I think I've always thought that people, basically, try to do good things. Basically. No matter what your belief system is, I've always believed that people try to be good. Sometimes you get bad behaviors, but those behaviors aren't typical and wouldn't define a person as not trying to do good things, according to my definition. I guess I'm not even really sure what my definition is of "trying to do good things" would be. But I guess I figured that people tended to act like me, and I tried to make others as happy as possible while establishing secure boundaries around myself to make myself as happy as possible. And I thought others did the same.
Recent events, however, have brought me to a different place in my life where I don't really believe that anymore. And I really don't like it.
Recently, my wife broke down crying, telling me that going to court was making her act in a way that "wasn't her", and it was hurting her. She was speaking about having to keep track of all the horrible, nasty, ugly things that people do, notating all the awful and reporting on the awful to somebody else. Focusing on the bad, and making sure that it translates into something that will make others believe it, too, is bad. And keeping track of all the times somebody breaks a law or missteps. Those actions are not my wife, and those actions were what was hurting her. She is a person who tries hard, every day, to make sure she focuses on the things that make her happy. And if you focus on the things that make you happy and try to push away the things that make you miserable, when you go to court, you have no case. Because, essentially, you're happy. And you've tried to forget about the things that haven't been good. But that's all they want to focus on in court: the Not Good Things.
I believe, at this point in my life, that there are people who don't want to do good things. I believe there are people who want to do bad things. And I believe that they know certain things are good or bad. I believe that everyone has a feeling when they do something good, and even if they aren't aware of it, they know the feeling to be a good one.
I also believe that the Christian faith has provided a very good shelter for those who want to do bad things. One of the things Christianity teaches is that all sins will be forgiven if you simply believe in God. With this in mind, one could easily justify all behaviors if one said he believed in God, as the Almighty, the Most Powerful, The Creator Of Heaven And Earth, Of All That Is Seen And Unseen has seen what you do and has forgiven EVERYTHING you do because you believe in God. Therefore, you have no more responsibilities. For anything. Beat a cat but believe in God, forgiven. Rape a child but believe in God, forgiven. Start a genocide and the second world war but believe in God, forgiven. There is nothing you can do which holds any power over that part of you that feels your actions might be good or bad anymore, because EVERYTHING you do has become good. As long as you believe in God, there is nothing you can do which is bad. Not all Christians believe this, but this train of thought provides a refuge for those who want to do bad things. It is the perfect place to hide if you want to be bad and be acceptable. And it's not fair to other Christians who want to be good.
But basically, it's not fair to the world. There are people in the world who want to hurt you, perhaps repeatedly. They aren't simple bad behaviors. They are people who intend harm always. I did not believe there were such people. Now I do. And I feel like I've lost a little bit of me because of that. And I miss that part.
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