Beauty and the Douche

The story of Beauty and the Beast, as told by Disney, is this:

There's an unkind douche of a prince who is selfish. A witch disguises herself to look ugly and asks the douche-prince for shelter, and, of course, he refuses because he's selfish. Then the witch reveals herself to be beautiful, the douche repents-- because it's not cool to be a douche to pretty girls, but ugly girls and go suck rocks all day long and nobody would give a shit-- but the witch puts a curse on him because he's, now, a Proven Douche. And if he can make somebody love him, then her curse will be broken.

...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, cut to 90 minutes later, and happy ending where we're all happy that the douche got the girl in the end and the curse is broken and is just a fading memory now. Kleenex and credits.



Why go through all that trouble? Especially for somebody we already know is a douche?

I want the story to be like this:

There's a Douche Prince. Some Ugly Witch puts a curse on him-- without disguising her natural looks, which are unique to her and only ugly to those who adhere to the standards of beauty prescribed by the Demonic Beauty Magazines that cause diseases in young girls and unrealistic expectations in men and would-be-rapists-- where his skin starts peeling off his body and everyday he suffocates to the point that he thinks he's going to die, but at the very last minute he lives, only to have the process repeat itself once he's regained the strength to fully realize this torture. He cannot kill himself and nobody else kills him either. He lives a long, painful life in agony and nobody told stories about him again because they all had better things to do, like pull out their bellybutton lint and smell their fingers. And the Ugly Witch made peace with her looks, knowing that no one else looks the way she does nor do they have the powers she has and she was happy with herself and life. The End.

Good story. I'm waiting for Disney to option that masterpiece. I'll be fucking rich as shit then.