Nice To People

In moving to our apartment, my wife and I have been overwhelmed at the amount of stuff we had at our home, as well as how much of it we're having to get rid of as we transition to our smaller living space.

We recently got rid of one of our large chairs. Typically what we've done when we get rid of large items like this is we will put an ad in Craigslist, saying the chair is on the curb and you should come and get it. This has always worked well for us. So we did it again with this chair. We put it outside and put a Craigslist ad up saying come and get it.

And nobody came and got it.

And still nobody came and got it. For days.

Then, yesterday morning as I was walking to my car, I noticed a person in the chair. I was startled, as it was 5:30 in the morning and I wasn't expecting to see anyone at that time. Not even the people I live with wake up at that time. And this person, also, did not wake up. I made noises and cleared my throat, but he didn't wake up. He had a blanket over him and his shoes were off. And that dude was asleep hard! I was slightly nervous that he was dead, but there was no odor of dead guy, so I felt comfortable leaving for work.

My wife texted me later in the day saying he was still there. I asked if he was dead, and she said no, he was moving.

Later, when I got home, my son apologized for locking the door. "I got nervous about the homeless guy," he said to me, laughing. Later that night as we were eating dinner together, my son brought up the homeless guy again. He wanted to move the chair so the homeless guy wouldn't have our parking lot to sleep in. My wife told him that the homeless guy wasn't hurting anybody, the chair wasn't in anyone's way, and it was okay. My son asked me how I felt about it. Now typically when he asks me how I feel about things like this, I feel like he's asking because I may have a differing position from his mother that more directly lines up with his. However, on this point he did not get that response. I told him I felt exactly the same as his mother. My wife seemed surprised. "Really?" she asked.

Yeah. Really.

I think we as a nation stigmatize those without homes. I think we throw huge label-blankets over people. "Homeless", "drug addict", and "criminal" all become synonymous. We have stopped thinking about all of them as individuals, and now they are disposables. Something to be gotten rid of like a chair you don't want anymore. Just get them out away from my house. We start believing that they're all the same. We stop looking at them on the street. We don't see the person with a sign, we just see somebody who is bothering us just by standing there. A nuisance.

Now imagine you lost your home. And whatever has caused you to lose your home has also caused you to lose everything else. You have no support system, no family or friends that will let you sleep on their couch, not enough money to stay in a hotel. You're completely alone. And you have no clothes to change into that might be more presentable for a job interview. So you're pretty much done. There's not much left. And that's not even mentioning if you have some kind of disability, like a mental or physical impairment that might turn people off from you even more.  It's not a crime to be without a home, but now people are treating you like a criminal. Trying their best to just sweep you away. And you have nowhere to sit. Nowhere to sleep. Nowhere to go to the bathroom or make yourself more presentable so people might see you as something more than a pile of shit. Can you imagine that? Really try to put yourself there. You have nobody. Now... how are you gonna get drugs? Drug dealers aren't going to give you free samples because 1) that only happens in movies, and 2) you're a lousy investment, as you have no money you could use for return business. So you can't get high. You certainly can't afford liquor. So you're not altered on any substances. What would it take to turn you into a criminal? Can you see yourself breaking into somebody's home? Can you see yourself breaking into somebody else's car? I'm no saint, and I can't picture myself doing either of those things. There are far easier ways to take care of yourself. Like shoplift a whole bunch of stuff, obviously, get caught, then go to jail. Bingo, now you've got a bed, shelter and food. You also have people who are looking at you. Sure, they think you're shit still but at least they look at you while judging you. You are, after all, in jail. People in jail are deserving of our judgment, right? I mean, wasn't it Jesus who said, "judge all those in jail, and all those who have lost everything, for they are but shit in my eyes and smell shitty"? Sounds like Jesus to me. And Gandhi. And Martin Luther King, Jr. Or does it sound more like Donald Trump?

Who would you rather use as a moral compass? Donald Trump or Jesus?

And think about this, while you're at it... Think about how quickly you dismiss those disposable people. Do you think you dismiss them as quickly as you dismiss my words that you don't agree with? Is it because it's more comfortable to live with your own flawed thinking rather than actually admit that, maybe, your thinking is flawed? It's easier to live incorrectly, rather than make changes that are positive and good.

My wife didn't say all that to our son. Neither did I. But it felt nice to be reminded, again, that I've married a super decent person. And I like her a lot.

I'm So Done

If you don't have enough money, you can expect to hear somebody somewhere tell you it's your fault. You didn't save enough. You didn't work hard enough. You spent too much. You don't have enough money? You're to blame, I don't feel sorry for you and, in fact, I condemn you for things you've done in my mind.

Today, my wife's car won't start. That's because the ignition key has worn down to the point that it won't turn the ignition anymore. Nothing anyone in my family could possibly be blamed for. And now she's getting a locksmith to come out and fix her car. For him just to arrive is $130. And while he's doing that, she's missing work. And she gets paid hourly. So while she's spending money, she can't make money. That's this month, and it's not even half-way over.

Last month the air conditioner in the house we're trying to sell broke. Our realtor told us that we could either fix it or it would come out of the price of the house. She recommended if the fix was less than $300, we should go ahead and fix it. The repair was $250. No one has bought our house yet.

August saw us spending money on movers, and eating out because our refrigerator was unplugged or being moved, and all the associated costs of moving. We were moving, mind you, in order to save money and get ourselves in a more financially secure place.

July saw me spending $200 on registering my car. My mother purchased a car for me, saving me and my family so that I could continue to go to my job (aka the financial backbone of my family), because my previous car had been totalled by a hit and run accident occurring in my neighborhood, at night while I was asleep, and the car was parked on the street where I had been parking it for the past five years.

And all of these expenses come unexpectedly and cause me and my wife to scramble. Work overtime? Can't, it's not being offered right now. More hours at her job? Can't, not being offered. So... we cut expenses in order to spend what we need to on our priorities.

I am so utterly done with all of this bullshit.

So completely done.