There are pictures of people who were killed by the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius thousands of years ago in the city of Pompeii. Their bodies are well preserved, not having been completed destroyed in the eruption. Scientists believe they were kept as well as they were because they were quickly covered in ash and pumice, and then sheltered from air and moisture for years. They were completely cut off from all the things which naturally destroy humans by the thing that actually destroyed them.
Recently, I was listening to my iPod at work, and "Journey Into Sound" by the X-ecutioners started playing. One of the best shows I wrote and performed in used this song heavily. Our musical director was in charge of transition music, music used between the scenes to fill the time, usually no more than 10 seconds of music, and if we really had a tight, good show, those pieces of music wouldn't be any longer than 7 seconds. He really liked the song "Journey Into Sound" because it had many distinct parts to the song, and he was able to edit out about five different pieces of transition music that didn't sound like they had all come from the same song. He was even concerned about this, and asked me if he was "cheating" by using the same song five different times in the same show. I told him I didn't think he was, as it really didn't matter if he used the exact same transition five different times as long as the transition was right, and since his five pieces of transition didn't even sorta sound like the same song, I thought he could go to bed without fear of somebody accusing him of cheating. I loved that show we built together. It was so good. So funny. Audiences and critics loved it. And, as it turned out, it was the last all original show in the downtown Detroit theatre that had been there for over ten years.
Thinking about it now, and every time I do, makes me cry. I'm not sure why.
Back to the story... so my iPod played this song, and I started writing an email to my former musical director. I told him about how I missed my time at the theatre, working with him and some of our mutual friends. I missed working with his wife and I missed doing the work. That work was really wonderful. I told him that I wouldn't change marrying my wife for anything in the world, but that I really, really longed to work in that capacity, in that environment, and with that kind of person again, and I was afraid that it was a unique experience that I might not be able to find anywhere else. I was crying when I wrote the email. I was very emotional. And I was a little shocked when I realized the last time I worked for that theatre was almost 10 years ago now. I couldn't believe it had been almost 10 years. What in the world had happened to 10 years?
I got an email back from him. It was a little less desperate, less emotional, less longing. He didn't love that theatre as much as I did, although he worked there almost as long as I did.
Since working at the theatre, he's had a son. He and his wife had been trying to have a kid for many years without luck. They finally made a person, and they seem quite happy.
Since working in the theatre, my wife and I have been isolated, cut off from much of life.
It made me think of the people of Pompeii. She and I got trapped under volcanic ash and pumice, shielding us from air and moisture, except we didn't die. So thousands of years later, my wife and I emerge from the ash to find a world that is new and strange, and our minds are still back when the ash first fell.
It was 10 years ago, but in my mind, I last worked at that theatre last week. Just last week...
Monday, March 30, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Weird Head Conversation
i was just involved in a weird conversation in my head. some jerkwater came up to me and said, "why are you with your wife? you could have sex with anyone, so that's not it. and there are lots of beautiful people, so that's not it. what is it that she gives you that nobody else does?"
and then i started talking, kinda matter-of-fact-ly.
i like her. she's my friend. we fit together. why does one person become your friend and another person doesn't? i guess there's some kind of mutual insanity between you two where you both like each other enough to put up with the other person's crap. everybody's got crap, and everybody's got whatever the opposite of crap is, and i guess my wife and i have good opposite of crap together. we have fun. i trust her. i feel good when i'm with her and i don't really want to be anywhere except where she is. i guess i don't really know why i'm with my wife other than to say i want to be. how do you know you want chocolate ice cream rather than strawberry? there's no reason other than you just want chocolate. and i guess the trick is finding somebody you're pretty sure you're gonna want always. if i had to pick one kind of ice cream for the rest of my life, i'd pick my wife. except you don't have to, if you do it right. there are lots of ice creams, lot of different chocolates, maybe even a lot of different flavors of strawberry. but there's only one my wife. i don't have to pick just one flavor. i just gotta pick one wife. and there are only a few select things that you share with your wife that you don't share with anyone else, and a few of those things you said i couldn't use as reasons for being with my wife. yeah, i could have sex with anyone, but i don't want to. and yeah, there are lots of beautiful people in the world, but i like my beautiful wife most. it might be easier for me to know that i really want her because i went without her for so long. sorta like if you sold all your childhood toys in a garage sale. if you don't think about any of them, you probably did the right thing to sell them all. if you think about one of them a lot but you're okay with being without it, you still probably made the right choice. if somebody came into your home while you were having that garage sale and stole your favorite girlfriend, and then you discovered she was stolen from you and then for 17 years you pined and searched for her and never stopped thinking about her it might be easier to tell if she's your favorite or not. hell, there have been some girlfriend's i've had that i couldn't stand to be in the same room with for more than 5 minutes. she left for 17 years and i didn't want to be without her at any time during that time. now she's back. i don't want to be anywhere she's not. for whatever that's worth. i think the short, most honest answer is that i want to be with her. and i hope she wants to be with me, too. and if she doesn't, i'll be really sad. and i'll be really happy that i had this time with her. and i don't even want to think about that if i don't have to. cuz i'm with her now. and it's good for me. and that's why i'm with her.
and then that jerkwater goes away on the subway. and i'm happy that i live in a place with a subway.
and then i started talking, kinda matter-of-fact-ly.
i like her. she's my friend. we fit together. why does one person become your friend and another person doesn't? i guess there's some kind of mutual insanity between you two where you both like each other enough to put up with the other person's crap. everybody's got crap, and everybody's got whatever the opposite of crap is, and i guess my wife and i have good opposite of crap together. we have fun. i trust her. i feel good when i'm with her and i don't really want to be anywhere except where she is. i guess i don't really know why i'm with my wife other than to say i want to be. how do you know you want chocolate ice cream rather than strawberry? there's no reason other than you just want chocolate. and i guess the trick is finding somebody you're pretty sure you're gonna want always. if i had to pick one kind of ice cream for the rest of my life, i'd pick my wife. except you don't have to, if you do it right. there are lots of ice creams, lot of different chocolates, maybe even a lot of different flavors of strawberry. but there's only one my wife. i don't have to pick just one flavor. i just gotta pick one wife. and there are only a few select things that you share with your wife that you don't share with anyone else, and a few of those things you said i couldn't use as reasons for being with my wife. yeah, i could have sex with anyone, but i don't want to. and yeah, there are lots of beautiful people in the world, but i like my beautiful wife most. it might be easier for me to know that i really want her because i went without her for so long. sorta like if you sold all your childhood toys in a garage sale. if you don't think about any of them, you probably did the right thing to sell them all. if you think about one of them a lot but you're okay with being without it, you still probably made the right choice. if somebody came into your home while you were having that garage sale and stole your favorite girlfriend, and then you discovered she was stolen from you and then for 17 years you pined and searched for her and never stopped thinking about her it might be easier to tell if she's your favorite or not. hell, there have been some girlfriend's i've had that i couldn't stand to be in the same room with for more than 5 minutes. she left for 17 years and i didn't want to be without her at any time during that time. now she's back. i don't want to be anywhere she's not. for whatever that's worth. i think the short, most honest answer is that i want to be with her. and i hope she wants to be with me, too. and if she doesn't, i'll be really sad. and i'll be really happy that i had this time with her. and i don't even want to think about that if i don't have to. cuz i'm with her now. and it's good for me. and that's why i'm with her.
and then that jerkwater goes away on the subway. and i'm happy that i live in a place with a subway.
i want to vomit everything
i want to vomit all the time
vomit everything
vomit everyone i see, hear, smell
they are all putrid
food is sickening
air is thick and gags me
every step is harder to make
some thick gel is holding my feet every time i try to move forward
i use my stomach to move
and it hurts everything else
i want to vomit everything
i can't seem to stop taking in the illnesses
and everything makes me sick
i want to vomit all the time
i want to vomit everything
i've had enough
and i can't keep it down anymore
two fingers down my throat won't help
won't be enough
will only make it worse
there isn't any relief from these sicknesses
they keep filling me up and i have no relief
i have no repause
i have no response
i can only want to vomit everything
because i can't vomit everything
Antidisestablishmentarianism and the Bigot
I've tried twice to get my name removed from the email club I got involved in at work. My wife didn't understand why I had gotten involved in the first place, and I reminded her that I had wanted to make friends, and when I was asked I was told that it was just a group of guys at work sending emails to each other and that my opinions would stimulate conversation. I liked that idea. And I wanted to put myself out there and make new friends.
Then I became a part of it. When they weren't talking about sports or how awesome sports were or who was the next big thing in sports or why sports did the sports or football football football totally-non-latent-homosexual-football, they were talking about politics. I was quickly made aware that I was very alone in this group, perhaps feeling even more alone than I did before being invited into a group of people who were so dissimilar from me.
I asked to be removed from the email list, and I thought I had been removed, as I didn't get any emails for some time. Then, suddenly, I was re-included. I was doing okay, just ignoring their emails, deleting them before I actually read them. But sometimes things happen and I end up reading what they are saying.
And since I'm not alone because I have YOU, blog, I'm going to share with you what they shared with me. Aren't you lucky??
From my email chain:
From: [1]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:06 PM
To:
Subject: joke?
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/students-protest-after-principals-racist-comment-113972837367.html?soc_src=mail&soc_trk=ma
Was he joking?
From: [2]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:20 PM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
Just more of someone’s 1st amendment right lost, being taped secretly in a private conversation.
Okay, let's take a second, since we're here.
No one has had their 1st amendment rights taken away. If you read the article, the man was clearly allowed to say what he said, so he retained his freedom of speech. What is happening is something called "consequences", which happen because of actions. Or, if "consequences" is too negative for you, what is happening is "re-action". One man said something, and some others re-acted to what he said. 1st Amendment still in tact. Then, "being taped secretly in a private conversation" goes completely against what the article says when it says it's unclear if the principal who uttered the racist comments knew he was being recorded or not. It is also unclear if he was joking or not. He was also with a group of students. It certainly wasn't private, and it might not have even been recorded secretly. So his entire response is to empathize for, at best, a man who made a crass joke and, at worst, a racist in charge of the education and mental stimulation of our children. Let's continue, shall we????
From: [1]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:26 PM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
He was on school property. There are no private conversations on school property. He wasn’t thrown in jail, so his 1st amendment rights were not lost. It’s no different than if you decided to go cuss out [our boss] in her office. They could fire you but they couldn’t throw you in jail unless you threatened her. 1st amendment rights are a legal issue.
From: [2]
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2015 6:27 AM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
wrong
What kind of horseshit response is this??? First the guy emails something entirely incorrect, then he's corrected by 100% correct information, and then he comes back with "wrong", without anything else?????? What the fuck, are we in kindergarten here?! Who fucking does that?! These are all supposed to be adults who have some kind of schooling!! What is this fucking shit??!!
From: [3]
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2015 6:57 AM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
You right [2] I agree a BIGOT has every right to be a Bigot,,,,,, It is what this country is about. The pursuit of happiness. But the Racist idiot don’t have the equal liberty to spew his vile ideologies over others in a captive audience. Hate who you want on your own time and Dime. We have the right to shun this Bigot also it is our First amendment. Which by the way is not a Free pass of idionism.
This is closer to what I would call an intelligent response. But it still isn't an intelligent response just because I *want* it to be intelligent. "...a BIGOT has every right to be a Bigot,,,,,, It is what this country is about." Our country is about bigots having the right to be bigots? I suppose, in a limited kind of way, sure, we all should have the right to be what we want in this country, as long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others, so perhaps that was what he was trying to say. "The pursuit of happiness". Um, what? If anything, having the right to be a bigot would fall under the "liberty" part of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". And racists DO have equal liberty to spew vile ideologies over others. Now, if his audience is, in fact, captive, then no, he doesn't have the same rights. But as long as there's a door and the freedom to walk out that door, technically, nobody is captive there. And while I admire the creation of the word "idionism", it's hard to say, hard to read, and even though the intention is clear, there are other words that he could have created which would've gotten that intention across better. No points off for the attempt, though.
**Worthy Of Note: while looking up "idionism" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/idiotism), a video popped up on the side of the page on the dictionary website and asked me what the longest word in the Merriam Webster dictionary was. I turned into this video, because as a child my father would impress me with his knowledge when he would tell me that the longest word in the English language was "antidisestablishmentarianism". When asked what it meant, he would kinda hem and haw about it's definition, but he was certain that it was the longest word in the English language, and I was impressed with his knowledge as well as this big word. When I asked him about "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", he would tell me that didn't count, because it wasn't a word. I bought that answer. Years later I've come to realize that most of the knowledge my father passed down to me was wrong, really wrong, or statistics, and much (if not all) of what he taught me has done more harm than good, and I have been better off throwing away much of his musings rather than holding on to any of it. So when this video popped up, I was eager to see what somebody on the dictionary payroll had to say about my father's knowledge. Turns out, according to Merriam Webster, "electroencephalographically" is the longest word in their dictionary. I'm making this a point because my father told me that "antidisestablishmentarianism" was the longest word in the English language, not in the dictionary, and Merriam Webster makes it a point to differentiate between the two. According to their video, a word will be entered into their dictionary based on 3 criterion: 1. widespread usage; 2. sustained usage; 3. meaningful usage. Antidisestablishmentarianism falls short on the third point, as it's widespread and sustained usage are almost solely based on it's length, and the way in which the word is most often used is as an example of a long word, which, according to the dictionary people, isn't "meaningful". Over the last 100 years, they could only find 3 examples of anyone using the word for anything other than an example of a long word. So, according to the video, if people simply would use the word in a meaningful way, it would be added to the dictionary and then become the longest word in the dictionary. Unless, says the video, people do the same thing with "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", in which case, that will become the longest word in the dictionary. So yeah, "antidisestablishmentarianism" might be the longest word in the English language, but only if you count words that have no meaningful usage, in which case you really should count "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". So if you include "antidisestablishmentarianism", you must also include "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", making "antidisestablishmentarianism" no longer the longest word in the English language or dictionary. So if you include my father's word you need to include my word, making me right and him wrong. And if you don't include my father's word, he's still wrong. So he was wrong no matter which way you look at it. And yet he walked away from that encounter cocky and self-important, like he walked away from just about every encounter, high on his own stupidity. So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that my father is an idion, always has been, and I'm best without any of his idionisms.**
I have sent another email to my group asking them to remove me from their reindeer games. Hopefully this will work and you won't have to sit through another one of these entries, Blog.
Blog.
Blog.
blog.
what a horrible word.
ugly.
stupid sounding.
you're deserving of a better word to label you.
Maybe someday I'll care enough to give you a better name.
Then I became a part of it. When they weren't talking about sports or how awesome sports were or who was the next big thing in sports or why sports did the sports or football football football totally-non-latent-homosexual-football, they were talking about politics. I was quickly made aware that I was very alone in this group, perhaps feeling even more alone than I did before being invited into a group of people who were so dissimilar from me.
I asked to be removed from the email list, and I thought I had been removed, as I didn't get any emails for some time. Then, suddenly, I was re-included. I was doing okay, just ignoring their emails, deleting them before I actually read them. But sometimes things happen and I end up reading what they are saying.
And since I'm not alone because I have YOU, blog, I'm going to share with you what they shared with me. Aren't you lucky??
From my email chain:
From: [1]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:06 PM
To:
Subject: joke?
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/students-protest-after-principals-racist-comment-113972837367.html?soc_src=mail&soc_trk=ma
Was he joking?
From: [2]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:20 PM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
Just more of someone’s 1st amendment right lost, being taped secretly in a private conversation.
Okay, let's take a second, since we're here.
No one has had their 1st amendment rights taken away. If you read the article, the man was clearly allowed to say what he said, so he retained his freedom of speech. What is happening is something called "consequences", which happen because of actions. Or, if "consequences" is too negative for you, what is happening is "re-action". One man said something, and some others re-acted to what he said. 1st Amendment still in tact. Then, "being taped secretly in a private conversation" goes completely against what the article says when it says it's unclear if the principal who uttered the racist comments knew he was being recorded or not. It is also unclear if he was joking or not. He was also with a group of students. It certainly wasn't private, and it might not have even been recorded secretly. So his entire response is to empathize for, at best, a man who made a crass joke and, at worst, a racist in charge of the education and mental stimulation of our children. Let's continue, shall we????
From: [1]
Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2015 4:26 PM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
He was on school property. There are no private conversations on school property. He wasn’t thrown in jail, so his 1st amendment rights were not lost. It’s no different than if you decided to go cuss out [our boss] in her office. They could fire you but they couldn’t throw you in jail unless you threatened her. 1st amendment rights are a legal issue.
From: [2]
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2015 6:27 AM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
wrong
What kind of horseshit response is this??? First the guy emails something entirely incorrect, then he's corrected by 100% correct information, and then he comes back with "wrong", without anything else?????? What the fuck, are we in kindergarten here?! Who fucking does that?! These are all supposed to be adults who have some kind of schooling!! What is this fucking shit??!!
From: [3]
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2015 6:57 AM
To:
Subject: RE: joke?
You right [2] I agree a BIGOT has every right to be a Bigot,,,,,, It is what this country is about. The pursuit of happiness. But the Racist idiot don’t have the equal liberty to spew his vile ideologies over others in a captive audience. Hate who you want on your own time and Dime. We have the right to shun this Bigot also it is our First amendment. Which by the way is not a Free pass of idionism.
This is closer to what I would call an intelligent response. But it still isn't an intelligent response just because I *want* it to be intelligent. "...a BIGOT has every right to be a Bigot,,,,,, It is what this country is about." Our country is about bigots having the right to be bigots? I suppose, in a limited kind of way, sure, we all should have the right to be what we want in this country, as long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others, so perhaps that was what he was trying to say. "The pursuit of happiness". Um, what? If anything, having the right to be a bigot would fall under the "liberty" part of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". And racists DO have equal liberty to spew vile ideologies over others. Now, if his audience is, in fact, captive, then no, he doesn't have the same rights. But as long as there's a door and the freedom to walk out that door, technically, nobody is captive there. And while I admire the creation of the word "idionism", it's hard to say, hard to read, and even though the intention is clear, there are other words that he could have created which would've gotten that intention across better. No points off for the attempt, though.
**Worthy Of Note: while looking up "idionism" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/idiotism), a video popped up on the side of the page on the dictionary website and asked me what the longest word in the Merriam Webster dictionary was. I turned into this video, because as a child my father would impress me with his knowledge when he would tell me that the longest word in the English language was "antidisestablishmentarianism". When asked what it meant, he would kinda hem and haw about it's definition, but he was certain that it was the longest word in the English language, and I was impressed with his knowledge as well as this big word. When I asked him about "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", he would tell me that didn't count, because it wasn't a word. I bought that answer. Years later I've come to realize that most of the knowledge my father passed down to me was wrong, really wrong, or statistics, and much (if not all) of what he taught me has done more harm than good, and I have been better off throwing away much of his musings rather than holding on to any of it. So when this video popped up, I was eager to see what somebody on the dictionary payroll had to say about my father's knowledge. Turns out, according to Merriam Webster, "electroencephalographically" is the longest word in their dictionary. I'm making this a point because my father told me that "antidisestablishmentarianism" was the longest word in the English language, not in the dictionary, and Merriam Webster makes it a point to differentiate between the two. According to their video, a word will be entered into their dictionary based on 3 criterion: 1. widespread usage; 2. sustained usage; 3. meaningful usage. Antidisestablishmentarianism falls short on the third point, as it's widespread and sustained usage are almost solely based on it's length, and the way in which the word is most often used is as an example of a long word, which, according to the dictionary people, isn't "meaningful". Over the last 100 years, they could only find 3 examples of anyone using the word for anything other than an example of a long word. So, according to the video, if people simply would use the word in a meaningful way, it would be added to the dictionary and then become the longest word in the dictionary. Unless, says the video, people do the same thing with "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", in which case, that will become the longest word in the dictionary. So yeah, "antidisestablishmentarianism" might be the longest word in the English language, but only if you count words that have no meaningful usage, in which case you really should count "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". So if you include "antidisestablishmentarianism", you must also include "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", making "antidisestablishmentarianism" no longer the longest word in the English language or dictionary. So if you include my father's word you need to include my word, making me right and him wrong. And if you don't include my father's word, he's still wrong. So he was wrong no matter which way you look at it. And yet he walked away from that encounter cocky and self-important, like he walked away from just about every encounter, high on his own stupidity. So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that my father is an idion, always has been, and I'm best without any of his idionisms.**
I have sent another email to my group asking them to remove me from their reindeer games. Hopefully this will work and you won't have to sit through another one of these entries, Blog.
Blog.
Blog.
blog.
what a horrible word.
ugly.
stupid sounding.
you're deserving of a better word to label you.
Maybe someday I'll care enough to give you a better name.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
child support
When A and B were married, A stayed at home with the kids. B went to work.
A did not work, did not have a college education, and had never been introduced to full-time work.
A did not bring in any money.
A and B got divorced.
B insisted that A pay for medical expenses, school expenses, and other child expenses, which A did without finding full-time employment or receiving a college diploma.
A and B had to go to court to settle child support.
At one time, B was paying child support to A.
B had a reported income of over $60,000 annually. B never fully disclosed how much money B was making, so approximately $60,000 is the estimate that was used in calculating B's child support payments.
B paid approximately $400 a month for child support.
This represents approximately 8% of B's income.
Soon, A will pay B child support.
This year, A made less than $7,000 annually.
A will be paying approximately $200 a month for child support.
This represents approximately 40% of A's income.
This is difficult for me to take without exploding into rage.
I cannot think straight.
A did not work, did not have a college education, and had never been introduced to full-time work.
A did not bring in any money.
A and B got divorced.
B insisted that A pay for medical expenses, school expenses, and other child expenses, which A did without finding full-time employment or receiving a college diploma.
A and B had to go to court to settle child support.
At one time, B was paying child support to A.
B had a reported income of over $60,000 annually. B never fully disclosed how much money B was making, so approximately $60,000 is the estimate that was used in calculating B's child support payments.
B paid approximately $400 a month for child support.
This represents approximately 8% of B's income.
Soon, A will pay B child support.
This year, A made less than $7,000 annually.
A will be paying approximately $200 a month for child support.
This represents approximately 40% of A's income.
This is difficult for me to take without exploding into rage.
I cannot think straight.
Two Prisoners
Two Prisoners are held at gun point by their captor.
The Captor addresses both Prisoners.
"Tell me what I want to know, or I'll shoot you in the head."
The first Prisoner has this thought:
The second Prisoner has this thought:
Which Prisoner is right?
And more importantly, how is this situation relevant to your life?
You may have noticed that the first Prisoner correctly states that his actions would be helping the enemy, while the second Prisoner incorrectly states that he will be saving his life. This statement is incorrect because it assumes something the Captor did not say, but we often imply. The Captor said that he would shoot the Prisoner if he did not cooperate. The Captor did NOT say he would spare the Prisoner's life if the Prisoner cooperated. The Captor said nothing about what would happen if the Prisoner cooperated, just what would happen if the Prisoner didn't cooperate. So while it's implied that the Captor will not shoot those who cooperate, all we know for certain is that if you do not cooperate you will be shot in the head.
I think this kind of thing happens far more often than I would like to imagine. I think it's most often an unspoken thing, like when a parent doesn't show affection towards his child and the child thinks if I can act differently, better than I was acting, I'll get my parent's attention. And when the child behaves differently, the parent still doesn't show affection because the lack of affection had nothing to do with the child's behavior. But the child continues to this that he is bad, so he continues to change, trying to get that parent's attention.
I've become fascinated with the Double Bind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind
From the article:
If the child talks to his parents, he is disobeying the second parent, who has told him not to talk with his first parent. If he doesn't talk with his parents, he is disobeying the first parent and other authority figures. The child is unable to successfully navigate this situation and be correct. He will always be wrong, and he will always be disobeying one of his parents. Furthermore, if that child has witnessed the second parent-- the parent who has told him not to talk to his first parent-- emotionally and physically disowning the child's older sibling because the older sibling didn't obey every command given by the second parent, the first child now has an even bigger, unspoken punishment awaiting him if he doesn't do what his second parent says.
I desperately tried to find something that would help alleviate the stress of this situation, something that would help the child. I couldn't find anything. I'm not sure there is anything that can be done. Along with the stress the child goes through in this situation, so are those who love him also taken through the stress of this situation, to varying degrees. Primarily, his parent is stressed, as that parent feels rejected and is not given a reason for the rejection, as the child is following the directions of the second parent who has said not to talk with the first parent. This is a slow kind of death for the parent.
I struggle with telling my story.
I want to tell my story so that I can get it out.
I want to tell my story so that others can know about it.
I want to tell my story so that others can know what they have done.
I want to tell my story so that others can know what their friends and acquaintances have done.
I want to tell my story so that others can be warned of the dangers of the people my family has come in contact with.
I want to tell my story with every detail included, so that people can know exactly what happened, and I can purge it all.
And I am nervous about telling my story because it could potentially hurt those I love.
Those I have talked with about telling my story become nervous.
Especially while those we love are still under control of dangerous people.
And more than purging, getting over it all, and informing others of dangers, I want to keep my family safe.
More to the point, I don't want to just keep them safe but I also want to act in a way that keeps danger from visiting them. I don't want my actions to cause more injury than assistance. I don't want to embarrass.
And I really want to tell this story to the world.
The world I came from is nothing like the world I'm in now.
And I'm constantly shocked that people still behave like cavemen on a regular basis.
The Captor addresses both Prisoners.
"Tell me what I want to know, or I'll shoot you in the head."
The first Prisoner has this thought:
If I tell him what he wants to know, I'll be helping my enemy. I don't want to do that, so I'm not going to tell him anything.
The second Prisoner has this thought:
If I tell him what he wants to know, I will be saving my life. I'm going to tell him what he wants to know!
Which Prisoner is right?
And more importantly, how is this situation relevant to your life?
You may have noticed that the first Prisoner correctly states that his actions would be helping the enemy, while the second Prisoner incorrectly states that he will be saving his life. This statement is incorrect because it assumes something the Captor did not say, but we often imply. The Captor said that he would shoot the Prisoner if he did not cooperate. The Captor did NOT say he would spare the Prisoner's life if the Prisoner cooperated. The Captor said nothing about what would happen if the Prisoner cooperated, just what would happen if the Prisoner didn't cooperate. So while it's implied that the Captor will not shoot those who cooperate, all we know for certain is that if you do not cooperate you will be shot in the head.
I think this kind of thing happens far more often than I would like to imagine. I think it's most often an unspoken thing, like when a parent doesn't show affection towards his child and the child thinks if I can act differently, better than I was acting, I'll get my parent's attention. And when the child behaves differently, the parent still doesn't show affection because the lack of affection had nothing to do with the child's behavior. But the child continues to this that he is bad, so he continues to change, trying to get that parent's attention.
I've become fascinated with the Double Bind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind
From the article:
"A double bind is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual (or group) receives two or more conflicting messages, and one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will automatically be wrong regardless of response. The double bind occurs when the person cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore can neither resolve it nor opt out of the situation."The example they use is when a mother tells her child to "be spontaneous". If the child is then spontaneous, he is doing it because he thought about it, so he's not being spontaneous. Or when a mother says to her child "you must love me". The child cannot win, as love is something that cannot be ordered. There is also a connection between the development of schizophrenia and sustained double bind situations. I stumbled across double bind while I was looking up "attention seeking behaviors". And it made me think of a familiar double bind I've seen in action a lot:
1) teachers, parents, and lawyers tell a child he must talk to his parents
2) one parent says that he must talk to his parents
3) the other parent tells the child not to talk to the first parent, or else there will be punishment
If the child talks to his parents, he is disobeying the second parent, who has told him not to talk with his first parent. If he doesn't talk with his parents, he is disobeying the first parent and other authority figures. The child is unable to successfully navigate this situation and be correct. He will always be wrong, and he will always be disobeying one of his parents. Furthermore, if that child has witnessed the second parent-- the parent who has told him not to talk to his first parent-- emotionally and physically disowning the child's older sibling because the older sibling didn't obey every command given by the second parent, the first child now has an even bigger, unspoken punishment awaiting him if he doesn't do what his second parent says.
I desperately tried to find something that would help alleviate the stress of this situation, something that would help the child. I couldn't find anything. I'm not sure there is anything that can be done. Along with the stress the child goes through in this situation, so are those who love him also taken through the stress of this situation, to varying degrees. Primarily, his parent is stressed, as that parent feels rejected and is not given a reason for the rejection, as the child is following the directions of the second parent who has said not to talk with the first parent. This is a slow kind of death for the parent.
I struggle with telling my story.
I want to tell my story so that I can get it out.
I want to tell my story so that others can know about it.
I want to tell my story so that others can know what they have done.
I want to tell my story so that others can know what their friends and acquaintances have done.
I want to tell my story so that others can be warned of the dangers of the people my family has come in contact with.
I want to tell my story with every detail included, so that people can know exactly what happened, and I can purge it all.
And I am nervous about telling my story because it could potentially hurt those I love.
Those I have talked with about telling my story become nervous.
Especially while those we love are still under control of dangerous people.
And more than purging, getting over it all, and informing others of dangers, I want to keep my family safe.
More to the point, I don't want to just keep them safe but I also want to act in a way that keeps danger from visiting them. I don't want my actions to cause more injury than assistance. I don't want to embarrass.
And I really want to tell this story to the world.
The world I came from is nothing like the world I'm in now.
And I'm constantly shocked that people still behave like cavemen on a regular basis.
Friday, March 13, 2015
i wanna know everything
i fixed our oven. researched it, bought the part from a professional oven part supplier. fixed it, and afterwards saw the slip of paper that came with the part saying that i shouldn't install the part myself unless i'm a professional oven repair man. i'm not. but i did.
i fixed our freezer that was leaking icy water all over our kitchen floor. took the whole thing apart. fixed it. put it back together again. our freezer is dry and cold, as is our kitchen floor.
i fixed our washing machine. i can't remember what was wrong with it anymore. but i remember pulling it all apart and making it work again.
recently, my computer said to me, "i wanna break down." i said, "not yet." then i massaged it, and it said, "okay, i'll keep working for you." and it has.
i cleaned our AC filter. made our air conditioner work better.
but i can't fix everything, and that pisses me off.
i wanna have all the tools.
i wanna have all the knowledge.
i don't want to rely on anybody else any more. ever again. other people are unreliable and cost money.
i'm reliable and cheap.
my car AC is broken. i tried to fix it. i couldn't.
our pipes leaked poo poo and pee pee water all over our backyard yesterday, and there were concerns that it would back up into the house. i tried to fix that. i couldn't.
i tried to install a roof for our deck. i didn't.
the whirligig on the top of our house is still dented. i just need to go get one and it'll be fine. but i haven't gotten one yet.
i don't like paying other people to do what i can do myself. and i don't like it when there are things that i can't do myself. i SHOULD'VE been able to fix my car AC. don't know why it didn't work. we paid a guy to come out and look at our plumbing, and he did EXACTLY what i had done yesterday, except with his fancy electric plumber's tools... and he also went into the manhole, which i didn't do primarily because i don't know where our manhole is... and if i had fancy plumber electric augers and such, i could've saved us a buttload of money and fixed the issue. my wife's passenger side car lock won't lock or unlock via remote, and i can't fix that, either. yeah, i've taken the car door apart and i can see what's going on, but i can't figure out a solution. my phone won't sync with my computer, and my wife's phone won't charge sometimes. our backdoor doesn't always close so that we can lock it. i can't get promoted. i don't know how to fix everything. i don't have a solution for everything. and it makes me really, really tired. and grumpy. and depressed. and i feel stupid or lazy, like if i just applied myself i would know the stuff or be able to figure it out. if we plug our window AC unit into the outlet directly under the window and not use an extension cord into the bathroom, it will flip our breakers. i don't know how to rewire the house, or outfit that circuit for more volts than it currently will handle, and that's what YouTube tells me i need to do. electricity scares me. i have no plastic tools and electricity hurts a lot. have you ever licked a 9V battery? i have. painful. even more painful than that is getting shocked by stuff. that shit hurts.
i wish i knew spanish so i wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to translate shit for me.
i wish i knew everything, had all tools, wasn't afraid of electricity, and wasn't poor.
i would make a car that runs off shit. seriously, i would. it's called methane, bitches, and yeah, it may be a leading contributor to greenhouse gasses when it's burned, but i wouldn't have to pay for gas ever again. i came up with a solution for electric cars, but i don't know how to make batteries and i don't own any gas stations, property, or have money to buy any of that.
shit's stupid.
i fixed our freezer that was leaking icy water all over our kitchen floor. took the whole thing apart. fixed it. put it back together again. our freezer is dry and cold, as is our kitchen floor.
i fixed our washing machine. i can't remember what was wrong with it anymore. but i remember pulling it all apart and making it work again.
recently, my computer said to me, "i wanna break down." i said, "not yet." then i massaged it, and it said, "okay, i'll keep working for you." and it has.
i cleaned our AC filter. made our air conditioner work better.
but i can't fix everything, and that pisses me off.
i wanna have all the tools.
i wanna have all the knowledge.
i don't want to rely on anybody else any more. ever again. other people are unreliable and cost money.
i'm reliable and cheap.
my car AC is broken. i tried to fix it. i couldn't.
our pipes leaked poo poo and pee pee water all over our backyard yesterday, and there were concerns that it would back up into the house. i tried to fix that. i couldn't.
i tried to install a roof for our deck. i didn't.
the whirligig on the top of our house is still dented. i just need to go get one and it'll be fine. but i haven't gotten one yet.
i don't like paying other people to do what i can do myself. and i don't like it when there are things that i can't do myself. i SHOULD'VE been able to fix my car AC. don't know why it didn't work. we paid a guy to come out and look at our plumbing, and he did EXACTLY what i had done yesterday, except with his fancy electric plumber's tools... and he also went into the manhole, which i didn't do primarily because i don't know where our manhole is... and if i had fancy plumber electric augers and such, i could've saved us a buttload of money and fixed the issue. my wife's passenger side car lock won't lock or unlock via remote, and i can't fix that, either. yeah, i've taken the car door apart and i can see what's going on, but i can't figure out a solution. my phone won't sync with my computer, and my wife's phone won't charge sometimes. our backdoor doesn't always close so that we can lock it. i can't get promoted. i don't know how to fix everything. i don't have a solution for everything. and it makes me really, really tired. and grumpy. and depressed. and i feel stupid or lazy, like if i just applied myself i would know the stuff or be able to figure it out. if we plug our window AC unit into the outlet directly under the window and not use an extension cord into the bathroom, it will flip our breakers. i don't know how to rewire the house, or outfit that circuit for more volts than it currently will handle, and that's what YouTube tells me i need to do. electricity scares me. i have no plastic tools and electricity hurts a lot. have you ever licked a 9V battery? i have. painful. even more painful than that is getting shocked by stuff. that shit hurts.
i wish i knew spanish so i wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to translate shit for me.
i wish i knew everything, had all tools, wasn't afraid of electricity, and wasn't poor.
i would make a car that runs off shit. seriously, i would. it's called methane, bitches, and yeah, it may be a leading contributor to greenhouse gasses when it's burned, but i wouldn't have to pay for gas ever again. i came up with a solution for electric cars, but i don't know how to make batteries and i don't own any gas stations, property, or have money to buy any of that.
shit's stupid.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
short lived
well, i was feeling good about buying the birthday gift. then i told my wife about it, and she seemed happy as long as we could afford it. i hadn't spent very much money at all, which she didn't know, but i hadn't run it by her, either. and that led us to a short talk about money, where child support came up. her plan as she just presented to me is to allocate about 50% of her monthly paychecks for child support, and that sends me right over the edge again. her paychecks are used, primarily, for feeding our family, while my paychecks go towards everything else. i guess i've been super upset recently because of that child support nonsense, coupled with my inability to get a promotion at work to compensate for this new, large monthly expense that will continue for at least 4 more years. yet again, seems fantastically unbalanced with no help or relief in sight. one more pressure that can't be gotten rid of. makes me want to never spend any money for anything ever again, eat nothing but saltines until i die of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke, and then have my corpse dumped into the beggar's river where they dump poor bodies that have died and can't afford nice burial places with real dirt. betcha when he was paying child support he wasn't spending 50% of his paychecks. fucking cunts.
birthday gift
i just bought a birthday gift for my wife without asking if i can. that's the first thing i've done in a very long time that's actually made me relax and feel good.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
mixed messages
yesterday i was involved in a meeting with my immediate supervisor and one of her supervisors, where i was told that, while my total number of cases was just fine and within the range needed for promotion, it was higher than they would like for a "solid" recommendation for promotion. i was also told that while i average 70 days to dispose of a case, and the acceptable range is 45-77 for consideration for promotion, my number was a little too high for consideration. i was also told that i needed to dispose of 15 cases a week for the next three weeks, and while that was doable based on my history, it also wasn't something that was likely based on my history. i was also told that my time sheet was going to be reviewed to make sure i was here when i said i was here.
today, my supervisor just walked into my cube and handed me a certificate just like so many that i've received before. it says "For an Excellent contribution to This week's success as an Agency By producing 15 cases".
i guess i'm good enough to get the right numbers, get a certificate for getting those numbers, and then get told that my numbers aren't "solid" enough for promotion.
it's good that the final review for promotion isn't until march 27th. i'm sure i'll fuck things up between now and then. at least enough to get denied promotion again, but not enough to get me fired, written up, or placed on corrective action.
today, my supervisor just walked into my cube and handed me a certificate just like so many that i've received before. it says "For an Excellent contribution to This week's success as an Agency By producing 15 cases".
i guess i'm good enough to get the right numbers, get a certificate for getting those numbers, and then get told that my numbers aren't "solid" enough for promotion.
it's good that the final review for promotion isn't until march 27th. i'm sure i'll fuck things up between now and then. at least enough to get denied promotion again, but not enough to get me fired, written up, or placed on corrective action.
freezing cold clamp
you ever find yourself looking at craigslist for used atari machines and you find one over 3 hours away from your house and they're asking for more money than you have to spend and yet you still text them to see if it's still available and when they respond their text says they're selling it for ten dollars more than their craigslist posting and you can't tell what games they're selling and so you ask them what games they're selling and just as you hit send you feel so much more supremely stupid than you already feel because you're not going to drive more than 3 hours to spend more money than you have to spend so you can get somebody's video game system from almost 40 years ago that you don't know if it works or not and you don't know if the controllers work or not and you don't really find pleasure in even thinking about it anymore let alone have the desire to try to play it anymore and you just feel so goddam stupid that the bottom of your skull right where it meets your head clamps up like somebody just tightened a freezing cold clamp on your head and you can smell the iron in your mouth as you taste blood and your nose stops up and you can't breathe anymore and you're just feeling like the biggest fucking idiot ever and you hope that they don't respond so you can just crawl back under your rock and be forgotten? i do sometimes, too.
Friday, March 6, 2015
eat a dick motherfucker
You know what?
I hate daylight savings time.
But only the one where I have to spring forward.
I would give up the one where I fall back if I didn't have to deal with springing forward.
I fucking hate springing forward.
You know what else?
I hate doctors.
Mostly all of them.
My mother is a doctor. She's cool.
But all the rest can eat a dick.
A Big Poisonous Dick.
Well, maybe not Dr. Bell. He hasn't really done anything worthy of death.
But the rest... Big Poisonous Dick Eat.
All of them.
And I hate Nazis.
They all fucking suck.
Who hears the words "Let's kill all the Jews because we're better than them" and says, "yeah, I wanna sign up with that club!"???
Stupid fucking Nazis, that's who.
I hate 'em.
I hate sick people.
No because they're sick, but because I deal with them all day long.
It would be like dealing with chocolate all day long. After a while, you would hate chocolate, too.
Or if you had to deal with money all day long...
Speaking of which, I fucking hate money.
Mostly because I don't have it.
So I guess I fucking hate the shit I gotta deal with because I don't have money. And I blame money for the shit I gotta deal with because it's not in my pocket.
Fucking money.
I hate my wife's ex-husband.
That abusive fuck.
And her mother.
That abusive fuck.
I hate them both.
And I hate the IRS.
I don't have any money, IRS!
But you want me to send you a report telling you how little money I have, so that you can tell me I owe money to you, you fucking fuck!
I hate the IRS!
And fucking clear fiberglass splinters!
I fucking hate those!
And video game levels that aren't any fun because they're so hard! Those fucking blow! Video games are supposed to be fucking fun! When you make them so hard that they're not fun anymore, they're Not Fun Anymore! What's the fucking deal, video games?!
And nightmares are fucking stupid! I fucking hate them!
And what's the deal with fat?? That's fucking stupid and should have gone a long time ago! I fucking hate that!
And the phrase "lifestyle disease", which is closely followed by "heart disease" and "diabetes". Nothing like seeing a sick person and then saying, "well, if you had made different lifestyle choices, you wouldn't be sick now." The fucking person is sick now, it doesn't help anything to tell them it's their fault! Make them better, fuckers! God, you're so fucking stupid and unhelpful!
I hate Christian pop music! That shit is a fucking lie!
It sounds like pop music...
But then it starts talking about Jesus shit, and ruins everything!
Like an errant peanut in an otherwise delicious hot fudge sundae.
Keep your fucking myth-music to your myth-believing selves, Christians!
I fucking hate the word "irregardless"!
And "probably"!
And "incandescent"!
And "supossebly"!
And "travesty"!
Fucking fuck words!
And I fucking hate child support and lawyers and exs and children and mean horrible ugly fucking people and trapped trapped trapped and i don't know how to fucking get out or move forward or change from where i am and i don't know what to do and i cry all the time about everything and there isn't any hope or help or anything and i just want to go away and not see anyone ever so that i don't have to explain how everything is so much worse in the world than anybody will ever tell you it is food doesn't taste good and sleep isn't restful and nothing matters and it's all pointless and nobody really understands and people are the fucking worst and i can't get my computer disk back and my whirligig has been dented for years and my car and home repairs and a room for a kid that isn't really there anymore and a wife who is still mourning that kid not being there anymore and her husband who sees too goddam much of his own stupid stupid stupid choices in the kid's choices and gets mad at the kid for being a stupid kid but doesn't say anything because i know it's fucking stupid and i'm fucking stupid and it's only going to get better when i leave but i'm not going to be able to leave because we can't save any money so five years is going to turn into ten more years of living across the street from the goddam fucking lawyer who doesn't give a shit about hurting my family or helping others to hurt my family and he should fucking die and those he helps should die and i just want to cry until it's over and i can't get it all out enough there's too goddam much of it and it's so overfuckingwhelming that it clouds every other aspect of my life to the point where i can't want a movie or tv anymore and really understand what's going on and i can't focus at work because my head is cloudy and my eyes don't really see the things i'm seeing and i can't go see a doctor because they'll just tell me i'm a victim of fucking lifestyle diseases and if only i had made different choices i wouldn't be in this position now kinda like when that stupid fucking cunt lawyer told my wife that she should have gotten a lawyer when she got divorced well golly cunt fuck where the fuck were you when my wife was getting divorced? oh yeah, you were standing in line for Sentences To Say To People In The Future Which Aren't Helpful And Only Prove What A Useless Human You Truly Are you should've been afuckingborted you stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. god fucking dammit. there's too much hate and frustration and god dammit. this was supposed to be a funny little rant. i fucking hate you.
I hate daylight savings time.
But only the one where I have to spring forward.
I would give up the one where I fall back if I didn't have to deal with springing forward.
I fucking hate springing forward.
You know what else?
I hate doctors.
Mostly all of them.
My mother is a doctor. She's cool.
But all the rest can eat a dick.
A Big Poisonous Dick.
Well, maybe not Dr. Bell. He hasn't really done anything worthy of death.
But the rest... Big Poisonous Dick Eat.
All of them.
And I hate Nazis.
They all fucking suck.
Who hears the words "Let's kill all the Jews because we're better than them" and says, "yeah, I wanna sign up with that club!"???
Stupid fucking Nazis, that's who.
I hate 'em.
I hate sick people.
No because they're sick, but because I deal with them all day long.
It would be like dealing with chocolate all day long. After a while, you would hate chocolate, too.
Or if you had to deal with money all day long...
Speaking of which, I fucking hate money.
Mostly because I don't have it.
So I guess I fucking hate the shit I gotta deal with because I don't have money. And I blame money for the shit I gotta deal with because it's not in my pocket.
Fucking money.
I hate my wife's ex-husband.
That abusive fuck.
And her mother.
That abusive fuck.
I hate them both.
And I hate the IRS.
I don't have any money, IRS!
But you want me to send you a report telling you how little money I have, so that you can tell me I owe money to you, you fucking fuck!
I hate the IRS!
And fucking clear fiberglass splinters!
I fucking hate those!
And video game levels that aren't any fun because they're so hard! Those fucking blow! Video games are supposed to be fucking fun! When you make them so hard that they're not fun anymore, they're Not Fun Anymore! What's the fucking deal, video games?!
And nightmares are fucking stupid! I fucking hate them!
And what's the deal with fat?? That's fucking stupid and should have gone a long time ago! I fucking hate that!
And the phrase "lifestyle disease", which is closely followed by "heart disease" and "diabetes". Nothing like seeing a sick person and then saying, "well, if you had made different lifestyle choices, you wouldn't be sick now." The fucking person is sick now, it doesn't help anything to tell them it's their fault! Make them better, fuckers! God, you're so fucking stupid and unhelpful!
I hate Christian pop music! That shit is a fucking lie!
It sounds like pop music...
But then it starts talking about Jesus shit, and ruins everything!
Like an errant peanut in an otherwise delicious hot fudge sundae.
Keep your fucking myth-music to your myth-believing selves, Christians!
I fucking hate the word "irregardless"!
And "probably"!
And "incandescent"!
And "supossebly"!
And "travesty"!
Fucking fuck words!
And I fucking hate child support and lawyers and exs and children and mean horrible ugly fucking people and trapped trapped trapped and i don't know how to fucking get out or move forward or change from where i am and i don't know what to do and i cry all the time about everything and there isn't any hope or help or anything and i just want to go away and not see anyone ever so that i don't have to explain how everything is so much worse in the world than anybody will ever tell you it is food doesn't taste good and sleep isn't restful and nothing matters and it's all pointless and nobody really understands and people are the fucking worst and i can't get my computer disk back and my whirligig has been dented for years and my car and home repairs and a room for a kid that isn't really there anymore and a wife who is still mourning that kid not being there anymore and her husband who sees too goddam much of his own stupid stupid stupid choices in the kid's choices and gets mad at the kid for being a stupid kid but doesn't say anything because i know it's fucking stupid and i'm fucking stupid and it's only going to get better when i leave but i'm not going to be able to leave because we can't save any money so five years is going to turn into ten more years of living across the street from the goddam fucking lawyer who doesn't give a shit about hurting my family or helping others to hurt my family and he should fucking die and those he helps should die and i just want to cry until it's over and i can't get it all out enough there's too goddam much of it and it's so overfuckingwhelming that it clouds every other aspect of my life to the point where i can't want a movie or tv anymore and really understand what's going on and i can't focus at work because my head is cloudy and my eyes don't really see the things i'm seeing and i can't go see a doctor because they'll just tell me i'm a victim of fucking lifestyle diseases and if only i had made different choices i wouldn't be in this position now kinda like when that stupid fucking cunt lawyer told my wife that she should have gotten a lawyer when she got divorced well golly cunt fuck where the fuck were you when my wife was getting divorced? oh yeah, you were standing in line for Sentences To Say To People In The Future Which Aren't Helpful And Only Prove What A Useless Human You Truly Are you should've been afuckingborted you stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. god fucking dammit. there's too much hate and frustration and god dammit. this was supposed to be a funny little rant. i fucking hate you.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
What Is Wrong With You?
The Boy found a Girl.
She was the best Girl he had ever met.
Then he watched everybody beat up on the Girl.
And he couldn't stop them.
What kind of torturous hell do we all live in that we can't escape from a prison where you have to watch the world batter your loved ones?
And then others come up to me and say "What's wrong?"
And I say, "Look!"
And I point.
And then shrug.
"Sucks."
And walk on.
What the fuck is wrong with this world?
She was the best Girl he had ever met.
Then he watched everybody beat up on the Girl.
And he couldn't stop them.
What kind of torturous hell do we all live in that we can't escape from a prison where you have to watch the world batter your loved ones?
And then others come up to me and say "What's wrong?"
And I say, "Look!"
And I point.
And then shrug.
"Sucks."
And walk on.
What the fuck is wrong with this world?