Dear God,
I work for Social Security and I just received an email requesting I pray for a former co-worker who is undergoing heart surgery as a precursor to heart surgery he is going to undergo next week.
I never knew this man, nor did I know his heart.
I do, however, know, and continue to know, the woman who sent the email. She's not a bad person. I've certainly met worse. But, at most, she's a work acquaintance.
This rather informal email request for me to address the Almighty (or do you prefer "All Mighty"? I mean, I know almighty comes from all mighty, but I'm just wondering if you've got a preference. I mean, I know English is a fairly new language, and since you've existed since before time began, one would think anything I could come up with to call you is a pretty new name. I should research how to type out your hieroglyphic name, seeing as that was probably what you first became accustomed to us calling you. Anywho, I digress...), in regards to a man I don't know, who has a heart I've never seen, touched, heard, smelled, or tasted, from a woman who doesn't laugh at my good jokes but laughs at my Work Anecdotes Which Aren't Funny But Office People Think Are Hysterical (I'm looking at you, Dilbert), touched me. Touched me enough to reach out to you.
Before I go any further, please let me know if I should address this to some other form of You. I thought about addressing this "Dear Jesus", but realized that I was unfamiliar with the hierarchy in heaven. Which member of the trinity answers prayers? I know that "lies make baby Jesus cry", but this isn't a lie, it's a prayer. I also know that, at prom, I need to "make room for Jesus", which I always thought was akin to "there's always room for Jell-O", and since I'm pretty much always hungry, I never thought twice about making room for Jesus, as I was certain I would be able to eat him if asked. Also, if you're Catholic, this whole prayer thing is pointless, as only a priest can talk with you... which is odd that they make their followers say prayers to you as penance for their sins after confession. If you're Jewish, as Jesus was, you don't believe in Jesus, as Jesus didn't. Or if you do believe in Jesus, you didn't really come from a Jewish woman's vagina, as this is the only requirement for being a Jewish person... which, obviously, you're not a person, so you can't be Jewish. But your son is... so what do you do at Christmas? Menorah or Christmas tree in December for you guys? Do you even know what December is? Do you care? Do you have a calendar or a date book? Does Jesus just believe in the Old Testament, like the Jews do, or does he also believe in the New Testament which is the story of his life, as the Jews don't? And why are we supposed to think the New Testament is actual facts about Jesus, seeing as it was written by nobody who actually knew him, saw him, or had any contact with him, and was written about him over 70 years after he had died by people who hadn't been around 70 years. And if you celebrate Kwanza... where do you purchase gifts? I mean, I know it's a celebration of fertility and all, kinda like the pagans and the winter solstice and all of that, but do you, like, want an iPod or a bunch of seeds as a gift? Or do you want me to slaughter a lamb? Or Isaac, my only son? Am I gonna get in trouble for wearing a Santa hat? And what's the deal with chocolate bunnies to celebrate the rising of Jesus from the dead? Do chocolate bunnies rise from anything? And if you're so powerful, why didn't you just open the kingdom of Heaven for us so we could get in instead of allowing your son to be murdered, I mean, since you love the world so much to give us your only begotten son. And does that mean you have unbegotten sons? Did you get a vasectomy, and that's how you know you won't have any more begotten sons? And how, specifically, did you impregnate Mary, seeing as you have no penis, no vas deferens or the plural vasa deferentia, no testes, no spermatozoa? Look, why don't we do this... if I'm supposed to send a prayer to somebody else, just strike me dead. No? Nothing? Good. I'll continue.
As I mentioned, there's a dude who wants a prayer. He's going through a hard time and wants support. Personally, I would want people to actually support me, you know, like, bring me food that isn't hospital food, tell me jokes, bring in their babies and dogs and crap. But I guess this guy doesn't like babies or food or whatever and has asked that I support him (even though he probably knows me even less than I know him, 'cause, you know... old people...) by praying to you. Actually, he has asked a woman, who sent an email which asked me to pray to you to support this man.
So...
Prayer.
Is that what you need?
How many of these do you need before you will spare this man's life?
If you don't get the full amount of prayers you need, will you save him after his first surgery, but kill him after his second?
Will you blame us for not giving you enough prayers to make his heart good again?
Will you take out your blame on us? 'Cause, honestly, I don't really need any more shit in my life right now. Just lettin' you know, I'm done with shit for a while. So if you're gonna blame me for not praying enough or hard enough or whatever unknown measure you're using to quantify Prayer, just kill me. I'd rather you kill me than dangle something over my head for all eternity.
Is there something I can do to make my prayer more meaningful? Like adding sugar to a recipe makes the resulting food richer, is there something I can add like blood or snacks that will make my prayer more potent to you?
Speaking of snacks, do you have a favorite snack food? 'Cause you're gonna get some extra work because this guy ate too much butter and now needs heart surgeries and asked that this chick at work here send out an email asking for people to contact you... and I just figured, hey, while you're reading prayers, maybe a Pringle would be nice... and what kind of Pringle does god like best? Honey Mustard? That's my favorite, personally. Honey Mustard. The Xtreme Pickle flavor is really good, too, even though it's a little intense. Hey, I'll just get a couple of both so you don't have to choose. Unless you tell me something else. No? Nothing? All right, I'll get a couple of both. But not until Monday. I don't get paid until Monday and we're reeeeeealy short on cash right now.
Hey, how far is your commute? Do you get up, get out of bed, shower, go downstairs and blam, you're at work? I mean, I know you have to rest, because "on the seventh day, [you] rested", which means you get tired. Which is weird, cuz you're supposed to be all powerful... which kinda implies that you wouldn't get tired. Maybe you just don't know your own strength.
Are you seeing anyone right now? I'm not asking for me, cuz I don't swing that way. And I'm assuming you don't swing that way, too, because of all the nuns who are married to you. Or are they married to Jesus? Or both of you? You really gotta come and clear that up, because we're going through this whole Let's Let Gay People Get Married Or Not thing here, which is really causing quite the row, and everybody who doesn't want to let gay people get married are invoking your name. Personally, I think it's rude to talk for somebody, especially when that somebody hasn't weighed in at all. But the Mormons don't want to let gays get married because, if they do, it will destroy Heaven, which, apparently to them, is populated by men Angels having sex with women. And if we let gay people get married, then men angels in Heaven won't be able to populate anymore... because being gay is so awesome that EVERYONE will become gay and all the straight men Angels will go wanting, I guess. I'm not sure how that works for them. I would guess that, since their Heaven is populated by heterosexuals, maybe all they really need to do is excommunicate the homosexuals from their church, allowing those non-Mormon gays to get married while maintaining an entirely straight congregation, and allowing all others to go to Hell. I guess. I mean, that's what I'd do if I were in charge of the Mormons. You, hey, you might have a different plan. And if you're a Mormon, you might think about my plan, seeing as it allows people to do what they want (like not be Mormon), while maintaining your core values (celestial Man-Angel dick-poon sex).
Anywho, I think I've done my share for people I don't know who might die soon.
Prayer.
There's another one. Just in case my last one put him over the top and he get a new set of steak knives now or something.
Toodles, yo.
Sincerely,
me
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
update 6/11/14 evening
My mother and step-father got to visit us yesterday for a Father's Day celebration. It was nice. And most of the time I was trying to keep my feelings about this latest horror in check, trying to be a good son, husband, party host, cook. I was trying to hold down my hulk that wants to escape and smash everything.
After my folks left, my wife caught me up to speed with the latest developments that had taken place earlier that day.
Our attorney said that he had received a letter from the ex's attorney, saying that mom had denied food to our youngest. The denial of food was a punishment to our youngest for going against the schedule that was dictated by father. Opposing attorney threatened that he was obligated to call the child welfare services if he suspected child abuse, and withholding food was child abuse. He further explained that the previous signed agreement between ex-husband and my wife stated that if our youngest was going to miss any of his scheduled activities, it would have to be because of agreement by both parties, and that the ex was now stating that he would not agree to our youngest missing anything, making it mandatory that our youngest would need to attend all activities because an agreement about missing these activities would never be made. Our youngest currently does private workouts with his father instead of working out with the rest of his team in official team workouts. This was dictated by the father. The ex has stated that these workouts are part of our youngest's after-school programs that he is involved in, as he need to workout for football. Which means that the private, father-and-son workouts are considered a school program, according to the father and his attorney. The previous agreement stated that our youngest could attend any school program he decided on, and if we had to go back to court, the party who instigated the law suit needed to prove that our youngest had been prevented from going to these school events, otherwise they would have to pay the full amount of the court and attorney fees. And since there was no previous agreement (because ex won't agree) for our youngest to miss the school event (as defined by ex and his attorney), court and attorney fees, obviously, would be entirely the responsibility of my wife. Private coaching was not specifically named in the agreement, and therefore was not put into writing as not being a "school event", although it was understood that this was NOT a school event, but rather a private coaching by our youngest's father which was not considered a school activity. It was also made clear in this letter that any divergence from what the father dictated for our youngest for his time at our home would be considered a violation of the agreement. Last night, our youngest was supposed to go to youth group. He had decided a few days prior that he didn't want to go to youth group because he wanted to celebrate my step-father for father's day. My wife told him that he would have to make sure that was okay with his father. Our youngest had some contact with his father, and we were told everything was okay. However, that doesn't mean that's what will be presented to attorneys or in court. After reading this letter, it is clear that the ex could see this act-- our youngest missing youth group to celebrate father's day-- as a breach of contract and could take us to court for this action. ALL of this is ridiculous, according to our attorney. None of it is provable, and none of it would stand up in court. However, my wife informed our attorney that we would be paying for his services from here out, and we were unable to pay a complete two thousand dollar retainer in entirety all at once. At which point, he told her that it was clear that the other side was going to play dirty, and the two of us "couldn't afford" the extensive legal help we would need to get this thing to trial, which was the only place we would win, and he advised her to let it go. Because there was no way of knowing what our youngest would say to a judge, there was no way of determining how likely we would be at winning a case, and we didn't have the funds to continue. My wife said she "felt fired" by our attorney, like he had just let us both go because we were poor. She was mad at because she understood that the attorney couldn't be expected to work for free (why not?!, I thought), but he was unwilling to even talk about a payment plan or a way to work with our limited budget. And all of this AFTER admitting that none of the charges against my wife were real or would stand up in court. My wife was furious, but in a resigned way. "This is how it is, and my anger will only make me feel worse," was what seemed to leak out of her into our bed last night, as I lay there powerless to do anything but hear the story about how my wife and kids were, again, getting fucked by their father and the attorneys who were supposed to be helping, and a truly sadistic and evil man and his evil and sadistic attorney.
After this talk, my wife went to her youngest, and told him that she needed to talk with him and needed him to talk back. She asked if he had said anything to dad that could, in any way, be interpreted as mother denying food to son. He said that he hadn't. She read just the part of the letter to him where his father accused my wife of withholding food. He said that he hadn't ever mentioned food, he said that was a complete lie, and, in fact, said that mom had just allowed him to buy his own groceries earlier that week (a teaching tool she is using to help both our boys understand what is involved in keeping a budget and how much money it takes to buy food and the value of that food). He had always felt taken care of by his mother, and she had never denied him food. Mother asked if he had ever told anyone that she had spanked him for doing what his father had told him to do, and he said no. He said that his previous attorney, the guardian ad litem who had officially withdrawn from our case because she could "no longer help" with the case, had asked him if his mother ever beat him or spanked him while he cried out for her to stop. He had been really confused by this, and told her that his mother had never done any of that. At which point, my wife informed him that his step-mother had legally claimed that my wife had spanked him, and that she had written a huge email about how he had cried and screamed that she didn't understand what horrors went on over at mom's house. Our youngest said that he thought his step-mother was a "bitch", and told several stories about how mean she is to him and his father. One time, he and his father tried to tell her that she was not being nice, and she went into the bedroom, took everything out of the room that belonged to her husband, threw it out in the hallway, and locked the door. She stayed in there for a long time, and eventually came out and acted as if nothing was wrong. My wife asked, if things were so crazy over there, WHY had he decided to spend MORE time over there?? Our youngest said that he didn't feel like he had a choice. He was going to be over there, there was nothing he could do to change that, so he really needed to make things as calm as possible, which meant staying there more. He said that he didn't say things sometimes because he would talk about them with mom one time, and then he would talk about them twice more over at his dad's house (because his step-mother would talk with him, also), and he was TIRED of talking about it all, he just wanted to forget the whole thing. He told his mother that he didn't say things sometimes because he didn't have words, and he would rather say nothing than say the wrong thing. My wife told him that it was okay to say the wrong thing, and together they could find the right words. So our youngest said that he wanted to talk with a judge so that his words didn't get turned around. He wanted to live with mom and dad, but every time he said something, his words got turned into something he didn't say, and he didn't feel like he had any power to change that. He also said he just wanted to fighting to be over. That was the part he hated the most. And he hated it when his father was mean to his mother. And he said that his father was "really mean" to his mother in front of the gym the other day. Mother reminded him that he had said he was mad at her on the way home and was wondering if he had words for her as to why he was mad at her. He clarified and said that he wasn't mad at her, just that he was mad at the whole situation that never seemed to end, and he always hated seeing his father being mean to his mother. He said that he really wanted to speak to a judge. He felt like he could clear things up if only he could speak to a judge. My wife said that she didn't know if that were possible, but she would ask about it. When my wife finished, I told her that I thought it was a good sign that our youngest was talking to her. Previously, he just wouldn't say anything. And while she said that she felt like he was being sincere and felt like he was telling her the truth, there was something unspoken. He had not behaved in a trustworthy manner in the past. He very rarely stuck to his word. Because of his actions in the past, it had become very difficult to trust what he said in any situation. And as much as she wanted to trust him and feel like he was sincere, there was a part of her that simply couldn't do that because of his past actions. And even if she could write it off as our lawyer had done so often in the past with "he's 13, and 13-year-olds lie all the time, especially to get out of being in trouble" so that, somehow, it's less of a slam on his character or moral fortitude, and more a characteristic he will grow out of when he matures... ... ... the middle part remains exactly the same: 13-year-olds lie all the time.
So now, we must do whatever the ex dictates. Our youngest will not speak up, because he only wants the fighting to end, and speaking up makes the fighting last longer, especially when he's not allowed to correctly represent himself. And even still, when all of his time is consumed with whatever his father plans for him and we don't get to see him at all during our weeks with him, that doesn't mean that his father won't sue us for something we didn't do, and win, simply because we can't afford to go to court. And we may get visited by child services, (which I'm not too afraid of, seeing as my father taped the hands and feet of his youngest son, keeps a filthy home, and is physically unfit to take care of a turd in a toilet, yet still has custody over his two minor children) which is yet another stressor in our already extremely stressful lives.
In the event that you were wondering, yes, if we went to court, chances are-- as long as we don't settle-- that the judge would rule in our favor and the ex would be forced to pay all court and lawyer fees, per our last agreement. However, WE would need to pay to get there, WE would pay all our attorney fees prior to court, and then, after winning, we would be reimbursed by him IF he decides to pay. So we would need the money up front.
And I didn't win the Powerball lottery last night for $257 million. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really wanted that to happen last night. Most of almost everything.
Okay, now is the time for me to win the jackpot lottery. Or discover my hidden super powers. Now is the time for extraordinary to happen. Now. Right now.
After my folks left, my wife caught me up to speed with the latest developments that had taken place earlier that day.
Our attorney said that he had received a letter from the ex's attorney, saying that mom had denied food to our youngest. The denial of food was a punishment to our youngest for going against the schedule that was dictated by father. Opposing attorney threatened that he was obligated to call the child welfare services if he suspected child abuse, and withholding food was child abuse. He further explained that the previous signed agreement between ex-husband and my wife stated that if our youngest was going to miss any of his scheduled activities, it would have to be because of agreement by both parties, and that the ex was now stating that he would not agree to our youngest missing anything, making it mandatory that our youngest would need to attend all activities because an agreement about missing these activities would never be made. Our youngest currently does private workouts with his father instead of working out with the rest of his team in official team workouts. This was dictated by the father. The ex has stated that these workouts are part of our youngest's after-school programs that he is involved in, as he need to workout for football. Which means that the private, father-and-son workouts are considered a school program, according to the father and his attorney. The previous agreement stated that our youngest could attend any school program he decided on, and if we had to go back to court, the party who instigated the law suit needed to prove that our youngest had been prevented from going to these school events, otherwise they would have to pay the full amount of the court and attorney fees. And since there was no previous agreement (because ex won't agree) for our youngest to miss the school event (as defined by ex and his attorney), court and attorney fees, obviously, would be entirely the responsibility of my wife. Private coaching was not specifically named in the agreement, and therefore was not put into writing as not being a "school event", although it was understood that this was NOT a school event, but rather a private coaching by our youngest's father which was not considered a school activity. It was also made clear in this letter that any divergence from what the father dictated for our youngest for his time at our home would be considered a violation of the agreement. Last night, our youngest was supposed to go to youth group. He had decided a few days prior that he didn't want to go to youth group because he wanted to celebrate my step-father for father's day. My wife told him that he would have to make sure that was okay with his father. Our youngest had some contact with his father, and we were told everything was okay. However, that doesn't mean that's what will be presented to attorneys or in court. After reading this letter, it is clear that the ex could see this act-- our youngest missing youth group to celebrate father's day-- as a breach of contract and could take us to court for this action. ALL of this is ridiculous, according to our attorney. None of it is provable, and none of it would stand up in court. However, my wife informed our attorney that we would be paying for his services from here out, and we were unable to pay a complete two thousand dollar retainer in entirety all at once. At which point, he told her that it was clear that the other side was going to play dirty, and the two of us "couldn't afford" the extensive legal help we would need to get this thing to trial, which was the only place we would win, and he advised her to let it go. Because there was no way of knowing what our youngest would say to a judge, there was no way of determining how likely we would be at winning a case, and we didn't have the funds to continue. My wife said she "felt fired" by our attorney, like he had just let us both go because we were poor. She was mad at because she understood that the attorney couldn't be expected to work for free (why not?!, I thought), but he was unwilling to even talk about a payment plan or a way to work with our limited budget. And all of this AFTER admitting that none of the charges against my wife were real or would stand up in court. My wife was furious, but in a resigned way. "This is how it is, and my anger will only make me feel worse," was what seemed to leak out of her into our bed last night, as I lay there powerless to do anything but hear the story about how my wife and kids were, again, getting fucked by their father and the attorneys who were supposed to be helping, and a truly sadistic and evil man and his evil and sadistic attorney.
After this talk, my wife went to her youngest, and told him that she needed to talk with him and needed him to talk back. She asked if he had said anything to dad that could, in any way, be interpreted as mother denying food to son. He said that he hadn't. She read just the part of the letter to him where his father accused my wife of withholding food. He said that he hadn't ever mentioned food, he said that was a complete lie, and, in fact, said that mom had just allowed him to buy his own groceries earlier that week (a teaching tool she is using to help both our boys understand what is involved in keeping a budget and how much money it takes to buy food and the value of that food). He had always felt taken care of by his mother, and she had never denied him food. Mother asked if he had ever told anyone that she had spanked him for doing what his father had told him to do, and he said no. He said that his previous attorney, the guardian ad litem who had officially withdrawn from our case because she could "no longer help" with the case, had asked him if his mother ever beat him or spanked him while he cried out for her to stop. He had been really confused by this, and told her that his mother had never done any of that. At which point, my wife informed him that his step-mother had legally claimed that my wife had spanked him, and that she had written a huge email about how he had cried and screamed that she didn't understand what horrors went on over at mom's house. Our youngest said that he thought his step-mother was a "bitch", and told several stories about how mean she is to him and his father. One time, he and his father tried to tell her that she was not being nice, and she went into the bedroom, took everything out of the room that belonged to her husband, threw it out in the hallway, and locked the door. She stayed in there for a long time, and eventually came out and acted as if nothing was wrong. My wife asked, if things were so crazy over there, WHY had he decided to spend MORE time over there?? Our youngest said that he didn't feel like he had a choice. He was going to be over there, there was nothing he could do to change that, so he really needed to make things as calm as possible, which meant staying there more. He said that he didn't say things sometimes because he would talk about them with mom one time, and then he would talk about them twice more over at his dad's house (because his step-mother would talk with him, also), and he was TIRED of talking about it all, he just wanted to forget the whole thing. He told his mother that he didn't say things sometimes because he didn't have words, and he would rather say nothing than say the wrong thing. My wife told him that it was okay to say the wrong thing, and together they could find the right words. So our youngest said that he wanted to talk with a judge so that his words didn't get turned around. He wanted to live with mom and dad, but every time he said something, his words got turned into something he didn't say, and he didn't feel like he had any power to change that. He also said he just wanted to fighting to be over. That was the part he hated the most. And he hated it when his father was mean to his mother. And he said that his father was "really mean" to his mother in front of the gym the other day. Mother reminded him that he had said he was mad at her on the way home and was wondering if he had words for her as to why he was mad at her. He clarified and said that he wasn't mad at her, just that he was mad at the whole situation that never seemed to end, and he always hated seeing his father being mean to his mother. He said that he really wanted to speak to a judge. He felt like he could clear things up if only he could speak to a judge. My wife said that she didn't know if that were possible, but she would ask about it. When my wife finished, I told her that I thought it was a good sign that our youngest was talking to her. Previously, he just wouldn't say anything. And while she said that she felt like he was being sincere and felt like he was telling her the truth, there was something unspoken. He had not behaved in a trustworthy manner in the past. He very rarely stuck to his word. Because of his actions in the past, it had become very difficult to trust what he said in any situation. And as much as she wanted to trust him and feel like he was sincere, there was a part of her that simply couldn't do that because of his past actions. And even if she could write it off as our lawyer had done so often in the past with "he's 13, and 13-year-olds lie all the time, especially to get out of being in trouble" so that, somehow, it's less of a slam on his character or moral fortitude, and more a characteristic he will grow out of when he matures... ... ... the middle part remains exactly the same: 13-year-olds lie all the time.
So now, we must do whatever the ex dictates. Our youngest will not speak up, because he only wants the fighting to end, and speaking up makes the fighting last longer, especially when he's not allowed to correctly represent himself. And even still, when all of his time is consumed with whatever his father plans for him and we don't get to see him at all during our weeks with him, that doesn't mean that his father won't sue us for something we didn't do, and win, simply because we can't afford to go to court. And we may get visited by child services, (which I'm not too afraid of, seeing as my father taped the hands and feet of his youngest son, keeps a filthy home, and is physically unfit to take care of a turd in a toilet, yet still has custody over his two minor children) which is yet another stressor in our already extremely stressful lives.
In the event that you were wondering, yes, if we went to court, chances are-- as long as we don't settle-- that the judge would rule in our favor and the ex would be forced to pay all court and lawyer fees, per our last agreement. However, WE would need to pay to get there, WE would pay all our attorney fees prior to court, and then, after winning, we would be reimbursed by him IF he decides to pay. So we would need the money up front.
And I didn't win the Powerball lottery last night for $257 million. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really wanted that to happen last night. Most of almost everything.
Okay, now is the time for me to win the jackpot lottery. Or discover my hidden super powers. Now is the time for extraordinary to happen. Now. Right now.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
another thought...
My wife was tired of being bullied.
So she stood her ground.
And she was threatened with police action and expensive legal action.
As much as it pains me, this was to be expected.
No bully ever steps down unless he's been fully and entirely beaten.
Johnny from The Karate Kid didn't stop until he had been beaten in the tournament by Daniel.
The bullying kids in Bad Santa didn't stop until they had been kicked in the nuts, hard, by Therman Merman.
Flash doesn't stop bullying Peter Parker until he is beaten at a game of basketball in front of his friends in The Amazing Spider-Man.
James Bond doesn't stop until the bad guy is dead.
I wish I could think of some real life bullies, but I'm coming up short.
Gandhi! Gandhi didn't stop getting bullied until the British had been filmed abusing the people of India repeatedly, and it had been reported that they were being unfairly treated.
We don't have Mr. Miyagi, Billy Bob Thorton, a radioactive spider to bite us and turn us into people with superhuman abilities, or the British Secret Service to give us guns, cars, and license to kill. We also don't have the world press to report the abuses.
And, going back to our situation, we don't have the dollars to stand up for ourselves. We don't have anything but ourselves to allow us to stand up for anything.
And just standing up isn't enough.
Morpheus stood up. He got tortured.
Neo stood up. He got killed.
Kyle Rees stood up. He got killed.
Gandhi stood up. He got killed.
Martin Luther King, Jr. stood up. He got killed.
Rosa Parks didn't stand up. She went to jail and died of old age.
I hate this whole thing.
I hate most people.
I hate the way our world is structured.
I hate, hate, hate my wife's ex and the way he makes her feel.
I hate that our youngest doesn't talk to us, doesn't tell us how he's feeling.
I hate that I need to bottle up this rage and forget that it exists so that I can make it through an evening with my step-father, mother, two kids, and wife in celebration of father's day, without exploding into a hate rage at anything. Everything.
I. Hate. That my wife was feeling empowered, and now she's feeling defeated.
It took her 7 years to get to this place. This healthy place of feeling the self-worth to stand up.
I don't want it to be 7 more years before she allows herself to feel worthy again.
She is, and always has been, worthy. Good. Decent. Good. Very good.
I hate him for everything he is.
So she stood her ground.
And she was threatened with police action and expensive legal action.
As much as it pains me, this was to be expected.
No bully ever steps down unless he's been fully and entirely beaten.
Johnny from The Karate Kid didn't stop until he had been beaten in the tournament by Daniel.
The bullying kids in Bad Santa didn't stop until they had been kicked in the nuts, hard, by Therman Merman.
Flash doesn't stop bullying Peter Parker until he is beaten at a game of basketball in front of his friends in The Amazing Spider-Man.
James Bond doesn't stop until the bad guy is dead.
I wish I could think of some real life bullies, but I'm coming up short.
Gandhi! Gandhi didn't stop getting bullied until the British had been filmed abusing the people of India repeatedly, and it had been reported that they were being unfairly treated.
We don't have Mr. Miyagi, Billy Bob Thorton, a radioactive spider to bite us and turn us into people with superhuman abilities, or the British Secret Service to give us guns, cars, and license to kill. We also don't have the world press to report the abuses.
And, going back to our situation, we don't have the dollars to stand up for ourselves. We don't have anything but ourselves to allow us to stand up for anything.
And just standing up isn't enough.
Morpheus stood up. He got tortured.
Neo stood up. He got killed.
Kyle Rees stood up. He got killed.
Gandhi stood up. He got killed.
Martin Luther King, Jr. stood up. He got killed.
Rosa Parks didn't stand up. She went to jail and died of old age.
I hate this whole thing.
I hate most people.
I hate the way our world is structured.
I hate, hate, hate my wife's ex and the way he makes her feel.
I hate that our youngest doesn't talk to us, doesn't tell us how he's feeling.
I hate that I need to bottle up this rage and forget that it exists so that I can make it through an evening with my step-father, mother, two kids, and wife in celebration of father's day, without exploding into a hate rage at anything. Everything.
I. Hate. That my wife was feeling empowered, and now she's feeling defeated.
It took her 7 years to get to this place. This healthy place of feeling the self-worth to stand up.
I don't want it to be 7 more years before she allows herself to feel worthy again.
She is, and always has been, worthy. Good. Decent. Good. Very good.
I hate him for everything he is.
...and now, only a few hours later...
Just got a text from my wife (around 10:30am the day after the incident):
"Just got a very somber voicemail from [our attorney] saying that he had gotten 'a very hostile letter from [the ex's attorney] talking about some pretty serious accusations about what goes on at your house' and that I need to call him ASAP."
The incident at the gym happened yesterday at 7:15.
Our attorney is needing my wife to respond to a hostile LETTER the next day at 10:30.
How do you get a letter delivered so quickly after the post office is closed? Was it hand delivered?
And whatever the accusations are, they will be unfounded, untrue, unprovable, and grounds for taking us to court. And they will hurt my wife. And she will be torn up about them, and feel horrible about what's being said about her and her children and her home. And she will feel, again, like people are looking at her to prove she is an unfit mother. And they will overlook that the father was denying visitation time with the mother. I wonder how long it would have taken to fabricate these things had my wife allowed herself to be bullied out of more time with her kid?
How can I help my wife?
How can I not feel anxious about all of this?
Before I had finished typing this entry, I received this text from my wife:
"So. [The ex] has told [his attorney] that I have threatened [our youngest] with no dinner if he does not come home at the time I have dictated and that [the ex's attorney] is obligated to inform the police if he suspects child abuse. [Our attorney] doesn't believe any of that - and there's apparently much more - but says it's clear that they will make this ugly and expensive and that you and I cannot afford the extensive legal help we will need to fight this. He also says there's no way for us to know what the truth is about what [our youngest] does or does not want and that he thinks we should let it go."
I guess I didn't mention in my earlier entry that we purchased a burger for our youngest on the way home, because he said he was hungry and we asked him what he would like to eat. He said, sullenly and angrily, "I don't care." My wife offered several options for him, to which he replied, "I don't care." She then suggested Carl's Jr., and he nodded his head to that. And we got him a burger, fries, and a drink. Which constitues as dinner. And we didn't get it for him because he did what we, the parents who are in charge of his well-being, told him to do. We got it for him because he said he was hungry. Most parents who take care of their children try to feed them when they're hungry. And we have always done just that. And never threatened no dinner. I didn't mention this because feeding your children is what we have always done and to be accused of anything less, even to be accused of threatening to withhold food, is fundamentally NOT who my wife and I are. It's like saying "up is down", and the cops are going to be involved if we dispute that up is down. Ridiculous.
I am not happy to be receiving this kind of legal advice: do whatever the bully says, because you don't have the money not to do what the bully says, even if it's not the best thing for your child. Unfortunately, we can't do what is really best for our child: make it so that his father is somebody else.
If we call the police, we escalate the fight=expensive court fight we can't pay for and hurts our youngest.
If we don't do what the ex says=expensive court fight we can't pay for and hurts our youngest.
If we let our youngest be taken from us by his bully father=we don't pay for court, our youngest only gets hurt by his father, and we get to see him 3 nights a week during the summer, and 2 nights every other weekend during the school years.
So stupid. And maddening. So ultimately stupid.
This has all happened within an hour.
My wife has just sent me another text, stating that it's a "crime" and she's "furious", mostly because our attorney is right. We cannot afford to stand up for ourselves. I echo her feelings. All of them.
"Extensive legal help".
Did your mother need extensive legal help to raise you as well as she did?
Could your mother have affored extensive legal help to raise you as well as she did?
My words are choked off by my rage. Green and red tinted rage vision.
This must stop.
"Just got a very somber voicemail from [our attorney] saying that he had gotten 'a very hostile letter from [the ex's attorney] talking about some pretty serious accusations about what goes on at your house' and that I need to call him ASAP."
The incident at the gym happened yesterday at 7:15.
Our attorney is needing my wife to respond to a hostile LETTER the next day at 10:30.
How do you get a letter delivered so quickly after the post office is closed? Was it hand delivered?
And whatever the accusations are, they will be unfounded, untrue, unprovable, and grounds for taking us to court. And they will hurt my wife. And she will be torn up about them, and feel horrible about what's being said about her and her children and her home. And she will feel, again, like people are looking at her to prove she is an unfit mother. And they will overlook that the father was denying visitation time with the mother. I wonder how long it would have taken to fabricate these things had my wife allowed herself to be bullied out of more time with her kid?
How can I help my wife?
How can I not feel anxious about all of this?
Before I had finished typing this entry, I received this text from my wife:
"So. [The ex] has told [his attorney] that I have threatened [our youngest] with no dinner if he does not come home at the time I have dictated and that [the ex's attorney] is obligated to inform the police if he suspects child abuse. [Our attorney] doesn't believe any of that - and there's apparently much more - but says it's clear that they will make this ugly and expensive and that you and I cannot afford the extensive legal help we will need to fight this. He also says there's no way for us to know what the truth is about what [our youngest] does or does not want and that he thinks we should let it go."
I guess I didn't mention in my earlier entry that we purchased a burger for our youngest on the way home, because he said he was hungry and we asked him what he would like to eat. He said, sullenly and angrily, "I don't care." My wife offered several options for him, to which he replied, "I don't care." She then suggested Carl's Jr., and he nodded his head to that. And we got him a burger, fries, and a drink. Which constitues as dinner. And we didn't get it for him because he did what we, the parents who are in charge of his well-being, told him to do. We got it for him because he said he was hungry. Most parents who take care of their children try to feed them when they're hungry. And we have always done just that. And never threatened no dinner. I didn't mention this because feeding your children is what we have always done and to be accused of anything less, even to be accused of threatening to withhold food, is fundamentally NOT who my wife and I are. It's like saying "up is down", and the cops are going to be involved if we dispute that up is down. Ridiculous.
I am not happy to be receiving this kind of legal advice: do whatever the bully says, because you don't have the money not to do what the bully says, even if it's not the best thing for your child. Unfortunately, we can't do what is really best for our child: make it so that his father is somebody else.
If we call the police, we escalate the fight=expensive court fight we can't pay for and hurts our youngest.
If we don't do what the ex says=expensive court fight we can't pay for and hurts our youngest.
If we let our youngest be taken from us by his bully father=we don't pay for court, our youngest only gets hurt by his father, and we get to see him 3 nights a week during the summer, and 2 nights every other weekend during the school years.
So stupid. And maddening. So ultimately stupid.
This has all happened within an hour.
My wife has just sent me another text, stating that it's a "crime" and she's "furious", mostly because our attorney is right. We cannot afford to stand up for ourselves. I echo her feelings. All of them.
"Extensive legal help".
Did your mother need extensive legal help to raise you as well as she did?
Could your mother have affored extensive legal help to raise you as well as she did?
My words are choked off by my rage. Green and red tinted rage vision.
This must stop.
Yesterday, 6/10/14: The Bet and The Gym
We bought the kind of toilet paper that lasts for a really long time. My wife and I made a bet that the 12 pack of TP would or wouldn't last a month. She said it would. I said it wouldn't. If we are buying TP on 7/9/14 or later, she wins. Either way, we're gonna have fun with it.
The scene at Fitness One happened last night. The ex wrote an email to my wife saying that he was taking our youngest to workout from 4-8pm; more specifically, he was taking our youngest to receive private shot put throwing training from a personal friend from 4-6:15, then would be working out after that. My wife stated that our youngest was free to work out, was free to go with the ex, was free to go to private training, and she would expect him home at 7pm. The ex didn't respond.
At 7pm, after repeated attempts to contact him, my wife and myself arrived at Fitness One, the gym where our youngest works out with his father. She sent several texts. There was no response. Around 7:15pm, the ex is seen walking in the front door with our youngest. My wife gets out of the car and calls out for our youngest. The ex responds with, "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?!" Our youngest starts to go to his mother, but he is physically stopped by his father's hand. My wife goes to get our youngest, at which time, in front of our youngest with no intention on keeping quiet, the ex says "I can't believe you're making a scene like this. You're embarrassing everybody, and you have for a long time." My wife says that she will discuss this later with him, but not now. The ex says that his attorney advised him to do what he was doing and to ignore my wife. My wife responds that he can't dictate how our youngest spends his time at our home. "Yes, I can. I absolutely can," he responds, with an abundant air of supremacy, dominance, bully. He informs my wife that his attorney stated he could dictate what our youngest does while at our house. My wife informs him that the latest motion signed states otherwise, and she has also been advised by our attorney. My wife continues to say that she won't discuss this with him now in front of our youngest, and he continues to physically prevent our youngest from moving away. The ex states that my wife will get in a lot of trouble if she continues this way. Our youngest finally breaks from his father's physical control, and he and my wife walk back to the car. They are both visibly upset.
I am wondering why the ex and our youngest were showing up to the gym at 7:15, having been away from our home for 3 hours already with no workout having been completed.
I am anticipating being sued, again, for this. And I hate that.
At the same time, on our way to the gym my wife told me she was tired of being bullied by her ex. She already agreed to a significant reduction in time with our youngest: in the summer, he stays with us every other week, and during the school year, he stay with us every other weekend for two nights and two days. Following this agreement, the ex sent her an email stating that our youngest was going to workout with him and with private instructors on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays from 4-8 on week days, and 5-9 on weekends. Also, our youngest is involved in youth group on Wednesday nights. So based on this information that was dictated after the agreement was signed, our youngest would see us only on Monday, Friday, and Saturday nights. This would be the totality of his time out of seven days in the summer to spend with us or his friends. So the reduction of time that was agreed to was reduced significantly more after the agreement was signed, and my wife was not consulted about this in any way.
I can't remember if there is a provision in the last signed motion that requires written permission be asked of the mother before plans are made for the youngest during her time.
But my point here is that my wife is tired of being bullied. She told me in the car that she's had enough. "What's the worst that can happen? I get to spend LESS time with [our youngest]? I'm tired of feeling scared. I can't wait until I don't feel scared anymore! I'm always feeling scared that I'm going to get in trouble for making decisions that I feel are right. I'm scared I'm going to lose my kids, I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble, and I'm TIRED of feeling scared! I don't want to feel scared anymore!" I was so happy to hear her say that, and so sad that those words were being said at all. I have had a relatively fear-free life. But she seems to "get in trouble" for everything she does. If she doesn't stick up for herself, she loses her kids entirely (remember that the ex stopped picking up our eldest and then sued us for sole custody because we denied him visitation). And if she does stick up for herself, she gets sued, which may not sound like much, and at this time she should be calloused to it all. But with each new suit, her ex and his attorneys send horribly mean and cruel pieces of mail and emails and make accusations that simply aren't true, and then my wife's attorney tells her that she needs to defend herself against these accusations. She has had to prove that she doesn't make minimum wage, she has had to prove that she is not "willfully underemployed", she has had to prove that she did not proceed with school talks without informing the father, she has had to provide financial information, she has had impromptu visits from the boys' attorney to our home, which was inspected by the attorney, she has taken time away from her job (which is also time away from her paying hours of work) to talk with attorneys, school teachers, counselors. At this point, my wife is scared to not allow her youngest (13-years-old) to do whatever he says he wants to do. And that isn't healthy for any 13-year-old, in my opinion, especially one who continues to show bad judgment in the choices he makes, specifically when it comes to doing what his father tells him to do ("Don't talk to you mother, don't tell her anything, don't say anything to her at all").
This mother should not live in fear. This person should not have lived in fear ever.
While I prepare my mind and body for the upcoming certified letter we will receive soon stating that we're being sued again, and trying to figure out how we're going to pay for it, I try to focus on my wife's new-found sense of self-preservation. "I'm tired of being bullied."
When I was in Tae Kwon Do, I knew that I wouldn't win every fight. But I would fight every fight and end up where I ended up. There were many more ways to end up on the mat. But laying down on the mat and allowing the opponent to win without working wasn't acceptable.
The therapist says, "Just do what your attorney says."
I hope we can.
I hope this stops.
And the longer this continues, the more concretely my hope dies.
The scene at Fitness One happened last night. The ex wrote an email to my wife saying that he was taking our youngest to workout from 4-8pm; more specifically, he was taking our youngest to receive private shot put throwing training from a personal friend from 4-6:15, then would be working out after that. My wife stated that our youngest was free to work out, was free to go with the ex, was free to go to private training, and she would expect him home at 7pm. The ex didn't respond.
At 7pm, after repeated attempts to contact him, my wife and myself arrived at Fitness One, the gym where our youngest works out with his father. She sent several texts. There was no response. Around 7:15pm, the ex is seen walking in the front door with our youngest. My wife gets out of the car and calls out for our youngest. The ex responds with, "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?!" Our youngest starts to go to his mother, but he is physically stopped by his father's hand. My wife goes to get our youngest, at which time, in front of our youngest with no intention on keeping quiet, the ex says "I can't believe you're making a scene like this. You're embarrassing everybody, and you have for a long time." My wife says that she will discuss this later with him, but not now. The ex says that his attorney advised him to do what he was doing and to ignore my wife. My wife responds that he can't dictate how our youngest spends his time at our home. "Yes, I can. I absolutely can," he responds, with an abundant air of supremacy, dominance, bully. He informs my wife that his attorney stated he could dictate what our youngest does while at our house. My wife informs him that the latest motion signed states otherwise, and she has also been advised by our attorney. My wife continues to say that she won't discuss this with him now in front of our youngest, and he continues to physically prevent our youngest from moving away. The ex states that my wife will get in a lot of trouble if she continues this way. Our youngest finally breaks from his father's physical control, and he and my wife walk back to the car. They are both visibly upset.
I am wondering why the ex and our youngest were showing up to the gym at 7:15, having been away from our home for 3 hours already with no workout having been completed.
I am anticipating being sued, again, for this. And I hate that.
At the same time, on our way to the gym my wife told me she was tired of being bullied by her ex. She already agreed to a significant reduction in time with our youngest: in the summer, he stays with us every other week, and during the school year, he stay with us every other weekend for two nights and two days. Following this agreement, the ex sent her an email stating that our youngest was going to workout with him and with private instructors on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays from 4-8 on week days, and 5-9 on weekends. Also, our youngest is involved in youth group on Wednesday nights. So based on this information that was dictated after the agreement was signed, our youngest would see us only on Monday, Friday, and Saturday nights. This would be the totality of his time out of seven days in the summer to spend with us or his friends. So the reduction of time that was agreed to was reduced significantly more after the agreement was signed, and my wife was not consulted about this in any way.
I can't remember if there is a provision in the last signed motion that requires written permission be asked of the mother before plans are made for the youngest during her time.
But my point here is that my wife is tired of being bullied. She told me in the car that she's had enough. "What's the worst that can happen? I get to spend LESS time with [our youngest]? I'm tired of feeling scared. I can't wait until I don't feel scared anymore! I'm always feeling scared that I'm going to get in trouble for making decisions that I feel are right. I'm scared I'm going to lose my kids, I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble, and I'm TIRED of feeling scared! I don't want to feel scared anymore!" I was so happy to hear her say that, and so sad that those words were being said at all. I have had a relatively fear-free life. But she seems to "get in trouble" for everything she does. If she doesn't stick up for herself, she loses her kids entirely (remember that the ex stopped picking up our eldest and then sued us for sole custody because we denied him visitation). And if she does stick up for herself, she gets sued, which may not sound like much, and at this time she should be calloused to it all. But with each new suit, her ex and his attorneys send horribly mean and cruel pieces of mail and emails and make accusations that simply aren't true, and then my wife's attorney tells her that she needs to defend herself against these accusations. She has had to prove that she doesn't make minimum wage, she has had to prove that she is not "willfully underemployed", she has had to prove that she did not proceed with school talks without informing the father, she has had to provide financial information, she has had impromptu visits from the boys' attorney to our home, which was inspected by the attorney, she has taken time away from her job (which is also time away from her paying hours of work) to talk with attorneys, school teachers, counselors. At this point, my wife is scared to not allow her youngest (13-years-old) to do whatever he says he wants to do. And that isn't healthy for any 13-year-old, in my opinion, especially one who continues to show bad judgment in the choices he makes, specifically when it comes to doing what his father tells him to do ("Don't talk to you mother, don't tell her anything, don't say anything to her at all").
This mother should not live in fear. This person should not have lived in fear ever.
While I prepare my mind and body for the upcoming certified letter we will receive soon stating that we're being sued again, and trying to figure out how we're going to pay for it, I try to focus on my wife's new-found sense of self-preservation. "I'm tired of being bullied."
When I was in Tae Kwon Do, I knew that I wouldn't win every fight. But I would fight every fight and end up where I ended up. There were many more ways to end up on the mat. But laying down on the mat and allowing the opponent to win without working wasn't acceptable.
The therapist says, "Just do what your attorney says."
I hope we can.
I hope this stops.
And the longer this continues, the more concretely my hope dies.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Truly, Truly Live
Here's something for you to ruminate on:
I love farting at work.
I love imagining all the yahoos around me working.
When softly
gently
their nose picks up
the warm acidity
of my anus.
And there is no escape.
They know what it is, but they don't know where it came from.
And for a moment, they must fester in it.
They must sit and breath in my anus particles wafting freely in the artificial air.
The pumped in chemicals used to sustain us for 8-10 billable hours.
And for a moment
I introduce Nature to this manufactured, grumpy, stingy, ugly environment.
My wonderful colon puffs out a reminder that the world continues away from this sterile cage.
And if only for a moment, while we all frolic in the stench of last night's digested taco meat, we can remember what it feels like to live.
Truly, truly live.
I love farting at work.
I love imagining all the yahoos around me working.
When softly
gently
their nose picks up
the warm acidity
of my anus.
And there is no escape.
They know what it is, but they don't know where it came from.
And for a moment, they must fester in it.
They must sit and breath in my anus particles wafting freely in the artificial air.
The pumped in chemicals used to sustain us for 8-10 billable hours.
And for a moment
I introduce Nature to this manufactured, grumpy, stingy, ugly environment.
My wonderful colon puffs out a reminder that the world continues away from this sterile cage.
And if only for a moment, while we all frolic in the stench of last night's digested taco meat, we can remember what it feels like to live.
Truly, truly live.
White Psych
My shrink is not a shrink. He's a psych. And in my head, there's a difference.
A shrink helps you to think differently and deal with your emotions (the term "shrink" has origins in "head shrinker", which was a term given to a person who didn't prescribe medicine, but helped you lessen the worries in your head). A psych is a doctor who gives you drugs, like a doctor who gives you a cast for your broken leg.
If you put a cast on a broken leg, the leg usually gets better and you can use the leg like you normally would. If you put that same cast on a leg with diabetic neuropathy, the leg wouldn't get better simply from applying the cast. So a cast isn't always the correct fix for a leg that isn't working correctly.
Our bodies produce chemicals. Sometimes we produce too many chemicals. Sometimes we produce too few chemicals. And medications can assist us with the over- or under-production of those chemicals. Serotonin, also known as 5-HT, is thought to be a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness. It is a chemical found in humans. So (simplified), if you are sad because it's raining out, a shrink might talk to you about it, while a psych might prescribe medicine for you. And when the rain stopped, no matter which doctor you went to, they would see their treatment as successful, because now you feel better. They would attribute your feeling better to their treatment, and not to the stopping of the rain fall.
I signed a petition today asking Florida Governor Rick Scott to condemn the actions of Attorney General Angela Corey and suspend her from her office, while condemning the charges against Marissa Alexander.
Very quickly, Treyvon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman in Florida in 2012. George Zimmerman was ultimately released without being arrested because, according to Florida's "Stand Your Ground" statue, the police can't arrest somebody who is acting in self-defense, even when lethal force is being used. And since there was no one to refute Zimmerman's claim of acting in self-defense (Trevyon Martin died in under 30 minutes, and Zimmerman was questioned for 5 hours), Zimmerman was set free. All perfectly legal under Florida law. Marissa Alexander fired a warning shot at her husband, killing no one and hurting no one, and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. This conviction was overturned. Now, Florida Attorney General Angela Corey is pushing for Marissa Alexander to sent to prison for 60 years. If you would like to read about the Marissa Alexander case from a source who is not in favor of Marissa Alexander, please Google search Marissa Alexander mediatracker and find the blog at mediatracker.org. This blog (not credible news source) lays out how it's clear George Zimmerman obviously was acting in self-defense because he had scratches on his head, and how it was obvious that Marissa Alexander was obviously not acting in self defense because she didn't leave through the front, back, or garage doors of the house she was in. This article also points out the garage door was broken and was unusable. It also points out that Marissa's husband had five children by five different women, and he admitted to beating all but one of them. He also admitted that he had all but threatened to kill Marissa on the day she fired the warning shot at him. He admitted to beating her in the past. He admitted that she had never used the gun against him or any of his children. Depending on which story you believe, Marissa fired the gun into the ceiling of their home while in the presence of her husband and two other children, or perhaps simply her husband. There are a lot of things we don't really know about Marissa's case.
Here's what we know for certain: George Zimmerman shot and killed Treyvon Martin. He did not receive any jail or prison time. He defended himself using Florida's Stand Your Ground statute which allows an individual to use lethal force to defend themselves.
Here's what we know for certain: Marissa Alexander shot a gun at her husband. Her husband has a documented history of domestic attack, and admitted that he was involved in attacking Marissa on the day of the shooting. No one was hurt or killed. Marissa was sentenced to 20 years prison time. This sentence was overturned, and now she's being re-tried for 60 years of prison time. Marissa Alexander tried to use the Florida's Stand Your Ground statute in court and it did not work for her like it did for George Zimmerman.
These are the facts, and they are undisputed by any party on either side of the argument.
To say that there are "sides" to this "argument" really, really angers me. There shouldn't be sides. There shouldn't be an argument. It is tragic that a young teenager was shot and killed for walking when the sun wasn't out. He was armed with a bottle of tea and a bag of candy. He was wearing a black hoodie. And he was shot to death. A mother, who had been repeatedly beaten by her husband, fired a warning shot at him and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. These two things, when put next to each other, are absolutely preposterous and point out just how stupid, stupid, stupid, utterly stupid we have become as a society. We are inconsistent, at best. We are completely corrupt, almost certainly.
At this time, I want to point out that I have not introduced race into this at all, because to me, it's not important. The players involved could all be purple, and the facts would be the same. It muddies the waters to start thinking about these cases as some kind of racial thing. However, that probably plays some part in both cases. Geraldo Rivera famously stated that Treyvon Martin was as much to blame for his being shot to death as George Zimmerman was (who pulled the trigger on the gun) because Treyvon was wearing a black hoodie, and that type of clothing invites fear and suspicion.
I have worn a black hoodie every day of my life since 2006. I have yet to be shot or shot at.
It seems fundamentally obvious to me that Treyvon Martin paid a higher price than Marissa Alexander's husband, who is still free to beat his next few "baby mammas" (his words).
I feel powerless in my own life to stop my wife from being beaten by her ex-husband, her lawyers who have all told her that her troubles are her own fault and the result of bad moves on her part, they have increased her stress and decreased her self-confidence, her mother who continues to choose her ex-husband over her, and people she once thought were friends. I feel powerless, as I stand by and watch all of it.
I. Cannot. Do. Anything. To Help. My Best Friend.
And I remember school lessons telling me that the way the United States legal system was set up was to protect the innocent. It would be better to let bad people go free than to see one innocent person locked in jail falsely. That's what I was told all through school. I was also told to be truthful. This was a virtue and something I should implement in my life.
When I think about these things, I'm beaten across my face with the undeniable fact that these things are not the way the Real World works. And it makes me question to the core the value of the "good education" I received as a child and teenager.
I'm a smart man. And this situation makes me feel fantastically dumb.
My wife's problems could be over in less than an hour after I purchased a gun and shot her ex-husband and mother in self-defense. There would be no one to refute that I was acting in self-defense. Because they would be dead.
And I look white. So obviously I'm innocent. It's my birthright.
I want to make a difference.
I want to help the world.
I want to stop being shit upon.
I want to stop being abused.
I want my wife to stop being abused.
And I have no control over any of it unless I kill people.
Which goes against my every fiber.
So when my wife's ex-husband and mother die, and I am no longer sad... my psych will say, "I'm glad the medications are working."
At which point, I will feel even sadder, as there goes another blissfully ignorant person into the world. Somebody who doesn't understand, but who seems to have credentials that make people believe him. And he's a man. And white.
A shrink helps you to think differently and deal with your emotions (the term "shrink" has origins in "head shrinker", which was a term given to a person who didn't prescribe medicine, but helped you lessen the worries in your head). A psych is a doctor who gives you drugs, like a doctor who gives you a cast for your broken leg.
If you put a cast on a broken leg, the leg usually gets better and you can use the leg like you normally would. If you put that same cast on a leg with diabetic neuropathy, the leg wouldn't get better simply from applying the cast. So a cast isn't always the correct fix for a leg that isn't working correctly.
Our bodies produce chemicals. Sometimes we produce too many chemicals. Sometimes we produce too few chemicals. And medications can assist us with the over- or under-production of those chemicals. Serotonin, also known as 5-HT, is thought to be a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness. It is a chemical found in humans. So (simplified), if you are sad because it's raining out, a shrink might talk to you about it, while a psych might prescribe medicine for you. And when the rain stopped, no matter which doctor you went to, they would see their treatment as successful, because now you feel better. They would attribute your feeling better to their treatment, and not to the stopping of the rain fall.
I signed a petition today asking Florida Governor Rick Scott to condemn the actions of Attorney General Angela Corey and suspend her from her office, while condemning the charges against Marissa Alexander.
Very quickly, Treyvon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman in Florida in 2012. George Zimmerman was ultimately released without being arrested because, according to Florida's "Stand Your Ground" statue, the police can't arrest somebody who is acting in self-defense, even when lethal force is being used. And since there was no one to refute Zimmerman's claim of acting in self-defense (Trevyon Martin died in under 30 minutes, and Zimmerman was questioned for 5 hours), Zimmerman was set free. All perfectly legal under Florida law. Marissa Alexander fired a warning shot at her husband, killing no one and hurting no one, and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. This conviction was overturned. Now, Florida Attorney General Angela Corey is pushing for Marissa Alexander to sent to prison for 60 years. If you would like to read about the Marissa Alexander case from a source who is not in favor of Marissa Alexander, please Google search Marissa Alexander mediatracker and find the blog at mediatracker.org. This blog (not credible news source) lays out how it's clear George Zimmerman obviously was acting in self-defense because he had scratches on his head, and how it was obvious that Marissa Alexander was obviously not acting in self defense because she didn't leave through the front, back, or garage doors of the house she was in. This article also points out the garage door was broken and was unusable. It also points out that Marissa's husband had five children by five different women, and he admitted to beating all but one of them. He also admitted that he had all but threatened to kill Marissa on the day she fired the warning shot at him. He admitted to beating her in the past. He admitted that she had never used the gun against him or any of his children. Depending on which story you believe, Marissa fired the gun into the ceiling of their home while in the presence of her husband and two other children, or perhaps simply her husband. There are a lot of things we don't really know about Marissa's case.
Here's what we know for certain: George Zimmerman shot and killed Treyvon Martin. He did not receive any jail or prison time. He defended himself using Florida's Stand Your Ground statute which allows an individual to use lethal force to defend themselves.
Here's what we know for certain: Marissa Alexander shot a gun at her husband. Her husband has a documented history of domestic attack, and admitted that he was involved in attacking Marissa on the day of the shooting. No one was hurt or killed. Marissa was sentenced to 20 years prison time. This sentence was overturned, and now she's being re-tried for 60 years of prison time. Marissa Alexander tried to use the Florida's Stand Your Ground statute in court and it did not work for her like it did for George Zimmerman.
These are the facts, and they are undisputed by any party on either side of the argument.
To say that there are "sides" to this "argument" really, really angers me. There shouldn't be sides. There shouldn't be an argument. It is tragic that a young teenager was shot and killed for walking when the sun wasn't out. He was armed with a bottle of tea and a bag of candy. He was wearing a black hoodie. And he was shot to death. A mother, who had been repeatedly beaten by her husband, fired a warning shot at him and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. These two things, when put next to each other, are absolutely preposterous and point out just how stupid, stupid, stupid, utterly stupid we have become as a society. We are inconsistent, at best. We are completely corrupt, almost certainly.
At this time, I want to point out that I have not introduced race into this at all, because to me, it's not important. The players involved could all be purple, and the facts would be the same. It muddies the waters to start thinking about these cases as some kind of racial thing. However, that probably plays some part in both cases. Geraldo Rivera famously stated that Treyvon Martin was as much to blame for his being shot to death as George Zimmerman was (who pulled the trigger on the gun) because Treyvon was wearing a black hoodie, and that type of clothing invites fear and suspicion.
I have worn a black hoodie every day of my life since 2006. I have yet to be shot or shot at.
It seems fundamentally obvious to me that Treyvon Martin paid a higher price than Marissa Alexander's husband, who is still free to beat his next few "baby mammas" (his words).
I feel powerless in my own life to stop my wife from being beaten by her ex-husband, her lawyers who have all told her that her troubles are her own fault and the result of bad moves on her part, they have increased her stress and decreased her self-confidence, her mother who continues to choose her ex-husband over her, and people she once thought were friends. I feel powerless, as I stand by and watch all of it.
I. Cannot. Do. Anything. To Help. My Best Friend.
And I remember school lessons telling me that the way the United States legal system was set up was to protect the innocent. It would be better to let bad people go free than to see one innocent person locked in jail falsely. That's what I was told all through school. I was also told to be truthful. This was a virtue and something I should implement in my life.
When I think about these things, I'm beaten across my face with the undeniable fact that these things are not the way the Real World works. And it makes me question to the core the value of the "good education" I received as a child and teenager.
I'm a smart man. And this situation makes me feel fantastically dumb.
My wife's problems could be over in less than an hour after I purchased a gun and shot her ex-husband and mother in self-defense. There would be no one to refute that I was acting in self-defense. Because they would be dead.
And I look white. So obviously I'm innocent. It's my birthright.
I want to make a difference.
I want to help the world.
I want to stop being shit upon.
I want to stop being abused.
I want my wife to stop being abused.
And I have no control over any of it unless I kill people.
Which goes against my every fiber.
So when my wife's ex-husband and mother die, and I am no longer sad... my psych will say, "I'm glad the medications are working."
At which point, I will feel even sadder, as there goes another blissfully ignorant person into the world. Somebody who doesn't understand, but who seems to have credentials that make people believe him. And he's a man. And white.
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