Craisins

I fucking hate craisins!

I don't mean I hate dried cranberries, sometimes referred to as "craisins" and registered as a trademarked word from the Ocean Spray company. I mean I hate the fucking word!

And I hate the people who use the fucking word even more than I hate the fucking word!

What kind of a pretentious fuck are you to call it a craisin?! You pretentious FUCK! It's a stupid, fruity word, and you're a stupid, fruity fuck for using it! Especially since you come over the PA at my office and tell me that I can buy a salad with fuckin' craisins on it! I might have bought a salad from you prior to you polluting the air with your fuckery, but now you've fucked the whole fuck, so FUCK your fucking craisins and FUCK YOU!

You-- you useless fuck using the word "craisin" over my PA--
You're a dried up fuck, so you're a "fraisin"!
You're a dried up shit, so you're a "shraisin"!
You're a dried up cunt, so you're a "craisin"! Wait! NO!!!


...wait a minute...

I might have just cured myself.

Every time that snooty little bitch comes over the PA and tells me about her delicious salad that she's selling in the break room that has craisins on it...
I'm going to imagine that, instead of dried, little raisins...
The salad has dried, little cunts on it.
Yeah...
That's better...
Pruny little cunts.
Cunts that have been in the swimming pool too long.
Tiny, bite-sized cunts.
Delicately shaved and dried and placed on her salads.


...ahhhhhhhhhhh...
I feel much better now.

Thank you.