Trying To Make It Clear For Me

A few days ago, I asked my mother and step-father if they would be willing to testify that my wife's 16-year-old son has shown improvement in his school work and life since living full time with his mother.  Both of them were very quick to answer yes, they would do that.

I told my wife, and as we talked about it for a moment, she said something about how my parent's ease and eagerness to help was a telling sign about my wife's mother.  I asked her what she meant.  She said, "My mom told me that she wouldn't testify."  I quickly snapped, "Your mother's a liar and can't be trusted.  And I can almost guarantee that she's going to testify against you."  My wife stayed calm as she tried to get me to understand her point.  "Your parents were quick to say that they would help me.  My own mother was quick to say that she wasn't going to get involved.  And she only said that after I found out that she had said my ex was a better parent than me." 

There have been some moments recently that hang a weight on the air around a certain thought, like the whole world has just gotten a little heavier, and it's a little harder to stand upright.  When my wife explained those thoughts about her mother, that's what happened.  It was like I was breathing a thickness that coated my lungs and made even normal breaths laborious. 

It's difficult to describe how lucky you feel when you know you had a good mother raising you.  And as a kid, it doesn't happen much.  With me, it happened slowly over the course of my life.  As a child, I probably didn't think much of it.  As a teen, my mother became very valuable to me, constantly supporting me, even at times when she couldn't rescue me or when it was more helpful for me to deal with the consequences of my actions on my own.  And the older I get, and the more I see of what the world is, the more I get a better understanding of what kind of tremendous gift I was given with my mother.  I would like to share her with everyone, so that everyone can know what it's like to have somebody as truly excellent as she is.  I'm very fortunate that I get to share her with my wife and our boys. 

And at the same time, I wish I could go back and give somebody like my mother to my wife.  Cuts heal, but the scars they leave stay forever if the cut is deep enough.  Having a mother tell a lawyer that your abusive ex-husband is a better parent than you are is a pretty deep cut.  Especially when there is no reason for that statement.  Absolutely none.  An abusive ex-husband and an abusive mother, and one endless battle, where one side is trying to care for the children involved, and the other side is actively trying to hurt as many people as possible, even the children.

Why in the world are we still going through this?

And how do I help my wife understand and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that her mother and her ex-husband are completely and totally wrong?  And even after she knows that, how in the world do I help her heal?