Grandly Fatigued

I'm so grandly fatigued today.  Last night, I told my family I was going to bed at 8.  My wife asked me to stay up and play, so I did.  It's rare that I say no to my wife (plus, it was her birthday). 

Life seems to be extra weighty today.  And yesterday.  And this whole year, actually.  Extra heavy and hard to lug around.

It weighs me down to hear about the Boston Marathon tragedy, with 3 people dead and over 100 injured.
It weighs me down to deal with my wife's ex.  A LOT it weighs me down.
It weighs me down to have dreams about the ex talking to our 12-year-old.
It weighs me down to see our 12-year-old feeling trapped by his father and not knowing how to help him.
It weighs me down to hear about the sequester that might affect my job.
It weighs me down to have been passed over for promotion twice, when I was told that it was almost a guaranty.
It weighs me down to have so little money.
It weighs me down that I can't afford glasses for my wife.
It weighs me down that I can't afford to buy food for my family, so on top of the fatigue we're all already feeling, we cook dinner every night, which is more energy and more time.
It weighs me down that we go without soda.
It weighs me down that we go without toilet paper sometimes.
It weighs me down that I didn't make the chocolate mousse pie for my wife's birthday that I wanted to.
Taxes.
Job.
Ex and his new wife and the war that continues (I wonder if this is anything like the Middle East: one side has decided not to fight anymore without surrendering, but the other side simply won't stop fighting, so they continue to fight, even though one side continues to say it's not fighting... and the world watches, trying to stay uninvolved, not really caring about what's going on but really just wanting it to stop.  He's a goddam waste of sperm and a poster child for why abortions should continue to be legal, and sometimes be mandatory).
I can't sleep.
I can't stay awake.
I can't get my head to calm down.
I can't bring peace to my wife, or my boys, or myself.
My arm hurts.
My tail bone hurts.

I wanna sleepwalk

And kill all the guilty people

The people without empathy

The people without conscience

I wanna sleepwalk

And end the suffering

So that when I wake

It will all have been an ended dream

That will quickly fade into nothing.