
I thought I would just come by and tell you what I found out. Your promotion was accepted by HR on April 22nd, but your paperwork was submitted before that, so that's when it became official. Because you weren't promoted on the exact first day of the month, then your increased pay won't appear on this month's paycheck. You'll get a pro-rated paycheck at the middle pay period, the 12th of the month, for the time you worked during the month of April.
ZON
Oh. Okay, so on May 12th, I'll get a pro-rated check for the amount of time I've worked at my heightened levels, and then by the end of May, my actual paycheck will be at a regular level?
SONYA
Yes.
ZON
Okay. That's too bad, but at least I know now. I guess I'll just wait until May 12th. Thanks.SONYA leaves.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
2 WEEKS LATER
ZON writes an email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Sonya. Thank you for all your help with my issues. I have another
question for you. I’ve checked my paycheck this morning and it isn’t what
I expected. When you came and talked with me, you told me that my promotion had been made official on April 22nd, even though I was told
about it 4/2/15 and started working at heightened levels 4/6/15. You said
that my mid-month paycheck in May would be pro-rated and that I would get a
full month at the end of May. What I had understood that to mean was that
I would receive a pro-rated pay for the increased work I had done from April 6th
through the end of the month, but I’m guessing that’s not the case based on
what I’m seeing in my check. I’m not sure what timeframe my mid-month
check in May reflects, and what I should expect at the end of the month.
Are you able to clarify any of this for me? I truly appreciate your
help. Zon. ZON sends the email.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
2 HOURS LATER
ZON gets an email. He opens it.
SONYA
(voice over)
Good morning. I will come talk with you
shortly. I apologizes for the misunderstanding, but I will try to explain it to
you the way it was explained to me. See you in a few. ZON writes a response.
ZON
(voice over)
Thanks again, Sonya. CUT TO:
TITLE CARD
4 HOURS LATER
ZON writes an email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Sonya. I just returned from the bathroom and wanted to
make sure that I hadn’t missed you if you had come by.CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
6 HOURS LATER
(AT ZON'S HOME)
ZON sits with MRS. ZON.
MRS. ZON
Did you hear from anybody about your paycheck?
ZON
No.Pause.
MRS. ZON
Motherfuckers.Several tornadoes are heard and seen hitting around ZON and MRS. ZON's home. People are seen freaking the fuck out.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
THE NEXT DAY
ZON writes an email.
ZON
(voice over)
Hi Sonya, Didn’t hear from you yesterday. Hoping you can explain my
pay situation to me today. Thank you. Zon.SONYA knocks on ZON's cubicle and sits down.
SONYA
So here's what's happened. You're getting paid on the middle pay period because you didn't get promoted on the exact first day of the month.
ZON
Right, I know that part. But the pay that I'm getting is really, really low, and I wanted to know what portion of the month I was getting paid for.
SONYA
So, when did we get promoted?
ZON
I started getting increased work on the 6th. But you told me last time you came by that my paperwork had been officially accepted by HR on the 22nd. So I was told about my promotion on the 2nd, I got increased work on the 6th, the middle pay period ends on the 12th, and HR officially accepted my paperwork on the 22nd. Which of those dates am I getting paid for in this check I'm getting on May 12th?
SONYA
Okay, when was we told about the promotion?
ZON
On April 2nd.
SONYA
And was we told that we would be getting paid then?
ZON
No, I was told that I wasn't officially promoted until I got an email or letter from HR, which I still haven't received.
SONYA
I gave you a letter last time.
ZON
No, you never did.
SONYA
Didn't I?
ZON
No.
SONYA
(doing heavy calculations in her head, under her breath, we can smell her brain burning)
Zonathon... Zon... hmmmmmm... (fully addressing ZON now) Well, if you didn't get your letter, then they didn't get their letter either. Well, there's a letter I need to get to you, which makes your promotion official.
ZON
Okay.SONYA smiles, like she's a guest at a party. Pause.
SONYA
Congratulations!
ZON
So, have I been promoted?
SONYA
Oh yes!
ZON
But I haven't received a letter or email, and that was supposed to be the defining event. Which hasn't happened yet. Plus I'm not getting paid...
SONYA
You're getting paid. You're getting a mid-month check.
ZON
Yes, but I don't know what that's for. There's no time period for that check. I don't know what period of time that check is supposed to cover.
SONYA
Well, your paperwork was accepted on the 22nd.
ZON
Will I get a letter indicating that?
SONYA
Yes, we will get an email telling us about the promotion.
ZON
So at that point, I will officially be made aware that I have been accepted into my promotional position.
SONYA
Yes.
ZON
And what time period does my mid-month paycheck cover?
SONYA
Well, your paperwork was made official on the 22nd.
ZON
So my mid-month pay is only for April 22nd through the 29th, just the last week of the month?
SONYA
Yes. It's pro-rated.
ZON
So I will see the rest of my pay at the end of May?
SONYA
Well, officially, according to the rules, in the book, you can work for a period of six months at your current level.
ZON
Are you saying that I worked for two weeks for free?
SONYA
No! Not at all! According to the rules, you can work for a period of 6 months at increased levels before compensation is required to increase with those levels.
ZON
So, the two-week and two-day period of time that I worked at increased levels will not have increased pay associated with them?
SONYA
Well, we can work for a period of six months...
ZON
No, I feel ya on that. But what you're telling me is that for two weeks and two days I worked without increase in pay or knowledge that I was going without increase in pay?
SONYA
(squinching up her face)
I mean, I don't want to say "yes", but...
ZON
But "yes"?SONYA sheepishly shrugs, meaning "yes".
ZON (cont.)
Okay. Have I been promoted?
SONYA
Oh yes!
ZON
You feel me on this, though? Cuz I want to make sure, cuz what you just told me that I worked for more than half a month thinking I had been promoted when I hadn't been, even though I was getting more work like I had been promoted. I haven't received an official email or letter, and I've been told that is what I need in order to make my promotion official.
SONYA
But you are getting paid, and that's a good indicator that promotions.
ZON
Yeah, I feel ya on that. But there's no indication on my paycheck as to what that extra pay is for, that my level has been increased, what time period it's for, nothing. So as far as I know, I'm just getting extra money for no reason.
SONYA
No, your check tells you what your level is.
ZON
No, it doesn't.
SONYA
Yeah, in the upper right corner, it should tell you what time period it is for and what level you are at.
ZON
(turning to his computer)
Will you stay here with me while I look it up so you can show me? Because I might be looking in the wrong place.
SONYA
Oh sure.SONYA stands next to ZON as he accesses his paycheck on his computer. As he does, SONYA notices a large container of peanut butter filled pretzels.
SONYA
(pointing to the container)
Are these from Sam's?
ZON
I don't think so. They were a gift from my wife for my birthday. But "market pantry" is a Target brand name, so I'm guessing she got them from Target. Would you like some?
SONYA
Oh no! My stomach is all twisted up. My girlfriend, my sister, they all eat whatever they want for breakfast. Me, I can't do that. They eat pizza, spaghetti, fried chicken for breakfast. If I eat that for breakfast I throw up. I can't do it!
ZON
Okay, well maybe you shouldn't have any pretzels for breakfast.
SONYA
(noticing the large container of cashews next to the pretzels)
Oh, I just love these.
ZON
Cashews are awesome. So buttery. So delicious!
SONYA
They're great! Did you get these from Sam's?
ZON
(mildly surprised that he was getting another question regarding Sam's)
Those are all part of the birthday gift, so I don't think so. "Archer Farms" is another Target brand, so...ZON has pulled up his check at this point. SONYA comes closer so that she can see his check. She points to an area on his check.
SONYA
(pointing)
You see here, where it says...SONYA stops. Her finger starts to search around on the paycheck on the screen as she realizes that what she is looking at isn't what she expected to be looking at. Her finger glides over the screen, from one place to another, looking for the information she had said was going to be there. There is no indication regarding ZON's classification level or pay per level.
SONYA (cont.)
That's weird.
ZON
And you see, there's also no indication as to what period of time this pay is for.
SONYA
(pointing)
There it is.
ZON
That say it begins on April 1st and ends on April 30th.
SONYA
That's the pay period.
ZON
Except it isn't. You told me this was a pro-rated check for which I'm only being paid for part of the month.
SONYA
Oh, I get it. The period is for the beginning of the month through to the end of the month. So, since we got promoted in that time, that's what they're paying us for.
ZON
But they're not. I was told on the 2nd I was promoted, I started working at increased levels on the 6th, and this check only represents pay since the 22nd, it sounds like, but there's no way of knowing this pay is only for my work from the 22nd on.
SONYA
Well, that's when your paperwork became official.
ZON
(resigning himself to the fact that SONYA was hired to fill some kind of quota)
Okay. I think I understand.
SONYA
Okay.
ZON
You're going to send me the email or the letter saying that I'm officially promoted?
SONYA
Yes, I'll go get that, and it may take me a second but I'll send that over to you or come by. And then later today, I can come by and get some cashews?
ZON
Sure. Come on by.
SONYA
(laughing)
Okay! I'll see you later!SONYA leaves. ZON doesn't complain, because he's looking on the bright side of life and is grateful to have a job. Lots of people don't have jobs. Lots of people don't have legs and they have to crawl on the floor. Some people don't have floors! ZON was grateful he had a floor. How lucky he was to live in such an honest, wonderful, sunshiny world.
THE END
Pulitzer me now, please.
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