Have you ever dated somebody that you didn't really like? I have. I guess I did it because I was lonely. Or maybe I wanted to have sex and didn't know how to say the words, "I just want to have sex with you, but I have no interest in talking with you or getting to know you at all, so let's do it and then we'll never speak to each other again." It's a lot to pack into one sentence... maybe that's why I never got around to saying those words.
I feel like there were a lot of people I dated that I didn't really like. And there were things about them that I used to remember that annoyed me. As I think back on them, I can really only remember one thing specifically: I was late in meeting a girlfriend, and when I got there, she had her hands on her hips, huge scowl on her face, and with the most disgusted tone in my memory, she spat the sentence, "Where the hell have you been?!" I hadn't been late to meet her at any other time in our history, so this reaction to my 15-minute tardiness was extraordinarily over-the-top. That reaction told me that this was not the person I wanted to be with. It told me that she was not happy to see me after an unexpected absence, she wasn't concerned with my safety or well-being, and she wasn't relieved to see me arrive. She was more concerned with her momentary discomfort than with my presence, which should signal the end of the momentary discomfort. She was too self-centered for my tastes... or dramatic... or both. I ended things with her almost immediately. And looking back on it, I'm very, VERY glad I did and I believe I made the right decision. for so many reasons, the least of which might be that the aforementioned self-centered attitude does not fit with my personality, and is a pretty big irritant for me.
This is the only thing I can think of, though, about the people I've dated in the past, that was a source of irritation. I can't really remember any specifics about anyone else I dated. Not really. The further away from those experiences I get, the more they fade into a place in my memory... if that. I feel like I've forgotten a lot of those past girlfriends, what made us click, why we broke up. I don't really remember much about all of that. Why should I? It's even more useless knowledge than trivia. At least with trivia, I might win a bar bet or a free basket of cheese fries.
I bring all this up to mention my favorite subject: my wife. Specifically, there are aspects of her personality that she believes aren't assets. They aren't things that she really wants to change-- or maybe she feels like changing them is too difficult or impossible-- but she thinks, upon occasion, that these traits are things that I will find to be annoying or unattractive.
I had a whole new reinforcement of an already-established thought last night: I like everything she does and everything she is. I like it because it is her that I like. I like it because I want to like it, because I want to like her. And it's not hard for me to want that every day of my life. Even the things she finds unattractive, I like. Even the fact that she finds aspects of herself unattractive, I like. And I will like it just as much if she decides today that she totally accepts herself and doesn't find anything unattractive. If she's able to do that, I'll ask her how she did it and do it myself. Then I'll tell you how we both did it. And then I'll giggle at the previous sentence and how I said "we both did it".
Point is, I really like my wife. All of who she is, I dig it. When I'm around her, I feel powerful. I feel right. I feel loved and secure. I feel good. I feel good because she's there. My high school sweetheart. My first love. My best friend. My wife.
I really, really hope you're able to find somebody like that for your life. It feels absolutely wonderful.
No comments:
Post a Comment