Sickly Wife Tum

Last night, we found out that my wife will need to go with me to court tomorrow. 
We weren't planning on that.
Then she ate dinner.  Mac and cheese.
She asked me if the milk was good, because her stomach was feeling horrible.
I told her the milk was still good.
We went to bed.
Today, her stomach was still feeling horrible.  She called in sick to work and went back to bed.
These are just the facts without embellishment or emotion.
Coincidence?
Probably not.

I hate this stuff. 
This endless court stuff.
Even the easy stuff is really, really hard.
I hope tomorrow goes well.

Your Honor...

...I'm pretty sure we can solve this quickly.  The child in question is currently enrolled in home schooling, which his mother and father both signed off on legally and agreed to.  Were he not enrolled in this home school program, he would be attending public high school going into his senior year right now.  He is not out of school yet.  There is no material change in this situation, as is being suggested, your honor.


Ideas That I'm Fantasizing About As To How I Could Punctuate This Argument Which I Don't Believe Actually Needs Punctuating But Would Be Cool If I Said It After Winning This Stupid Fucking Thing:

Now, what's under that robe, Your Honor?
Can we be done here now?
Peace out, yo.
Fuckin' A, Judge.

I Feel Sad

Right now, in this moment, I am profoundly sad.  I don't really have one reason for feeling this way.

I am sad that my dog peed on my friend.  My dog has never actually peed ON somebody until last night, and it makes me sad that she behaves that way and that she behaved that way on my friend.  I don't have many friends.  I can't really afford to have them peed on by my misbehaving puppy.

I am sad that there are no attorneys in the state that will work pro bono for my wife and me.  This means my choice is to allow those who have continually abused my wife and her children to do whatever they want to now, or to stand up to them on my own.  That doesn't really even feel like a choice.  I don't let bullies beat up on my friends unless they get through me.  I have been asked to play a supporting role in this fight long enough.  It's time for them to beat me up.  And if they do, they get to keep beating up on my family.  And I'm nervous they're gonna beat me up and continue to beat up on my family.  And that thought makes me sad.

I am sad that my weekends have become something profoundly sacred to the point that I am sad when I don't get the full two days to do nothing. 

I am sad that my 13-year-old shoots a concerned look to my wife and gets nervous when I say "I'm out!" because nobody wants to watch my skateboarding movies.  I am saddened that my reactions to people not being as interested as I am in a movie about a past-time that is not super popular would generate such concerned looks and worried feelings.  I am saddened that he 1) doesn't know I'm playing, and 2) if he doesn't know I'm playing, puts enough stock in my reaction to a movie selection that he feels the need to become anxious.

I am sad that I hear my 13-year-old's depression when his mother asks him about Instagram.  A while ago, my wife and her 13-year-old had a good time with Instagram.  He took some pictures or video of something they were doing together, like making a fire or pouring soda on a teddy bear.  I can't remember specifically what it was, meaning that it wasn't something huge like killing a duck or molesting a fern.  It was something fun, something they were having a good time with, and something age-appropriate.  After posting it to Instagram, less that one minute later, our 13-year-old received a barrage of text messages from his father and step-mother.  Then he erased his previous Instagram posts.  When asked why he had taken down his Instagram posts, he told his mother that his dad and step-mom thought they were inappropriate.  That was a big downer for both of them.  And I hadn't thought about that at all until last night when our 13-year-old was telling us about Facebook and Instagram, and he mentioned that he was on Instagram a lot.  My wife said that she followed him on Instagram, and she noticed he hadn't posted in a while.  He said yeah, and she asked him why not.  I could hear the bottom drop out of him when he replied that he "didn't feel like it".  My wife prompted him to continue with the conversation, and he picked up talking about other people's Instagram posts.  I am saddened that she provides him the opportunity to talk with her, and he doesn't.  I am saddened that he continues to make choices that make his life more difficult and sad.  I am saddened that I feel powerless to help either my wife or her 13-year-old.

I am saddened that I don't make more money so that we could've taken my friends out for a beer last night when they brought over their furniture.  I am saddened that I have no money.

I am saddened that my job makes me sick.

I feel sad.  Very, very sad.  And I don't like it at all.

Court on Friday, August 1st

I am scared.

I am an actor, and not a very widely known one.  I achieved enough success in that field to support myself independently for about 12 years.  Which, according to many and me, is an accomplishment worth note.

I am a government employee, semi-skilled in adjudicating disability claims. 

I am a computer technician.  I ran a computer repair room for two years with some success.

I am a waiter.  I think all successful actors are.

I am a box office clerk.

I am a cook.

I am a drive-through attendant.

I am a nuclear waste disposer.

The closest I came to being an attorney was when I played Clarence Darrow in a one-man play called "Clarence Darrow".  I think, even by the further stretch, I was still an actor then.

On Friday, August 1st, I will go before a judge and make some kind of legal statement.  It may be a short legal statement.  It may be a long legal statement.  It may require me to make more legal statements in the future.  I will be making this legal statement regarding my wife and our son.  They are two of the most important people in my life right now.  I will be making this legal statement in a room with a man who has proven that he wants to hurt me, my wife, and our son, and also proven that his client wants to hurt me, my wife, and our son.  I will be making this/these legal statements knowing that I am not now, nor have I every been, a member of the Bar Association in any United States.  I have never been an attorney.  I don't know what it takes.  My wife has told me that I have never been an attorney and I don't know what it takes.  Our attorney has told me that I am not an attorney and I don't know what it takes.  He went on to tell me that my wife and I were being "penny wise and pound foolish" in regards to this matter, even though we have repeatedly told him that we have no more cash to give him.  He told me that I don't know the first thing about procedures of producing evidence, or court rules, and that we might "win the battle but lose the war" over the amount of money in our "pocketbooks".  I told him that we didn't have any money, and he told me that we would have even less if I decided to represent my wife.  I told him that I hoped everything would go well for us, and he told me "I don't see how it can, but good luck," and then hung up the phone.  I was about to tell him that I am rubber and he is glue, but he was too quick on hanging up the phone.  And while my joking nature helped give my stress some relief in the moment, and is giving me some relief now, it doesn't change the fact that I will be going into a hostile environment on Friday, unprepared for what might happen, as I represent some of my most cherished people.

This would be a really good time for a little confidence booster.  Except there isn't one.

This could be a very, very long week. 

And I'm scared I'm gonna make things worse.

Why Doctors Are Dumb Fucks

I sit in a cubicle next to a physical doctor, an MD.  This is a doctor who has taken an oath to make human life good.  He loves talking about his guns and how much he loves shooting guns and loves thinking about scaring "bad guys" who might want to break in to his house but don't because (somehow) they know about and are afraid of his guns.

He has a daughter who got into a car accident recently.  She was not injured.  Some, if not all, of the people in the other car were injured.  He bought his daughter a new car, then spoke ill of the people in the other car, telling her that they were faking their injuries to try to get money from them. 

He currently has his credit suspended because his identity was stolen by the IRS.  Somehow, this caused bad things to happen to his credit, and he has suspended all activities on all accounts, including off-shore accounts, because of the IRS and their theft of his identity.  He cannot prove the IRS stole his identity.  In fact, when pushed, he states that the IRS probably didn't steal his identity and he doesn't actually know who did.  In double fact, he states that his identity probably wasn't stolen.  However, there was some letter that the IRS sent to him some time ago that made reference to an amount of money he didn't pay them and they wanted him to pay to them, and he wasn't going to pay it to them, so he has now claimed that his identity was stolen and the IRS is to blame.

He was very, very, very rude to a person on the phone who was trying to help him deal with a banking issue, calling the person "stupid" and saying things like "obviously you haven't been to college as you're completely incompetent at your job."

He doesn't like "Obamacare" because now all the illegal immigrants will be taken care of by doctors, and then doctors will be forced to work for free, and how will he be able to afford to feed his family???

He is sending his daughter to college.  He is paying for it.  All of it.

He stated that Walt Disney would be very unhappy with the state of affairs The Disney Corporation is in today with the likes of Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus.  He knows about it because he saw the Disney movie "Saving Mr. Banks", the biopic based on the Disney acquisition and creation of the Mary Poppins movie.  Many documented inaccuracies have been found in the movie, and are easily read in the Wikipedia article about the movie.

This doctor is an asshole.  His family is an asshole.  His daughter and his taxes is an asshole.  His words and hair is an asshole.  He represents all doctors simply because he is one.  And, like all blanket statements, it is a fact that he is a dumb fuck simply because he is a doctor.  There are no doctors who are not dumb fucks.

I know a guy who was studying to become a doctor of dicks.  He wanted to study dicks.  He took a lot of shit from us because he wanted to study dicks.  He graduated from med school, and I went and had one final beer with him before he left town to start his residency in Detroit.  He was a good guy then.  When he started his residency in Detroit, he became a dumb fuck.  Why?  Because he became doctor, and all doctors are dumb fucks.

The dumb fuck doctor just said, "If it looks like a duck, and smells like a duck...".  Is that really what's passing for acceptable medical practice in this country?  Fucking dumb fuck doctors.  All of them.

Fuckers.

Please return to this Community College online course tomorrow to learn why all people suck, and why bread is not made from dreams.  Good night.

Dogs and the Internet - What You Don't Know Might Kill Them And You

http://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2010/05/19/caution-bones-can-kill-your-dog-find-out-which-ones-are-safe.aspx

The title of this page is "Bones Can Kill Your Dog - Find Out Which Ones Are Safe".  The following is posted on this page:

“Some people think it’s safe to give dogs large bones, like those from a ham or a roast,” says Dr. Carmela Stamper, a veterinarian in the FDA’s Center for Veterinary Medicine. “Bones are unsafe no matter what their size. Giving your dog a bone may make your pet a candidate for a trip to your veterinarian’s office later, possible emergency surgery, or even death.”

Dr. Becker's Comments:

The FDA doesn’t make clear whether their warning extends to all bones or just cooked bones, so I’ll assume for purposes of the information I’m about to give you they’re discussing only bones from food that has been cooked.

Reading the above, I have the following thoughts:
1. The use of the words "may", "candidate", and "possible" in the last sentence of Dr. Stamper's quote make that sentence suspect.  For example, consider this sentence: Eating peanuts may make you a candidate for heart transplant, possible surgery, or even death.  While this is a true statement, it is highly unlikely that simply eating peanuts will cause serious health risks for you.  When trying to find out if a bone will hurt my dog, this quote does not give me any information that I can base a decision on.  Except that some of the doctors who work for the FDA's Center for Veterinary Medicine are vague and unhelpful.

2. Dr. Becker's comments state that the information regarding bones isn't clear.  Then, Dr. Becker goes on to "assume" information from the unclear information.  The assumption that Dr. Becker is making, that the FDA is speaking about bones from cooked food, is neither implied nor suggested from the comments.  What is implied is that ALL bones are unsafe, including cooked, uncooked, semi-cooked, over-cooked, and Robin Cooked.  The reason it's implied can be found in the sentence, "bones are unsafe no matter what their size".  The implied word before the word "bones" is "all", not "cooked" or "uncooked".

So I go looking elsewhere.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110613191505AAgwHLt

This website asks what should you do if your dog eats pork bones.  The best answer, as voted on by people who frequent the website answers.yahoo.com is as follows:

Watch for signs of gastric upset vomiting and diarrhea, if this happens call your vet. You will also need to watch for signs of impaction/perforations look for vomiting, diarrhea, not eating (or slowing down eating), lethargy, restlessness and pain... all of these could indicate an emergency and require immediate care

Source:

vet tech 17 yrs

 

Thoughts I have about this

1. This answer has been given by a vet tech of 17 years.  Think about where you work.  Do you work with an idiot?  I do.  And many of the idiots I work with have been working at their current job for 17+ years.  I do not want to take advice from the idiots at my job, especially the kind of idiot who would answer questions on answers.yahoo.com.  Would you like to take advice from the idiots at your work?

 

2. It is suggested that I call my vet if there is vomiting or diarrhea.  It does not tell me how long the symptoms should persist prior to my contacting my vet.  So, the moment the dog has diarrhea I should contact my vet, as this "could indicate an emergency and require immediate care".  Think about diarrhea in humans.  If I have diarrhea, I may have eaten corn.  I also may have rectal cancer, Ebola, AIDS, the flu, or republicanitis (aka, inflammation of the colon). 

 

 

So I keep looking.

 

 

http://www.mothering.com/forum/347-pets/1121944-my-puppy-swallowed-bone-should-i-worry.html

 

This website says it's the home for natural family living.  I am happy about that, because nothing says "Natural Family" like a dog, a bone, and me checking her shit.  Natural family!  member allbrightmama posted the following question:

 

We have a 15 wk old puppy (retriever/aussie mix?) who swallowed a raw lamb chop bone. It was too big to swallow so I gave it to her to chew the yummy bits off and figured I would take it back in a couple of minutes. She wouldn't give it up and she always gives stuff up. I can take kibble right out of her mouth. I offered her some chicken and she swallowed the bone with difficulty and took the chicken. I was surprised and worried.

All of my internet searching has been completely conflicting. I have come to the conclusion that she will either digest it completely or need emergency surgery. She is drinking, peeing and playing but she does seem a bit "off". She seems to be more hyper and distracted than usual alternating with laying in her crate. Usually at this time of night she is calm and active.

At what point do I worry? How urgent would it be if there is a problem? Will I need to get up and check on her during the night? Is there anything I should be doing for her? Would someone without an anxiety disorder be this concerned?

 

My thoughts after reading this:

1. The woman has an anxiety disorder and has not taken her medications.

2. The woman off her meds has found the internet to be as contradictory as I have.

 

Sailor posted this response:

 

I feed my dog raw - bones included. Next time this happens, you can just let her have the whole bone (so long as it's raw). Eventually, she'd probably have chewed it down herself.

I wouldn't worry yet. An obstruction is not hard to diagnose - usually there are obvious signs: fever, lethargy, inability to poop, lack of appetite, vomiting.

I'm pretty sure hyper and distracted aren't symptoms. Don't worry - I'd probably check on her once during the night, simply because I'm cautious like that. But, otherwise, chances are high she'll just digest it.

 

Excellent.  Now I feel guilty about not feeding my dog raw.  I am a horrible pet owner.  Thank you very little, "Sailor".  Through my guilt, I continue down the page.  ScarletBegonias responds:

 

from what i've learned raw bones are okay for dogs, even chicken, but ANY cooked bone can be extremely dangerous.

glad she's settled down!

 

Dammit, that sucks.  Because I cooked my bone, trying to rid the food of harmful toxins, such as botulism, that could be fatal to my dog.  Now I'm really screwed, and my dog is surely dead already.  I continue reading.  Nicole915 responds to Sailor's earlier post:

 

Wow, either you've been in practice as a DVM a LOT longer than I have, or you have the super psychic diagnosis power... I want me some of that! Obstructions can be very difficult to diagnose properly, especially when dealing with raw food items.

Hyperactivity and distraction, along with self isolation can be signs of pain. Every animal is going to react to pain a little differently, and hyperactivity is certainly within the range of reasonable behavior to expect.

It doesn't matter what the substance is, if a swallowed object is mechanically too large to pass through the GI tract, it will cause an obstruction.

Please monitor your dog closely and seek your vet's advice.

*I'm not your veterinarian, and this isn't medical advice*

 

I like the way Nicole915 leads with sarcasm.  One thing I learned from reading "How To Win Friends and Influence People" (besides how to brainwash strangers into liking me and doing my bidding) is that I should lead with sarcasm and insults.  That way, people will want to like me and have sex with me and my dead dog.  Wait... no... maybe I was supposed to lead with candy and orgasms and save the sarcasm for afterwards.  I can't remember anymore.  Crap.  Now I'll never brainwash strangers into doing my bidding, as the name of the book implies.  Ultimately, however, Nicole915 shirks off responsibility for her answer as well, telling me I should seek my vet's advice, and that Nicole915 is not my vet and she is not giving me medical advice.  I feel a little foolish now, taking advice from somebody who wasn't giving me medical advice, who isn't my veterinarian, who doesn't give her credentials on an anonymous internet thread, and who leads with brainwashing techniques.  I'm an idiot.  I wonder where my dog is now...

 

Look, I'm only curious about all this bone crap because my puppy won't poop.  I noticed she pooped yesterday, and today, she's not pooping.  She bent herself into the poop position today 3 times and she didn't poop.  So my wife is concerned.  And now I'm concerned because my wife is freaking out about no dog poop.  I've also noticed the placement of dog poop can have differing effects on my wife: if the dog takes a solid poop outside, she's fine; if the dog takes a liquid poop outside, she freaks; if the dog thinks about pooping inside or moves her body in a way that might produce poop inside, my wife freaks and leaves the state for one hour.  I call those times The Lonely Hours.

 

After reading many, many more websites-- yes, mom, some of them are dedicated to pet health, while some of them are dedicated to people talking to each other... you just gotta get the whole picture and then weigh the information you have-- these are the things that are consistent:

1. Every dog is unique and nobody can accurately diagnose my puppy because they haven't seen my puppy and haven't talked with me.

2. Chocolate is harmful to dogs.

3. Don't get your dog drunk or stoned, not because it's unhealthy for the dog, but because the dog hasn't given consent and doesn't know what's going on.  

4. If I let homosexuals marry each other, straight people will want to have sex with my dog.

 

Regarding this last point, I will not let people have sex with my dog.  Because I'm going to purchase a gun and stop them.  Because, from what I've read on the internet, the only way to stop a bad guy with a penis and a hard-on for my dog is a good guy with a gun.  I'm working on being a good guy.  I'm hoping purchasing a gun will put me over the top.  Cue Kenny Loggins' song "Meet Me Halfway", theme from the Sylvester Stalone movie Over the Top, which taught me that deadbeat fathers who break the law can win the respect of their sons if only they win arm wrestling tournaments after driving across the country in a semi-truck.