My Wife's Back Has Gone Out

My wife can't move because her back has gone out. I don't know what that means medically, but what it means to me is that she falls to the floor screaming and crying in pain and I can't touch her or do anything to help her. Yeah, it totally blows all around.

When it first started this afternoon, my two step sons didn't do much. My wife screamed, I came running, and my 13 year-old followed me. My 9 year old was, I dunno, let's say he was making farts. But after about 10 seconds, both of them were back to playing grab-ass. Meanwhile, my wife-- their mother-- is screaming Loudly. It's no secret that something isn't right with her. And they're trying to see if they can actually stick the 9 year-old's head up the 13 year-old's ass. Fun stuff.

I think I was about 6 when I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up: a super hero. I wanted to be Spider-Man. O wanted to fight super villains and help people. I didn't even care if I got paid. I just wanted to help.

I love my step sons. Seriously, love them like they were my own. And I don't think we could get any closer to each other even if they did have half of me swimming around in them. We're pretty tight, the three of us. I'm really lucky to have this kind of relationship.

And even as I say that, I think about them running around the house, giggling about punching each other in the dick while their mother and I are trying to figure out how to get her off the floor. Then the 13 year-old says to me, "Are you going to play with us soon or what?" At which point I have to EXPLAIN to him that the reason I'm standing over their mother who is curled into a fetal position is because she's in a lot of pain. And I just want to shake them both and tell them that the world doesn't revolve around them and they need to start paying attention to what's going on around them so they don't end up entering the Working World as Complete Assholes. I wanna shake them like a Dairy Queen.

My wife is asleep right now. Both our boys are asleep right now. They both watched me take care of their mother and they became increasingly aware that something was wrong and that actions and words needed to happen. They helped her, which made her feel good and made me feel good.

I guess this is what being a parent is all about: you wanna beat your children until their balls explode, but then in the midst of feeling emotions you think up some lame-ass way to express yourself using words so that they learn something and are able to model your good behavior instead of visiting you in prison for breaking a child in half.

Someday I'll tell you about their father.