"In 1985, my wife tells me that I can't buy any more horses until she gets a swimming pool. So I got her a swimming pool... in our third home."
--Doctor Who Works Behind Me, moments ago, 12/31/14
As of right now, my wife and I have $20 to our name.
That's all we have.
And that's $20 more than we usually have at the end of each month.
I find myself supremely angry by this fucking doctor behind me.
I don't feel like anyone will help me.
I don't feel like I can get ahead.
I don't feel like I can do anything to change my position.
I feel trapped.
And this doctor was forced to buy a pool for his wife's third home if he was going to continue buying horses.
The fuck.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
I Can't Help But Hear You
The Doctor in the cube next to mine is talking again.
He's talking to Another Doctor and a Colleague who is not a doctor.
They are always too loud for an open-office environment.
And I wear headphones to keep their noise from distracting me.
Today, however, they are louder than normal.
So I turned up my music, so that I might not hear them.
But I still heard them, far too clearly, over Prince's Diamonds & Pearls album.
ANOTHER DOCTOR: ...millions of 'em. They all want to see the ball drop.
DOCTOR: It's just a sparkly ball.
AD: Well, I heard on Fox this morning that they've upped security. You know... so that... nothing happens.
D: Well, you know, it's just horrible. You know, all these people who have been killed by police officers recently... it's conveniently been covered up that they are all convicted felons.
AD: Yeah, when the truth comes out, the story is... and you know Michael Brown? After his trial, they released a video of him beating up an old man.
(everybody is silent, giving respect to the old man)
D: So much for your Gentle Giant.
COLLEAGUE: They have football players, even, believing the hands up thing. But that isn't true. He was charging. You can't charge with your hands up. And when somebody that big is charging you...
D: Yeah, what do they expect...
AD: You shouldn't use force...?
D: They want the police to just stand there and go, okay, you can run over me and murder me. I don't think so!
C: Cops need to protect themselves.
AD: And when somebody's charging you, you don't know what to do. You just need to be safe.
D: But, apparently, it's a crime to be safe in this country now, according to all these people.
C: What are they protesting for, anyways?
D: Well, it's all a lie, and it's too bad for those the people of New York.
AD: What a horrible way to ring in the New Year.
So here are a few things to note.
Michael Brown never had a trial. He was shot and killed by a police officer, Darren Wilson. Darren Wilson did not have a trial for shooting Michael Brown. There was a grand jury that did not indict Darren Wilson. A grand jury's job is to determine if charges should be brought against an individual(s) based on evidence they are presented, and if there is probable cause or enough evidence to suggest that a crime might have been committed, it takes a simple majority to indict the defendant. Sometimes this amounts to 12 of 23 jurors, sometimes its 2/3, or 3/4, but not every juror needs to agree to indict (http://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-procedure/how-does-a-grand-jury-work.html). Pbs.org has a great chart showing some of the different things witnesses testified to before the grand jury in the Michael Brown/Darren Wilson case (http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/newly-released-witness-testimony-tell-us-michael-brown-shooting/). According to this chart, 50% of the witnesses said that they saw Michael Brown hold up his hands before being shot by Darren Wilson, only 5 of 64 witnesses said Michael Brown reached for his waistband (where Darren Wilson claimed he thought Michael Brown was carrying a gun, and was the reason why Wilson said he used deadly force), and there was an even split in witnesses who said Michael Brown had collapsed when Darren Wilson opened fire. After being presented with, at best, conflicting pieces of evidence, the grand jury decided not to bring charges against Darren Wilson. In legal speak, they declined to indict. There was no trial.
The doctors and colleague watch Fox. According to politifact.com (http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/tv/fox/), Fox News rates the lowest of their rated networks in regards to telling the truth. Given the ratings of True, Mostly True, Half True, Mostly False, False, and Pants On Fire, Fox News statements rate Mostly False, False, and Pants On Fire 60% of the time. One small example of a Half True rated statement is "The Democratic leader in the Senate, Harry Reid, has blocked any vote on the Keystone pipeline for years." It is rated as Half True because, in summary, "Reid's allowed a few votes", which, to me, makes this statement mostly false, unless they're including the statement "The Democratic leader in the Senate, Harry Reid..." as being the truthful part of the statement. Based on this last little piece of information, I'd like to include Half True statements made by Fox News in their overall truthfulness rating. If you include the statements rated as Half True, then, according to politifact.con, a fact-checking website, Fox News reports false statements 78% of the time, and reports True or Mostly True only 21% of the time. According to the website, they only report purely True stories 9% of the time. The doctors are quoting a source which reports falshoods almost 80% of the time, and truthful statements 9% of the time.
Michael Brown was 18 years and 3 months old when he was killed by police officer Darren Wilson. According to snopes.com, a website devoted to proving or disproving rumors (http://www.snopes.com/politics/crime/brown.asp), Brown wasn't at the age of majority long enough to have a public record of felony charges. And according to the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/04/us/michael-brown-never-faced-serious-felony-charge-st-louis-officials-lawyer-says.html?_r=0), Michael Brown was never charged with felony. Meaning that Michael Brown was not a convicted felon.
Besides all those silly little facts that were incorrect, it's troubling that these doctors and one normal dude appear to be justifying murder. Michael Brown and Eric Garner were nobodies prior to the time they were killed by police officers in St. Louis and New York City, respectively. When they were killed, their names became familiar to us because they had been killed by police. AFTER being killed, their pasts were brought into the story, which lead to conversations like the one I overheard, which include arguments along the lines of He Was A Convicted Felon So It Was A Justified Killing By Police.
I understand why it might be a justified killing to hunt down Osama bin Laden and kill him without trial or any proof other than who he is.
But then, he was responsible for huge acts of terror on American soil, resulting in thousands of American deaths and a country living with PTSD for the next several years over the incident.
Michael Brown was walking in the street. That's what Darren Wilson said was the reason he took note of Michael Brown in the first place -- he was walking in the street (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/11/25/366519644/ferguson-docs-officer-darren-wilsons-testimony).
Eric Garner had just broken up a fight, according to msnbc.com (http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/what-killed-eric-garner), an editorial on cnn.com (http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/03/opinion/robbins-eric-garner/), and time.com, who included a video of the event at this link (http://time.com/3016326/eric-garner-video-police-chokehold-death/#3016326/eric-garner-video-police-chokehold-death/). That's what brought his attention to the police. After they observed him breaking up a fight, they attempted to take him into custody for selling loose cigarettes which included putting him in a choke hold. Selling loose cigarettes without a tobacco tax stamp would be considered a felony, and Eric Garner might have been convicted of that felony had he been able to make a case before a court. However, he was killed before he could do that, so he wasn't a convicted felon, either.
So the doctor's argument, again, is He Was A Convicted Felon So It Was A Justified Killing By Police. And many others share this sentiment.
Here, by the way, are some other felonies, as reported by felonyguide.com (http://felonyguide.com/List-of-felony-crimes.php) as being one of the twenty most common felonies committed in America:
Disorderly conduct
Drunkenness
Fraud
Offenses against family and children
Curfew and loitering
If you are convicted of loitering, these doctors would say the police have justification for killing you, even if you've served your sentence and/or paid your fine. Same with being drunk, or cursing in front of a family such to create offense. These doctors argument covers these things, as well.
I loathe these men, these doctors, these healers.
These hypocrites.
I absolutely loathe them.
Loathe.
And even with all my loathing, they don't deserve to actually be killed for breaking up a fight or walking in the street. They deserve to be killed for the things they've said out loud. But since nobody came and killed them, that moment has passed, and I'm far too busy to stand poised with a weapon readied for their next act of hatred and ignorance. So they walk free and judge others with the parroted words of a lying faux-news report(s). They justify murder from somebody's past deeds or pure imagination and fantasy. Eric Garner was not a convicted felon, but because we imagine he is, it was completely okay that police killed him. Michael Brown didn't beat up an old man, and he wasn't convicted of a felony, but because we make up things about him, it's okay that he was killed.
Maybe it's more complex than that.
Maybe cops have a really hard job and they have to be trained to use deadly force.
Are you trained to use deadly force at your job? Yeah, me neither.
I can't imagine how I would handle that. It would be something I would have to work up to a lot. And I imagine it is a very, very stressful position to be in knowing you might have to use lethal force and end somebody's life today.
And maybe Michael Brown didn't deserve to be shot dead in the street and have his character smeared after he was murdered so that his family and mother would have to deal with supreme ugliness after their child was killed.
And maybe Eric Garner's six children deserved to have more empathy shown to them after their father was killed, rather than having people say that he was a convicted felon so it was okay that he was choked to death by police using a tactic that had been banned for more than 20 years.
I don't know how to handle these doctors. These idiots.
I suppose there's really nothing I can do that makes me feel comfortable. That makes me feel like I've done the right thing.
I can tell them to keep it down.
But they've been told several times to keep it down, and from several different people, and that hasn't worked so far. I have no reason to believe it would make any difference if I said anything to them.
After all, they don't value something as big as the lives of Eric Garner or Michael Brown, why would they value my request for workplace silence?
Maybe they would value my words more than the life of two men because I'm white.
He's talking to Another Doctor and a Colleague who is not a doctor.
They are always too loud for an open-office environment.
And I wear headphones to keep their noise from distracting me.
Today, however, they are louder than normal.
So I turned up my music, so that I might not hear them.
But I still heard them, far too clearly, over Prince's Diamonds & Pearls album.
ANOTHER DOCTOR: ...millions of 'em. They all want to see the ball drop.
DOCTOR: It's just a sparkly ball.
AD: Well, I heard on Fox this morning that they've upped security. You know... so that... nothing happens.
D: Well, you know, it's just horrible. You know, all these people who have been killed by police officers recently... it's conveniently been covered up that they are all convicted felons.
AD: Yeah, when the truth comes out, the story is... and you know Michael Brown? After his trial, they released a video of him beating up an old man.
(everybody is silent, giving respect to the old man)
D: So much for your Gentle Giant.
COLLEAGUE: They have football players, even, believing the hands up thing. But that isn't true. He was charging. You can't charge with your hands up. And when somebody that big is charging you...
D: Yeah, what do they expect...
AD: You shouldn't use force...?
D: They want the police to just stand there and go, okay, you can run over me and murder me. I don't think so!
C: Cops need to protect themselves.
AD: And when somebody's charging you, you don't know what to do. You just need to be safe.
D: But, apparently, it's a crime to be safe in this country now, according to all these people.
C: What are they protesting for, anyways?
D: Well, it's all a lie, and it's too bad for those the people of New York.
AD: What a horrible way to ring in the New Year.
So here are a few things to note.
Michael Brown never had a trial. He was shot and killed by a police officer, Darren Wilson. Darren Wilson did not have a trial for shooting Michael Brown. There was a grand jury that did not indict Darren Wilson. A grand jury's job is to determine if charges should be brought against an individual(s) based on evidence they are presented, and if there is probable cause or enough evidence to suggest that a crime might have been committed, it takes a simple majority to indict the defendant. Sometimes this amounts to 12 of 23 jurors, sometimes its 2/3, or 3/4, but not every juror needs to agree to indict (http://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-procedure/how-does-a-grand-jury-work.html). Pbs.org has a great chart showing some of the different things witnesses testified to before the grand jury in the Michael Brown/Darren Wilson case (http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/newly-released-witness-testimony-tell-us-michael-brown-shooting/). According to this chart, 50% of the witnesses said that they saw Michael Brown hold up his hands before being shot by Darren Wilson, only 5 of 64 witnesses said Michael Brown reached for his waistband (where Darren Wilson claimed he thought Michael Brown was carrying a gun, and was the reason why Wilson said he used deadly force), and there was an even split in witnesses who said Michael Brown had collapsed when Darren Wilson opened fire. After being presented with, at best, conflicting pieces of evidence, the grand jury decided not to bring charges against Darren Wilson. In legal speak, they declined to indict. There was no trial.
The doctors and colleague watch Fox. According to politifact.com (http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/tv/fox/), Fox News rates the lowest of their rated networks in regards to telling the truth. Given the ratings of True, Mostly True, Half True, Mostly False, False, and Pants On Fire, Fox News statements rate Mostly False, False, and Pants On Fire 60% of the time. One small example of a Half True rated statement is "The Democratic leader in the Senate, Harry Reid, has blocked any vote on the Keystone pipeline for years." It is rated as Half True because, in summary, "Reid's allowed a few votes", which, to me, makes this statement mostly false, unless they're including the statement "The Democratic leader in the Senate, Harry Reid..." as being the truthful part of the statement. Based on this last little piece of information, I'd like to include Half True statements made by Fox News in their overall truthfulness rating. If you include the statements rated as Half True, then, according to politifact.con, a fact-checking website, Fox News reports false statements 78% of the time, and reports True or Mostly True only 21% of the time. According to the website, they only report purely True stories 9% of the time. The doctors are quoting a source which reports falshoods almost 80% of the time, and truthful statements 9% of the time.
Michael Brown was 18 years and 3 months old when he was killed by police officer Darren Wilson. According to snopes.com, a website devoted to proving or disproving rumors (http://www.snopes.com/politics/crime/brown.asp), Brown wasn't at the age of majority long enough to have a public record of felony charges. And according to the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/04/us/michael-brown-never-faced-serious-felony-charge-st-louis-officials-lawyer-says.html?_r=0), Michael Brown was never charged with felony. Meaning that Michael Brown was not a convicted felon.
Besides all those silly little facts that were incorrect, it's troubling that these doctors and one normal dude appear to be justifying murder. Michael Brown and Eric Garner were nobodies prior to the time they were killed by police officers in St. Louis and New York City, respectively. When they were killed, their names became familiar to us because they had been killed by police. AFTER being killed, their pasts were brought into the story, which lead to conversations like the one I overheard, which include arguments along the lines of He Was A Convicted Felon So It Was A Justified Killing By Police.
I understand why it might be a justified killing to hunt down Osama bin Laden and kill him without trial or any proof other than who he is.
But then, he was responsible for huge acts of terror on American soil, resulting in thousands of American deaths and a country living with PTSD for the next several years over the incident.
Michael Brown was walking in the street. That's what Darren Wilson said was the reason he took note of Michael Brown in the first place -- he was walking in the street (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/11/25/366519644/ferguson-docs-officer-darren-wilsons-testimony).
Eric Garner had just broken up a fight, according to msnbc.com (http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/what-killed-eric-garner), an editorial on cnn.com (http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/03/opinion/robbins-eric-garner/), and time.com, who included a video of the event at this link (http://time.com/3016326/eric-garner-video-police-chokehold-death/#3016326/eric-garner-video-police-chokehold-death/). That's what brought his attention to the police. After they observed him breaking up a fight, they attempted to take him into custody for selling loose cigarettes which included putting him in a choke hold. Selling loose cigarettes without a tobacco tax stamp would be considered a felony, and Eric Garner might have been convicted of that felony had he been able to make a case before a court. However, he was killed before he could do that, so he wasn't a convicted felon, either.
So the doctor's argument, again, is He Was A Convicted Felon So It Was A Justified Killing By Police. And many others share this sentiment.
Here, by the way, are some other felonies, as reported by felonyguide.com (http://felonyguide.com/List-of-felony-crimes.php) as being one of the twenty most common felonies committed in America:
Disorderly conduct
Drunkenness
Fraud
Offenses against family and children
Curfew and loitering
If you are convicted of loitering, these doctors would say the police have justification for killing you, even if you've served your sentence and/or paid your fine. Same with being drunk, or cursing in front of a family such to create offense. These doctors argument covers these things, as well.
I loathe these men, these doctors, these healers.
These hypocrites.
I absolutely loathe them.
Loathe.
And even with all my loathing, they don't deserve to actually be killed for breaking up a fight or walking in the street. They deserve to be killed for the things they've said out loud. But since nobody came and killed them, that moment has passed, and I'm far too busy to stand poised with a weapon readied for their next act of hatred and ignorance. So they walk free and judge others with the parroted words of a lying faux-news report(s). They justify murder from somebody's past deeds or pure imagination and fantasy. Eric Garner was not a convicted felon, but because we imagine he is, it was completely okay that police killed him. Michael Brown didn't beat up an old man, and he wasn't convicted of a felony, but because we make up things about him, it's okay that he was killed.
Maybe it's more complex than that.
Maybe cops have a really hard job and they have to be trained to use deadly force.
Are you trained to use deadly force at your job? Yeah, me neither.
I can't imagine how I would handle that. It would be something I would have to work up to a lot. And I imagine it is a very, very stressful position to be in knowing you might have to use lethal force and end somebody's life today.
And maybe Michael Brown didn't deserve to be shot dead in the street and have his character smeared after he was murdered so that his family and mother would have to deal with supreme ugliness after their child was killed.
And maybe Eric Garner's six children deserved to have more empathy shown to them after their father was killed, rather than having people say that he was a convicted felon so it was okay that he was choked to death by police using a tactic that had been banned for more than 20 years.
I don't know how to handle these doctors. These idiots.
I suppose there's really nothing I can do that makes me feel comfortable. That makes me feel like I've done the right thing.
I can tell them to keep it down.
But they've been told several times to keep it down, and from several different people, and that hasn't worked so far. I have no reason to believe it would make any difference if I said anything to them.
After all, they don't value something as big as the lives of Eric Garner or Michael Brown, why would they value my request for workplace silence?
Maybe they would value my words more than the life of two men because I'm white.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Comment Sections and Echo Chambers
I was at work today.
It was a shitty production day, which means that instead of actually working, I was staring into space, getting lost in Wikipedia articles, generally not working.
It wasn't that I didn't want to work.
In fact, I always WANT to work.
But I don't feel like I'm in control of my ability to focus sometimes.
Anywhooooo... that's a story for another day. Maybe.
I was cruising around wherever I was and ran across an NPR story about a Seventh-Day Adventist pastor who publicly spent a "year without god", and at the end of his year, he decided he didn't believe in god anymore. As you can imagine, the comments section was filled with debate about the existence of god, and scientific proof of his existence/absence, and how stupid people are, and name calling, and generally heated, disrespectful, uninformed, and ignorant remarks.
Normally I get turned off by these comments. But today, for whatever reason, my eyes kinda shifted, like they do when I'm looking at one of those Magic Eye calendars, and I saw the comments section differently than I normally do. I felt like the ability to write a comment on a website is like offering people a microphone to broadcast their voices over the radio, or turning on a camera and giving people the chance to be on TV. And the thought of being heard is not only exciting but presents the possibility of hope-- Someone May Hear Me.
In reading the blog of the preacher mentioned in the NPR article, he starts by trying to define terminology he's going to be using, and he talks about how words are used to communicate. But as I was reading his words, I was starting to feel like many people don't really use words to communicate, but to divide.
There have been times when I've had to say, "you know what I mean, though, right?" because the person I was talking with was getting stopped by something else in my words other than their intended meaning, like incorrect grammar or spelling, or the desire of the person I was speaking with to fight me and prove me wrong. Rather than understanding my intention, there was deliberate miscommunication, which caused me to say, "you know what I mean, though, right?"
When I was a kid, we played a lot of those miscommunication games.
I liked rubber buns and liquor.
You remember that one?
Okay, out loud, say the phrase "rubber buns and liquor" after everything I say. What you say is in italics.
What do you eat for breakfast? Rubber buns and liquor.
What do you eat for lunch? Rubber buns and liquor.
What do you do when you see a pretty lady? "Rub 'er buns and lick 'er".
Hilarity.
Or the one where you latch on to the last word somebody says that ends with an "er" sound, like "liquor", or "factor", or "cracker".
"Would you like some liquor?"
"Lick 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
"Do you think the cold temperatures will be a factor?"
"Fact 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
"Help me! My life is ending because I'm being choked to death by a cracker!"
"Crack 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
Or this one
"Okay, I need to look at your rectum."
"Wrecked 'em?? Nearly killed 'em!"
These are jokes.
Some of them are hilarious.
Some of them are very hilarious.
But wherever you stand, they are deliberate miscommunication.
Internet comment sections have been turned from the gift they were intended to be into a mosh pit of individuals who don't really want to communicate. It's one person saying something, then another person intentionally misunderstanding what they're saying. And then people keep yelling at each other because they feel hurt and attacked and need to defend their positions.
I think there are a lot of reasons for this phenomenon.
I think it happens in all kinds of places.
I think many news outlets yell at us, the consumers, in order to get us to buy their publication or TV show. And they keep yelling at us hoping that we will keep consuming their stuff.
Advertisements yell at us, trying to get us to buy something and drown out all others who want you to buy something else. And all the yelling increases the yelling.
I think it happens with politicians, they yell at each other, and then when that yelling is done, another politician gets up and yells some more, and then another, and another, until all the politicians are yelling and nobody can hear anything and nothing gets done. You hear me say the words "health care" and immediately have your opinion and want to yell about it, because if you don't yell, you'll definitely be drowned out by the other people yelling. You hear the words "immigration" and you're up and yelling your points like there's a war. Doesn't matter that I haven't said anything at all. The politicians are ready to fight and yell and yell some more.
And we, the public, fight, too.
And we're all yelling at each other for something.
But we haven't heard anything at all.
One of the things I was reading in this former-pastor's blog comments was about science vs. religion, and how people come to defend science saying, "It's a proven scientific fact!" But I can think of many things that were once "proven facts" that have been disproved with more information. I remember being taught about the smallest particle in the world. I can't remember what it was called, so let's call it Clyde. "Clyde," my science teacher told us, "is the smallest particle in the world." Then, the following year, it was discovered that Jessica was, actually, the smallest particle, so we had to learn a new, different "fact".
"See?!" cry those who feel attacked, "science can't be trusted! It has been wrong before, and anyone who defends science is wrong!!" And suddenly, those who believe in science have been discarded.
"Science is wrong??" cry those who feel attacked. "Religion talks about bringing people peace, but instead, the same people that talk of peace are the first ones to judge and disregard people, like you did in your post!"
Now the first people respond with, "Your previous post proves you're stupid, because it should be "the same people who talk of peace", not "the same people that talk of peace". Obviously, you're dumb and I win."
"You're such an idiot. It's "the same people WHOM talk of peace" you idiot. I win."
"No you don't, because you put double-quotation marks in your previous sentence, and it should have been a single quotation mark when you quoted '...the same people...'. I now sling more mud at you."
I think part of the problem is that feeling of being attacked.
It's immediate. It's violent. And it demands action NOW!
My first thought was to put limits on websites, so that people couldn't post for 2 days after reading an article or comment. But that doesn't stop people from FEELING attacked.
And it's that feeling that is causing the anxiety in people, I think.
If they don't say something, if they don't yell, then somebody will do something to hurt them.
It would be a nicer world if we didn't have to worry about people attacking us.
Since I only have control over my own actions, perhaps the only thing I can do...
Is Stop Attacking People.
Maybe others will follow me. Maybe they won't.
But I will have done all I am able to do to make this world a better place.
And this world could be a better place.
It was a shitty production day, which means that instead of actually working, I was staring into space, getting lost in Wikipedia articles, generally not working.
It wasn't that I didn't want to work.
In fact, I always WANT to work.
But I don't feel like I'm in control of my ability to focus sometimes.
Anywhooooo... that's a story for another day. Maybe.
I was cruising around wherever I was and ran across an NPR story about a Seventh-Day Adventist pastor who publicly spent a "year without god", and at the end of his year, he decided he didn't believe in god anymore. As you can imagine, the comments section was filled with debate about the existence of god, and scientific proof of his existence/absence, and how stupid people are, and name calling, and generally heated, disrespectful, uninformed, and ignorant remarks.
Normally I get turned off by these comments. But today, for whatever reason, my eyes kinda shifted, like they do when I'm looking at one of those Magic Eye calendars, and I saw the comments section differently than I normally do. I felt like the ability to write a comment on a website is like offering people a microphone to broadcast their voices over the radio, or turning on a camera and giving people the chance to be on TV. And the thought of being heard is not only exciting but presents the possibility of hope-- Someone May Hear Me.
In reading the blog of the preacher mentioned in the NPR article, he starts by trying to define terminology he's going to be using, and he talks about how words are used to communicate. But as I was reading his words, I was starting to feel like many people don't really use words to communicate, but to divide.
There have been times when I've had to say, "you know what I mean, though, right?" because the person I was talking with was getting stopped by something else in my words other than their intended meaning, like incorrect grammar or spelling, or the desire of the person I was speaking with to fight me and prove me wrong. Rather than understanding my intention, there was deliberate miscommunication, which caused me to say, "you know what I mean, though, right?"
When I was a kid, we played a lot of those miscommunication games.
I liked rubber buns and liquor.
You remember that one?
Okay, out loud, say the phrase "rubber buns and liquor" after everything I say. What you say is in italics.
What do you eat for breakfast? Rubber buns and liquor.
What do you eat for lunch? Rubber buns and liquor.
What do you do when you see a pretty lady? "Rub 'er buns and lick 'er".
Hilarity.
Or the one where you latch on to the last word somebody says that ends with an "er" sound, like "liquor", or "factor", or "cracker".
"Would you like some liquor?"
"Lick 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
"Do you think the cold temperatures will be a factor?"
"Fact 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
"Help me! My life is ending because I'm being choked to death by a cracker!"
"Crack 'er?? I hardly know 'er!"
Or this one
"Okay, I need to look at your rectum."
"Wrecked 'em?? Nearly killed 'em!"
These are jokes.
Some of them are hilarious.
Some of them are very hilarious.
But wherever you stand, they are deliberate miscommunication.
Internet comment sections have been turned from the gift they were intended to be into a mosh pit of individuals who don't really want to communicate. It's one person saying something, then another person intentionally misunderstanding what they're saying. And then people keep yelling at each other because they feel hurt and attacked and need to defend their positions.
I think there are a lot of reasons for this phenomenon.
I think it happens in all kinds of places.
I think many news outlets yell at us, the consumers, in order to get us to buy their publication or TV show. And they keep yelling at us hoping that we will keep consuming their stuff.
Advertisements yell at us, trying to get us to buy something and drown out all others who want you to buy something else. And all the yelling increases the yelling.
I think it happens with politicians, they yell at each other, and then when that yelling is done, another politician gets up and yells some more, and then another, and another, until all the politicians are yelling and nobody can hear anything and nothing gets done. You hear me say the words "health care" and immediately have your opinion and want to yell about it, because if you don't yell, you'll definitely be drowned out by the other people yelling. You hear the words "immigration" and you're up and yelling your points like there's a war. Doesn't matter that I haven't said anything at all. The politicians are ready to fight and yell and yell some more.
And we, the public, fight, too.
And we're all yelling at each other for something.
But we haven't heard anything at all.
One of the things I was reading in this former-pastor's blog comments was about science vs. religion, and how people come to defend science saying, "It's a proven scientific fact!" But I can think of many things that were once "proven facts" that have been disproved with more information. I remember being taught about the smallest particle in the world. I can't remember what it was called, so let's call it Clyde. "Clyde," my science teacher told us, "is the smallest particle in the world." Then, the following year, it was discovered that Jessica was, actually, the smallest particle, so we had to learn a new, different "fact".
"See?!" cry those who feel attacked, "science can't be trusted! It has been wrong before, and anyone who defends science is wrong!!" And suddenly, those who believe in science have been discarded.
"Science is wrong??" cry those who feel attacked. "Religion talks about bringing people peace, but instead, the same people that talk of peace are the first ones to judge and disregard people, like you did in your post!"
Now the first people respond with, "Your previous post proves you're stupid, because it should be "the same people who talk of peace", not "the same people that talk of peace". Obviously, you're dumb and I win."
"You're such an idiot. It's "the same people WHOM talk of peace" you idiot. I win."
"No you don't, because you put double-quotation marks in your previous sentence, and it should have been a single quotation mark when you quoted '...the same people...'. I now sling more mud at you."
I think part of the problem is that feeling of being attacked.
It's immediate. It's violent. And it demands action NOW!
My first thought was to put limits on websites, so that people couldn't post for 2 days after reading an article or comment. But that doesn't stop people from FEELING attacked.
And it's that feeling that is causing the anxiety in people, I think.
If they don't say something, if they don't yell, then somebody will do something to hurt them.
It would be a nicer world if we didn't have to worry about people attacking us.
Since I only have control over my own actions, perhaps the only thing I can do...
Is Stop Attacking People.
Maybe others will follow me. Maybe they won't.
But I will have done all I am able to do to make this world a better place.
And this world could be a better place.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
taking time off
the work at my job keeps coming
i am assigned cases to work
i get 16 cases a week
4 each day for 4 days
these cases come if i'm here
these cases come if i'm not here
on weeks like this one, where we are given two days off during the middle of the week
the cases don't come for two days
it didn't used to be this way
it used to be that the cases would come no matter what
"we only want the work to get done"
i'm sick
"we only want the work to get done"
family emergency
"we only want the work to get done"
death
"we only want the work to get done"
flat tire, food poisoning, ill child, concussion...
"we only want the work to get done"
my wife wants me to take time off
feel rested
relaxed
i try to tell her that i'm trapped
i don't know how to tell her in a way that she will understand
maybe she won't understand
if i take time off, i have more work to do when i get back
and then i'm behind
and i will never, ever be caught up
i get a day's worth of work if i'm there
i get a day's worth of work if i'm not there
when i return from not being there, i will have that day's worth of work
plus the day's worth of work that didn't get done when i wasn't there
i am behind
and i will never be caught up
and since their mantra is
"we only want the work to get done"
being behind means the work isn't getting done
so now i'm subjected to talks
and talks about how i'm no good
i'm not performing up to standards
i'm behind and what is my plan for getting caught up
i hate those questions
they're not real questions
they're punishments
admonishments wrapped with a question mark
they're tests to see if you know how bad you are
how behind you are
how stupid and useless and devoid of content or relevance you are
what is your plan for getting caught up
i don't fucking know
work
that's my plan
i'm going to work
well... that's not good enough
what's your plan for getting caught up
well... since my first plan wasn't good enough,
i suppose my next plan to get caught up is
fucking quit
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
i am assigned cases to work
i get 16 cases a week
4 each day for 4 days
these cases come if i'm here
these cases come if i'm not here
on weeks like this one, where we are given two days off during the middle of the week
the cases don't come for two days
it didn't used to be this way
it used to be that the cases would come no matter what
"we only want the work to get done"
i'm sick
"we only want the work to get done"
family emergency
"we only want the work to get done"
death
"we only want the work to get done"
flat tire, food poisoning, ill child, concussion...
"we only want the work to get done"
my wife wants me to take time off
feel rested
relaxed
i try to tell her that i'm trapped
i don't know how to tell her in a way that she will understand
maybe she won't understand
if i take time off, i have more work to do when i get back
and then i'm behind
and i will never, ever be caught up
i get a day's worth of work if i'm there
i get a day's worth of work if i'm not there
when i return from not being there, i will have that day's worth of work
plus the day's worth of work that didn't get done when i wasn't there
i am behind
and i will never be caught up
and since their mantra is
"we only want the work to get done"
being behind means the work isn't getting done
so now i'm subjected to talks
and talks about how i'm no good
i'm not performing up to standards
i'm behind and what is my plan for getting caught up
i hate those questions
they're not real questions
they're punishments
admonishments wrapped with a question mark
they're tests to see if you know how bad you are
how behind you are
how stupid and useless and devoid of content or relevance you are
what is your plan for getting caught up
i don't fucking know
work
that's my plan
i'm going to work
well... that's not good enough
what's your plan for getting caught up
well... since my first plan wasn't good enough,
i suppose my next plan to get caught up is
fucking quit
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
Monday, December 22, 2014
It would be a true Christmas miracle
She is in my house right now.
Bringing in her backwoods thoughts
And backwoods ways
And backwards beliefs.
I just want, oh really really want
For her to get bent in half, backwards, and get her head rammed up her asshole so far that she suffocates on her own colon as she chokes on her vile horrid shit.
She is a fucking fuck.
Bringing in her backwoods thoughts
And backwoods ways
And backwards beliefs.
I just want, oh really really want
For her to get bent in half, backwards, and get her head rammed up her asshole so far that she suffocates on her own colon as she chokes on her vile horrid shit.
She is a fucking fuck.
Fun fact...
The citizens of Colorado voted to legalize marijuana for recreational purposes.
The states of Oklahoma and Nebraska filed suit with the Supreme Court to strike down Colorado's legalization of marijuana. They say that it is difficult to enforce a federal ban on marijuana with the drug entering their borders from neighboring Colorado. Nebraska Attorney General said while Colorado reaps millions from the production and sale of pot, Nebraska taxpayers have to bear the cost.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/nebraska-oklahoma-sue-colorado-legalized-marijuana/
How. Fucking. Stupid.
The states of Oklahoma and Nebraska filed suit with the Supreme Court to strike down Colorado's legalization of marijuana. They say that it is difficult to enforce a federal ban on marijuana with the drug entering their borders from neighboring Colorado. Nebraska Attorney General said while Colorado reaps millions from the production and sale of pot, Nebraska taxpayers have to bear the cost.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/nebraska-oklahoma-sue-colorado-legalized-marijuana/
How. Fucking. Stupid.
Citation Please
I think we all need to calm down.
I think there are too many people yelling about race.
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-12-21/killings-of-new-york-police-denounced-as-despicable-act-.html
http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2014/12/22/?entry=mb-3&_r=0
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2014/12/21/3606040/rudy-giuliani-2-nyc-cops-were-killed-because-obama-told-everyone-to-hate-the-police/
And I think all of this yelling spills out onto the social website Facebook.
http://facebook.com
And I think many of our news outlets report on race relations along with opinions pieces about these race relations (please see above citations).
However, not many people on Facebook note where they are receiving their information upon which they form their opinions. (please see http://facebook.com for more information about this statement and how infrequently people cite their sources). Many of my "friends" on this "social" website are posting angry rants about the "race haters" and "race baiters" and how the Obama administration and our current civil rights groups have "stomped" on all the work that whites and blacks have done for so long, and in naming the "Obama administration", and the "current civil rights groups", the only people/groups named who were committing these atrocities were Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the Black Panthers. Fox News has a recent piece about two men affiliated with the New Black Panther Party allegedly attempting to bomb individuals associated with racial tensions in Ferguson, but not being able to because their EBT cards didn't have the funds needed to buy the explosives. No one was injured in the alleged attempt to set off a bomb, and the comments section has many people talking about how progressives will want to increase limits on EBT cards and how the Black Panthers, along with Al Sharpton and "a few others" are the major culprits in "race relations" today.
http://nation.foxnews.com/2014/11/30/black-panthers-unable-buy-bombs-because-ebt-card-didn%E2%80%99t-have-enough-money
The New York Post reported this story as well, without any comments.
http://nypost.com/2014/11/22/fbi-makes-explosive-ferguson-bust/
The Black Panthers have denounced the New Black Panther Party, who is generally considered a hate group.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Panther_Party
To summarize: The New Black Panther Party is not the original group known as The Black Panthers, they are generally considered a hate group, and two people who are affiliated with this hate group allegedly planned on bombing people and places in something they saw as a racial issue. However, they were arrested prior to being able to bomb anybody or anything.
So calm down about the Black Panthers and The New Black Panther Party. Calm. Down.
An article from CBS News starts, "Civil rights leaders Sunday condemned the ambush killings of two New York police officers...".
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ismaaiyl-brinsley-nypd-officers-murders-backlash-protest-movement/?google_editors_picks=true
So civil rights leaders condemned the killings. Calm. Down.
So where am I going with all of this?
Let's take a look later in the same CBS News article:
"In the wake of the ambush, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani lashed out at New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, President Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder. Speaking on Fox News, Giuliani said: 'We've had four months of propaganda starting with the president that everybody should hate the police.'
'They have created an atmosphere of severe, strong, anti-police hatred in certain communities, and for that, they should be ashamed of themselves,' he said."
Citation please, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Citation please.
WHO created this atmosphere and in WHAT WAYS, and in WHICH communities? If you're not able to cite your sources for these statements, we cannot be expected to believe what you're saying as factual.
You see, I've given citations for every one of my statements here, giving you, the reader, the same information I'm given, as well as a basis for my opinions. Often opinions start in with feelings, rather than facts. Which is fine. Everybody is entitled to feelings. But if those feelings lead you to incite fear and panic in others, you shouldn't be allowed to have access to a public forum where your fear endangers people and things. Sorta like when Chester beats me at Monopoly, my feelings tell me he eats babies and rapes kittens for fun. So then I take my truth that I feel onto CBS News and tell the world about Chester's kitten fetishes and baby soups, and suddenly Chester is hunted by kitten activist groups and anti-baby soup foundations, and he's not really sure why.
So where am I going with all of this???
I want to propose that all people who are going to speak in public or write in a public forum need to start citing their sources for the things they say. No, we're not going to get pure fact from everyone, but it will give us some information about what we're listening to. And if nothing is cited, what has just been said can't be expected to be taken as factual. I don't want to restrict free speech. I don't even want to restrict feelings and anger, cuz it sucks when Chester wins at Monopoly. But, no matter how much of a cock he is for beating me in Monopoly, he doesn't deserve to have his family read that he rapes kittens, or have his friendships strained or ruined because people believe he eats babies. Because Chester DOESN'T do those things. And the Obama administration HASN'T given four months of propaganda about how everybody should hate the police. And Al Sharpton ISN'T a race hater or race baiter. And the most recent thing I could find on Jesse Jackson is that he wants to bring diversity to Silicon Valley.
http://fortune.com/2014/12/20/jesse-jackson-talks-diversity-in-silicon-valley/
Without these citations, people are allowed to scream their feelings at the top of their lungs, and others believe those feelings to be facts, and share in the hysteria. "Chester rapes kittens!" we all scream, because I screamed it first. And people lose their minds about how we need to tighten security on the pound so that Chester and others like him in his liberal/conservative/vegetarian group can't rape kittens. And people freak out about all the babies that are being eaten by Chester and those he's indoctrinating and we must ban guns/provide more guns and shoot everybody/nobody who believes that Chester should be killed/spared. We get all in an uproar, all because I got my feelings hurt and screamed uncited words about Chester. We all get in an uproar because Giuliani got hurt, and then somebody put a microphone in his mouth and allowed him to speak while he was hurt and didn't demand he cite his sources. Facebook doesn't care if you cite sources or not, and often acts like an enormous echo chamber of hatred and anxiety about whatever your friends feel. They share their moments of anger, and you pick up on those moments and suddenly you're angry, too, and after that we need to make sure that all/none black people are locked up so that all/none white people can live without fear of being shot/not being shot. And we're all fucking out of our minds and freaking the fuck out because something happened! We don't quite know what happened, and our busy schedules don't allow us to read about it or investigate it like we should, but we know how we feel, and it's a FACT that I feel like we're all doomed!!!
Run for your lives!!!
Look...
...stop running...
...please, take a breath...
I get it.
You're tired.
You don't want people to hate anymore.
You don't want to think about black vs. white. White vs. black. Anybody vs. anybody.
You wanna watch TV, eat dinner, play with your kids.
You wanna live nicely.
You wanna smile.
You wanna feel good.
I get it.
You're tired.
You want to feel good.
But you don't.
And you're tired of it all.
I wonder, if you can, try to imagine that the person closest to you, whomever that may be, feels exactly like you.
Try to imagine...
that another person...
feels the same tired you feel.
He or she is tired of it all.
He or she is trying to feel good but doesn't.
Can you imagine that?
And now, if you're able...
Can you imagine that one more person feels the same way you do?
Somebody close to you.
Somebody you talk with regularly.
Somebody else is tired of it all and wants to feel good.
And maybe, if you're able to do that...
You can imagine that somebody close to somebody close to you
feels exactly the same way you do.
Somebody maybe you don't know.
But they feel just like you.
They're tired. They want to feel good.
And if you're able to imagine all of that, maybe you could imagine a little more. Maybe you could imagine that everyone in your city feels exactly like you. Everyone in your city feels tired of it all. Everyone in your city wants to feel good but doesn't.
Let's start there.
Let's start with everyone feels exactly like you.
Everyone feels tired of it all and everyone wants to feel good.
We are all on the same boat of feeling tired of it all and wanting to feel good.
We are all unique, we all have different stories and we all have our own opinions.
I am not denying anyone that.
Everyone is special.
And
Everyone feels tired of it all and wants to feel good.
Stay in that place just for a moment.
Stay where everyone feels tired of it all and wants to feel good.
Stay there.
We all want the same thing.
We all want to feel good.
We all are tired of it all.
There is no need to be upset now.
Because we are all feeling the same thing.
You don't have to be upset now.
You can let the upset go.
Let go of the anxiety.
Let go of all of it.
And breathe.
Breathe in
and when you
breathe out
you let it go
all of it
And now, we all feel the same, and we are all calm.
And now...
...very slowly...
...very carefully...
...and calmly...
...we take one step forward toward our goal.
We Will Feel Good.
And by feeling good, we will no longer be tired of it all.
We will step together.
And when somebody gets hurt, we will take care of them.
And when somebody needs help, we will help them.
And when somebody starts to get upset, anxious, and starts to Yell (!) ...we will help them breathe.
We will help them calm down.
You are not going to drown, we will say to them.
You are safe.
You are secure.
You are not alone.
Because we are all here together.
Because we are all stepping together.
Calmly.
Carefully.
Together.
Towards feeling good.
Together.
I think there are too many people yelling about race.
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-12-21/killings-of-new-york-police-denounced-as-despicable-act-.html
http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2014/12/22/?entry=mb-3&_r=0
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2014/12/21/3606040/rudy-giuliani-2-nyc-cops-were-killed-because-obama-told-everyone-to-hate-the-police/
And I think all of this yelling spills out onto the social website Facebook.
http://facebook.com
And I think many of our news outlets report on race relations along with opinions pieces about these race relations (please see above citations).
However, not many people on Facebook note where they are receiving their information upon which they form their opinions. (please see http://facebook.com for more information about this statement and how infrequently people cite their sources). Many of my "friends" on this "social" website are posting angry rants about the "race haters" and "race baiters" and how the Obama administration and our current civil rights groups have "stomped" on all the work that whites and blacks have done for so long, and in naming the "Obama administration", and the "current civil rights groups", the only people/groups named who were committing these atrocities were Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the Black Panthers. Fox News has a recent piece about two men affiliated with the New Black Panther Party allegedly attempting to bomb individuals associated with racial tensions in Ferguson, but not being able to because their EBT cards didn't have the funds needed to buy the explosives. No one was injured in the alleged attempt to set off a bomb, and the comments section has many people talking about how progressives will want to increase limits on EBT cards and how the Black Panthers, along with Al Sharpton and "a few others" are the major culprits in "race relations" today.
http://nation.foxnews.com/2014/11/30/black-panthers-unable-buy-bombs-because-ebt-card-didn%E2%80%99t-have-enough-money
The New York Post reported this story as well, without any comments.
http://nypost.com/2014/11/22/fbi-makes-explosive-ferguson-bust/
The Black Panthers have denounced the New Black Panther Party, who is generally considered a hate group.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Panther_Party
To summarize: The New Black Panther Party is not the original group known as The Black Panthers, they are generally considered a hate group, and two people who are affiliated with this hate group allegedly planned on bombing people and places in something they saw as a racial issue. However, they were arrested prior to being able to bomb anybody or anything.
So calm down about the Black Panthers and The New Black Panther Party. Calm. Down.
An article from CBS News starts, "Civil rights leaders Sunday condemned the ambush killings of two New York police officers...".
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ismaaiyl-brinsley-nypd-officers-murders-backlash-protest-movement/?google_editors_picks=true
So civil rights leaders condemned the killings. Calm. Down.
So where am I going with all of this?
Let's take a look later in the same CBS News article:
"In the wake of the ambush, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani lashed out at New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, President Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder. Speaking on Fox News, Giuliani said: 'We've had four months of propaganda starting with the president that everybody should hate the police.'
'They have created an atmosphere of severe, strong, anti-police hatred in certain communities, and for that, they should be ashamed of themselves,' he said."
Citation please, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Citation please.
WHO created this atmosphere and in WHAT WAYS, and in WHICH communities? If you're not able to cite your sources for these statements, we cannot be expected to believe what you're saying as factual.
You see, I've given citations for every one of my statements here, giving you, the reader, the same information I'm given, as well as a basis for my opinions. Often opinions start in with feelings, rather than facts. Which is fine. Everybody is entitled to feelings. But if those feelings lead you to incite fear and panic in others, you shouldn't be allowed to have access to a public forum where your fear endangers people and things. Sorta like when Chester beats me at Monopoly, my feelings tell me he eats babies and rapes kittens for fun. So then I take my truth that I feel onto CBS News and tell the world about Chester's kitten fetishes and baby soups, and suddenly Chester is hunted by kitten activist groups and anti-baby soup foundations, and he's not really sure why.
So where am I going with all of this???
I want to propose that all people who are going to speak in public or write in a public forum need to start citing their sources for the things they say. No, we're not going to get pure fact from everyone, but it will give us some information about what we're listening to. And if nothing is cited, what has just been said can't be expected to be taken as factual. I don't want to restrict free speech. I don't even want to restrict feelings and anger, cuz it sucks when Chester wins at Monopoly. But, no matter how much of a cock he is for beating me in Monopoly, he doesn't deserve to have his family read that he rapes kittens, or have his friendships strained or ruined because people believe he eats babies. Because Chester DOESN'T do those things. And the Obama administration HASN'T given four months of propaganda about how everybody should hate the police. And Al Sharpton ISN'T a race hater or race baiter. And the most recent thing I could find on Jesse Jackson is that he wants to bring diversity to Silicon Valley.
http://fortune.com/2014/12/20/jesse-jackson-talks-diversity-in-silicon-valley/
Without these citations, people are allowed to scream their feelings at the top of their lungs, and others believe those feelings to be facts, and share in the hysteria. "Chester rapes kittens!" we all scream, because I screamed it first. And people lose their minds about how we need to tighten security on the pound so that Chester and others like him in his liberal/conservative/vegetarian group can't rape kittens. And people freak out about all the babies that are being eaten by Chester and those he's indoctrinating and we must ban guns/provide more guns and shoot everybody/nobody who believes that Chester should be killed/spared. We get all in an uproar, all because I got my feelings hurt and screamed uncited words about Chester. We all get in an uproar because Giuliani got hurt, and then somebody put a microphone in his mouth and allowed him to speak while he was hurt and didn't demand he cite his sources. Facebook doesn't care if you cite sources or not, and often acts like an enormous echo chamber of hatred and anxiety about whatever your friends feel. They share their moments of anger, and you pick up on those moments and suddenly you're angry, too, and after that we need to make sure that all/none black people are locked up so that all/none white people can live without fear of being shot/not being shot. And we're all fucking out of our minds and freaking the fuck out because something happened! We don't quite know what happened, and our busy schedules don't allow us to read about it or investigate it like we should, but we know how we feel, and it's a FACT that I feel like we're all doomed!!!
Run for your lives!!!
Look...
...stop running...
...please, take a breath...
I get it.
You're tired.
You don't want people to hate anymore.
You don't want to think about black vs. white. White vs. black. Anybody vs. anybody.
You wanna watch TV, eat dinner, play with your kids.
You wanna live nicely.
You wanna smile.
You wanna feel good.
I get it.
You're tired.
You want to feel good.
But you don't.
And you're tired of it all.
I wonder, if you can, try to imagine that the person closest to you, whomever that may be, feels exactly like you.
Try to imagine...
that another person...
feels the same tired you feel.
He or she is tired of it all.
He or she is trying to feel good but doesn't.
Can you imagine that?
And now, if you're able...
Can you imagine that one more person feels the same way you do?
Somebody close to you.
Somebody you talk with regularly.
Somebody else is tired of it all and wants to feel good.
And maybe, if you're able to do that...
You can imagine that somebody close to somebody close to you
feels exactly the same way you do.
Somebody maybe you don't know.
But they feel just like you.
They're tired. They want to feel good.
And if you're able to imagine all of that, maybe you could imagine a little more. Maybe you could imagine that everyone in your city feels exactly like you. Everyone in your city feels tired of it all. Everyone in your city wants to feel good but doesn't.
Let's start there.
Let's start with everyone feels exactly like you.
Everyone feels tired of it all and everyone wants to feel good.
We are all on the same boat of feeling tired of it all and wanting to feel good.
We are all unique, we all have different stories and we all have our own opinions.
I am not denying anyone that.
Everyone is special.
And
Everyone feels tired of it all and wants to feel good.
Stay in that place just for a moment.
Stay where everyone feels tired of it all and wants to feel good.
Stay there.
We all want the same thing.
We all want to feel good.
We all are tired of it all.
There is no need to be upset now.
Because we are all feeling the same thing.
You don't have to be upset now.
You can let the upset go.
Let go of the anxiety.
Let go of all of it.
And breathe.
Breathe in
and when you
breathe out
you let it go
all of it
And now, we all feel the same, and we are all calm.
And now...
...very slowly...
...very carefully...
...and calmly...
...we take one step forward toward our goal.
We Will Feel Good.
And by feeling good, we will no longer be tired of it all.
We will step together.
And when somebody gets hurt, we will take care of them.
And when somebody needs help, we will help them.
And when somebody starts to get upset, anxious, and starts to Yell (!) ...we will help them breathe.
We will help them calm down.
You are not going to drown, we will say to them.
You are safe.
You are secure.
You are not alone.
Because we are all here together.
Because we are all stepping together.
Calmly.
Carefully.
Together.
Towards feeling good.
Together.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Happy Fucking 14th.
Our youngest has been gone for about two weeks, the normal amount of time for him to be gone.
His time with us started when my wife texted me:
Apparently I'm supposed to pick up [our youngest] from school. He's asking where I am. On my way to him.
Let me spell this out for you.
Our Youngest goes to school.
His Father tell him his Mother will be picking him up from school.
His Father tells him this because this is not the usual thing.
Father does not discuss this with Mother.
So when Youngest gets out of school, he is left with this thought,
"Mom didn't come and pick me up."
Youngest has negative thoughts about Mother.
And there's not much Mother can do about it.
She could complain to Youngest about Father.
"He didn't tell me."
But Youngest has had enough of the fighting.
It's tough raising a kid.
It's even tougher raising a kid when his other parent is trying to turn him against you.
So then he arrives at our house.
He is wearing the pendant that his Father gave him when his Father got married for the third time and Youngest was Father's best man.
The front of the pendant, which looks like a dog tag, has a deep Christian cross engraved in it, with the leg and arm pieces engraved to look like nails. On the back of the pendant is engraved "Ps 144 1-2". This is Psalm 144, 1-2, KJV:
Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:
My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who sudueth my people under me.
When I got married, I focused on Love.
When Youngest's Father got married for the third time, he thought about War, and subduing people under him.
Fucking sick shit.
And then I was told that my wife's mother had dropped off crab legs for Youngest's birthday.
Crab legs are my wife's favorite food.
And when she was a child, she was told that she could have anything she wanted for a meal for her birthday. She said crab legs. Her mother said no, they're too expensive.
Now she drops off crab legs for the 14 year old on his birthday.
What a fucking cunt.
There aren't strong enough words to express how fucking horrible I think she is.
She and Youngest's Father are twins in fucking Cuntdom. Fucking FUCKING CUNTS!!
And I'm supposed to help our Youngest celebrate his birthday today.
And I'm supposed to relax over the weekend.
And I'm supposed to fucking pick up boys for a fucking party.
And all I wanna do is smash everyone and everything!
Burn it all to the fucking ground!
Smash and burn and smash!!
Instead of that, though...
...I have blogged.
It's not even close to being the same.
Now... on to pick up boys and get burgers.
Hoo. Ray.
His time with us started when my wife texted me:
Apparently I'm supposed to pick up [our youngest] from school. He's asking where I am. On my way to him.
Let me spell this out for you.
Our Youngest goes to school.
His Father tell him his Mother will be picking him up from school.
His Father tells him this because this is not the usual thing.
Father does not discuss this with Mother.
So when Youngest gets out of school, he is left with this thought,
"Mom didn't come and pick me up."
Youngest has negative thoughts about Mother.
And there's not much Mother can do about it.
She could complain to Youngest about Father.
"He didn't tell me."
But Youngest has had enough of the fighting.
It's tough raising a kid.
It's even tougher raising a kid when his other parent is trying to turn him against you.
So then he arrives at our house.
He is wearing the pendant that his Father gave him when his Father got married for the third time and Youngest was Father's best man.
The front of the pendant, which looks like a dog tag, has a deep Christian cross engraved in it, with the leg and arm pieces engraved to look like nails. On the back of the pendant is engraved "Ps 144 1-2". This is Psalm 144, 1-2, KJV:
Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:
My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who sudueth my people under me.
When I got married, I focused on Love.
When Youngest's Father got married for the third time, he thought about War, and subduing people under him.
Fucking sick shit.
And then I was told that my wife's mother had dropped off crab legs for Youngest's birthday.
Crab legs are my wife's favorite food.
And when she was a child, she was told that she could have anything she wanted for a meal for her birthday. She said crab legs. Her mother said no, they're too expensive.
Now she drops off crab legs for the 14 year old on his birthday.
What a fucking cunt.
There aren't strong enough words to express how fucking horrible I think she is.
She and Youngest's Father are twins in fucking Cuntdom. Fucking FUCKING CUNTS!!
And I'm supposed to help our Youngest celebrate his birthday today.
And I'm supposed to relax over the weekend.
And I'm supposed to fucking pick up boys for a fucking party.
And all I wanna do is smash everyone and everything!
Burn it all to the fucking ground!
Smash and burn and smash!!
Instead of that, though...
...I have blogged.
It's not even close to being the same.
Now... on to pick up boys and get burgers.
Hoo. Ray.
The Stupid
I used to want to be a super hero and save people.
Now, I'm fairly certain that most people should die in a car fire or be lost in a submarine accident.
I don't want to be a super hero anymore. I don't want to save people. I want most people to leave me alone. I want most people to die, or go away, and if they can't die or go away, just go to the other side of the room where I don't have to be bothered with their Stupid.
I'm really, really tired of other people's Stupid. Not because I give a shit about them, but their Stupid is spilling over into my meal, and I don't want to eat my soup with their Stupid.
I don't see a way to educate the Stupid out of them, and I have no hope for this.
I can't see that they will all go away.
I can't see that they will all become enlightened. Primarily because they're Stupid.
So I gotta go away.
Ima take my comforter, my computer, my DVDs, my guitar, my video cameras, my iPod, and my keyboard and go live under a rock. Where nobody can get to me. I may buy an arcade Donkey Kong for my rock house, but maybe not. It might not fit. Whatever. I don't care. I'll just find a place that has a Donkey Kong machine and play it there. I think the hot dog place around the corner has a Donkey Kong machine. I'll go there an play and then get back under my rock.
I'm so ultra tire of people.
So draining.
So stupid.
So draining I can't think of another word meaning Suck Out Your Desire To Live.
I gotta do some of my stupid work now.
Shit sucks sometimes.
Now, I'm fairly certain that most people should die in a car fire or be lost in a submarine accident.
I don't want to be a super hero anymore. I don't want to save people. I want most people to leave me alone. I want most people to die, or go away, and if they can't die or go away, just go to the other side of the room where I don't have to be bothered with their Stupid.
I'm really, really tired of other people's Stupid. Not because I give a shit about them, but their Stupid is spilling over into my meal, and I don't want to eat my soup with their Stupid.
I don't see a way to educate the Stupid out of them, and I have no hope for this.
I can't see that they will all go away.
I can't see that they will all become enlightened. Primarily because they're Stupid.
So I gotta go away.
Ima take my comforter, my computer, my DVDs, my guitar, my video cameras, my iPod, and my keyboard and go live under a rock. Where nobody can get to me. I may buy an arcade Donkey Kong for my rock house, but maybe not. It might not fit. Whatever. I don't care. I'll just find a place that has a Donkey Kong machine and play it there. I think the hot dog place around the corner has a Donkey Kong machine. I'll go there an play and then get back under my rock.
I'm so ultra tire of people.
So draining.
So stupid.
So draining I can't think of another word meaning Suck Out Your Desire To Live.
I gotta do some of my stupid work now.
Shit sucks sometimes.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Delta Dental Insurance 12/2014
I have dental insurance with Delta Dental, with which I cover my 18 year-old and my wife.
My 18 year-old got his teeth cleaned at the dentist recently.
No fillings, nothing weird. Just a cleaning.
The bill was $156.
After the insurance covered their part, we were stuck with the remainder of the bill.
$107.
Delta Dental Insurance paid $49.
Less than a third of the total bill.
I have been with Delta Dental for 5 years now.
I pay them $96.52 every month for dental coverage. For them to cover my dental needs when I need it. When my family needs it. So that I'm not put into financial straits when it's time to care for the health needs of myself and my family.
For 5 years I have not used the service that I have been paying for.
For 5 years, no one in my family has used their service.
Over this period of time, they have received $5,791.20 from me alone.
I have never cost them any money, nor has any member of my family.
When I need to use this service that I've been paying for, they do not pay for the bill.
They do not pay for half of the bill.
They pay less than 1% of the total amount of money I've paid them over my time with them.
My family will need to make some changes to afford this charge.
We will need to make some serious changes in order to afford wisdom teeth removal from my 18-year-old. It's possible that we won't be able to afford to care for his health even with health insurance.
Of course, the alternative is even worse.
My work pays me a stipend, an extra amount of money each month, to pay for health insurance.
That stipend is mine only if I elect to receive health insurance from the companies they provide.
If I don't select health insurance through my job, then I don't receive that stipend.
Any money from the stipend that is left over after I pay for my health insurance is given to my in my paycheck.
In 2015, my stipend will not cover all of my health insurance costs, and I will, for the first time in five years, be paying for my health insurance coverage with money beyond that which I am provided in my stipend.
I will be taking money I use to care for my family and spending it to provide services which I cannot afford to use.
I wouldn't be able to make ends meet if I had to pay $96.52 of my own money every month for dental insurance.
And the national narrative is that I don't work hard enough.
If you work hard enough, you can get anything you want.
You can become rich.
You can take care of yourself and your family.
If you work hard enough.
And those who don't work hard enough aren't able to do that.
We who are lazy are feeling the pressures of not enough money.
It is my fault that I'm in this position.
I'm not educated enough.
I didn't make the right decisions.
Something that puts the blame on me.
I'm to blame that things are tough, and if I just worked harder I would be better off.
My family doesn't work hard enough.
My family is lazy.
We're all lazy.
And therefore we're deserving of difficult financial times.
If only we were better educated.
If only we had made different choices.
We would be able to afford what we need.
In order to afford to get his teeth cleaned, my son needed dental insurance.
Along with the bill for dental insurance, we needed to pay for the cost of his procedure dental insurance didn't cover.
In order to pay a $156 teeth cleaning bill, we needed to pay $96.52 this month alone plus the extra amount the insurance wouldn't cover.
Let's break it down like this:
My son got his teeth cleaned.
The bill for this service was $156.
We will pay $203.52 for this service.
This needs to be a crime.
This absolutely must be against the law, as it is an abomination.
And why have you remained silent about this?
Is it because it really doesn't matter if another poor family gets poorly taken care of in this country?
Is it because it really doesn't matter if another poor family gets poorly taken care of in your country?
And why are you proud to be part of a country that treats its citizens poorly?
And why do you continue to listen to the lies you've been fed all your life?
And why have you remained silent?
My 18 year-old got his teeth cleaned at the dentist recently.
No fillings, nothing weird. Just a cleaning.
The bill was $156.
After the insurance covered their part, we were stuck with the remainder of the bill.
$107.
Delta Dental Insurance paid $49.
Less than a third of the total bill.
I have been with Delta Dental for 5 years now.
I pay them $96.52 every month for dental coverage. For them to cover my dental needs when I need it. When my family needs it. So that I'm not put into financial straits when it's time to care for the health needs of myself and my family.
For 5 years I have not used the service that I have been paying for.
For 5 years, no one in my family has used their service.
Over this period of time, they have received $5,791.20 from me alone.
I have never cost them any money, nor has any member of my family.
When I need to use this service that I've been paying for, they do not pay for the bill.
They do not pay for half of the bill.
They pay less than 1% of the total amount of money I've paid them over my time with them.
My family will need to make some changes to afford this charge.
We will need to make some serious changes in order to afford wisdom teeth removal from my 18-year-old. It's possible that we won't be able to afford to care for his health even with health insurance.
Of course, the alternative is even worse.
My work pays me a stipend, an extra amount of money each month, to pay for health insurance.
That stipend is mine only if I elect to receive health insurance from the companies they provide.
If I don't select health insurance through my job, then I don't receive that stipend.
Any money from the stipend that is left over after I pay for my health insurance is given to my in my paycheck.
In 2015, my stipend will not cover all of my health insurance costs, and I will, for the first time in five years, be paying for my health insurance coverage with money beyond that which I am provided in my stipend.
I will be taking money I use to care for my family and spending it to provide services which I cannot afford to use.
I wouldn't be able to make ends meet if I had to pay $96.52 of my own money every month for dental insurance.
And the national narrative is that I don't work hard enough.
If you work hard enough, you can get anything you want.
You can become rich.
You can take care of yourself and your family.
If you work hard enough.
And those who don't work hard enough aren't able to do that.
We who are lazy are feeling the pressures of not enough money.
It is my fault that I'm in this position.
I'm not educated enough.
I didn't make the right decisions.
Something that puts the blame on me.
I'm to blame that things are tough, and if I just worked harder I would be better off.
My family doesn't work hard enough.
My family is lazy.
We're all lazy.
And therefore we're deserving of difficult financial times.
If only we were better educated.
If only we had made different choices.
We would be able to afford what we need.
In order to afford to get his teeth cleaned, my son needed dental insurance.
Along with the bill for dental insurance, we needed to pay for the cost of his procedure dental insurance didn't cover.
In order to pay a $156 teeth cleaning bill, we needed to pay $96.52 this month alone plus the extra amount the insurance wouldn't cover.
Let's break it down like this:
My son got his teeth cleaned.
The bill for this service was $156.
We will pay $203.52 for this service.
This needs to be a crime.
This absolutely must be against the law, as it is an abomination.
And why have you remained silent about this?
Is it because it really doesn't matter if another poor family gets poorly taken care of in this country?
Is it because it really doesn't matter if another poor family gets poorly taken care of in your country?
And why are you proud to be part of a country that treats its citizens poorly?
And why do you continue to listen to the lies you've been fed all your life?
And why have you remained silent?
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