We bought the kind of toilet paper that lasts for a really long time. My wife and I made a bet that the 12 pack of TP would or wouldn't last a month. She said it would. I said it wouldn't. If we are buying TP on 7/9/14 or later, she wins. Either way, we're gonna have fun with it.
The scene at Fitness One happened last night. The ex wrote an email to my wife saying that he was taking our youngest to workout from 4-8pm; more specifically, he was taking our youngest to receive private shot put throwing training from a personal friend from 4-6:15, then would be working out after that. My wife stated that our youngest was free to work out, was free to go with the ex, was free to go to private training, and she would expect him home at 7pm. The ex didn't respond.
At 7pm, after repeated attempts to contact him, my wife and myself arrived at Fitness One, the gym where our youngest works out with his father. She sent several texts. There was no response. Around 7:15pm, the ex is seen walking in the front door with our youngest. My wife gets out of the car and calls out for our youngest. The ex responds with, "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?!" Our youngest starts to go to his mother, but he is physically stopped by his father's hand. My wife goes to get our youngest, at which time, in front of our youngest with no intention on keeping quiet, the ex says "I can't believe you're making a scene like this. You're embarrassing everybody, and you have for a long time." My wife says that she will discuss this later with him, but not now. The ex says that his attorney advised him to do what he was doing and to ignore my wife. My wife responds that he can't dictate how our youngest spends his time at our home. "Yes, I can. I absolutely can," he responds, with an abundant air of supremacy, dominance, bully. He informs my wife that his attorney stated he could dictate what our youngest does while at our house. My wife informs him that the latest motion signed states otherwise, and she has also been advised by our attorney. My wife continues to say that she won't discuss this with him now in front of our youngest, and he continues to physically prevent our youngest from moving away. The ex states that my wife will get in a lot of trouble if she continues this way. Our youngest finally breaks from his father's physical control, and he and my wife walk back to the car. They are both visibly upset.
I am wondering why the ex and our youngest were showing up to the gym at 7:15, having been away from our home for 3 hours already with no workout having been completed.
I am anticipating being sued, again, for this. And I hate that.
At the same time, on our way to the gym my wife told me she was tired of being bullied by her ex. She already agreed to a significant reduction in time with our youngest: in the summer, he stays with us every other week, and during the school year, he stay with us every other weekend for two nights and two days. Following this agreement, the ex sent her an email stating that our youngest was going to workout with him and with private instructors on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays from 4-8 on week days, and 5-9 on weekends. Also, our youngest is involved in youth group on Wednesday nights. So based on this information that was dictated after the agreement was signed, our youngest would see us only on Monday, Friday, and Saturday nights. This would be the totality of his time out of seven days in the summer to spend with us or his friends. So the reduction of time that was agreed to was reduced significantly more after the agreement was signed, and my wife was not consulted about this in any way.
I can't remember if there is a provision in the last signed motion that requires written permission be asked of the mother before plans are made for the youngest during her time.
But my point here is that my wife is tired of being bullied. She told me in the car that she's had enough. "What's the worst that can happen? I get to spend LESS time with [our youngest]? I'm tired of feeling scared. I can't wait until I don't feel scared anymore! I'm always feeling scared that I'm going to get in trouble for making decisions that I feel are right. I'm scared I'm going to lose my kids, I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble, and I'm TIRED of feeling scared! I don't want to feel scared anymore!" I was so happy to hear her say that, and so sad that those words were being said at all. I have had a relatively fear-free life. But she seems to "get in trouble" for everything she does. If she doesn't stick up for herself, she loses her kids entirely (remember that the ex stopped picking up our eldest and then sued us for sole custody because we denied him visitation). And if she does stick up for herself, she gets sued, which may not sound like much, and at this time she should be calloused to it all. But with each new suit, her ex and his attorneys send horribly mean and cruel pieces of mail and emails and make accusations that simply aren't true, and then my wife's attorney tells her that she needs to defend herself against these accusations. She has had to prove that she doesn't make minimum wage, she has had to prove that she is not "willfully underemployed", she has had to prove that she did not proceed with school talks without informing the father, she has had to provide financial information, she has had impromptu visits from the boys' attorney to our home, which was inspected by the attorney, she has taken time away from her job (which is also time away from her paying hours of work) to talk with attorneys, school teachers, counselors. At this point, my wife is scared to not allow her youngest (13-years-old) to do whatever he says he wants to do. And that isn't healthy for any 13-year-old, in my opinion, especially one who continues to show bad judgment in the choices he makes, specifically when it comes to doing what his father tells him to do ("Don't talk to you mother, don't tell her anything, don't say anything to her at all").
This mother should not live in fear. This person should not have lived in fear ever.
While I prepare my mind and body for the upcoming certified letter we will receive soon stating that we're being sued again, and trying to figure out how we're going to pay for it, I try to focus on my wife's new-found sense of self-preservation. "I'm tired of being bullied."
When I was in Tae Kwon Do, I knew that I wouldn't win every fight. But I would fight every fight and end up where I ended up. There were many more ways to end up on the mat. But laying down on the mat and allowing the opponent to win without working wasn't acceptable.
The therapist says, "Just do what your attorney says."
I hope we can.
I hope this stops.
And the longer this continues, the more concretely my hope dies.
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