Emailing Them

they should make something that makes your kids not say dumb shit.

or better yet, they should make something that makes your kids not dumb.

or better yet, they should make something that doesn't make you worry about your kids when they say dumb shit that makes you worry about if they're going to freeze on the streets and never eat another meal again if they do the stupid shit they say they're going to do.

or better yet, they should make something that lets you jump to the moment after the dumb shit is said when you realize that your kid was just venting frustrations or saying something dumb like you said when you were a kid because we're all human.  you know, that moment where you look back on the stupid shit and smile because everything is fine, and you look at your kid, who's also smiling because everything is fine, and you both laugh at each other and say, "wow, that was some stupid shit!  i'm glad everything turned out okay!"

or better yet, they should make something that doesn't allow you to worry about anything.  ever.

or better yet, they should make something that gives me eight hundred million dollars a minute, and allows me to sleep at night, and makes my wife, two boys, mother, and step-father happy and comfortable.  And it should play good music always that suits the mood you're in.  And it should dispense milk.  Free milk.  And it should feel like a brand-new sock going on.  And the best pillow you've ever slept on.  And smell like freshly-popped pop corn right before the movie starts.  And feels like your mother hugging you at night.  The kind of hug that lets you know everything is okay and you lets you settle down enough to feel comfortable and good in your bed and not think about anything but the warmth of sleep and how deeply you will rest.

that's what they should do.

does anyone have an email address for them?

been here

i can't believe i've already been here 6 hours
where did the time go
what have i done

Since We've Been Married...

Since we've been married, every night has been like the best slumber party ever.
Thank you.

Sitting

He sat alone.


He sat sad.

He thought about all the mistakes he made. All the regrets he had. All the things he would do differently if he could go back. All the different people he didn’t thank enough. He thought about the silences of friends once close, now lost to worst-case imaginings. He must have done something wrong for them not to talk with him anymore. And the pigeons circled his feet as he dropped breadcrumbs out of obligation. There was nothing else to do with breadcrumbs but let them drop and fall down.

Then she sat next to him.

He heard her breathe.

And he felt her leg bump into his.

Her hand found his elbow, and squeezed around his arm into a hug.

And he was not alone anymore.

And he was not sad anymore.

And he would sit there forever with her, because his life was good with her.

Prozac and Xanax

Last night I took my first Xanax in years.  I think I slept well.
This morning, I took my first Prozac in years.
I'm very sleepy today.  Not the normal kind of sleepy, though.  The kind of sleepy you get after you haven't slept for a long time and you finally got one good night's rest.  I could've slept for 8 years, I think.

Today at work, I'm remarkably unfocused.
Maybe my stress was what I needed to do my job mediocrely.