Our 12-year-old gets dropped off at our house on Friday. He has a pretty bad cold with a fever. His father drops him off and leaves without a word as to when this illness started or what kind of care has been taken so far. He leaves before my wife is even aware that there’s a sickness.
On Monday, our 12-year-old is still sick, so he’s taken to the clinic, where he’s diagnosed with the flu. He’s prescribed two kinds of medications, as well as bed-rest and lots of fluids. There’s not much one can do for the flu except ride it out. My wife’s job allows her to stay at home to care for our 12-year-old.
My wife talks with me on Monday, and asks if there’s any way that I could take off work to care for our 12-year-old. I have a full-time state job that allows for sick time and paid leave. Her job is part-time, and when she leaves, she doesn’t get paid. With us spending over $200 unexpectedly on medical bills and drugs for our sick child, and with me not getting the promotion I was told I would get, and with me stopping the secondary jobs I had so that I could spend more time with my family during this difficult time over custody battles, we’re running shorter on cash than we have in a very long time. And we could really use her income. And, while my job is trying to over-work me more than normal, dangling my promotion in front of me, I feel certain that I will be able to ask for some time off to care for our 12-year-old so that my wife can go to work and earn the money we need.
I just received a text from my wife, saying that our 12-year-old’s father is making an issue out of my staying with our 12-year-old while he’s sick, and if she isn’t able to stay with him, he believes that our 12-year-old should stay with his father. My wife suggested that maybe she should just stay with our 12-year-old. And I support her decision to do whatever she needs or wants to do. Anything she needs or wants to do, I’m behind it.
I mention all of this because it makes me mad all over again. Our boys’ father NEVER thinks about the health and well-being of his children. NEVER. Not Once. If he did, there would be no reason to think that pulling a sick boy away from his home, his bed, his familiar surroundings, and his drugs would be in his best interest. Please justify how uprooting a sick child at home with his step-father for 5 hours will benefit the sick child. You cannot suggest that our 12-year-old would be benefitted in any way by this. What’s more, this Sick Sack Of Shit father has done precisely this to move the 12-year-old AWAY from his mother. Approximately 2 years ago, he took our 12-year-old to stay with his grandmother, 30 minutes away from his home and mother, while he was sick. He did not tell our 12-year-old’s mother about this until after it was done. This was one of the many things we were told to “let go of” during previous court cases. And now, Sick Sack has dragged us back into court, and is suggesting that actions which are acceptable and appropriate are not, while maintaining that actions he’s taken which are far worse are fine and appropriate. And, as far as I can tell, the only reason why we must be so incredibly “better” than him is because he is going to make an issue OUT OF EVERYTHING, and his lawyer will support him in these outrageous claims.
Our 16-year-old’s therapist just wrote a letter in which she said that a homeschooling program was best for our 16-year-old, that it was not an idea that my wife had “bullied” upon the therapist, and that it needed to happen immediately because of ongoing relationships problems between our 16-year-old and his father. She wrote this letter because, after making the recommendation and after my wife had informed Shitty Sack about the recommendation, Shitty Sack said that he would get the school board legal counsel involved, because he hadn’t been made aware of any decisions and he hadn’t been included. When it was pointed out that he had been included, and there was no way to include him any further than how he was being included, he then stated that the school board and the therapist had been bullied by my wife and were not able to come to this decision on their own. Our case became more complicated because… why??? And none of it helps either of the boys. Our 16-year-old is still waiting to enroll in his homeschooling program, which his doctor is strongly recommending, and the school team is recommending. He’s still waiting to get the help he deserves. Waiting because his father isn’t thinking about his health and well-being.
Their father NEVER thinks about the boys’ health and well-being. And then he sues my wife for sole custody. Maddening.
I don’t know what my wife is going to do about our 12-year-old situation now. I kinda hope she stays at home. Not because I want to be without money next week, but because it’s the path of least resistance, and that’s what she and our 12-year-old deserve. It’s not what we as a family deserve. But reduction of stress is essential right now.
When I was a child and entertained the thoughts of having my own family one day, I had normal thoughts of concern that I would be able to provide for them, make them happy, and help them live life to the fullest. I never could have imagined that there would ever have been a time when I would have to say something like, “No, honey, I shouldn’t stay with our 12-year-old today or tomorrow, not because I’m not capable or that it would make him feel uncomfortable, but because the legal battle over custody of our two children might be a less-stressful fight if you stay with him rather than me, even if it means we can only eat hot dogs for a week.”
It’s a very strange thing to feel like you cannot take care of yourself or your children because the choices you’re making are going to be legally used against you to take away your children, while those same choices made by the party fighting you are forgotten about. And when you ask why the double standard, those legally responsible for providing counsel tell you to “let it go”.
I cannot put words to my fury and frustration.
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