Lies

There's something about lying that really chokes my monkey.

I was raised, like most people I think, to be honest. My parents told me that I should tell the truth always and instilled in me a deep sense that lying was bad. Like most people with religion, I didn't think about it much. I just did what I was told.

But take a look around. Idaho Senator Larry Craig tells CNN that he "did nothing inappropriate" and that he's "not gay" only two months after pleading guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct charges for soliciting sex from another man in an airport bathroom. Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart attacked his televangelist-competition, Jim Bakker and Marvin Gorman, by exposing their infidelities, effectively destroying their careers, which prompted Gorman to hire a private detective to follow Swaggart to his own infidelious (my word-- you owe me a quarter every time you use it) behavior with a prostitute, and once exposed, Swaggart bawls on television to his sheep, "I have sinned against you, my Lord, and I would ask that your precious blood would wash and cleanse every stain until it is in the seas of God's forgiveness." 3 years later, Swaggart was stopped in California for driving on the wrong side of the road. In his car, a woman who claimed to be a prostitute who had accepted money from Swaggart for sex with her. Bill Clinton lied under oath about having relations with Monica Lewinsky, Richard Nixon lied about his illegal activities while being our 37th president, including wiretapping and harassment of political opponents in the Watergate scandal, then lied famously about it all. Anybody remember "I am not a crook"? In 2004, it was brought to light that USA Today journalist Jack Kelley was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for news stories that he had created. He was not awarded the Pulitzer. George Bush, Dick Cheney, George Tenet, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Wolfowitz, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld, John Ashcroft, and Tom Ridge told us that we had to go to war with Iraq in 2001 because they were the ones who perpetrated the attacks of September 11th. No? Okay, well, we have to go to war with Iraq because they're sending us anthrax in the mail. No? That's our own guys trying to scare us? Okay, well, we have to go to war with Iraq because they have weapons of mass destruction that we sold to them in... I mean, they simply have weapons of mass destruction. What's that? The weapons of mass destruction that we sold them had an expiration date and are no longer good, even if we could find them? Okay, what about a war with Iraq because they have this horrible leader and he needs to be removed. You say we already removed him and we're still at war? Well, how about a war in Iraq so that they can have democratic elections. They already had those elections and elected a non-American-friendly government? Ummmm... well, if we tell you that we're going to war with Iraq so that we can make money from our private enterprises like oil and weapons, you might not like that and bring us all up on criminal charges, so we're going to continue to confuse you and manipulate you and lie to you until-- oop, term's up, we're no longer in office, you can't impeach any of us, PEACE! And what about all the lies on Fox News, a national broadcasting outlet that claims to be "fair and balanced" news, but then carries almost nothing but opinion disguised as facts? Those kinds of lies make people believe things that end up hurting all of us, like when we believed Bush, Jr., when he told us all that good stuff about Iraq. And now we're in the middle of a financial crisis which was, in part, stimulated by our interactions with Iraq and private businesses that profit from war, and that's making it difficult for you to find a job in this economy.

What's happened to our sense of truth and justice? Is Superman really dead?

If I tell my boys that it's okay to lie to get what they want, then I don't feel like I'm raising them right. If I tell them that they should be wary of people because most people lie and they should protect themselves, then I feel like I'm cheating them out of great experiences with the few people left who are honest and can be trusted with their ideas and hearts and won't use them for money or political gain. How do I guide these little people that I have partial responsibility for into their own life knowing that there are ugly, horrible liars out there waiting?

You can't surf the Internet without being afraid of people taking your identity by lying to you. You can't watch the news anymore without questioning what you see and hear. You really can't listen to anybody anymore. What the fuck?

Whoa. That's a lot, isn't it? I might have been driving with my eyes closed there for a second. I'm feeling a little depressed.

Yeah. Life sucks. Shit gets tough. Not all cookies taste great. And you're fat. It's messy out there.

But you can do something about it. You can buy paper towels to clean up the mess. And you can walk more, which burns off the extra pounds. And you can get double-ply toilet paper. It's stronger than regular-ply bathroom tissue, guaranteeing a cleaner wipe with every handful.

It would be nice if everybody had to wear an electric sign which would blink violently every time that person was telling a lie. Then none of us would get fooled as much. But that's not the case. We're still vulnerable to deceits.

Here's what I'll end with: Frank Serpico. Good cop in New York. Wouldn't take bribes. Wouldn't sit by while others did. Was dedicated to protecting and serving. Testified before the Knapp Commission about the illegal activities within the police department. As a result, his fellow officers didn't call for assistance after Serpico was seriously wounded during a drug raid. Serpico left the country to heal from his wounds, and probably to get away from the assholes he worked with. Doesn't sound like a great story, does it? But who do we know from this story? Do we know any of the liars and rats? Or do we know about the honest guy?

It's hard to be honest and good. It's easy to be sleazy. Life is hard. Guess I'll tell my boys that and trust that I've done the best that I can in preparing them for whatever they choose to become.

That wasn't quite as optimistic and hopeful as I wanted it to be. Oh well. Some shit is shit.