Thursday, November 8, 2012
bad memories
having a hard time with negative memories today
a man yells in my face because he said something on a public stage. he agreed that what he said should be written on the wall. a friend of his got hurt because he read what the man said. the man yells in my face because he said something on a public stage and his friend was hurt. i stand there and let him yell at me, sticking his nose in my face. screaming. i was certain i was going to get punched. many years later, that man sent me a facebook message. "let's make up." i don't believe i have anything to make up to anyone, other than taking responsibility for writing what someone else said on the wall. whatever the case, the man is hurt and his friend is hurt. i don't like it when people are hurt. and there was a lot of anger pointed at me. that makes me feel like i've done something wrong.
nobody in my cast stood up for me. nobody in my cast told me about the incident. they all denied that they had anything to do with the incident, even though they all had something to do with the incident. i feel badly that all those people have prooven themselves to be fairweather friends. not particularly loyal. i wish they were. it makes me sad that some of them i was friends with for over 10 years, and now we don't speak at all.
i lived in that state for over ten years. i speak to only one person from that state on any kind of regular basis. i have had a handful of conversations with the rest of the folks from there since i moved away about five years ago. that's one person each year. that makes me sad.
what kind of asshole am i that i leave a state with only one friend after being there for over ten years? i feel like a really big asshole. not deserving of any real kindness. not deserving of friends. cuz even though i don't believe i did anything wrong, i do believe that the people i once thought were my friends turned out to be something different than what i thought they were.
somebody yells at me means i did something wrong
somebody turns their back on me means i wasn't worthy
somebody doesn't want to be my friend means i am shitty
facebook people hurt by the election indirectly accuse me of lacking morals and integrity because i want to see the nation turn into hell. that means i'm a horrible person, cuz i want to nation to be a horrible place for everybody
i can intellecutalize a lot of this away.
but my feelings aren't intellectual.
it hurts.
a man yells in my face because he said something on a public stage. he agreed that what he said should be written on the wall. a friend of his got hurt because he read what the man said. the man yells in my face because he said something on a public stage and his friend was hurt. i stand there and let him yell at me, sticking his nose in my face. screaming. i was certain i was going to get punched. many years later, that man sent me a facebook message. "let's make up." i don't believe i have anything to make up to anyone, other than taking responsibility for writing what someone else said on the wall. whatever the case, the man is hurt and his friend is hurt. i don't like it when people are hurt. and there was a lot of anger pointed at me. that makes me feel like i've done something wrong.
nobody in my cast stood up for me. nobody in my cast told me about the incident. they all denied that they had anything to do with the incident, even though they all had something to do with the incident. i feel badly that all those people have prooven themselves to be fairweather friends. not particularly loyal. i wish they were. it makes me sad that some of them i was friends with for over 10 years, and now we don't speak at all.
i lived in that state for over ten years. i speak to only one person from that state on any kind of regular basis. i have had a handful of conversations with the rest of the folks from there since i moved away about five years ago. that's one person each year. that makes me sad.
what kind of asshole am i that i leave a state with only one friend after being there for over ten years? i feel like a really big asshole. not deserving of any real kindness. not deserving of friends. cuz even though i don't believe i did anything wrong, i do believe that the people i once thought were my friends turned out to be something different than what i thought they were.
somebody yells at me means i did something wrong
somebody turns their back on me means i wasn't worthy
somebody doesn't want to be my friend means i am shitty
facebook people hurt by the election indirectly accuse me of lacking morals and integrity because i want to see the nation turn into hell. that means i'm a horrible person, cuz i want to nation to be a horrible place for everybody
i can intellecutalize a lot of this away.
but my feelings aren't intellectual.
it hurts.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Pledge
Right now, I'm at work.
And I pledge today, while I am here, I will focus on WORK.
I will not cruise Wikipedia.
I will not play games on my phone.
I will not blog about...
...wait...
...shit.
And I pledge today, while I am here, I will focus on WORK.
I will not cruise Wikipedia.
I will not play games on my phone.
I will not blog about...
...wait...
...shit.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Bleecker Street Pizza
Money is the root of all evil.
I’ve heard that phrase bandied about since I was a child, and like many things that are a part of your life since you were a child, I actually thought about this phrase, and the meaning of the phrase, very little.
Until today.
I heard a news story about Bleecker Street Pizza, in New York City. Manhattan is still struggling from the devastation that Hurricane Sandy left behind. Most of New York City has no electricity. Transportation has all but come to a complete stop. Subways, trains, and taxis aren't running, as they are covered in water. And yet, Bleecker Street Pizza is selling pies in the dark, using flashlights and their gas ovens that are still operational. The story I heard was broadcast on NPR, and they said that no other restaurant was open in the area. The owner said that he couldn’t remember a time when they had been as busy. Being as busy as they are, that they are the only supplier of pre-made food in the area, and that many people are in a state of fear and need would have many business owners seeing dollar signs.
You don’t think so? Do you remember the Y2K scare? Do you remember gasoline price gouging at that time, when people were so scared that they were willing to pay $7 and up for a gallon of gas? Do you remember when a bottle of water was being sold for $5, and people paid it because they were scared they would have to hide out in their shelters for months after the computer Armageddon? Or how about the regular price gouging that happens at the movie theatre concession stand? Air port food price gouging? Supply is low, demand is high, and Capitalists would have you believe that price must then also go up. And as we all know, Capitalism is the Best Economic System America blah blah blah.
Bleecker Street Pizza is still selling slices for $2.50, no more than any other day.
If money is the root of all evil, is it possible that the absence of money is the root of all goodness? And if that is a little too much for you, maybe we all should start thinking about what we can do for each other rather than what we can do for our personal bank accounts.
I’ve heard that phrase bandied about since I was a child, and like many things that are a part of your life since you were a child, I actually thought about this phrase, and the meaning of the phrase, very little.
Until today.
I heard a news story about Bleecker Street Pizza, in New York City. Manhattan is still struggling from the devastation that Hurricane Sandy left behind. Most of New York City has no electricity. Transportation has all but come to a complete stop. Subways, trains, and taxis aren't running, as they are covered in water. And yet, Bleecker Street Pizza is selling pies in the dark, using flashlights and their gas ovens that are still operational. The story I heard was broadcast on NPR, and they said that no other restaurant was open in the area. The owner said that he couldn’t remember a time when they had been as busy. Being as busy as they are, that they are the only supplier of pre-made food in the area, and that many people are in a state of fear and need would have many business owners seeing dollar signs.
You don’t think so? Do you remember the Y2K scare? Do you remember gasoline price gouging at that time, when people were so scared that they were willing to pay $7 and up for a gallon of gas? Do you remember when a bottle of water was being sold for $5, and people paid it because they were scared they would have to hide out in their shelters for months after the computer Armageddon? Or how about the regular price gouging that happens at the movie theatre concession stand? Air port food price gouging? Supply is low, demand is high, and Capitalists would have you believe that price must then also go up. And as we all know, Capitalism is the Best Economic System America blah blah blah.
Bleecker Street Pizza is still selling slices for $2.50, no more than any other day.
If money is the root of all evil, is it possible that the absence of money is the root of all goodness? And if that is a little too much for you, maybe we all should start thinking about what we can do for each other rather than what we can do for our personal bank accounts.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
More Than Words Can Express
Today, I celebrate the best day of my life, so far.
It's absolutely lovely being Husband to Wife.
It's absolutely lovely being Husband to Wife.
Election Thoughts
Mitt Romney is a lying fucktard who is only qualified to be elected as the Official Elephant Shiteater at the circus. And I'm talking, like, a local, regional circus where they get cheap elephants and can only afford rotting hay that makes the elephant shit really stinky, runny shit. And Romney can suck it up with a straw. And hold it in his mouth while he breathes hot breath on it in his mouth, and it gets stinkier and more barf-inducing.
That's all.
That's all.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Shoot Yer Gun
I was feeling a little confused about guns today.
I live in Oklahoma, where everybody loves guns.
Personally, I know that guns are tools to hurt or kill animals and people, while shields and force fields are things which protect you.
I understand a difference between killing somebody and protecting myself.
A Kevlar vest protects.
A gun kills.
Therefore, I see little need for guns, as I believe that I'm happier for not having killed another person.
But people in my state love guns.
I remember when I lived in Hell's Kitchen in New York City.
Nobody there wanted guns around.
Very few guns in Hell's Kitchen.
From my window, I watched a man give anal sex to another man for drugs, and then the first man was knifed in his chest and left for dead in a parking lot.
On my way home to my apartment, I saw a group of police surrounding a man who was brandishing a knife against them, as the Knife Man's eye was dangling out of its socket.
But nobody was talking about having a gun around for self defense.
Nobody.
I remember when I lived in the Cass Corridor, in the heart of Detroit's downtown.
Nobody there wanted guns around.
Even the gang members.
There were lots of guns in Detroit.
But nobody was advocating they stay around.
Some nights I would hear gunshots on the streets.
Some nights, it sounded like a war zone.
I woke up one morning to find a street sign by my house had been riddled with bullets during the night.
But nobody was advocating having a gun for home or self defense.
Then Oklahoma happens.
The most dangerous thing that I've been involved with in Oklahoma was when a gaggle of police officers surrounded me and my 16-year-old when we were scouting for locations to shoot one of his school movies. The 5 police cars showed up because, as they said, they were bored and had nothing to do. Oh, and incidentally, the place where we were was noted to be occupied by homeless people. But, really, they had nothing to do. They were bored. Those were the words they told me. They. Were. Bored.
And Oklahoma is where people want guns to protect themselves.... From The Boredom.
So I was confused.
I lived in places where I saw violence and crime happening, but nobody wanted guns.
Then I lived in a place where the cops were bored, and everybody wants guns.
So I did some research.
Seems that in 2010, the 15th best state to live in was New York. Meaning that 35 other states were worse to live in. One of those states was Oklahoma, which was considered the 13th most dangerous state. Meaning that 37 more states were safer to live in than Oklahoma. In this same list, it's noted that Michigan saw one of the biggest improvements in the crime rate in 2010.
I wonder if Oklahoma would be less dangerous if they, too, decided they didn't want to kill everyone?
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/04/07/the-15-safest-state-to-live-in-based-on-2010-crime-rankings/
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/04/05/most-dangerous-states-crime-rankings-for-2010/
I live in Oklahoma, where everybody loves guns.
Personally, I know that guns are tools to hurt or kill animals and people, while shields and force fields are things which protect you.
I understand a difference between killing somebody and protecting myself.
A Kevlar vest protects.
A gun kills.
Therefore, I see little need for guns, as I believe that I'm happier for not having killed another person.
But people in my state love guns.
I remember when I lived in Hell's Kitchen in New York City.
Nobody there wanted guns around.
Very few guns in Hell's Kitchen.
From my window, I watched a man give anal sex to another man for drugs, and then the first man was knifed in his chest and left for dead in a parking lot.
On my way home to my apartment, I saw a group of police surrounding a man who was brandishing a knife against them, as the Knife Man's eye was dangling out of its socket.
But nobody was talking about having a gun around for self defense.
Nobody.
I remember when I lived in the Cass Corridor, in the heart of Detroit's downtown.
Nobody there wanted guns around.
Even the gang members.
There were lots of guns in Detroit.
But nobody was advocating they stay around.
Some nights I would hear gunshots on the streets.
Some nights, it sounded like a war zone.
I woke up one morning to find a street sign by my house had been riddled with bullets during the night.
But nobody was advocating having a gun for home or self defense.
Then Oklahoma happens.
The most dangerous thing that I've been involved with in Oklahoma was when a gaggle of police officers surrounded me and my 16-year-old when we were scouting for locations to shoot one of his school movies. The 5 police cars showed up because, as they said, they were bored and had nothing to do. Oh, and incidentally, the place where we were was noted to be occupied by homeless people. But, really, they had nothing to do. They were bored. Those were the words they told me. They. Were. Bored.
And Oklahoma is where people want guns to protect themselves.... From The Boredom.
So I was confused.
I lived in places where I saw violence and crime happening, but nobody wanted guns.
Then I lived in a place where the cops were bored, and everybody wants guns.
So I did some research.
Seems that in 2010, the 15th best state to live in was New York. Meaning that 35 other states were worse to live in. One of those states was Oklahoma, which was considered the 13th most dangerous state. Meaning that 37 more states were safer to live in than Oklahoma. In this same list, it's noted that Michigan saw one of the biggest improvements in the crime rate in 2010.
I wonder if Oklahoma would be less dangerous if they, too, decided they didn't want to kill everyone?
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/04/07/the-15-safest-state-to-live-in-based-on-2010-crime-rankings/
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/04/05/most-dangerous-states-crime-rankings-for-2010/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)